Chapter Text
Although he probably should’ve been used to them at that point, Kurt Hummel was not accustomed to surprises. Sure he’d turned left instead of right, towards his own home instead of Blaine’s, but that doesn’t mean he was fully prepared for whatever might occur. And sure, he’d gotten out of the car and escorted Blaine to the front door like a prince for his princess, but that was just polite, right? It’s not like he unlocked the door, let Blaine in, announced their presence (“we’re home, dad!”), and led him directly to the kitchen for the leftover cheesecake in the fridge - doing nothing to inform his dad that the aforementioned “we’re” was not him and Finn, but him and Blaine. No, he’d never do that. Thus, it was quite odd that Blaine was leaning against the counter eating said cheesecake while Burt watched The Deadliest Catch one room over in blissful ignorance. How did he get there? Who knows! Certainly not Kurt…
“How is it?” Kurt asked, gesturing to the cheesecake. Blaine looked at Kurt like a deer caught in the headlights, as if he’d been asked for his entire life story. Kurt sighed, and grabbed his free hand. “I understand if you can’t talk. I really do.”
“It’s…” Blaine croaked. “I…”
“Don’t hurt yourself. I know you wanted to do this, but it’s okay.” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand and gazed into his glassy eyes. Though it had weakened since their first connection, the pull was present and strong - a hand to hold in a bustling crowd. Kurt could hear Blaine’s deep, carefully timed breaths, though the roaring of the television muffled them somewhat.
“I can.” Blaine whispered, setting down his plate. “I can do it. I need to. There’s a lot of things I have to...” His hands trembled, so Kurt reached for the other as well. “I’m… this is important… I need… for me.”
“I know.” Kurt released his hands and rested his head on Blaine’s shoulder, despite the height difference. However, they neglected to notice the sound (or rather, lack of sound) of the TV shutting off, and Burt’s heavy footsteps.
“Hey Kurt, what are y-” Burt stopped in the doorframe at the sight of the spectacle. Kurt pulled away and looked up to see his dad, arms crossed.
“Hi, dad!” He grinned, a blush blossoming across his cheeks. Blaine giggled at the sight of Kurt’s embarrassment, and Kurt playfully slapped his arm.
“Hello, Blaine. Kurt, I thought you were taking him home?” Burt asked.
“He wanted to see if he could talk here.” Kurt explained, placing a comforting hand on Blaine’s shoulder. Blaine took another deep breath and looked slightly past Burt. He was pale as a ghost, and gripping the countertop so hard that his knuckles were white.
“Hello, Mr. Hummel. Thank you for having me.” Blaine said, his voice quivering. Burt’s eyes widened in surprise, and Kurt tightened his hold on Blaine. Despite the simplicity of the statement, everyone could feel the intensity of Blaine’s anxiety. He trembled against Kurt as if he were a leaf in the wind, and his eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
“Burt.” Kurt’s dad corrected.
“Wh… what?” Blaine whispered. Kurt pulled him closer and eyed his dad suspiciously.
“Call be Burt. It’s a pleasure to have you, Blaine.” Burt elaborated. Though his stress had not completely subsided, Blaine released the breath he’d been holding and gazed at Kurt. Kurt’s smile stretched from ear to ear as he returned the gaze and loosened his grip.
“We’re gonna go up to my room, dad.” Kurt stated.
“Door open!” Burt ordered as he left the kitchen to continue his show. After a moment, Kurt grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stairs into his room- a familiar location to Blaine- illuminated by the rosy glow of memories of the earlier months. Kurt closed the door until there was barely a crack, and bounded over to his bed.
“Come here.” He prompted, holding his arms open. Blaine fell into them, relaxing further. “I’m so proud of you.” Kurt whispered into Blaine’s shoulder.
“I…” Blaine trailed off, pulling away.
“Are you okay?” Kurt asked worriedly. He sat on the bed, and patted the spot next to him to prompt Blaine to follow suit.
“Y...yeah. I am,” Blaine smiled lightly. “I’ve been working with my therapist on this… talking to your family. I know… I know it’s important to you, so it’s important to me too so I… wanted to. In the car… it wasn’t really a spur of the moment decision. Well, it was, but… I’d been thinking about it for a while.” Blaine’s arms crossed over his chest as he fought through the words, and Kurt thought he might cry at the sight of his guileless vulnerability.
“Oh.”
“Oh.” Blaine repeated, almost teasingly. “She also said that I should… tell you why I… why I have this. You’ve been so good about not… bothering me… I feel like I owe it to you.”
“You don’t owe anything to me. Are you sure you don’t want to do this somewhere easier, like your house?” Kurt looked at Blaine inquisitively, who glanced away in turn.
“I think… I mean… I have adrenaline from talking to your dad. If I don’t do it now… I don’t know if I ever will.” Blaine chuckled slightly.
“Okay. I’m listening.” Kurt replied. Though he was concerned for Blaine’s well-being, the admittedly selfish part of him was thrilled to hear what was going on.
“Alright,” Blaine took a deep breath. “Before this year, I was at a different school, and we lived in Westerville. Obviously, you know that. Um… freshman year, I was a pretty happy kid. I was loud and excitable constantly, like, bouncing around like a bobblehead all the time.”
“Like when you sing?” Kurt interjected.
“Yeah, exactly. My mom said I was ‘full of sunshine’. The whole soulmate thing was hardly a blip on my radar at 14, though a lot changed when I turned 15. At some point, I realized that my soulmate was going to be a boy, and that made it feel a whole lot more important. I came out to my parents and brother, and they took it alright, but my dad wasn’t thrilled. That didn’t change much, though. He just made me rebuild a car which I didn’t enjoy very much, ‘cause it got my capris dirty.” Blaine paused for a moment, “that was a joke, Kurt.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“No, I wasn’t clear. Anyways, we had a Sadie Hawkins dance. And I knew this guy wasn’t my soulmate, but I asked him to go with me, just for fun, since he was the only other out gay kid in my grade that I knew. We had fun, but when we were waiting for his dad to pick us up and these guys… they beat the shit out of us. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks.”
“Oh my god.” Kurt gasped.
“That’s not even the worst part. I started having some trouble with anxiety after that- enough to get me a Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder diagnosis- but nothing like it is now. I was still pretty sociable, I made a solid group of friends. Or, so I thought. I um… I turned 16 Sophomore year, and I waited my two weeks, and your name showed up. I was thrilled, I cried for like an hour straight out of pure elation.”
“Awww.” Kurt preened. Blaine blushed slightly.
“I came to school the next day and showed all of my friends, because that’s what you do. They were all so happy for me, and I kept dreaming about meeting you. And then um… one day…” Blaine stopped and grimaced.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me, I-” Kurt attempted to comfort Blaine.
“No. This is important. I need to tell someone other than my family and therapist. Okay. This guy who I’d seen talking to my friends a few times and who sat behind me in Spanish came up to me and told me…” Blaine paused once again to take a breath. “He told me that he was you. He opened his hand and there was my name in navy blue, which I liked well enough to figure that it was my favorite color. It was in my handwriting too, how it’s supposed to be. I truly thought that was the happiest day of my life at the time. He told me he’d wanted to talk to me so many times, but had just worked up the nerve to do it. Now picture me, this nervous gay kid whose main goal at that point was to not die from internal bleeding, hearing this. We started hanging out all the time, going on dates and stuff. I told him everything about me, because I thought we were going to be together for life. I never noticed the way he looked at me or anything ‘cause I was so fixated on how I felt about him. It turns out that it’s really easy to convince yourself that you’ve connected to someone when you really haven’t when you don’t know what connecting really feels like. I was like, ‘yeah, I guess I feel drawn to him’. Trust me when I say that I felt about one-one millionth of what I feel for you for him.”
“You don’t have to reassure me. I know.” Kurt said quickly, focused on Blaine’s story.
“Thanks. One day we were at a restaurant and I kissed him, which I guess he liked well enough. But then I… I told him I loved him. He looked at me with this evil look in his eyes and he… laughed. He laughed, and it was so terrible, and he stood up in the crowded restaurant and he yelled… he said, ‘you’re such an idiot, Blaine. Did you really think we were soulmates? That I loved you and we were going to ride off into the sunset singing Fernando together? I drew that mark on with makeup as a joke.’ And then… um… he took off his stupid glove and there was some guy named Charles’ name instead of mine. I started mumbling a whole bunch of stuff, and he told me to shut up. I couldn’t take it, I just... shut down. My eyes glazed over and I started having an anxiety attack or microseizure or something, and then I passed out.”
“Oh my god.” Kurt whispered again.
“It turns out that some of my so-called-friends were in the restaurant to watch how things played out and they were laughing at me at first, but they eventually called 911 after they realized I wasn’t ‘just taking a moment’. I woke up at the hospital and had a major panic attack when the doctor came in to check on me and asked how I was doing. I was terrified of answering wrong, and I was getting major flashbacks to my last hospital visit. I got released after a week with a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and irreversible trauma, but I couldn’t go back to school. The risk of seeing anybody involved made it so I only left the house twice in the month before we moved here, and both were to go to the doctor which I was not allowed to say ‘no’ to. So... I transferred here. I don’t handwrite anything, and I never tell people my name.” Blaine finished explaining, and Kurt immediately pulled him into another embrace. Neither worried about the tears staining their clothes. Everything finally made sense to Kurt, in the worst way possible. The puzzle was almost finished, but the pieces were mangled and sharp.
“Oh my god.” Kurt whispered again. His heart throbbed in pain for Blaine, and he suddenly felt unworthy of his love. What would cause someone like him to be the one for Blaine -who would probably need the most perfect man in the entire universe as his soulmate to make up for what he’d gone through- to deserve him?
“Can I ask some questions?” Kurt asked.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. What was the note you handed to our teacher when you first came to school? What did you think when you first met me for real?” Kurt listed.
“Um, well... I give my teachers a note telling them that I can’t talk due to selective mutism, I have to type my assignments, and that my name will not be used under any circumstances. Next one: when I first met you, I thought you were incredible. It was really scary for me to feel that way, since the last time I felt attraction… well, you know. When our teacher said your name I thought I was going to die on the spot. I only waited so long to tell you because I wanted to make sure that it was real this time, that I wasn’t… and then we got assigned as partners, and I got to know you… I knew it was okay. What I feel when I’m around you is entirely different than what I felt around him, like I said.”
“I love you so much.” Kurt muttered in awe.
“I love you too, so much.” They sat for a moment, draped over each other and sniffly.
“I don’t think I can drive you home tonight.” Kurt sighed.
“Oh well, what a shame!” Blaine sighed exaggeratedly. They burst out laughing, and fell back in cachinnation driven entirely by the absolute intensity of the prior moments.