Chapter Text
“Hey, babe are you ever gonna take down the Christmas lights?” Alex just groans, not bothering to move from her spot on the couch.
“No, I don’t think I am. We can clean up after the new year.”
“Isn’t there like an unspoken rule to have them taken down by New Year’s?”
“Since when do you, Kelley ‘I play my own rules’ O’Hara, care about unspoken rules?” Alex is forced to look at Kelley when she stands in front of the tv.
“Since we’re hosting New Year’s this year,” is the response. Kelley is waiting for Alex to stand, but the younger woman is stubborn.
“Babe, it’s our place. Therefore, we make the rules. Ergo, we don’t have to them down until we want to.” Kelley’s eyebrows raise slightly. “Did you just say ‘ergo’?”
“Yeah. So?”
The older woman just shakes her head slightly, giving up on the lost battle. The younger had made a fair point and she knew there was no point in arguing with her.
She moves to take a seat next to her girlfriend, pulling the younger woman towards her. The two sit there, watching Law & Order reruns as the snow continues to fall outside. Well, more accurately, Alex watches the television while Kelley’s mind wanders. Her eyes are focused on the screen but her brain is taking in the younger woman pressed to her side.
Time had truly flown for the two, neither of them realizing just how fast it was going. Over the course of their five-year relationship, the two had made many memories and had watched other relationships rise and fall while theirs stood strong.
The older girl had received an opportunity to move to the west coast for grad school, but she had turned it down in favor of staying in New York with her girlfriend. Alex had offered to transfer to wherever Kelley went, or do long distance for her senior year before following the older one west. But the shorter brunette had declined the offer, telling the younger girl that she was perfectly happy in New York and that she didn’t want to uproot their lives.
So they stayed in New York. They were still living together, though now it was just the two of them. Christen and Tobin had moved to California for Christen’s master’s program, while Allie and Bati had gone to North Carolina. Meanwhile, Alex was preparing to graduate in the summer. She was hopeful another thing would come with her graduation - a proposal from her girlfriend. It was no secret her girlfriend had wanted to wait to propose until she had finished her own master’s degree, but that had been completed two years ago. She was hesitant to propose while Alex was still completing her degree; she wanted them both to have their feet underneath them and holding steady jobs before getting married.
She loved her girlfriend more than anything, there was no doubting that. But she still felt it wasn’t quite the right time for them to get married. She still felt too young, only twenty-five, to be getting married. She felt like she still had a lot of life to live, without feeling tied down by that big of a commitment. She also knew her girlfriend didn’t feel the same as her.
Alex had always wanted to get married by the time she was twenty-five, and she wanted a year-long engagement. This meant time was running out for Kelley to pop the question; the younger woman would be twenty-four in August and she still did not feel she was ready for that level of commitment. She had the feeling the younger one knew it too.
Kelley is pulled from her thoughts as the episode ends and she hears the beginning of a new one. Looking at the younger woman who has fallen asleep next to her, she presses a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s temple.
“I love you, Lex,” she whispers out before gently gathering the younger girl in her arms and carrying her to bed. She sets her on their bed and looks at her for a moment. She really does love the blue-eyed woman.
Kelley quietly slips out of the bedroom and heads for the kitchen. She passes their friends who are still passed out around the living room. Tobin and Christen are on the floor, wrapped around each other, while Allie and Bati are stretched out on the couch. Ashlyn and Ali had meant to crash in their guest room but had also crashed on the floor, next to Tobin and Christen. The brunette turns on the coffee maker before moving around the kitchen to grab supplies to begin making breakfast.
She glances out the window, taking in the bustling street below and the white flakes that fell around the pedestrians walking. She hears the bedroom door open and turns to see her girlfriend wandering out of the room and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. The two make eye contact and the younger one gives a sleepy smile. Kelley feels her heart flutter as the blue-eyed girl makes her way to the kitchen and drops a kiss on the older girl’s cheek before pouring herself a cup of coffee. The younger girl placed her coffee on the counter and wrapped her arms around the older one from behind, sighing contently.
The two stand there for a moment as the eggs and pancakes cook until they hear someone speak up.
“Hey, lovebirds. You better not burn my breakfast cause you’re too busy making heart eyes at each other,” Allie wanders into the kitchen to pour two cups of coffee. As she moved to head back to the living room, where the rest of their friends were starting to wake up, the couple heard her mumble something about “that newlywed phase” and Kelley tenses slightly. She slips out of her girlfriend’s embrace, hoping she didn’t feel her tense up.
She loves her girlfriend, more than she has ever loved anyone. But the whole “marriage” talk still made her a little jumpy. The whole idea of committing to one person for the rest of her life seemed nice in theory, but she had seen a few too many bitter divorces in her life. It’s not that she didn’t have faith in her relationship, she was just terrified at the possibility of it ending.
The small sigh the younger woman gave when she slipped out of her arms let Kelley know that she had noticed the tenseness in her. The group sat around eating their food, none of them picking up on the new tension between the couple. Alex sat a little away from her, not touching or being close enough to her girlfriend for Kelley’s liking.
Finally, Alex stands and walks to their bedroom. Sighing, Kelley follows without being asked, knowing they would have to talk about this eventually. She had hoped to put it off for a little, intent on having a nice morning with their friends. She closes the door behind her and finds her girlfriend sitting on their bed, hands in her lap.
“Are you breaking up with me?” Kelley’s eyes open in disbelief and her heart skips a beat. She takes a step towards the bed and crouches down so she can look at her girlfriend properly.
“Why would you think that?”
The younger woman gives a small shrug and fiddles with her shirt. The older one waits patiently, knowing her girlfriend will speak when she finds the words she wants to say. Eventually, the younger one looks up, tears shining in her eyes. She takes a shaky breath before responding.
“You tensed earlier, in the kitchen. When Allie made that stupid comment about us being married. You always tense when someone mentions marriage, or being committed, or ‘locking it down’. Tell me I haven’t wasted five years here. Are you breaking up with me?” Alex’s voice increases in strength as she speaks, getting slightly louder.
“You haven’t wasted five years, Lex. I love you and I promise I am not breaking up with you,” she stands and rubs her face slightly before looking back to her girlfriend.
“How long have you been thinking about this?” Alex shrugs in response before standing herself. She moves to look out the window, refusing to look at the older woman.
“I don’t know, really. What I do know is you’ve been getting tenser these days whenever someone mentions marriage or we get invited to a wedding,” she turns to face her girlfriend, irritation now in her eyes. Kelley knows the blue-eyed girl is frustrated and that the clock is winding down.
“Al, come on. You know I love you. It’s just,” the older woman sighs, “you know I want to have my feet under me, steadily under me, before making that big of a commitment.”
“I do know that. I also know that you have had your feet steadily underneath you for the past year,” is the calm response.
“I just-Lex, I still feel really young.”
“You’re twenty-five. I’ll be twenty-four in six months.”
“Exactly! We’re still young. Why tie it down now?” Kelley immediately regrets her phrasing when she sees the anger flash in her girlfriend’s eyes.
“Why tie it down now?” Alex echoes back, taking a step forward. “I dunno, Kel. Maybe because I love you and you love me? Maybe to show our commitment to each other and our love? Maybe because I’ve known for about four years now that I want to spend the rest of my life with you?”
Her voice is rising again, frustration laced throughout as she continues to approach her girlfriend. Kelley is rooted in place, her heart pounding and mind spinning as she attempts to find the right words to say.
“Lex-”
“You need to figure out what you want, Kelley. Because I already know what I want, and I’m not going to wait forever for you to find out for yourself whatever it is you want.”
Alex moves around her and leaves their bedroom. She hears the front door open and close and lets out a sigh, still frozen in her spot. Hanging her head, she walks out of the room to find an empty apartment. She has no idea when their friends left but a glance at her phone tells her they’ve been gone for a while. Allie and Christen had both texted her to let her know they were all leaving and they hoped the couple worked out whatever needed working out.
She debates calling her girlfriend, but then catches sight of the younger woman’s phone on the counter. Groaning slightly, she collapses on the couch. Now she has no way of reaching her girlfriend. Hell, she’s not even sure she has a girlfriend at the moment. Deciding she cannot just sit around and wait for the possibility of Alex coming back, she stands and grabs her coat before heading out to brave the snow and find the younger woman.
As she walks the cold streets, hands stuffed in her pockets, her mind is split between worrying about finding Alex and contemplating exactly what was keeping her from giving the younger woman what she wanted, what she deserved. She passes a jewelry store and her steps falter as she takes a glance inside. The thought of stepping inside no longer makes her feel like she is going to be sick, but there is still a slight uneasiness to it. Shaking her head, she continues down the street.
She thinks about their friends, all of whom are engaged or married. Christen and Tobin were getting married in May, right after Christen’s graduation, Allie and Bati had tied the knot almost a year and a half ago, and Ashlyn had just proposed to Ali at Christmas. She thinks about her younger brother who was getting ready to propose to his girlfriend and Alex’s sister, Jeni, who is married and has a daughter. Meanwhile, the two of them seemed to be stuck in limbo due to Kelley’s feelings of not being ready for marriage.
Deciding to focus solely on finding her girlfriend, she pulls her thoughts together to think about where the younger woman could possibly be. Then it clicks - the park. Of course, the younger woman will be at the park. It’s where she likes to go to clear her head, usually with a soccer ball in tow. Kelley turns down the street and begins backtracking towards the park. When she arrives, she scans the area for the blue-eyed girl. She spots a familiar knitted cap and slowly approaches.
“Alex?”
“What do you want, Kelley?” The younger woman doesn’t turn around and her voice sounds tired.
“Come home, Lex. Please,” she speaks softly, hoping the blue-eyed woman will comply. The taller brunette turns then, unshed tears in her eyes again. The older woman’s heart twists and she feels the breath leave her lungs.
Taking a small step forward, she slowly reaches a hand towards the younger one. The blue-eyed woman looks at her hand for a moment before hesitantly taking her hand. Kelley slowly takes another step forward.
“I love you, Al. I love you more than anything in the whole world. And I want to spend my whole life with you. I’m so in love with you; the thought of losing you makes me sick. I don’t ever want to be without you,” her thumb rubs the back of Alex’s hand as she speaks.
“Why won’t you marry me then?”
“Lex, please. Come home; we can talk about it there.”
“I wanna talk about it now.”
“Seriously, Alex? It’s below freezing. Come in out of the snow. Please,” she pulls slightly at the younger woman and takes a step backward. The younger woman doesn’t budge.
“Not until you answer me,” the older woman sighs.
“I will marry you, Lex,” she insists, “when the time is right.”
“And when will that be?”
“Whenever you want, dear.”
“Kelley Maureen, I know you did not just pull ‘whatever you want, dear’ to get me to drop this. This is serious to me!” Alex is visibly agitated and tries to take her hand back from the older woman, but she doesn’t let go.
“I know, Lex,” the shorter brunette spoke softly, “and if it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”
The younger woman sniffles slightly before replying.
“Promise?”
“With my whole heart. I will marry you. Someday.”
The snow is falling back home in New York, but the weather is beautiful in California. When Alex had requested a beach wedding, Kelley figured it was the least she could do after taking so long to pop the question. Five months after their New Year’s talk in the snow, the older woman had finally gotten down on one knee after Alex’s graduation and asked the younger one to spend the rest of their lives together.
They decided to be married on New Year’s Day since it held an important significance to the couple. Their friends and family all traveled to the west coast to be there for them on their big day. The two of them tied the knot surrounded by those who loved them most and had a beautiful reception before leaving to spend their honeymoon in Hawaii.
“Hawaii is beautiful this time of year.”
“Hawaii is always beautiful. But nowhere near as beautiful as you.” Kelley presses a kiss to her new bride’s cheek as the younger woman’s cheeks flush red and she rolls her eyes playfully. After checking into their hotel, the newlyweds hit the beach to work on their tans and spend time in the water.
“Don’t forget we have dinner reservations at the hotel restaurant for six o’clock.”
“What time is it now?”
The younger woman hums, checking her phone.
“It’s almost three. We should probably leave around four. That’ll put us back at the hotel by four-thirty, giving us an hour and a half to get ready and get downstairs in time for our reservations.”
Kelley smirks, looking at her wife.
“If we leave at three-thirty, we’ll be back at four.”
“Yes, Kel, that is how time works,” Alex teases her.
“And,” Kelley presses a kiss to the blue-eyed woman’s neck, “that gives us an extra half hour to break in the bed in our hotel room.” The younger woman’s breath hitches slightly and she can feel the older one smirking into her neck.
The hazel-eyed woman stands and smiles innocently at her wife. “Wanna catch some waves?”
“We could,” she speaks slowly, “or we could go back to the hotel now. Give us an hour to break in the bed, instead of only thirty minutes.”
The two move quickly to pack their things and get back to the hotel to “get down to business” as Kelley so eloquently put it.
They miss their dinner reservations.