Chapter Text
"You were gonna punch him," Tana said, as soon as the door shut behind them.
Busy trying to get his shoes off without dropping the bags, stepping on the dog or falling over sideways, Shinsuke spared him an inquisitive glance. "Eh?"
"Taichi," clarified his entirely-too-observant darling. "You thought he was planning to kick her, too...and you were gonna punch him."
"You're imagining things," he scoffed. "My ear was itchy, that's all. You had a bad angle."
Someday he'd have to find the time to practice lying, he thought, as Tana advanced on him, unconvinced and beaming. He plucked the bags out of Shinsuke's fingers and transferred them to the floor before moving in for the kill. Pinned against the door, Shinsuke could only brace himself to endure the...really...really quite nice kiss that followed. Some distant part of his logical mind recognized that he was swooning, but the rest of him dismissed the observation as unimportant.
"Mmmm...ok, so, I was gonna punch him," he admitted, nuzzling Tana's jaw. "Doesn't prove anything....I'll go punch him right now, if you'll kiss me like that again."
Tana laughed softly, a tickle of breath against his cheek. "Maybe after dinner. My other curly-haired anarchist hasn't been fed yet, hmm?"
"At least one of us doesn't pee on people," he snickered, remembering the horrified look on Taichi's face. He wished he'd thought to snap a photo...or better yet, take video. Tiny bimbo she may be, but he couldn't fault Hana's sense of humor.
Looking as proud as he would be if she'd taken Best in Show, Tana allowed himself the laughter he'd had to (mostly) hold in out on the sidewalk. "Honestly, that alone earned her the treats I bought."
"Treats too, huh? You're gonna spoil her rotten."
"She's here to be spoiled," he said simply, and nipped gently at Shinsuke's earlobe. "Just like you."
Shinsuke wasn't at all certain he agreed with that assessment...but he didn't want Hiroshi to stop what he was doing, either. It was a thorny problem, which he decided immediately could be set aside til later (perhaps, for example, sometime he wasn't being showered with affection).
Conspicuous rustling derailed his train of thought...and alas, also caught Tana's attention. As one, their heads turned to the pile of bags. Somewhat inevitably, Hana was sitting primly on the suspiciously large and squishy one, her big black eyes fighting to stay open.
"Shinsuke, she found her cushion!" Tana exclaimed. "She really was sleepy! Oh, who's a clever little girl, who is?"
Sighing deeply, he dropped his head to Tana's shoulder. It had been nice while it lasted.
Thoughtfully working his way through the small stack of dishes, Shinsuke wondered if he'd just experienced the last dog-free meal he'd ever enjoy in his own house.
It had taken a bit of delicate negotiation to part Hana from the bag, and then the bag from the cushion, but the moment Tana'd placed her expectantly atop it, she'd curled into a small, fuzzy circle at the center of the slightly larger fuzzy circle set at the foot of the couch, and fallen asleep. The delighted look on the big sap's face nearly made up for all the trouble...but only nearly.
Dinner had featured the unusual combination of Tana's protein plate special and his own seaweed salad...and the reassuring knowledge that anything warm and soft his foot bumped under the table belonged to Tana, not their furry ward. From the kitchen, he couldn't hear the unmistakable noise described to him earlier: tiny puppy snoring. His husband was no doubt basking in it, though; he'd been so distracted on "I'll-dry" duty that he'd nearly dropped one of the plates, and Shinsuke had shooed him out of the kitchen to go supervise nap time before he ended up accidentally stabbing himself.
"She's not coming upstairs with us," he repeated firmly to himself. "She's not coming upstairs with us."
It had a soothing ring to it, anyway; one had to cling to something in tumultuous times, even if it was almost certainly not true.
As expected, he found Tana in a relaxed slouch on the sofa, dividing his attention between the television and the sleeping puppy. Whatever he was watching, it was clearly at a volume so low as to be inaudible, and Shinsuke nearly laughed, then; watching Tana creep around making himself small and quiet was a window into what he would be like as a new father...a sight he'd rarely ever gotten to see. Even when they took care of nieces and nephews, they were years older than whatever single-digit number of weeks little Hana had graced the world. For an absurd moment he wondered if a bassinet might not have been a better choice than a cushion on the floor...
"What are you grinning at, hmm?" Tana asked softly, catching sight of him in the kitchen doorway.
"Just you."
He didn't elaborate, and probably didn't need to; Tana raised an inviting arm along with the corners of his pretty mouth. Shinsuke's own cautious sneak across the floor had nothing to do with being reluctant to interrupt nap time, he told himself, and everything to do with not wanting the little snuggle-thief stealing any more of what was rightfully his.
Merely ducking under his arm and sitting there with it draped over his shoulder wasn't near enough compensation for all he'd been put through today. Tana made a token noise of surprise when he found himself tipped over sideways instead, an arm thrown over his chest and a leg over his thighs, as Shinsuke wedged himself into the narrow space between the couch back and his husband's bulk.
"Hi," he whispered, burrowing his head against one massive shoulder.
"I'm starting to think she's running one hour ahead of you," Tana said warmly, threading his fingers into Shinsuke's hair. "Dinner, cuddles, nap time...she was even getting into trouble earlier than you."
"The energy of youth," he yawned automatically. "Kamen Rider again?"
"I need some time to build up a library of movies about heroic dogs."
Shinsuke raised a dubious eyebrow. "You think she understands the concept of a role model when she can't grasp what it means when you tug the leash?"
"She understands more than we realize! Think about it; I told her 'Hana, sit!' and what did she do?"
"...fell over in the dandelions...?"
"Exactly! Maybe she thought I meant 'Go find the flowers'!"
"You know, I think she had a fair point..."
"Really?!"
"...about it being nap time," Shinsuke nodded, resolutely closing his eyes. There was always the distant hope when he opened them again, the whole day would turn out to have been a fever dream.
"Honestly, you two...sleeping away the evening! She's picking up your bad habits already," Tana said, stifling a yawn of his own. "I'll have to teach her that if you tell yourself you're not tired, then you're not."
"Mmmhmm."
"Maybe she'll learn the lesson better than you have."
"Your curly-haired anarchists are trying to sleep, beautiful," he said, wiggling closer.
"Funny that you're the one who needs to be petted to manage it, hmm?"
Calloused fingers ran soothingly up and down his forearm; he could already feel himself starting to drift off. "'M higher maintenance."
The last thing he remembered hearing was a sleepy voice murmuring "Good thing I never get tired."
It was full dark when he jolted awake, confused as to why and uncertain how long he (they?) had slept. In the muddy gloom of the streetlights outside, it was hard to say for certain.
Hiroshi hadn't stirred, save for the comforting rise and fall of his chest.
It took a moment for what must have roused him to manifest again; a pitifully tiny little whining noise originating, if he had to guess, at exactly ankle-level from the floor.
"Mmmmph. T'n...wkup," he said groggily, shaking the warm pectoral his hand still rested against. An undignified honk of alarm shattered the relative quiet; Shinsuke had to hold firm with both limbs to keep him from bolting upright. "Don't get up, don't get up," he cautioned. "I'm not sure where she is."
"Whoo'z?"
The small whine sounded again, a little louder than before. He could feel rather than see Tana shifting from muddle-headed drowsiness to fully alert in .1 seconds. "Hana? It's ok, princess," he said, fumbling blindly over his head for the lamp.
"I've got it," Shinsuke sighed, sitting up a bit to click it on. Squinting through the painful rush of light, he had to lean over Tana and the edge of the couch to spot her, hopping ineffectually on tiny back legs, front paws scrabbling at the couch.
One of Tana's shovel-like hands obscured his view temporarily, swooping down to pluck her off the floor and deposit her on the uneven terrain of his muscular chest. Wobbly-legged, she navigated her way up to his chin, and poked her little nose against his beard.
"We'll save a fortune on alarm clock batteries," Shinsuke noted wryly.
Tana beamed at him. "See? There's always a bright side."
They watched the puppy's progress as she wandered over his chest and stomach, sniffing curiously. She still looked worryingly sleepy, as far as Shinsuke was concerned...and he had a sudden premonition about the state of Tana's back tomorrow if she were allowed to lay back down.
"Should we relocate nap time before we all end up sleeping on the couch tonight, papa?" he suggested, peeking at his watch. Nearly 11:30.
"Ah...that's probably a good idea," admitted Tana, with some reluctance about disturbing her again. Shinsuke sat up awkwardly to allow him to do the same, trying to shake some feeling back into the arm he'd had pinned under his body in the narrow space. He helpfully moved Hana down to his husband's soon-to-be lap; Tana, as always, had to rise quickly so his back wouldn't seize up, and he doubted Hiroshi'd ever be able to forgive himself for spilling the dog off the sofa in the process. It turned out a surprisingly graceful movement, for a sleep-mussed bodybuilder clutching a squirming toy poodle like an evening purse.
"I'll carry her, you carry her cushion?"
For one determined instant, he readied his mantra: she's not coming upstairs with us. Half a dozen solid points occurred to him one after another, and exactly how to argue them; part of him even briefly considered a her-or-me ultimatum as to who would actually accompany Tana upstairs. He opened his mouth to speak...and inevitably, the objections all died on his lips when he saw the expectant, literal boy-with-a-new-puppy look on that sweet face. It was the expression of a big, glass-half-full soft touch of a man who would never even consider the possibility that his husband was so hard-hearted he'd insist on leaving a weeks-old puppy by itself in a strange place overnight.
Could he really go through with shattering that kind of easy, adoring faith?
"...If she pees up there, you're cleaning it up," Shinsuke sighed, conceding defeat. The last thing he saw before he bent to retrieve the cushion was Tana beaming at him like a child on christmas morning, finding the empty plate where cookies had been left out for Santa.
Devitt had once, in his lilting accent, relayed to him an english expression about leading a horse to water. He wondered if there were any variations about dogs and bedrooms; if not, he had a few linguistic suggestions to make the next time any of the gaijin crossed his path.
From the sound of things out there, a different communication problem was still ongoing. Absolutely convinced that this time, it was neither his problem nor his concern, Shinsuke kept right on brushing his teeth.
"Your cushion's in the corner, princess!" Tana attempted again, a bit muffled by the bathroom door. "See? In the corner. Cor-ner. Cush-ion!"
The voice sounded like it was moving around, exactly like it would be if its owner was say...trailing helplessly behind a puppy wandering around the bedroom floor, sniffing curiously and sneezing on things. Shinsuke imagined Tana periodically stooping to adjust the direction she was facing, like he occasionally had to do with a particularly stubborn wind-up Ultra Seven toy.
He had to admit that it was a better idea to keep Hana contained to one room while they slept (though personally, he would have chosen any other room in the entire house). The last thing they needed was her getting lost again, or stuck someplace, or -gods forbid- hurt playing with something dangerous. Of course, Tana hadn't thought to get one of those little cages for containing the wildlife he and other similarly-minded lunatics insisted on bringing indoors, at least until they learned how to behave themselves like civilized...people. The cushion was currently resting on some improvised laid-out newspaper, carefully divested first of the sports section; he supposed Tana's thinking was, if there should perchance be a little puddly-type accident, short legs might target it close to home. He'd reported "Mixed success," when they'd come back in from one last bathroom trip outdoors, but hadn't elaborated (and Shinsuke'd been afraid to ask).
After a final rinse with water, he spat into the sink, leaning against the counter for a moment to brace himself before rejoining the fray.
Tana had - in what Shinsuke fervently hoped was the extreme edge of the madness he was slipping into - been adamant they wear pajama pants to bed, lest the dog be exposed to nudity at such a tender age. It wasn't even the first time that day he'd been torn between shaking his husband by the shoulders until he came to his senses, and outright laughing at the bizarre notions he was capable of generating in his pretty, empty head.
Given the healthy...appetite...Tana had, though, coupled with a fairly serious shirt allergy, he personally doubted such rigorous censorship would last long, whether the puppy stayed with them or not. So he'd neither shaken nor laughed (much), merely accepting his enforced modesty trousers and his absurd lot in life without objection.
Privately...in the secret depths of his soul where he kept the thoughts he would never verbalize or acknowledge...Shinsuke thought it might be weird to walk around naked in front of a new puppy, too.
The two golden-haired fools were of course nowhere near the cushion or the corner when he reemerged from the bathroom. From the dismayed look on Tana's face and the angle of his head, he'd guess Hana was trying to wiggle her way under Shinsuke's side of the bed, but was stymied by the apron. He made a mental note to check for lost pastels and charcoals tomorrow; whether snacking on them would hurt her or not, there was no sense in tempting fate.
"How goes the battle?" he said cheerfully, knowing full well what the answer was but always ready to hear that Hiroshi's grand plans were stubbornly refusing to work out by themselves.
"Well...she's just...making a note of all the places that are not her cushion," Tana nodded, in exactly the same tone he used to make excuses for Hiromu. "Good girl, Hana!"
It was an heroic attempt, he had to concede. "I don't know how you manage to reach so far with such short arms," Shinsuke said wryly, crawling across the bed to his side. Sitting lotus-style, elbows on knees and his chin propped up in one hand, he watched the proceedings for a while. "I don't suppose you've tried putting her on the cushion again?"
Tana shot him what would have probably been a withering glare if he didn't look so amused. "...seven times," he admitted. "Couldn't she just come up with--"
"No dogs on the bed," Shinsuke cut him off immediately. Blind in love and easily swayed by that damned dimple or no, he still had his limits. He got a dramatic sigh for his efforts, but refused to be swayed.
"Maybe if I demonstrate," Tana said, looking speculative.
"I think it's a little small for you, beautiful."
"With my hand, smartass," he sighed. Shinsuke had to resist the wonderful target for a playful slap he was presented when Tana bent over to scoop the puppy up; she was taking evasive action, if how long he was down there was any indication.
"I can think of several things you could be using your hand for right now that'd be a lot more--"
"Shinsuke!"
His attempt to project an aura of innocence failed immediately as Tana straightened up, looking scandalized; he was trying to cover her ears.
"Not in front of the puppy," they said together. Tana scowled at him and muttered something that sounded very much like 'bad influence,' imperiously carrying his wide-eyed ingénue to her cushion.
At least there was a nice view to be had on top of a laugh, out of the entire farce, Shinsuke thought. Crouched on elbows and knees on the floor, Tana had his pajama-veiled ass in the air just begging to be pinched. From what he could see, he was near eye level with Hana, alternating between squishing the cushion under his hand and trying to gently smoosh her down to a seated position; a couple of times he could have sworn the world's smallest Russian leg sweep took place, but that was pure speculation.
They appeared to be deep into a one-sided conversation; he caught snatches here and there; 'unreasonable...good girl...really does like you...' before the volume, if not the articulation, increased dramatically. There was a noise somewhere between a wail and a gasp.
"...Shinsuke," Tana said urgently, "Shinsuke, we have to let her on the bed."
"Oh, this I have to hear. Please do relay the argument that will win me over, my darling."
Enormous shoulders hunched in supplication, the love of his life shuffled round to face him, in a way that was undoubtedly murder on his knees. His lower lip was wobbling, hand on heart wobbling. The Ace of the Universe held the squirming ball of fur up like an offering to the gods.
"....she licked my nose," he said plainly, shamefaced.
It was too much.
Containing the helpless laughter that burst out of him would have required a good deal more energy than he had left after the long, ridiculous day. Tana was laughing too - Shinsuke could hear it if not see it, with his face buried in his hands. It was never difficult to get him going by starting first (a rule that also applied to crying, as well as things he was forbidden to mention in front of the puppy).
"All right," he wheezed finally, getting control of himself. He wiped a few stray tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes. "All right. Just...bring her cushion up too, at least she should learn that's what she's supposed to be sleeping on."
Tana pumped the fist that wasn't currently full of fluff. "Yes!" he said, looking extremely triumphant...and then, concerned. "Oh...think we should put some cushions on the floor or build a retaining wall or something? Suppose she wakes up but we don't, and she falls off?"
"The Yamamoto method, huh?" Shinsuke joked. "I guess she is a little too young to be taking bumps."
"She's not even through basic training yet," Tana nodded.
Like so many of his husband's absurd ideas, it did make a weird sort of sense; they were both fairly heavy sleepers, and though it wasn't a terribly high bed, it was probably at least four or five Hanas tall. Imagining how confused she would look after bouncing harmlessly off one of the spare pillows was just an added bonus.
The notion gained merit immediately, as Tana went to search out the spare pillows and he was left In Charge. Hana meandered over the duvet, her tiny paws making little divots in the cushy fabric; she seemingly had very little regard for where it, and the mattress, suddenly ended in a sheer drop. At least she didn't have much speed at this age...preventing falls was a lot simpler than directing the young lions.
"Padding!" Tana announced, pushing the door open with one foot. Shinsuke couldn't even see him past the stack in his arms, teetering as precariously as the puppy they were intended to protect.
For safety's sake, Shinsuke put Hana back down on the floor while they fortified the battlements; a line of zabuton and pillows laid out on towels all the way around the bed. Little tail wagging, she followed Tana the entire time.
"Well...I guess if we trip on them getting up to pee there'll be a soft landing, anyway," he noted, surveying the result. Of course, probably the logical thing would have been to lay down a guest futon and sleep on it, but neither of them had a great gift for seeing the obvious answer before all other avenues were exhausted. Shaking his head, Shinsuke climbed back into bed and dragged the covers up.
Tana joined him, puppy and cushion in tow; he carefully placed it in the rough center at the end of the bed, against the low foot-board, and set her into position atop it like a man arranging fragile glassware on a narrow ledge. Remarkably, when he slowly backed away, she stayed put.
"See?" he boasted, clicking off the lamp. "Dogs...you just have to show them who's boss."
"Uh huh."
Dubiousness as to whether rearranging their entire evening and bedroom constituted 'showing her who's boss' didn't stop Shinsuke from snuggling against the big idiot when he lay down; Tana rolled onto his side, slipping one enormous arm around his waist.
"She's probably learning all the skills she needs to be a rescue dog or a top prizewinner, or one of those internet sensations," Tana continued, sounding absolutely certain about it. Shinsuke hummed in placating agreement, not entirely paying attention to what he recognized could end up one of those very long-winded speeches, only about 25% of which actually made sense at all, let alone contained anything likely to actually happen. The torrent of prideful nonsense cut off abruptly with an ominous-sounding "...uh..." right around the time he felt the slightest of impact vibrations...very much like what might result from a puppy tumbling headlong off a cushion and hitting the mattress underneath. In the sudden silence, a familiar, tiny sniffing noise started up again.
A second noise - which Shinsuke didn't have to struggle to identify as Hiroshi's stifled laughter - joined it not long after. He noticed what must have set it off almost immediately; the sensation of a fuzzy little weight making its way up the bed. Little paws scrabbled their way up onto his left leg; it was like being scaled by a small, four-legged mountaineer. Tana was shaking with the effort of containing his amusement now, as she made one attempt at attaining the peak that was his right thigh, only to overbalance and roll back down to the start again.
"Sh...Shinsuke," he managed to get out, a high-pitched plea from a man on the edge.
With a pained sigh, Shinsuke straightened the leg he had nestled between Tana's knees, feeling absurdly like he was swinging wide a gate he'd never force closed again. Seizing upon the newly discovered trail, the intrepid little explorer climbed unsteadily up the narrow valley between their bodies; Tana lifted his arm temporarily to grant her passage (but replaced it as quickly once she'd gone by, apologetically tugging Shinsuke close again).
Only when she'd reached base camp in the hammock-like stretch of fabric at stomach level did she cease her efforts, immediately settling down in a self-satisfied heap, smushed against Tana's arm.
"You're lucky you're cute," Shinsuke muttered, as the tiny, wheezy snoring started up.
"Are you talking to me, or the dog?"
"Both," he said firmly.
Tana chuckled softly in the dark. "We are pretty cute," he had the audacity to say. Shinsuke hummed again, thoughtfully playing with a strand of his golden hair.
"The kami-sama of gains obviously worked hard to find you a match," he mused. "Loves shopping, soaks up attention like a sponge, gets her way by any means necessary, snores..."
"I do not!" Tana protested. "...snore," he clarified, after a moment's pause.
"Mmm hmm. Your little nose is almost as powerful as hers, beautiful," Shinsuke teased.
"Well...good airflow is important. You should know, with nostrils that size."
He flicked his finger against Tana's pec in retaliation, joining in the laugh in spite of himself. "Ass."
"It's a shame...ah," Tana trailed off, sighing wistfully.
"It's a shame...?" he repeated. There wouldn't be many points for guessing where his thoughts had gone, but it was only polite to prompt him to voice them anyway.
With another little sigh, Tana squeezed his side a bit. "It's a shame she can't stay," he finished. "She does seem to like us..."
"Like us? I'm pretty sure she's imprinted on you. She saw a big wall of hair coming at her under that bench and thought it was her mommy."
"...I think I prefer 'papa,' " Tana interjected wryly.
"Anyway, who said she couldn't stay?"
The long interval before he answered reminded Shinsuke keenly of the way Hana had to stop and think for a moment to work her way through the process of turning around, and he had no doubt the expression was similar, too. "...You did," he offered finally, cautious as a man searching for hidden bear-traps on the primrose path to his dreams.
"I did not. I said 'She's not coming upstairs,' and 'No dogs on the bed,'" he pointed out, glancing down in the dark, "...for all the good that did. You were the one who said she wasn't staying."
"But - you -" Tana sputtered. He wished the lights weren't off; Hiroshi's Confused face was one of his favorites, "I said that because you were looking at me like I unleashed a plague of rats in here!"
"Heh. You would have had the sense to buy cages for rats."
"You don't even like dogs!" he insisted. Shinsuke wondered how long, if he really drew things out, it would take him to realize he was arguing against his own position.
"You do," he said simply. "This one in particular...she already has more junk in the house than I do, and you always spoil what you love."
"Shinsuke..."
"Anyway, she did pee on Taichi," he noted, with a touch of pride. "How could we throw her out after that?"
"I...guess that's true," Tana said, sounding carefully optimistic. "But--"
Shinsuke pressed two fingers to his lips. "Hiroshi. She followed you home and you can keep her, ok?"
Almost imperceptibly, Tana's lips formed a soft kiss. He grinned, searching out the dimple he knew was in full bloom by touch.
"Someone could still come looking..."
"Well...if they do we'll deal with it then. Hell, fire this thing up and we might not even have to make an offer," he said, poking the dimple. A breath of laughter tickled his palm.
"You...I love you, Shinsuke."
"I know," he nodded. Hana made a little honking noise in her sleep, and wiggled into a more snug position. "Heh...so does she."
"She does...she's a good dog."
"And you'll feed her and walk her and play with her every day!" Shinsuke teased him, more charmed than he'd ever admit by the excited affection suffusing his husband's voice. It probably would have earned him a playful smack on the side, if Tana hadn't been afraid to wake the puppy.
"Brat," he laughed. "I will, though...that'll be nice, won't it? We could take her on little walks on the beach, maybe..."
Shinsuke hummed in agreement; he'd always enjoyed their meandering strolls, even if they did occasionally require emergency hiding from fans. It was possible Hana herself would provide enough of a distraction that no one would think to ask what they were doing in any given place, together; she seemed to work a stupefying effect on people, that way (among others). "So long as you're the one cleaning up her messes."
"It'll honestly be less work than cleaning up after you."
"Oh, you say that now, papa...thought about buying some really tall shelves for all those shoes of yours?"
"I...oh, shit, no I didn't. You think she would?!"
Even without being able to see him, he could somehow still tell Tana had gone pale.
"All those bright colors, all that leather...chew toys, waiting to happen," he said, squeezing Tana's bicep like the press of little jaws. They pictured it together, a tragic landscape painted with the soggy, shredded remains of thousands of dollars worth of expensive sneakers and dress shoes, The Ace at the center, fallen to his knees and crying out to the unfeeling universe.
Tana whimpered, a sound very like the one Hana'd made when she was too short to get onto the couch...but he rallied magnificently. "That would just...give me a great excuse to buy more of them!" he exclaimed triumphantly. Shinsuke snorted with disbelief; it wasn't as though he'd needed an excuse for the dozens of original pairs.
"But ah...all the same...maybe we'll keep them in the spare room for a little while, just to be on the safe side."
"Takes time to cultivate an 'iron will,'" Shinsuke nodded, yawning. "Wouldn't be fair to test her so soon."
"Hey, that was pretty good!"
Shinsuke snuggled closer, finally letting himself relax (while being mindful of the potential for the duvet to act as an inadvertent trampoline). The pleasant warmth where Tana's arm held him was just a hint bigger than normal. "I studied nonsense excuses at the feet of the master."
"Funny," Tana mused aloud, "That's not what it felt like you were doing down there."
"Hiroshi!"
"I know, I know," the fool he loved said, in his most infuriatingly placating tone. "...not in front of the puppy."