Chapter Text
Everyone had already made their assumptions. It was only natural, you and Genji had been together and sharing quarters for months. You were affectionate with each other, though not overly clingy anymore. It was comfortable. You were happy.
People around base still made their comments though, innocuous as they were. Little things. Light remarks from the older members whenever you and Genji decided to go to bed particularly early; McCree's suggestive whistle whenever he caught the two of you cuddling in the grass or watching the stars from various roof ledges. The mech pilot from Korea was the most forthright. She'd barely been on base for more than a few weeks before she plopped herself down right next to you during lunch and asked if Genji had to use condoms when you were together.
You'd been too stunned to answer.
You were still too stunned to answer, and avoided her questions as much as possible.
Your love for Genji spanned more than a decade, he was everything to you. Literally everything. And you'd yet to make love to each other.
There'd never been an expectancy for it, you were grateful. Love was shown in a thousand little ways in just being together. Too long had your mind been so broken. Too broken to even think about physical intimacy.
But that was before.
You were far from healed, that would take a lifetime and then some. But with Genji and Master Zenyatta's help, you were doing better. Every day was better. You felt ready for new steps. You felt ready for intimacy. There was really only one major thing in your way.
You didn't know how to tell him.
And as perceptive as your boyfriend was, he was also an absolute gentleman in regards to you. He wouldn't make a single move without your explicit, enthusiastic consent.
A deep sigh blew passed your lips as you leaned even further against the guard rails of the catwalk you'd been passing through on, practice rifle still slung over your shoulder. You'd been on your way back from the sniper range when you spotted a familiar figure in the training room below.
Genji's movements were fluid and precise as he moved through each stance, sword held confidently in hand. It was a beautiful dance you would be happy to watch all afternoon. He was gorgeous. How were you so lucky.
Thankfully, you felt the warm tingle of Zenyatta's aura long before his hand came to rest gently upon your shoulder. It had admittedly taken a few near-accidents (and one snapped wrist) before your new teammates learned to never sneak up on you. Unless they had reflexes that could rival your boyfriend's.
You somewhat reluctantly turned your attention to the monk, who hummed pleasantly in greeting with a cute tilt of his head.
"A lovely morning to you, my friend."
"Hey, Zen." Your voice was a touch raspy, as you'd yet to use it since you'd murmured adoration against Genji's forehead hours earlier, before slipping out of the warmth of your bed.
"Today's sunrise is certainly a sight to behold."
As he said it, you glanced out over the open edge of the training area, orange light drenching the sky and mingling with deep purple clouds, chasing the night into the West. Then you dropped your gaze to the training room once more.
"It has some steep competition."
Zenyatta chuckled softly, bringing a fond smile to your lips.
"Yes, my student does seem wholly attuned with his energies this morning."
You leaned over slightly, giving your friend a slight nudge, smile widening.
"He's showing off; he knows we're watching."
Below, Genji paused halfway through a stance change and tilted his head up in your direction.
"Not that I'm complaining," you added on.
You saw Genji's shoulders shake slightly, the blade of his sword flashing in the morning light as he sheathed it. A pop of his vents, a quick hiss of steam, and a flash of green light all happened in swift succession before he sprinted from his spot on the ground clear up to the catwalk you both stood on. You braced yourself, but he halted dead on a dime in front of you. His leftover momentum breezing passed like a wind as he embraced you gently. Gladly, you relaxed into it.
"Ham."
"You love it."
"I do."
Genji's helm pressed itself into the side of your neck, and you heard him whisper just for you.
"You left me this morning."
Yeah, you did. And that was rare for you nowadays. To willingly remove yourself from the warm embrace of your lover in favor of the cold grasp of the outdoor sniper range. In his arms again now, you tried to press yourself closer.
"I just… needed the air."
He shifted around you, followed by a soft hiss and click. Instead of kissing you through his mask, he took it off, warm lips finding your cheekbone and temple. Each kiss was reverent, and helped ease knots in your stomach that the cold hadn't been able to wash away.
A sound like a quietly joyous hum chimed behind you and Genji's lips turned up in a smile.
"My apologies, master, I did not mean to ignore you."
Zenyatta was hardly bothered, it warmed him deep in his soul to see how far the both of you had come together.
"You were dutifully distracted, my student. There is no need for apologies. Would either of you care to join me in meditation this morning?"
Genji straightened up, pressing a final kiss between your eyes. "It is always an honor to."
Metal fingers laced loosely with your own, but you hesitated to agree and it was obvious. You glanced back at your friend, not missing the question in Genji's eyes.
"I'm gonna pass today, sorry. I've been out here a while, I could really use a warm shower."
Zenyatta gave you a genial nod. "I understand. The invitation is always open."
When you turned back to Genji, you still didn't have an explanation for his quizzical look. So you offered a slight shrug, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek.
"I'll see you at breakfast," you promised quietly. There was reluctance in him when you pulled your hand from his, but he didn't stop you from going on your way. Watching as you descended from the catwalk and went to put your rifle away in the cage.
You knew you were being kind of dodgy, had been for a few days. Not avoidant by any means, you were still together most of the time. You just…
You needed to figure this out. Without help. You could.
The first place your mind had went was obvious.
Seduction.
Hell, if you were anything like the way you'd been back in Blackwatch, you wouldn't be sweating so much about it. You'd worn your fair share of seductive things and been perfectly comfortable in them. But that was a lifetime ago. You were different now, scarred and rough. Delicate things would never suit you now.
...Maybe you should just tell him point blank, he was already used to your blunt way of speaking. And if he wasn't interested in sex himself, then you'd feel less like a fool for getting dressed up.
Something deep inside of you started to itch for the weight of your gear, for the comfort and security it brought to you, but you took deep breaths and willed it down. Running and hiding from the one you loved was both unhealthy and the opposite of what you actually wanted.
Another deep breath. You could do this.
As soon as the steam from the shower hit your chilled skin, you started to sag. Having it wash over your body was heavenly. You were absolutely getting too spoiled with having basic necessities so readily available to you.
Ha, what a weird thought.
You took your time under the spray, mind still wholly engrossed in your conundrum.
Would Genji be interested in sex? You couldn't recall a time he'd ever humored the topic around you. Definitely not before the fall. You knew what he'd been like before his accident. Did becoming a cyborg kill his sex drive? You'd never want to put him in an uncomfortable dilemma of not wanting it but also not wanting to displease you. He was far too important to you...
Fucking hell you were over thinking this.
Frowning, you reached down and turned the water off, standing there for a moment while it dripped off of you. Why were you even so worked up about it? Were you dissatisfied? No. Hard no. The relationship you built together meant everything to you. Sex was just sex. It was another thing you could live without.
Maybe one day it would find it's way into your relationship. Maybe it wouldn't. Was losing more time with the man you loved really worth worrying so fucking much about it?
You spent more time drying off than what was typical for you, head buzzing now. You shouldn't have opted out of meditation. Perhaps they were still meditating? You could really use some time to clear your mind.
As you hung the towel back up, you realized you'd forgotten to bring a change of clothes into the bathroom. A quick look into the hamper turned up one of the old blackwatch hoodies, so you tugged it on for now. It was definitely Genji's. They looked the same but his was one size larger, so the bottom hem fell down onto your thighs.
Steam billowed out when you left the bathroom, cool air of the room wrapping around your legs, causing a slight shiver. Impressively enough, you were so distracted by the chill that you almost walked right passed Genji without even noticing him.
When your brain registered his presence, you nearly jumped out of your skin, bumping against the dresser hard. Its contents jostled again when you sagged back against it, waiting for your heart rate to settle.
Genji had stopped himself from jumping up to make sure you were alright, knowing the quick reaction would've only startled you worse. So he stayed seated on the bed, grimacing with guilt.
"I didn't mean to startle you-"
"I know," you responded too quickly without intending to, taking deep breaths. At least you hadn't reacted in blind self defense this time. See? Getting better. You nodded to yourself, closing your eyes for just a moment. "I know."
Calm again, you leaned off the dresser to observe your boyfriend. Genji sat slightly slouched on the corner of the mattress, helm completely removed and wearing one of your old tee shirts. His exposed expression held conflicting emotions, many you weren't used to seeing on him. Your stomach fluttered nervously, trying to convince your lungs that air wasn't a necessity.
"That was a quick meditation session," you commented, trying to change the mood of the room.
Genji glanced down to his hands. The light from the bathroom throwing deep shadows over his figure in the dim room.
"We both disappointed our master this morning, it seems. Although he has assured me he is not taking it to heart."
The air went quiet for a few minutes while you were unsure of how to respond. Genji took your silence as a response itself. He sat up straight, patting the bed next to him in a silent invitation, although he did not wait for you to sit before the words started to tumble out of him.
"I declined his offer so we may have a moment to talk, it… feels like we haven't had a good talk in a few days."
"That's my fault," you said it so quietly, taking a few steps closer to the bed, yet afraid to sit down. "I've been thinking a lot."
"I noticed." There was a trace of a fond smile around his lips, but it was quickly drowned in apprehension. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Your throat did constrict then, choking out even the tiniest squeak of a sound. He was literally sitting right there, asking what was on your mind and you still couldn't say it. But he waited while you struggled, twisting the cuffs of the hoodie in your hands while your panic rose.
It would seem, however, that you weren't the only one gripped with fear in that moment. Genji ran an absent-minded hand through his short crop of hair, fingers fidgeting like you'd never seen him do.
"If-" Genji's words failed for a moment before he cleared his throat and tried again. "If you need to think… not here, I would understand. If you need to be alone for a while, I wouldn't hold it against you. I don't want you to feel like you're trapped here, or with me. If I'm hovering too much, I can give you space."
The more he spoke, the quicker his words became, cadence changing slightly as his nervous tongue tried to keep up with his thoughts, which were quickly dissolving into a mix of languages.
And for some reason you could only stare in silence. You hadn't seen Genji so worked up in such a long time, old memories simmered at the edge of your attention. Demanding to be acknowledged. But you could only focus on the man in front of you, who was trying not to fall apart at the thought that you might want to leave him.
And as this realization sank in, a tight coil in your chest eased. You didn't even think, you just acted. Plopping right onto his lap and kissing him firmly in assurance that you never, ever wanted to leave him. His surprise was belayed in his small jump, but he was quick to respond just was ardently, arms curling around you almost protectively.
It was an emotional kiss for you both. When you gently cupped his face between your palms, he melted into them. From his lips to his cheeks and jaw, you pressed soft kisses to every scar. Organic and synthetic flesh alike both blessed in small pecks of adoration. His dark eyes slipping closed, gladly sagging against you. Taking pause, you mumbled only one word.
"Dummy."
The corners of his mouth ticked up.
Your thumb brushed softly over the apple of his cheek.
"I'm not leaving, dummy. I don't want to."
Genji peeked at you, uncertainty still present in his gaze.
His words were measured. "But you are troubled."
"It's-" A stab of fear shot through your gut. Like he could feel it too, Genji gently tightened his hold and kissed you on the nose. So you forced the words out.
"I don't want less of you. I want… more."
His head tilted just slightly, not entirely certain of your meaning. Which made your face burn. As you tried to work the courage up to say it outright, it suddenly clicked for Genji. Your rosy cheeks, gaze cast timidly to the side, breath shaky in your lungs. Oh you meant-
"...Are you certain?"
His breathless tone made you look up. There was still measured caution in his expression, but there was something else, too. Simmering just beneath. It made anticipation squirm in your lower belly.
You nodded, voice barely there when you said, "I'm ready."
Genji's expression softened considerably as he leaned in to kiss your nose again, and you let your hands fall from his face to his chest.
"I know that was hard for you," he murmured. "Thank you for telling me."
You nodded once with a hum, pinching the tee shirt between your fingers.
"Is, um, is-are you-"
Genji cut you off before you worked yourself into too much of a fluster. Laying his lips softly against yours, but you knew right away this kiss was different. The touch was lingering, growing heated the longer you kissed. His teeth gently nibbling, sending familiar sparks of excitement into your tummy. When you opened your mouth to him, he let go of a small groan. Genji's kisses were always passionate, but this one made you more than a little weak in the knees.
His arms were still wrapped around you, but he let you take one of his hands in yours, breaking away for a brief moment to press a kiss to his knuckles. He watched with such intensity in his eyes. Were you not already wet, that would have done it. Genji looking at you with a new hunger that chased shivers up your spine. He was all too eager to kiss you again as you guided his hand down to your bare thigh.
He took the hint quickly and gladly, trailing his touch up towards your hip. You knew the moment he realized you were still nude under the hoodie because he paused for a fraction of a second, fingers twitching. Then he was hauling you up onto the bed, almost growling against your lips as he climbed on top of you.
"It is unwise to tempt a dragon like this, koibito." Genji found home between your legs like it was a familiar place, hot breath and kisses fanning over the sensitive areas of your neck.
"Why not?" You responded breathlessly. "He isn't going to hurt me-"
You were cut off with a sharp grasp when cool hands pushed up under the hoodie, taking their time learning the curves of your body as you keened softly. Genji catching the end in a kiss.
"I would never hurt you, my love." He pulled back just enough to look at you with pupils blown wide. "But I will ruin you."