Chapter Text
Date: 2/3/2020
Dear diary, I have been working here at this poor excuse of a fast food place for one year now and I think i'm going to explode. Alot of stuff went down in that one year so I'm going to take ya'll hoes down memory lane with three short stories.
Date: 1/2/19
It was the ass crack of dawn when the groupchat was having a world war down there.
Bhad Bitchesssssss
Mr.Crabs: And that's why crabs are the best animals
ThickNicky: Really Namjoon-hyung, we all know puppies are the way to go
SluttyTiger: Guys, I have an announcement
WorldWidePrincess: Shut up Tae, go get the popcorn, they fighting lol
SluttyTiger: Hyung that is not how you use "lol"
WorldWidePrincess: Be quiet you uncultured swine
Die: Can ya'll shut up, i'm trying to sleep
Sunshine: Yoongi that isn't nice
Die: Die
WorldWidePrincess: ...
ThickNicky: Tae what did you do, Jin just stormed past me and into your room
SluttyTiger: I took his Ramen Noodles, and dumped it in the trash
Mr.Crabs: Taehyung you messed up big time, you know that when it comes to food Jin-hyung don't play
WorldWidePrincess: :)
Sunshine: 3
Sunshine: 2
Sunshine: 1
SluttyTiger: JIN WHAT THE FUCK
Die: I hate everyone
Die has left the chat
Sunshine has added Die back to Chat
Die: I hate you
Sunshine: Sowwy :((((((
GoldenNochu: What the hell is going on, I just had a nightmare where I met Oli london and he kidnapped me for Jimin pics
ThickyNcky: 1. Read the chat and 2. What the hell Jungkook
Bhad Bitchesssssss
That's when I heard demonic Banshee screaming coming from down the hallway. I went to go look outside and Taehyung and Jin were both sprawled on the ground, growling at each other like animals and while grabbing each others hair. "Jungkook get the popcorn" the dwarf commanded and I didn't need to be told twice, so I ran all the way downstairs, popped some popcorn and got a chair and started watching the fight.
Taehyung was straddling Jin, and was punching him, but then Jin did like a weird wwe move, flipped Taehyung and punched him in the face. "What happened?' I asked and Hoseok not taking his eyes off the scene responded to me with 'Jin ripped his new gucci" I mouthed "Oh" and honestly I was rooting for Jin to win. Don't get me wrong, Tae is my homie but Jin is hella scary when he is mad.
The action in front of me was like something straight out of wwe, like Jake Paul and Gib could never( even though that match made me want to get drafted into the world war ). Anyway it got to the point where Jin had held Taehyung against the wall, hands in his hair, and we heard a vicious SLAP sound and we all watched quietly to see how Taehyung would react.
Turns out he started crying like a little bitch, then I had to comfort him like "It's okay remember your crazy for yourself' and he started giggling like a toddler, keep in mind that by the time this whole argument was over it was like 8:am and Jin had the audacity to make us go to work. Fuck you.
Date: 6/20/19
I was having a really horrifying nightmare, it went along the lines of this.
I was laying on my bed listening to Ego when I heard a knock on my door. It slowly opened and it was Jimin, who looked terrified out of his mind. "What happened to you?" I asked but he didn't respond instead he walked towards me and hid behind me. "Why are you hiding?'" and I soon found out when I heard an "JIMINIE SARANGHAE" and I shot up from my bed, and now I knew why Jimin was afraid.
"shhh" I whispered, taking Jimin and hiding him in the closet while I grabbed my hentai cds to throw it like ninja stars if I had to. "OPPAR WHERE ARE YOUUU" the horrifying voice sang out, this time getting closer and closer. I had refused to wait for him to come here so I opened the door to face the creature one on one. When I opened the door, no one was here but I started to feel chills down my spine and I heard the creepy voice now whisper in my ear "Onionhaseyo, it's me Oli imida" and I booked it faster than Yoongi's tongue technology.
As I was running down the endless maze of hallways, I came to a dead end. I didn't dare turn around because I knew what was waiting for me and I was correct when I felt hand touch my waist and press me closer to him."Do you know where Jiminie is?" he asked as I felt his warm breathe down my neck. "Get off me" I whispered, closing my eyes tight as he squeezed my waist even tighter. "You may not be my first choice but I can work with what I got" and with that he flipped me around, and the view was horrifying.
Words couldn't describe the terror that struck within me when I saw him, I felt like I was about to throw up at the gruesome sight. There isn't enough words for me to roast him crisply so I woke up. When I woke I gasped, chest heaving heavily as I took in the fresh air. That's when I heard something move behind me and the hairs on the back of my neck were now standing more erect than my dick when i'm hard, which is pretty straight which is funny since i'm ga- anyway, I heard that terrifying voice again. "Hello Jungkook"
Date: 1/4/20
I stared at the letter in my hand and as I read the letter I lost my shit.
Jeon Jungkook, you and other people have been selected for this year draft to fight in the war.
We will come to get you at exactly 3:00 am today, get ready to fight for a country that you don't even live in.
The only reason you were picked is because most of our Americans have climbed the wall and fled to mexico, plus your hot so you can distract the enemy with your charms.
Remember not to loose hope, as we will naruto run faster than their bombs, and take out the threat, call of duty style. Good luck in this hard time Jeon Jungkook, and may you survive this horrible tragedy.
"OH HELL NO" I screamed, not believing the horrible evidence in my hands. Of course my screams attracted the other members who were worried about me. "Jk what's wrong" Namjoon asked and I could only respond with "I'm dead". Jin just looked at me, unimpressed and said 'You better have a better excuse than that, or i'll shove my high hell down your throat and you'll really be dead". Jin always threatens me so I wasn't really fazed by this, it was only when I was hugged from behind I cried.
"Kookie, what happened?" Yoongi asked and for the first time I actually saw him care about me, however I shook my head unable to force the horrible words out of my throat. "I-I I got drafted" and as those words left my mouth and uncomfortable silence spread in the air. "So when you die Jungkook, can I take your overwatch account?"
"Jimin" Taehyung yelled in shock, clearly not believing what just came out of his soulmate's mouth. "What, he has a nice console" and Jimin shrugged and walked away. "That dwarf" I muttered angrily, but I couldn't let this get to me. "Don't worry we won't let them take you" I looked at Hoseok feeling slightly better as he said that. "We will?" and of course Jin had to ruin the moment. 'Yes we will" Namjoon said and we all nodded. They gave me a time and when they come at 3, there will be a nasty surprise waiting for them.
As it turned 2:59 I had already went over the game plan, as we all got in our positions ready for whatever that was going to happen. When it was three, the door was busted open, windows kicked in, and people climbing down from the rooftop. "FBI OPEN UP" a manly voice yelled and as soon as they stepped unto the floor it was game time.
As a group of officers entered the living room, seokjin was standing there in the dim lit room and the lights turned on and faced him. Jungkook hear the officers screaming in pain as they faced the wrath of Jin scolding them. When other officers entered the bathroom, Jungkook could hear Taehyung scream "CrAzY FoR MySeLf" and the sound of people falling to the ground.
As more and more officers came, more and more fell to Yoongi roasting the hell out of them, Hoseok hip thrusting, Fainting at the scene of the Jibooty, Namjoon lecturing them to death, and finally me. When they entered my room they weren't expecting a meme filled boy, screaming, yelling memes, and doing dead dances. Currently I was screaming "RENEGADE, RENEGADE, RENEGADE" at the top of his lungs while dabbing nonstop. "HE'S DABBING IN 2020, RUNNNNN" and a stampede of officers came rushing out of the room and out the door.
When the last of officers left, they all collapsed on the couch. "Geez, that took a lot out of me" Jin exclaimed as he wiped his nonexistent sweat. "Thanks guys" I said, honestly grateful for not being taken to the drafts, and everyone group hugged.
Hope that satisfied you little shits, and tell Jin hyung to give me a damn raise.