Chapter Text
He was cold. And wet. And his head hurt, a lot. His thoughts were slipping away before he could focus on them. He remembered there was something important though, something he couldn't quite remember. In fact, he realized with a sudden fright that he couldn't remember anything.
He surged upwards to find himself sitting outside on the street in the pouring rain. No wonder he had been cold and wet. Gently he touched his own head, wincing at the abrupt stab of pain it produced. Yeah, not doing that again. He slowly turned his head around, trying to see where he was and if anything was familiar.
The sky was a dark grey, rain pelting down heavily. All around him there was only trees and fields, no landmarks, no buildings, nothing. There wasn't even a car in sight, so how did he even end up here? Had someone thrown him out of one? Had he been in an accident and wandered away in confusion?
His best course of action would be to follow the road and hope it lead him somewhere useful. He pushed himself, slowly, to a standing position and almost landed right back on the ground. He barely caught himself from hitting his head on the street. Carefully he sat back down, just for a minute, to catch his breath. By god did his head pound something fierce though.
His hand brushed something soft yet course and he flinched away from it. He squinted through the rain and dimming light to see what it was. If night was fast approaching he didn't want to be stuck with something dangerous. For all he knew whatever it was might have something to do with his current situation.
Of all the things to expect, it was not an unconscious leopard. He swallowed nervously, before for whatever reason he couldn't fathom, he approached the wild animal. He would blame his decision later on his obvious concussion. Before he could reach out to the animal, it moved and he quickly withdrew his hand.
The leopard slowly rose up on its paws and he held his breath as its eyes found him.
An onslaught of pain and despair had him crumbling back to the street, fighting to catch a single breath. His mouth opened in a silent scream, all his muscles tensing and yet he couldn't move, at all.
"Sam! Sammy!"
All of a sudden the pain vanished and he gulped for much needed air. Slowly he came back to his senses, the cold and wet street beneath him, the fast approaching darkness of the evening and the headache that never left him yet had lessened to a degree.
"Sam?" a soft voice called out.
Sam. That was his name! He remembered his name. He sat up and came face to face with the leopard again. Except, this time he recognized it, her. "Sina!" He began to reach for her in his relief, only to pull back just as fast. No, he couldn't touch her. He couldn't remember why, just that he really shouldn't.
"Where are we?" She asked him matter of factly, not bothered at all by the lack of contact or Sam's distress at not remembering anything.
Sam choose to let it go for now as he had more pressing concerns. "I have no idea." He answered her as he stood up again and viewed his surroundings again. "Let's start walking, see if we find anything."
Sina obediently followed after him, falling in step beside Sam and that, for reasons he couldn't remember, filled him with a warm feeling and the strength to believe he would be alright.
"I hate this." Dean stood in the panic room staring down at his little, tall brother on the cot. Again. Sina was on the ground beside the cot, also unconscious.
Damn Cas of all people, of all creatures. The betrayal had hit him hard and even now, knowing what he had to do, Dean struggled. How could he leave Sam behind?! So what if the world was in danger, in danger of Cas no less. Sammy was priority.
"Sammy would want us to go." Tali answered for him. And she was right. Sam would never put himself before anyone else and despite what Cas had done, Dean knew Sam would forgive him for breaking the wall. It was just who Sam was. "He'd want us to save who we can and we might be able to save Cas yet."
"I know." Didn't mean it was any easier to leave his brother behind. Dean sighed before putting down the note he'd written for Sam. If by some miracle, Sam could pull himself back together again, he'd know where everyone had gone. If he had to leave his brother behind, he'd at least make sure he hadn't been forgotten or abandoned.
"I'll be back, Sammy." Dean said to his unconscious brother before heading upstairs where Bobby was waiting for him.
A bullet grazed his arm and Sam bolted into cover before the next one could hit its mark. Sina cautiously crawled over to him, ears twitching as she listened for their attacker. Sam readied his own gun that he'd found in this very motel room. Though it was worrisome that he found a gun in the room he had been staying in, according to the manager who had recognized him, but the part that unnerved him more was how comfortable the gun felt in his hand.
What if he was a murderer?!
Sina scratched him with her claws, snapping him out of his distress and back to attention. Footsteps, just ouside his room. He tensed up, ready to spring into action while Sina crawled underneath the table silently. The table was right beside the door effectively blocking her from view if she didn't go too close to the door and allowed her the opportunity to catch their attacker off guard.
The door handle got rattled aggressively, but no one opened the door. The silence dragged on and on and just as Sam was reaching his limit, the window broke as something big came through. Sina snarled in alarm before jumping forward and clamping down on a leg. The resounding yell was satisfying and feeling more confident now, Sam aimed his gun on the unknown person.
"Who are you?!" He demanded. Slowly, the tall figure on the floor lowered its arms and Sam froze. "That's impossible." He said meekly.
It was him. It was another Sam. Looking exactly the same, except for the smirk on his face. It spoke of confidence, it spoke of knowledge. Despite being at gunpoint and having a leopard's jaws clamped on his leg, he was smirking as if he were in control of the situation.
"I said; Who. Are. You?"
The other Sam actually laughed at him, sending shivers up his spine. Sina abruptly pulled away, her body hunched and her eyes wide. "Sina? What's wrong?" He couldn't watch her without looking away from this other Sam and Sina was steadily backing away towards the door. "Sina!"
"She knows." Other Sam said, drawing Sam's gaze. "She can feel it."
"Feel what!" Sam shouted as he pushed the gun closer to other Sam's face.
"I don't have a daemon." The words were barely spoken before the gun was wrenched out of his hold, causing Sam to stumble. Before he could right himself, it was slammed into his head. The pounding headache from before returned with a vengeance and stars filled his vision.
SAMMY! NO!
An image sprang to mind suddenly. A person. DEAN! His brother, Dean!
Sam lurched upwards, steadying himself on the wall. Noises of a struggle pushed through the white noise in his ears. Sina! She was fighting OtherSam. His vision was hazy at best, but Sam could make out shapes and he barreled into the tallest one. The table bore the results of his attack, breaking in two as both Sam's crashed into it.
"Sam! Sam!" Sina was shouting to his left. "Get up! hurry!" As quick as he could, Sam stumbled out of the room, almost blindly following his daemon back into the pouring rain and utter darkness. He didn't know if OtherSam was following or if he'd been hurt at all.
All he knew, was he and Sina had to get away.
Abruptly the night turned into day, as if someone had flicked the lightswitch of the earth back on. Sam and Sina stood in the middle of a forest, a gentle stream to their left. Sam shielded his eyes as best he could, the bright sunlight not helping his pounding headache. Sina pressed into his leg and her presence so close was a balm to his aching heart. He couldn't remember why this simple act was so profound though. Nothing made sense.
"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" As one they turned around, heart pounding, adrenaline surging through his veins. "Come on, Sammy! Won't you come and play!"
"We have to hide!" Sina hissed before darting deeper into the forest, Sam right behind her.
Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly to the point where it hurt. Tali made no noise in the back, though Dean knew she could feel it. Rumsfeld barked once, startling him enough to swerve slightly on the road.
"Keep it together, ya idjit!" Bobby scolded him.
"I shouldn't have left him." Bobby had opened the floodgates and all Dean's worry came spilling out in the previously silent car.
"Ya didn't leave him, Dean. We're coming back, Sam is coming back."
"How do you know that?! For all we know, Sam is gone..." Dean nearly choked on his words, because it couldn't happen. Not Sam, never Sammy. Please god not Sammy!
Bobby slapped the back of his head, the gesture so familiar and meaningful it propelled Dean out of his spiral of despair. "Now you listen to me, boy. Sam will be alright. That kid has fought himself out of countless impossible odds and nothing will stop your little brother from standing by your side. I may not believe in much, but I believe in you boys. Now you have to believe in Sam."
Dean stared at the road ahead, nodding to Bobby his understanding. "Ok, you're right." He took a deep breath, Tali nudging his neck in silent support. "We've got this. Sammy's got this."
For Sam he would do anything, even believe in the impossible.
Sam forced himself to be quiet, to not let the distress he felt at Sina's distance be heard. In order to beat OtherSam, they had to split up, divert his attention between them. Their only advantage was that there were two of them whereas OtherSam was alone. Sam shuddered at the thought. Not having Sina by his side would be horrifying.
"Enough of this game of hide and seek, Sammy! You can't beat me! Or haven't you realized it yet?" OtherSam's voice was close but not too close yet. Sam kept very still, even as doubt wormed his way into his mind. What was he talking about?
"Doesn't it strike you as odd? How you woke up without your memories. Or how the night turned into day and you found yourself somewhere else. Or how there could possibly be another you. Haven't you figured it out yet, Sammy boy?!"
//Ignore him, focus.// Sina's voice in his head was reassuring and Sam felt himself settle down.
Gunshots broke the tranquility of the forest and Sam felt his breath leave him in a gasp. As soon as the gunshots stopped, Sina's loud screeching could be heard as she stumbled out of her hiding spot.
"Oh Sam, I had expected more of you. Want me to finish it quickly and kill your daemon, or would you rather bleed out with her?"
//Now, Sam!//
At her call, Sam burst out of his hiding spot and with one solid whack from the sturdy branch he'd found, he floored OtherSam. He grabbed the gun before he could turn on his back and aimed it straight at his head. Sina stepped beside him, teeth visible as she stared at OtherSam.
"Well, that was unexpected. Well done Sammy. Tricking me with your jacket. I should have seen it. " OtherSam gave him a thumbsup, wicked smile on his face. "Your daemon had me convinced I'd shot you. I should have noticed the lack of gold dust on her."
"It's like you said," Sam answered. "Playtime's over."
"We were never playing Sam. We were fighting, fighting for control."
"What are you talking about?"
"You still haven't realized.....you're not awake Sammy."
"What?!"
"You're sleeping, or rather you are in a coma of sorts. This....all of this, it's not real."
Images bombarded his mind then, of Dean, Bobby, a case.....and Cas!
Sina's snarl brought him back and he steadied his aim on OtherSam. "Cas did something to me?"
"Bingo! Castiel broke your little noggin'. This is all in your pretty head."
The reality of it all hit Sam then. "You're the me when Sina was in the cage."
"Correct. I was trying to take over your body, but you won fair and square. As long as you can pull that trigger that is."
"I can and I will." To prove his point, Sam gently nudge the trigger. "This is over."
"Oh it's certainly over alright, for me. But let me warn you, Sam..." OtherSam said haltingly. "There's another out there, one who is far worse than me. Trust me, you do not want to face that one."
"I'll take my chances." Sam countered before pulling the trigger and killing OtherSam.
By the time he arrived at Bobby's place, night had set in again and lightning added to the already dreadful sight of Singer's Salvage Yard. Sam slowly got out of the care, Sina slipping past him. "I don't like this." She whispered, caution in her voice.
"I don't either, Sina. But...I have to."
"We have to." She corrected him. Sam gently petted her head, the contact soothing his nerves. Yeah, you're right, Sina. So...let's do this."
Together they stepped up towards the house. It was dark throughout the building except for one single light in the library. They halted in the open doorway, staring at the figure in the middle of the room, highlighted by the soft light from behind.
"You've come."
Sam tightened his grip on the gun, steeling himself for another fight. "Yeah, and you're not stopping me. I have to get back to Dean."
"I would expect nothing less." Hearing Sina's voice so hoarse was painful. "You have your memories back."
That hadn't been pleasant. As soon as he had killed OtherSam, or more precisely soulles Sam, all his memories of his life and from the time he was without Sina had rushed back to him. He remembered why he needed to get back so urgently to his brother. Cas was working some serious trouble and Dean and Bobby were out there dealing with it, alone.
"The only way I'll wake up, is if I get yours too." Sam answered his daemon.
"You're not strong enough."
"You don't know that."
"But I do." Sina stated. Her eyes trailed towards the leopard standing beside Sam. "She is not as she truly is. The Sina beside you is a representation of the daemon you've always had." She turned her gaze back to Sam. "You remember it now. The haunted look, not being allowed to touch her, not being able to sense her presence. None of that is here, because in your mind you recreated your perfect daemon. You know instinctively, that you cannot handle hell."
Sam raised the gun, trying to steel himself against the doubt Sina was planting in him. It made sense. His own mind doing what it could to protect him against something he couldn't survive. Here, in his mind, Sina had been with him rather than exist near him. She wasn't like that ever since the wall, ever since she was pulled out of the cage.
//Stop doubting yourself!//
/She's right though. You are right./
//She's not! You can do this. We can!//
/How can you be so sure?/
//Because despite everything, we're still here. We're still fighting and you never gave up on me despite me shutting you out.//
/You remember?/
//Vaguely, but yes. My mind was mostly...well suffering. But you were always there. I couldn't let you touch me, but your presence helped me. Please believe in us.//
Sam sighed before steadying his aim again. "You are sure you want to do this then?" Hell Sina asked.
//We can do this, because Dean and Tali believe in us.//
"Yeah, I am sure." Sam answered, letting Sina's trust and believe fill him up.
"Very well. In that case... I wish you luck, Sam."
The gun went off and Sina's essence rushed at them both before the black took him.
Sam gasped for air as he started awake. He was in the panic room, on the ground and his body hurt. His little mind trip hadn't done his body much good it seemed. "Sina?" He called out nervously. Please be alright.
"I'm here." Sam stumbled forward, finding his daemon on the other side of the cot trying to stand up.
"You okay?" He asked as he reached for her. His fingers brushed her skin but nothing happened. No seizure, no pain, nothing. "Did it work?"
"We're awake, aren't we? It must have."
Sam straightened and almost immediately buckled under the onslaught of firePainDespairTortureBloodColdIcePainPainPain "SAM!"
Sam snapped out of it, gasping desperately for air. He was on the ground, Sina curled up against him, soothing what little she could. "We're okay, we're okay." She said almost as a mantra. Sam curled his fingers in her fur and god the ability to hold his own daemon made him want to weep.
"Guess hell isn't so easily forgotten." He said as they both steadied themselves. His eyes caught on a piece of paper on the cot and more importantly the handwriting. Dean.
"Let's go help my brother."
fin
