Chapter Text
Chloe parked the car in front of Linda’s house and glanced at her fellow passengers, namely God and Lucifer.
If someone had told her ten years ago that there would come a day where she’d drive with none other than God himself to the devil’s therapist, who by the way was the mother of a half-human half-angel baby, while said devil was accompanying her and – even more important – was her boyfriend, and oh, don’t forget that he was working with her as a civilian consultant for the LAPD solving crimes, well, she’d thought that this someone was completely crazy. An absolute and irrevocable nutcase. And yet, this was somehow her life now.
God, who was sitting on the back seat, seemed to read her mind and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then he changed his mind and got out of the car instead. Chloe was grateful that he had not taken advantage of his omniscience. She was already on the verge of another breakdown anyway, and a discussion with the Almighty about the madness that was her life would certainly not help her nerves, especially if He was the one responsible for all this mess.
Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm her frayed nerves she got out of the car, too. Lucifer followed her, still sulking like he did all the way through the ride.
“I’m still convinced that our company isn’t needed at all. Linda has already enough experience with divine beings. She even handled Mum before.”
“Your Mum?” Chloe was confused. She didn’t know much of the bible, but she was quite sure that there was no mention of a goddess anywhere in there. Or did he mean Charlotte Richards? But back then he’d said she was his step-mom, which, given what she now knew about his family, made no sense at all.
God beat Lucifer to an answer, nodding nonchalantly, “My ex-wife, the goddess of creation. She spent some time here on earth. You met her indeed as Charlotte Richards, she inhabited her body for some time before my son gifted her with her own universe. Which was, by the way, a brilliant idea!”
Once again Chloe felt rather light-headed. Every time she thought she got a hold of all this celestial stuff there was another revelation that pulled the rug from under her feet. So Charlotte Richards had been Lucifer’s real mom, at least for some time if she understood correctly? That explained a lot actually. But it raised once more the question of how much ‘angelic drama’ she had not noticed in the last years due to her ignorance. While she was still trying to process this news her mind stumbled on another point.
“Wait, you are divorced? What about the whole ‘divorce is against god’s will’ sermon from church? Is that not a thing?”
God shrugged while walking towards the front door of Linda’s house.
“Well, actually we’re more just separated, since there was never a real marriage. But still, no, I don’t mind divorce at all, neither do I mind what you humans call so eloquently LGBTQ, reproduction medicine or if a priest is married. I only want that you love your neighbor and don’t kill each other. Apart from that you’ll find me quite tolerant and forgiving.”
Lucifer scowled at him, his eyes blazing red for a second. “With humans, yes, but beware if you’re his son, then his eternal wrath will strike you down!”
Chloe laid a hand on his arm and pressed softly, hoping that the contact would soothe his anger. She knew that his Fall and everything related to it was a very sensitive topic for him. Like with his time in hell he refused telling her anything about it, stating that it was the past and didn’t matter. But in moments like this it was obvious how much it still bothered him. He didn’t flinch under her touch, which she counted as a success, and relaxed slightly after a moment.
God saw her gesture and hid a grin. He was grateful for her calming influence, knowing the fiery temper of his son. But there was no point in going into his accusations now, not if there wasn’t enough time to talk about everything in detail, so he let it simply slip.
They had reached the door, and Lucifer knocked twice on the broad, wooden entrance. It didn’t take long before the door opened.
“Lucifer? Chloe? What a pleasant surprise. Hold on, did you actually knock?” Linda Martin looked from one to the other. Lucifer wasn’t sure why this was something remarkable. He knew of course how to knock, he just usually preferred not to bother with such petty things like doors and locks.
“Well, I deemed it wise to not enter without any forewarning. I didn’t want to stumble upon any disgusting residues of your little half-breed spawn. Besides, I have company.”
He stepped aside to make room for his dad, who had been waiting behind him. When Linda saw him she frowned. “God Johnson? Oh no, don’t tell me you’ve been back into the psychiatric hospital and kidnapped him again?”
“Maybe this body wasn’t such a good idea after all,” God sighed. Lucifer however rolled his eyes and huffed. “What? No! Don’t let yourself get fooled by his appearance. Doctor, this is my Dad. For real, this time. Dad, Los Angeles’ finest therapist, Dr. Linda.”
Once more Linda scrutinized Lucifer’s alleged dad, when suddenly he began to flicker, turning for the briefest moment into a golden, shining form of purest light.
“Oh my God!” Linda blurted out.
God gave her a warm smile. “Yes, that’s me. Pleasure to meet you.”
“Oh my God!” Linda repeated, her eyes wide like saucers, “Oh! My! God!”
“Yep, still me,” God nodded, waiting patiently for her to digest the initial shock that was to be expected on meeting him. Lucifer on the other side wasn’t so patient and snapped his fingers.
“You sound like a broken vinyl, Doctor! I think we already established a long time ago that my Dad is indeed the one and only God. So please, get a hold of yourself and tell us where that little wretched offspring of yours is.”
Without further ado he stepped inside, looking out everywhere for any sign of the baby. Linda rushed behind him.
“What do you want from Charlie? Is he in danger again? You’re not here to take him away, do you?” she asked with rising panic in her voice.
Chloe noticed her frightened expression and hurried at her side. “No, Linda, it’s alright. We’re only here for a family visit. Believe me, I was just as shocked as you when Lucifer’s father suddenly showed up at our door. But he just wants to see his grandchild, nothing more.”
“Really? Thank go- uh, thank you? Oh, that sounds weird,” Linda said with a sideways glance to God. She took a deep breath and adjusted her glasses. “Well, Charlie’s not here. Amenadiel took him for a stroll, but he should be home soon.”
“He’s not? Oh, bloody hell! You with your glorious omniscience, you knew exactly he wouldn’t be here, and still you let us come over-“ Lucifer began to rant, but once again Chloe laid a soothing arm around his waist, stopping him effectively mid-sentence.
“No problem, we can wait,” she said.
“In this case, please, come in.” Linda made an inviting gesture and led them to the living room, where a comfortable couch, a matching armchair and a small coffee table were placed.
“Thank you, Linda,“ God said and took a seat on the couch. Chloe followed suit and sat next to him, while Lucifer took the chair that was furthest away from his father. There was an awkward silence, as nobody really seemed to know what to say. Finally, Linda broke the tension and smiled tentatively.
“I'm glad to see that you and your dad are back in touch. I can imagine that you two have a lot to discuss.”
“It’s a first step, and I’m looking forward to talking to-“ began God, but Lucifer jumped up and interrupted him, “I think, I should better text Maze and warn her about your visit here. She doesn’t do well with celestial guests and we don’t want her to do something rash and go all berserk on you, do we?”
He fetched his phone from his jacket and began typing while walking away with brisk strides. Linda raised an eyebrow at his hasty retreat, but said nothing. Apparently, Lucifer wasn't really keen on talking to his dad. Not surprising, considering their history.
God watched him leave with an almost mournful expression.
“Yes, well, let’s say I’m working on it,” he commented dryly.
Linda and Chloe shared a knowing look, but said nothing. They both knew that Lucifer avoided emotionally difficult conversations like the plague. But before the silence got too awkward again there was a sound at the door and Amenadiel entered the apartment. He had Charlie in a baby carrier strapped to his chest and carried a large diaper bag over his shoulder.
“Linda, I’m back. Charlie and I had a long walk, but now he’s getting restless,” he announced, but when he saw Chloe and God he stopped short with a frown, before his eyes widened in surprise.
“Father! I didn’t expect to see you here on earth.”
“At least someone is able to recognize me at once!” God breathed in relief, then he greeted his firstborn. “Hello, Amenadiel. Good to see that you’re taking your new role as a father with so much passion.”
Amenadiel puffed out his chest at his father’s appraisal, even though his warrior pose was somewhat diminished by the fact that he still had a baby strapped to it.
“Well, Linda’s still doing most of the nursing, but I try to be as supportive as I can.”
He dropped the bag and opened the straps of the baby carrier to lift Charlie out of his seat. The boy kicked with his feet and arms and whimpered louder and louder. Linda rushed to him, took him over and brought him to her chest, rocking him gently and stroking his curly, brown hair.
“There, there, Charlie. Hush! Everything’s alright, mommy is here!” she said in a soothing voice, but Charlie kept on struggling and cried even more.
God stepped beside her.
“May I?” He reached for Charlie. Linda faltered briefly, the look of panic in her eyes a clear sign that the debacle at the Mayan’s had left its traces, before she handed him over carefully. The wailing subsided almost instantly as Charlie looked with wide eyes at God. Maybe he sensed that this was not only his grandad, but also the most powerful being in the universe. But then Charlie giggled and grabbed God’s beard, pulling with all of his little might. Or maybe not, Linda mused.
“Ouch.” God complained, but there was no anger in his voice. Carefully he opened Charlie’s fist and freed his hair from his little fingers.
“You’re a strong one, just like your father! Now, my blessings to you, little Charlie. May no force from either heaven or hell ever harm you.” He drew a sign on Charlie’s forehead, that glowed golden for a moment before it vanished.
Linda had watched this exceptionally ceremony with mouth agape. She didn’t know exactly what God had done with Charlie, but she had the strong feeling that it was not only a blessing but also some kind of protection. Charlie however seemed to be not half as impressed as she was, because once again he started to wail. God took it as a clue to hand him back to Linda, who rocked him gently.
“I think he’s hungry. Could you prepare a bottle of formula for him?” she asked Amenadiel, who had watched the exchange between his dad and his son with no less astonishment. He’d never witnessed a ritual like this before, but he had felt the deep celestial power of the sigil with every fiber of his being. It took him a moment to snap back to what Linda had said, but then he nodded quickly.
“Of course. I’ll be right back.” He headed for the kitchen.
While Linda waited for his return she caressed Charlie’s forehead. There was no trace left of the mystical sign, nothing that indicated that something had changed at all. Still, she knew what she had seen- the true power of God! It had not escaped her attention that he had referred to dangers from both hell and heaven, something about which she was very relieved. The knowledge that neither side, be it infernal or celestial, would be able to hurt him anymore was more than comforting, and she felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders.
“Thank you. I’m really honored. I mean, I’ve always hoped that Charlie would have the chance to meet his grandfather someday. But I’ve never ever thought it would be so soon, and especially not here on earth.”
“Of course we would have met anyway someday when you had reached the end of your mortal life, but since I was already on earth because of Lucifer it would have been rather foolish not to take the opportunity to visit you and Charlie, wouldn’t it?” God smiled.
“I guess so,” Linda said, not sure what to think about the fact that apparently God was already certain that she was going to heaven after her death.
Back then, after Lucifer’s ‘coming out’, she had feared for a while that her connection to him had condemned her to an afterlife in hell. But Lucifer had reassured her that her fate wasn’t already sealed and that it depended on the amount of guilt she felt if she went to hell or not. However, in view of God's statement she was no longer sure if this was still the case for her or if her fate wasn’t already determined after all, even if it was the other way round than she had originally feared. And if her afterlife was indeed predestined, what did this say about her current life? Did she still have free will? A rather disturbing thought! Suddenly she understood much better why Lucifer was always complaining about God’s alleged manipulations.
“Linda, my dear, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to unsettle you, and nothing is further from my intentions than to take away your free will. Your life and your choices are still your own.” God rubbed his forehead with a worried frown and sighed. “See, that’s one of the downsides of me talking directly to humans, or even to my own children. It doesn’t matter what I say, if it’s a vague hint or a direct statement, it usually leads to more confusion and doubts. It’s really frustrating, you know?”
Linda raised her eyebrows and wondered briefly if her worries were so obvious, but then she remembered to whom she was talking to. Gosh, this whole omniscience thing really took getting used to. But nevertheless it was quite reassuring to hear that even with all this celestial mayhem in her life she still was free to choose her own fate.
“It sounds complicated, yes. But withdrawing and not talking to anyone forever doesn't seem to have worked out very well either,” she said, finally.
God nodded. “You’re right. And that’s exactly why I’m here. Even though reconciliation with Lucifer will take a lot of time and effort, that’s for sure.”
Linda knew, what he meant. Millennia of silence, mistrust, long held grudges and deep-seated wounds would not be easy to overcome. But before she could agree to him Amenadiel returned, a bottle with formula in his hand.
“Here’s the milk. Do you want to feed Charlie or shall I do it?”
“You can do it. When you’re done just put him to bed, he should sleep fine then.”
She handed the boy to Amenadiel, who took him gladly and smiled. “Okay Charlie, I have a yummy bottle of milk for you, so say goodbye to your grandad!”
Right on cue the baby cooed and waved his arms. Chuckling God returned the gesture and waved back. “Bye Charlie, I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon.”
He watched Amenadiel and Charlie leave the room, before his gaze wandered to the ceiling. “You have a lovely home, Linda. A bit oddly decorated, but very homey.”
Linda followed his look to the still bubble wrapped ceiling. “Oh that. Well, it’s just a precaution, in case Charlie gets wings someday. Which apparently nobody can tell because he is the first of his kind. Well, nobody besides you. You’re God, you know everything, right? You, uh, wouldn't happen to tell me if he's getting any, would you?”
“Indeed, I’m all-knowing. One of the perks of being me. But I can’t tell you what the future holds, I’m sorry. Such interference on my part could lead to terrible consequences.” God gave her an apologetic smile.
“Sure, I figured something like that.” Linda nodded, only slightly disappointed. She had managed it so far without knowing what the future would bring for Charlie, she would just carry on as before.
God glanced again at the peculiarly ceiling. “But, if I were you I’d keep the protection. Just in case, you know?”
He winked at Linda, before he turned around and sauntered back to the others. Linda gaped at him with open mouth. Did God really just imply…? Oh boy, there went her hope of Charlie growing up as an ordinary child. Amenadiel would surely be excited given the news. Sighing deeply she followed God back to the living room.
She sat beside Chloe, who looked at her questioning. She had stayed on the couch since she had not wanted to be indiscreet and therefore had not caught everything that God had said and done. “Is Charlie okay? What did he do?”
“Yes, yes, better than fine, actually. He’s got some kind of blessing. For the very first time I think he will be really safe.” Linda replied happy, but then she noticed that Lucifer was still absent. “Where’s Lucifer?”
Chloe nodded toward her veranda that was at the back of the living room. “Still out there. Maybe I better go check on him.”
She went to the porch door and knocked softly, then she stepped outside. Upon entering she saw Lucifer, who was leaning against the wooden railing with an unlit cigarette in his hand.
“Hey, everything alright? You've been in here a long time.” She joined him and leaned her head on his shoulder. He glanced briefly aside and whirled the cigarette between his fingers.
“Don’t worry, I’ve taken care of Maze. She is on a bounty hunt in Ohio and will stay there until next week. That should prevent any unfortunate infernal encounter with my dad.”
“It’s not Maze I’m worried about.” Chloe replied and put her hand on his twitching fingers.
“Oh.” Lucifer frowned and stared at her entwined hands. “That’s… noble of you, but totally unnecessary. You know me, Detective, I’m not the type of devil for happy family small talk, especially not if it contains colorful descriptions of the little creature’s latest digestive results or whatever miniscule occurrence Amenadiel deems newsworthy this days.”
“Uh-uh.” Chloe nodded with more than a hint of skepticism in her voice as she clearly saw through his obvious attempt of finding an excuse for not going back to his father. “Well, if I didn’t know it better I could almost think that you’re avoiding your dad.”
“I’m not avoiding anything, I’m just… precautious,” Lucifer insisted, although he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Chloe or rather himself. Judging by the look on her face he was not really successful either.
“Is it because of the deal you made with your dad? Are you afraid he will send you back to hell again?”
Lucifer scoffed. “Certainly not. Dad may be an obnoxious tyrant, but he would never go back on a deal.”
Chloe couldn’t measure the amount of relief she felt at his words. She was still dreading what kind of deal he had made with his father for his freedom, but his absolute certainty gave her hope that at least he wouldn’t have to go back to hell ever again.
“Then how about we go back inside together?”
“Uh…” His eyes flitted nervously to the veranda door. She could see the struggle in the way his whole body tensed, as he was torn between the desire to be with her and to keep his distance to his father. “Just give me a quick smoke. The doctor is quite adamant when it comes to smoking around her sprog, even though I’m sure that with his parentage he’s immune to any consequences of passive smoking.”
He lifted the cigarette and patted down his pockets with his free hand in search for a lighter. Chloe knew he was stalling, but she also knew not to press him.
“Okay. Come in when you’re done, okay?” She gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulder, before she returned inside.
When she came back to the others alone she felt their questioning glances on her.
“Sorry, he… uhm… needs some more time until he’s finished smoking. But I’m sure he’ll come back, sooner or later,” she tried to explain, knowing all too well that she couldn’t fool anyone with this weak excuse.
God, who knew of course what she and his son had talked about, nodded understandingly. He was well aware that getting Lucifer to talk to him would be difficult, but for the sake of their relationship he was willing to put up with Lucifer’s irrational and somewhat childish behavior, even if it was annoying as hell – pun intended.
“It’s okay. I already knew what would happen before I came down to earth. Which brings me to my next request. Linda my dear, I need your help. Lucifer and I, we have so much to work out, but as you see, every time I try to talk to him he stalls.”
Linda straightened up and tilted her head, intrigued and flattered as well. It wasn’t every day that God, the Almighty, asked a mere human for help. And not the pope, a prophet or any other religious leader, but her – Linda Martin, ex-sex-hotline-worker, therapist and now apparently also counselor in heavenly matters.
“Well, I'm still bound to doctor-patient-confidentiality, even if it may be pointless given your omniscience. So how exactly am I supposed to help?”
“I was hoping you could reason with Lucifer, at least get him to hear me out. This talk is long overdue, but I'm afraid if I wait until Lucifer's ready on his own, I'll still be waiting in a thousand years. Which is not a problem as such, time is infinite for both of us, but I'd rather not put this dispute off any longer.”
“I can try to bring it up in Lucifer’s next therapy session, but of course I cannot promise that he will be ready to talk to you immediately afterwards.”
“No problem, take your time. If there’s someone who can convince him then it’s you. You’ve truly outdone yourself as his therapist, both before and after you knew who he really is. I have to thank you, he wouldn’t be where he is today if it wasn’t for your support.” God briefly closed his eyes, and for a moment he seemed to glow from the inside. When he opened his eyes they still shone golden, before they turned green again. “I have to leave soon, but I hope that when I return he’ll be ready to talk to me. Linda, Chloe, it was a pleasure to meet you. Tell Amenadiel I’m sorry that I couldn’t stay any longer, but there will be plenty of opportunity to spend time together in the future. Now, if you please excuse me.”
He stood up and bowed slightly like an old-fashioned gentlemen, then he walked to the veranda door and stepped outside.
Lucifer, who was still standing at the railing, flinched visibly as his father suddenly entered the porch. With a flick of his wrist he threw the cigarette stub in his hand to the ground, where two other nubs were already laying. It looked suspiciously like a spliff, a suspicion that was all the more intensified by the way he hastily stubbed it out with his shoe.
“Dad!” he called out, coughing several times as he tried to hide the weed smoke that was still in his lungs. “Already tired of the little rug rat? Can’t really blame you, I never understood what is so fascinating about these bawling, voracious little creatures.”
“Actually, that’s not why I left the others. But you know the saying about the mountain and Mohammed? Although I’m not quite sure who of us is the mountain in this, but either way, I thought I'd keep you company.”
Lucifer scoffed. Right, like his dad actually just wanted to be with him, the devil, instead of his showcase angel of brother, who even granted him his first grandchild. “As you can see, I’m finished smoking, so no need to bore yourself with babysitting the family’s miscreant.”
If he had hoped to get rid of his dad this easily he got disappointed, though. God just made a non-committal sound, but stayed where he was. Lucifer felt his father’s gaze linger on him, but instead of facing him he stared across the small backyard garden. Neatly mowed lawn was surrounded by green hedges. A picturesque oak tree provided enough shade for cool seats. Several flower beds and topiaries completed the idyllic picture. Lucifer however had no eye for the beauty of the garden. Once again he felt this strange sensation, like there was a huge rock in his stomach that grew bigger and bigger every second. It made him twitchy and nervous. He didn’t understand this feeling, but the longer his father was around the stronger got the impulse to run and hide like a bloody frightened boy. Which was ridiculous, ‘cause he was neither a child – in fact never had been one – nor had he any reason to fear his father right now, not with their deal still valid.
God watched his son struggle with his emotions and suppressed a sigh. Oh, he wanted to tell Lucifer so badly that he considered him many things, but surely not some kind of scoundrel, and that there was indeed no need to be afraid of him, with or without our deal. Which he wouldn’t break anyway. But he didn’t say any of that, knowing all to well that Lucifer wouldn’t believe him and just get angry if he used his omniscience like this. Instead he opted for a less confronting approach, sensing that Lucifer couldn’t bear his presence much longer.
“Son, I have to go now, there are some important issues I have to take care of. But I will return, and then we can talk.”
A mixture of surprise and relief flittered across Lucifer’s face, before he schooled his expression into something more indifferent. “Sure. Take your time, no need to rush.”
“I will. And you should finally ask Chloe about that romantic dinner you’ve been thinking of for days. She will love it!”
“What?” Lucifer frowned in confusion. He hadn’t thought about any dinner with the Detective at all, but before he could say so God simply winked and took a step back. His human form dissolved into a golden light, which pulsed for a moment before it vanished altogether.
With a groan Lucifer rubbed his face. His dad and his bloody omniscience! Wonderful. Now he had to plan a romantic dinner for Chloe!