Chapter Text
"Alright, I'll see you at the exam. I'll probably be there an hour early so find me, okay?" Mira said as they walked to the front door.
Mark stayed silent as he shoved his feet into his shoes and heaved his bag over his shoulder. Instead of leaving right away, he turned and stared at Mira, making her shift uncomfortably.
"Why are you being so weird?" She asked with a laugh.
Mark just pursed his lips and reached out to wrap his arms around Mira, tucking her against his chest in a hug. Her eyes were wide and her entire body frozen when he tightened his grip. Mark wasn't one to get overly physical and he probably never hugged her in the 3 years she knew him.
Taken aback by his sudden gesture, Mira stayed immobile before slowly wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him back, "Are you really that worried about the exam? I thought you didn't care about grades." She teased awkwardly.
Mark laughed breathily into her neck, tickling her before closing his eyes and hugging her tightly. After a beat, he slowly unwound his arms and cupped the sides of her face before knocking their foreheads together before stepping back.
"What is up with you?" She asked light-heartedly, knocking her fist against his forehead.
He shook his head with a smile that at the time, she didn't see the sadness laced between his lips.
"I'll see you around, Daisy. Don't forget me."
-----
"Oh hey. What are you doing here?" Jackson said as he pulled his goggles off of his head and tossed them aside.
He rested his arms against the edge of the pool and looked up at Mark who was standing at the end of the lane, waiting for him. "Just thought I'd stop by before heading out. Wanted to wish you good luck, qualifiers are this week right?"
"Yeah!" Jackson said with a huge grin, "Feeling good about it, too."
Mark nodded and crouched down so that he was levelled with Jackson, "Are you going to keep practicing until you're the fastest man on earth?"
"That's the goal." Jackson joked, flicking water at Mark, making him scrunch his nose up.
"And what if you're not?"
Jackson made a face at him, "What do you mean?"
"What if you're not the fastest? What if you're not the best? Then what are you?" Mark asked softly.
Jackson's face fell as he stared back at his friend, "I don't know. Nothing I guess but hey, at least I'll still have you, right?"
Mark smiled and Jackson caught the heaviness behind it as Mark leaned back, "Yeah, you need her more than I do."
"Huh?" Jackson said while knitting his brows in confused. Mark just continued to smile before holding his fist out for Jackson to bump.
"I'll see you around, Poseidon. Don't forget me."
Jackson laughed and pushed his feet off the end of the pool so that he shot backwards. Mark started walking away when Jackson's loud, boisterous voice bounced off the walls, making him smile.
"No one ever forgets a person like you, Mark."
-----
"Excuse me?"
Mira kept walking down the hallways, her earphones shoved in her ears, music blasting, oblivious to the soft, nervous voice calling out to her until she felt something tap her on the shoulder.
Pulling her earphones out, Mira turned with an annoyed frown to see a girl staring up at her with sweat beading at the sides of her forehead as she panted, "Sorry, uh, I was wondering if you knew where Philosophy 480 was being held."
"It's the second month of classes." Mira said, staring at the girl blankly.
She smiled sheepishly, "I know. I was on the waitlist and I talked to the prof and he said he'd add me if I was willing to catch up."
"Down the hall, to the left." Mira said before putting her earphones back in.
The girl's smile faltered but she just nodded and scurried off. Mira paused and watched the girl run down the hall before calling out to her.
"Hey."
The girl nearly tripped over her feet to turn and face her. "Y-Yeah?"
Mira's lips twitched up in amusement, "I'm actually heading to that class right now. Do you want to walk together?"
"R-Really?" She asked while rocking side to side.
Mira shrugged and walked towards her, "Yeah I mean, why not?"
"Thanks." The girl mumbled bashfully as they started to walk. It was awkward at first but Mira managed to choke out a question and the girl, Jihya, started talking brightly and for once, Mira wasn't annoyed by it. She actually enjoyed the excitement that bubbled in the girl, it felt genuine.
"Can I ask you a question?" Jihya worded out carefully.
Mira glanced at her from the side of her eye before facing forward, "Sure."
"You're Kang Mira, right? The Gol--the girl that's the top of her class?"
Mira felt her body stiffen before she relaxed, "Not anymore. I think I'm like 5th or 6th now."
"Oh really? Wow." Jihya said to herself, "Huh…"
Mira glanced at her again, "What?"
"Nothing." She said quickly before shrinking under Mira's gaze, "Um…you're not as mean as people made you out to be."
Mira blinked at her before smirking and looking away, "No, I'm actually just as mean as people make me out to me. I'm just not being mean to you."
"Why?" She asked in amazement.
She shrugged, "You haven't really given me a reason to."
"Oh." She said quietly before smiling softly to herself, "That's good."
Mira looked over at the girl before smiling and facing forward. They walked in silence until Jackson turned the corner while talking with a friend. Mira's heart skipped but her face stayed blank as he neared. He looked over at her and his eyes widened when he saw her with another girl. His lips parted it awe as glanced at Mira's face, who was playing it off as she got closer.
When she finally looked his way, he raised his brows with a small smile on his face. She rolled her eyes at his exaggerated excitement over her with someone new but smiled nonetheless when he winked at her as they passed by each other.
"This is the room." Mira said as they both stepped into the lecture hall.
Jihya nodded as she took it in, "It's so nice having a friend in a class this big."
Mira blinked at her blankly before realized that she was the friend Jihya was talking about. Mira tilted her head before looking away to hide the smile on her face.
"Yeah, it is."
-----
"I'm so excited for you."
Mira rolled her eyes when she opened her apartment door and found Jackson lounging on her couch, waiting for her. "Don't be so dramatic about it."
"You have a friend!" He cooed teasingly as she dumped her things on the counter.
She made her way over to the couch and crawled on top of him before laying flat down, her cheek pressed down on his chest. She sighed when he grabbed the blanket that was hanging off the couch and draped it over the both of them.
"Do you like her? Is she nice?" He asked while running his fingers through her hair.
Mira grunted and closed her eyes, far too snuggled up to be bothered with his questions until she felt his chest shake under her. Her brows furrowed before she opened her eyes to look up at him, "What?"
"You try so hard to look casual about it, like you couldn't care less but you're totally smitten, baby girl." He said with a laugh.
Mira snorted and slipped her hands under his shirt, making him jolt as she hugged his waist, "You make it sound like I like her more than I like you."
He snickered and let her roll off his body to sit across from him on the couch. "What's her name?"
"Jihya. She's nice I guess. Really bubbly and cheerful. She uh…she called me her friend so I guess that's a thing now." Mira said awkwardly.
Jackson reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheeks lightly. "You know this means you're going to have to be soft now, right?"
She pouted, "I know."
"You're excited, aren't you?" He said as he leaned towards her.
Mira stood up and walked to her bedroom without replying but she didn't need to. Jackson already caught a glimpse of that smile.
-----
With every good day, comes 15 bad ones.
That's why you have to appreciate the better days.
Mira was having one of those days, after getting her rough draft torn to shreds by her professor who managed to find problems in her thesis that she didn't even know were considered 'problems.' Then she was late to a meeting with her project group and left her wallet at home and couldn't buy lunch so she was starving. She just wanted to go to sleep in a bed of food for the next 16 hours.
She pushed the front door up and stepped inside her apartment to be welcomed by the most mouth watering smell. For a second she had to pause and make sure it wasn't her hunger making her smell things. Following the scent, she walked into the kitchen and never in her life had she been more turned on.
Jackson was standing in front of the stove in a white t-shirt and jeans, his hair flopping over his eyes as he moved something onto two plates. He turned and his eyes widened before his shoulders deflated, "I thought your class was until 9."
"I left half way. W-What's going on?" She mumbled while looking around the kitchen in disbelief.
He held onto the plates and tilted them to show her, "Work finished early and I found your wallet so I figured you didn't eat the whole day so I thought I'd make dinner."
Her bag slipped through her fingers as she stepped towards him, "You…you made dinner."
"Yeah." He said while staring at her blankly, "Oh, did you already eat with Jihya?"
Mira walked straight towards him, grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him against him in a messy kiss. Jackson moaned in surprise, his hands struggling with the dishes, wanting to drop them to hold her, but instead just tried to keep up. There was no method to the madness, it was just a clash of gasps, moans, tongue and teeth.
When she finally pulled away, leaving Jackson panting, with swollen lips and dazed. Her fingers trailed down the side of his face and rested at his neck, "You're so perfect holy fuck."
Jackson stuttered, "W-Wh--Oh. Uh--thanks?"
She laughed before leaning up and pressing her lips against his. Jackson had to pull away first just to set the plates down but before he could get his hands on her again, she had lifted herself up on the counter and reached for the bottle of beer that was opened next to her dish.
"Will I get this reaction every time I cook for you? Because if it is, I swear to god I'll drop out of school and just become your personal chef." He said while standing in front of her.
She snickered and reached out to brush his hair away, "I just had the worst day and coming home to you looking hot, cooking for me is literally my fantasy come true."
Jackson laughed, the tip of his ears turning red before stepping between her legs, his hands slipping around her lower back. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."
She took a sip of beer before leaning towards him, "Dream come true, literally."
He licked his lips and hummed while tilted his head back a little so that their lips were lingering over each other, "Kiss me to make sure I'm not a dream."
"I don't think I need to make sure." She teased, nudging her nose against his.
He smiled distractedly while looking at her lips, "Humour me, baby. I'm trying to trick you into kissing me."
So yeah, with every good day, you get 15 bad ones and with every 15 bad days, you always get that one amazing one.
-----
But sometimes, in between the bad days, the good days, the awful days and amazing ones, reality slaps you awake and reminds you that there's more to the world than you.
"Jackson." Mira mumbled tiredly, blindly reaching out to shake awake the body curled up next to hers.
A rumbling groan buzzing down her side and she shivered as Jackson shifted closer to her and slipped his arm around her. She sighed, debating whether or not she should just leave him be but the sound of someone knocking on her front door was unbearable.
"Jackson." She muttered again, jolting his arm until he slowly sat up and rubbed his face.
"What's going on?" He slurred tiredly.
She kept her eyes closed and burrowed under her sheets, "Door."
She heard him scoff, "You suck."
"Love you." She mumbled before falling back asleep.
Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose before stumbling out of her bed and to her door. He didn't bother turning on the lights and just swung the door open. He paused and squinted, his eyes still bleary until he made out the person in front of him.
"Oh, Officer Kim, right?" Jackson said, his back automatically straightening out.
The tall police officer stared at Jackson in surprise, making no comment of his shirtless and dazed nature, "Sorry to be waking you in the middle of the night. The drive here was long and I wanted to talk to you two as soon as possible."
"W-What are you doing here?" He asked, voice still thick with sleep.
He nodded with a polite smile, "I actually stopped by your place but you weren't there. Is Mira home?"
"What's going on?" Mira muttered as she appeared behind Jackson, her eyes darted across Yugyeom's face unsurely.
"I'm actually glad you're both here. I wanted to give you this."
Jackson and Mira stared at Yugyeom's outstretched hands that held a cardboard rectangular box. Jackson took it from him before Mira spoke out, "What is it?"
"Yi En's ashes."
Jackson and Mira stiffened, their bodies freezing up as their eyes shot to the box that suddenly felt ten times heavier.
"B-But I didn't put in the request yet." Mira stuttered as she grabbed tightly onto Jackson's arm.
Yugyeom nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets, "I know, but when they ME released custody on his body, I pulled some strings. It would've taken months if you went through request forms and I figured you guys needed this as soon as possible. You know, closure."
Both of them fell silent before Mira cleared her throat and attempted to smile at him, "T-Thank you."
Jackson was about to close the door, when Yugyeom's hand shot out to stop them, "Um…this is probably crossing the line but, in a way, you guys are lucky. Yi En did you a favour."
"Excuse me?" Jackson balked.
Yugyeom looked away, "Things could've ended a million different ways with Yi En. He could've asked for your help and gotten the two of you mixed up in it all, possibly endangering your lives. He could've called you when he got shot and let you listen to him die. He could've made the last memory of him become your nightmare. But he didn't. I'd like to think he protected you guys."
"I wish he could tell us that himself. But he can't." Mira said curtly, her voice sharp and cold, "He's dead. So thank you for coming and dropping this off. Have a safe drive home."
-----
You need to remember that there is always an end.
Isn't that our biggest fear?
That when something begins, there will be an inevitable end. Whether you’re alive to witness it or not, there is an end.
The people who live on will indubitably have to move on, but you still stop.
And every time your life starts falling into place again and the pieces are picked up, you'll have that moment when your heart sinks. When you wonder if it's fair that things are working out so well for you while it's ended for someone else.
Mira and Jackson stood next to each other at the Han River in the middle of the night, an hour after Yugyeom left with Mark's urn on the ground beside both their feet and the bullet necklaces hung around both their necks.
Not a word was passed between the two of them as they just stared out at the river. Jackson was leaning against the railing, staring out the red, white, green and blue lights of the city line that were reflecting against the water. Mira was standing straight up with her hands in her pockets, staring straight ahead with unfocused eyes.
She had accepted that Mark and Yi En were both gone. It wasn't the denial that was hitting her, it was the fact that the last physical piece of him was burned up and sealed away, waiting to be scattered.
Sometimes it felt like a façade, the happiness, love, and progress they both felt. Sometimes it didn't feel real. Sometimes it felt like they were just trying to pretend to be high functioning like everything was normal. In comparison to the silence of moments like that very one, it felt like the rest of their lives weren't as real.
Mira cleared her throat and bent to pick up the urn, the cold ceramic, feeling foreign and delicate in her hands as if squeezing it would shatter it into a million pieces. She twisted the top off and stared into it.
It almost felt like a farce.
A man alive for 25 years, who made an impact in the world, who people knew, loved and remembered was twiddled down to ashes that barely made up two handfuls.
Jackson didn't move. He just watched her stare at the urn before leaning it against the railing. Mira slowly began tilting the urn on its side and soon the ashes started to pour out and they were immediately taken away by the gentle breeze that was dancing over the river.
This is what he wanted.
He wanted to see the world.
He wanted to be everywhere at once.
Yi En was a boy who wanted so much but there was just not enough time in a day for him to have it all.
Yi En was the man who wanted to be a ghost that was never forgotten.
He wanted people chasing after him like children running towards the horizon in search of the end of the rainbow.
It would tire you out, you'd be disappointed, you wouldn't find what you wanted but when you walked home, one thing would be for sure.
The magic would still be there.
Next time you'd run faster.
You would chase the end of the rainbow.
And you'd catch it this time.