Chapter Text
Renjun missed Jaemin. That much was obvious. What wasn’t so obvious was why Jeno was stubbornly keeping Renjun from Jaemin. When Renjun had woken up the day he’d passed out, Jeno remained tight-lipped no matter how much Renjun probed. He wouldn’t answer why Renjun couldn’t be with Jaemin; not even what happened when Renjun was unconscious. Jeno made up excuses and said something about being too busy to explain everything. Or he would just ignore Renjun.
It was infuriating. Not only was Renjun banned from seeing Jaemin, he was also banned from knowing the truth. Renjun deserved the truth; the truth about what happened, the truth about why he has these supernatural abilities, and especially the truth about his best friend.
Renjun sighed and clutched his pillow tighter. His eyes wandered around his bedroom ceiling, gazing at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck there. Jeno had given them to Renjun ten years ago in hopes that it would help Renjun’s fear of the dark. It did, somewhat. Renjun didn’t want to admit he was still a little bit scared of the dark.
Jeno knew Renjun. Sometimes Renjun believed Jeno knew him better than Renjun knew himself. Jeno would comfort him before Renjun even realized he needed to be comforted. Jeno never failed to give the exact presents that he wanted for Christmas. Jeno has been there for him since the very beginning; he was the only friend that stayed with him. Renjun had scared everyone else off, but it was okay. Renjun always had Jeno.
Renjun thought he knew Jeno, too. He knew Jeno’s crush in third grade. He knew what Jeno was allergic to, what food he didn’t like, and what his dreams were. Yet, Jeno made it seem like the “Jeno” that Renjun grew up with was a lie. Jeno was hiding something from Renjun, the same way Renjun always kept his abilities a secret. Maybe their friendship was built upon nothing but secrets.
“I told you, you can’t see Jaemin,” Jeno sternly told Renjun.
The two were walking to school together with Mark tagging along. Ever since Renjun was banned from seeing Jaemin, Jeno would accompany Renjun on his walk to school. The fact that Jeno only decided to walk with Renjun again to keep Renjun in check only aggravated Renjun more. Every morning Renjun would always ask if he can see Jaemin, and Jeno would sigh and say “No, you can’t.”
“You’re not even one of my parents or my boyfriend. Why are you controlling who I can and can’t see?” Renjun questioned, stopping his tracks.
Jeno rolled his eyes. He looked at his phone to see the time and clicked his tongue, probably because they were almost late and Jeno hated not being punctual. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Renjun gritted his teeth. “You’re right, I wouldn’t understand. You’re being really secretive right now. Saying I can’t see Jaemin and not even offering me an explanation. Acting like you know everything and then making me feel like I’m stupid for not knowing anything. Making me question our whole friendship.” Renjun took a deep breath. “It’s like I don’t even know who you are,” he murmured.
Mark, who Renjun forgot was even with them, patted Renjun’s shoulder. He looked at Jeno who stood frozen, at a loss of words. He offered a sympathetic smile. “You should talk to Renjun.”
“B-but—” Jeno stuttered.
Mark shook his head. “I’ll deal with the school festival work for today. Your best friend is more important.” Mark wiped the tears from Renjun’s face.
“Mark, you know I can’t.” Jeno sounded pained.
The smile on Mark’s face disappeared. “You c,n.” Mark’s eyes twinkled, “You have me.”
Jeno flushed. “Right.” He cleared his throat.
Mark chuckled before hugging Renjun. “Don’t hate Jeno too much. He’s just trying to protect you,” he whispered for only Renjun to hear.
Mark walked over to Jeno and whispered something to Jeno before walking towards the school. As soon as he was out of sight, Jeno turned to Renjun. Renjun couldn’t quite read what Jeno was thinking at the moment, but it felt like Jeno was looking at him with sadness. Jeno closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his nerves.
Jeno spoke first. “We should go to my house to talk.”
…
In all the years Renjun had known Jeno, he had never been inside Jeno’s house. The two always hung out at Renjun’s place. Renjun never really questioned it. Jeno rarely talked about his family and Renjun had just assumed that family was a sensitive topic for Jeno.
He expected Jeno’s house to be different. He didn’t know what his expectations were, but a normal house wasn’t one of them. The interior was similar to Renjun’s house, aside from the furniture and decorations, which made sense since they lived near each other. Their houses were probably built around the same time and had the same layout.
There were family portraits and frames of Jeno’s achievements all over the wall. Renjun was going to snoop around the kitchen but stopped short when Jeno invited him to sit on the couch.
“Water?” Jeno asked.
Renjun shook his head. He knew Jeno was asking just out of hospitality. Jeno sighed and sat down next to Renjun.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Where do I even start.”
Renjun made himself comfortable on the couch. “Maybe start with explaining why I can’t see Jaemin.”
There was a few seconds of silence before Jeno nodded. “Well, I just needed Jaemin to stay away from the old building.”
Renjun did not have the same sentiment. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?”
Jeno sank further down the couch. “To stop him from dying.”
“How do you know that?” Renjun sat up straight, his eyes fixed on Jeno.
“‘Cause,” Jeno let out an empty laugh, “I know about your powers, Renjun. I’ve known before you even figured it out.”
Renjun’s hand hovered over his necklace. The necklace that Jeno had given him when their friendship began forever ago. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Jeno closed his eyes and even his breath. “I wasn’t allowed to.”
“Not allowed to?”
Jeno kept his eyes closed. “My family deals with spirits. You could say we’re exorcists,” he shrugged, “but we keep it lowkey. My parents have normal jobs but they also take care of jobs relating to spirits and the supernatural. Usually the cases are short, but your parents were close friends with my parents.”
Jeno opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “When you were a baby, you were almost on the brink of death. My parents saved you, but you were also cursed. See, when you mess with the laws of the universe, things outside of what’s natural happen. They didn’t know what you were cursed with, but they told me to keep an eye on you. As years went on they realized you could see death.
“Death also seems to follow you too,” Jeno continued. “You don’t know how many times they had to save you from your own death. It seems you could predict everyone’s death but your own.” He gave Renjun an empty smile. “That’s when my parents told me to give you that necklace. To protect you. And it did a pretty good job.”
Renjun swallowed a lump from his throat. “Then Jaemin appeared?”
Jeno nodded. “Then Jaemin appeared. You know, at first I thought you were fine. I was the one who planted all those clues on your little mystery hunt by the way.”
“What?”
Jeno ignored him. “But I didn’t realize there was an actual evil spirit in the classroom until your little fainting incident.” Jeno’s voice started to rise. “I thought it was harmless. I didn’t think. I wasn’t looking.” His breath was starting to become uneven.
Renjun placed a hand on Jeno’s shoulder to comfort him. “It’s okay Jeno. I’m okay.”
Jeno shook his head. “I know that. Your necklace would protect you from evil spirits.”
Renjun bit his lips. “But Jaemin didn’t have anything to protect him.”
Jeno nodded.
“And it was my fault.”
“Renjun—”
There were tears forming in his eyes. Renjun pointed to himself. “I was the one who was blindly putting him in danger.”
“You didn’t know.”
“That doesn’t matter. He could’ve died and it would be my fault.” The tears wouldn’t stop.
It was Jeno’s turn to comfort his friend. “But he didn’t. He’s alive and once I get rid of the spirit—”
“Why didn’t you?”
Jeno wouldn’t meet Renjun’s eyes.
“Why didn’t you get rid of it as soon as possible once you knew the spirit was dangerous?”
Jeno deflated. “Because I couldn’t get rid of it alone. I need my parents to help me but they’ve been busy with the amount of cases they’ve been getting recently and I couldn’t do everything myself.”
“Jaemin could’ve died!”
“I wouldn’t have let that happen.”
Renjun let his head fall on Jeno’s shoulder. “You’re right. I’m sorry it’s just a lot.”
Jeno patted Renjun’s head. “Sometimes it’s better to not know the truth.”
Renjun shook his head, “No, I’m glad you told me.”
…
Now that Renjun knew the truth there was no reason for Jeno to not let him see Jaemin. Renjun had asked Jeno why he couldn’t have told Renjun not to go to the old building. Jeno told him that Renjun would just do it anyway despite his warnings.
“It looked like the best solution at the time,” Jeno shrugged.
Renjun pouted. “It was a stupid solution.”
“You’re just sad cause you couldn’t see your crush who was just as heartbroken as you by the way.”
“You just like to see me suffer.”
Jeno grinned. “Maybe.”
It was the day of the school festival. Usually, Renjun would be ecstatic. He would go to every event and do every activity with a very reluctant Jeno by his side. Right now, though, he wanted to spend the day with Jaemin. Renjun tried to meet up with Jaemin beforehand but Renjun couldn’t find him. He looked everywhere. Well, he only looked at Jaemin’s classes and the cafeteria which was practically everywhere.
“Where could he be?” Renjun said, mostly to himself but Jeno caught it anyway.
“He’s in the old building.”
Renjun stopped breathing for a second. “WHAT?!”
“Don’t worry, there’s no evil spirit. I took care of it. Well,” he looked at Mark who was busying himself with paperwork on the other side of the room. “I had some help.”
Renjun wasn’t really listening. He was already sprinting towards the old building. Mark raised an eyebrow and looked at Jeno who only shrugged.
Renjun’s legs were about to give away but Renjun continued running. He missed Jaemin. Gosh, he missed Jaemin and that thought helped him ignore his body screaming for a break. He stopped at the all too-familiar door with the all too-familiar sign. His heartbeat was going haywire and Renjun didn’t know whether it was from running or nerves. Probably both.
Now that he was standing outside the door, he hesitated. He trusted that Jeno took care of it, he really did, but at the same time Renjun didn’t want Jaemin to look like what he did back then. Renjun didn’t think he could survive that again. Before he could grab the doorknob though, the door opened.
The first thing Renjun noticed was how breathtaking Jaemin’s smile was. The second thing he noticed was the lack of smoke emanating from him.
“Renjun!”
And, oh, how Renjun missed hearing his voice.
“Yes?”
Jaemin took Renjun’s hand. As Jaemin pulled Renjun into the classroom, Renjun briefly wondered whether or not this was the first time Jaemin took the initiative to hold his hand.
“I want to show you something,” Jaemin told Renjun.
Jaemin flicked the light switch off and projected something onto a screen in front of Renjun. It was a video of Jaemin. He was talking to the camera in what appeared to be his room. Everything felt monotonous from Jaemin’s speaking tone to the color of the video. Everything felt gray. Jaemin was even wearing a gray shirt.
My life is pretty boring. I spent every day by myself staring at a computer screen and thinking that this was the life I wanted.
Then I met him.
The video cuts to Renjun and the video brightened. The colors were less bland and Jaemin sounded happier. Renjun didn’t know how Jaemin got those videos. Jeno must’ve given them to him.
He showed me how it felt to have someone next to you. He brought color into my dull life.
Then it was a montage of just the two of them, mostly Renjun, during their short but fun adventures. Renjun could hear Jaemin laughing in the background.
Renjun is special to me. He’s the first person to pull me out of my bubble. He’s the first person to make me realize that there’s so much more to life than spending it alone. He's everything I could ask for. He’s my first friend and—
The video stopped and the lights were back on. Renjun looked back at Jaemin for some sort of explanation. He didn’t expect Jaemin to be holding flowers.
“My first love,” Jaemin continued from where the video left off. “I like you, Huang Renjun.”
Renjun could only stare at Jaemin. His mind was blank and Jaemin seemed to have interpreted his silence as some sort of rejection, judging by the hurt expression on his face.
“You don’t have to give an answer or anything. I just wanted to tell you,” Jaemin mumbled, hiding the bouquet of flowers behind his back.
Renjun didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both. His words failed him but what he couldn’t convey in words, he could convey in action. Renjun walked up to Jaemin and pressed his lips onto Jaemin’s. He giggled when Jaemin started to move his lips eagerly and almost clashed their teeth together. Jaemin was about to apologize but Renjun only pulled him back into the kiss. This time, Renjun was guiding Jaemin and Jaemin followed. It was slow, intimate, and Renjun was savoring the moment.
Eventually they had to break the kiss off to breathe, much to Renjun’s dismay. It was then that Renjun found his words. “I like you too.”
Jaemin kissed him again.