Chapter Text
Slowly, they get back on their feet. At first, Remus continues to translate some papers for Dumbledore but, as the war is coming to an end and communications from the Welsh Order are diminishing, he doesn’t have much work. Sirius can’t return to his Auror studies yet, since he’s not allowed to do magic for a year, so he focuses on the theory for now, bringing home a pile of books on dark magic. In his free time, he does some odd jobs for muggles in the neighbourhood, mostly repairing their vehicles. They don’t have nearly enough to be too comfortable, but they have food and a roof over their heads (the latter thanks to the fact that Sirius bought the apartment with the money he inherited from Alphard as soon as they left school), so they can’t complain.
They don’t get back together, not completely, not yet. They sleep together on the same bed, but the mattress is still cold in the space between them, and they haven’t kissed since that night months ago. Since that fateful night. Sometimes, Remus looks at Sirius’ mouth when he speaks and he feels his lips itch with the desire to kiss Sirius, but he refrains. It’s not for him to decide when things will go back to how they were before. He understands that Sirius needs time in a way Remus doesn’t, not because Remus isn’t hurting, grieving, but because their pain is different, as their love for James was.
On some nights, when he can’t sleep, he thinks about this. About Sirius’ love for James. He doesn’t feel jealousy, doesn’t think Sirius loved James in the way he loves Remus, not more, or less, just different. Sirius had tried explaining it to him countless times since they got together, and countless times Remus had assured Sirius it was fine. Once in a book, Remus read a quote that said “Sometimes the love of your life comes in the form of a friend.” He thinks that might be close to Sirius and James’ relationship. Remus never felt jealousy, just envy, not for James, but for both. He never came close to having what the two of them had.
That Sunday morning when everything changes, he wakes up thinking about this. He’s alone in bed, but can hear noises coming from the kitchen / living room / dining room of their tiny apartment. He pictures Sirius making breakfast for the two of them like he’s been doing for the last two weeks, and he ponders the idea of walking to him and hugging him from behind, like they used to do during the first mornings of their relationship. His body responds to the image and he chuckles silently to himself. Don’t worry, there is time .
He gets up and puts on Sirius’ red robe, which for some reason he isn’t using this morning. Then he tiptoes his way down the hallway, aiming to surprise Sirius from behind.
Only, when he gets there, he freezes. “What the…?”
Sirius is sitting on the couch looking perplexed, and at his feet, playing with the hem of his trousers, is a baby. And not just any baby —which would be weirder, now that Remus thinks of it— but Harry Potter.
“Sirius,” he calls, walking towards them. Sirius is looking into space, not even paying attention to Harry, who is now literally biting into his leg. “Sirius!”
The other man finally snaps out of it and looks Remus in the eye. “I… I…” he mumbles.
“What did you do?”
“I think…” he says, now looking at the baby. “I think I stole Harry”
After the initial shock has passed, Remus—always the control freak—sets on to organize what they will do next. He sends Sirius to buy some baby things (diapers, a baby bottle and so on) and tells him he will bathe Harry ( you left him wandering on this dirty floor, Sirius! ) and see if he’ll fall asleep for a bit so that they can both talk calmly about what the plan will be.
“Does this mean…” asks Sirius, surprised and still a little bit in shock, “you won’t make me take him back to those awful people?”
Remus sighs. “Honestly? The rational part of my brain tells me that’s what we should do,” he says. “And yet”
Sirius begins to smile. “And yet?”
“I saw how they treat him, Pads”
Sirius’ smile disappears. “James and Lily, they would freak out”
“I know”
“So?”
Now it’s Remus’ turn to smile. “So, I guess two dysfunctional adults are better than two functional but horrible, cruel, and stupid ones”
Sirius steps forward to hug him.
They manage quite well… for a couple of hours. Well, until night-time comes. Then, it’s full-on chaos. They let Harry sleep between them on the bed, but neither of them dares to fall asleep for the first two hours for fear of crushing him. When they finally do surrender, Harry starts crying.
And crying.
And crying some more.
They try everything: feeding him, playing with him, even singing to him in horrible, sleep-deprived voices.
“Oh Harry,” says Remus, rocking Harry from side to side. “Please, please shut up”
“Don’t talk to him like that!” Sirius scolds him. “You’ll hurt his feelings!”
“He’s a baby, Sirius!”
Remus groans angrily. Then he has an idea. He looks at Sirius, whose eyes are half-closed, and guiltily kicks him slightly to wake him up. “Can you hold him for a minute?”
Sirius takes Harry on his arms, who only shuts up for a minute before starting again with renewed force.
They were sleeping or, well, trying to, on Remus’ bed. Now, Remus goes to Sirius’ bedroom and starts searching through his drawers. Until he finds what he is looking for, tucked between the pages of one of Sirius’ study books. He rushes back to his room, then stops at the door to contemplate the scene in front of him.
Sirius has his eyes closed and his chin on top of Harry’s head. Harry, who is merely whimpering quietly now, has thrown his arms at Sirius' neck and buried his little face on the man’s chest.
Remus steps forward lightly, trying not to disturb them. Sirius sees him and smiles at him. Then he sees the picture in Remus’ hand, and his eyes turn suddenly ten times sadder. Remus says nothing, giving him some time. Then Sirius nods.
They move to the bed and put Harry in the middle once more. Remus shows him the picture, and tiny hands stretch to touch it. In the image, Lily and James kiss each other and then smile at the camera, both just out of their wedding ceremony and glowing with happiness.
After some minutes, Sirius begins to speak. He talks about that day, about seeing James happier than ever, nervous but so sure of his love, of his devotion. He talks of Lily, and how beautiful and strong she looked in her wedding dress. He talks of them together, how Lily still rolled her eyes at James before saying “I do,” and how James asked her for a date in his vows and promised not to play anymore pranks under her watch.
He talks and talks and, after a while, he starts to fall asleep in the middle of a sentence. Harry looks peaceful between them, tiny hands clutching at the picture. Remus smiles sadly and finally goes to sleep as well.
The next day, Dumbledore comes to their door. They are expecting him, of course, and the old man can’t even get a word out before Sirius stops him.
“You’re not taking him,” he states firmly, hugging Harry to his chest.
Dumbledore takes a look at him and seems to decide Sirius is a lost cause, because he moves his eyes to Remus instead. “Remus…”
Remus takes a step forward and puts a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. The young man seems to relax under his touch.
Dumbledore raises his eyebrows, seeming surprised. “Very well,” he says, “I think we should talk”
“There is nothing to talk about,” Sirius insists. “You’re not taking him and that’s it”
“You have to understand, Sirius…”
“They didn’t treat him well,” Remus explains, “the Dursleys. When I visited, they refused to let me see him. And when I did anyway, he was dirty and crying, probably badly fed too”
“I understand, but…”
“They left him all alone,” Sirius interrupts. “No one seemed to pick him up”
“I understand,” repeats the old man. “However, in that house there is magic at work that you don’t…”
“Yes, you told me about Lily, Albus” Remus cuts him off. “But, what’s the point of a love spell when he won’t even feel that love growing up? We can protect him… You can put all the wards you need on this apartment”
“We love him,” affirms Sirius, caressing Harry’s head. “We love him more than anyone right now, and you know it. We can take care of him”
“Perhaps you can manage now, yes,” sighs Dumbledore. He walks to a chair and sits down, hands on his lap. “What about when one of you marries? When you have children of your own?”
Remus and Sirius look at each other. Sirius looks scared and, so subtly that Remus barely catches it, he shakes his head.
“Sirius will take him,” Remus says, still looking at the other man. He now turns to Dumbledore. “We have talked about it. Sirius will take care of Harry.” He clears his throat. “In the case that I marry and move with… my, hum, partner, Harry will stay with Sirius. At least until he’s of age to decide where he wants to live and with whom”
“Very well, but…”
“Remus has a new job,” lies Sirius, “and I’m studying very hard for when I get to return to my training. I will sit for all the theoretical exams and leave the practical ones for next year when I can do magic. I’m working, too, making muggle money that I can exchange at Gringotts”
Dumbledore looks at them from behind his glasses, his mouth a thin line. There is no discernible expression on his face, as most times. He stays like that, staring silently between the two of them for a while. Then he nods.
“Very well,” he says. Sirius begins to smile and the old man raises a hand. “I have conditions. You are not to leave Harry alone at any moment”
Both of them nod at this.
“You are not to tell any other wizard that he’s under your watch”
They take longer to nod this time, but there is not much they can do about it.
“And lastly.” Now Dumbledore stands up and gets closer. “You are to move to a place I will designate”
“But…” Sirius begins to protest.
“I will not accept no for an answer,” sentences the old man. “You must move to where I consider appropriate… and you must allow me to be your secret keeper”