Chapter Text
1 Week Ago
The fact that the weather was sunny had made him wonder. Sunny weather was not something expected in this time of the year; the clouds usually covered the sun, and the gray that wouldn't seem to disappear would settle in. It was the usual England weather, after all. Yet, today was different; Tommy realized how sunlight vivified the colors in his chamber. A bowl of fruits seemed more appealing, and he could spot the dust flying around. They were dancing. The lights hitting the sword and the shield set placed on the fireplace were reflected directly on his bed and his face. As he felt disturbed and grimaced, he turned to the other side of his bed to escape from the light. He had found his companion who accompanied him in his bed last night and the nights before that, and practically everywhere during the day fast asleep. Sir Alexander, or Alex as Tommy called him, was dreaming, without knowing how the weather was strange. Or at least Tommy thought so.
He wrapped his arms to Alex from behind and buried his face in Alex's neck. He smelled like fresh laundry. Tommy smiled and absorbed the smell. Soon the young man took a deep breath and began to move. These movements showed that he was starting to wake up. As Alex moved to turn towards him, he relaxed his arms and smiled. "Good morning."
Alex rubbed his eyes and replied with, "Good morning." He leaned down and gave Tommy a quick kiss on the lips. "I'm the most fortunate man on earth," he said with a jagged voice, as he dipped his hands in Tommy's hair.
"Oh, is that so?"
"Hm," continued Alex. "I wake up next to you every morning and sleep with you in my arms. Do you not think that it would make me the most fortunate man on earth?"
"I do not know," Tommy argued. "I believe I could say similar words for my case." He kissed Alex as they laughed.
As their slow kiss started to turn into a passionate one, they both seemed to have forgotten what time it was and that Alex had to get back to his chamber as soon as possible without getting caught. But it wasn't an issue for them. The King of England had not yet returned to the country from the war with France, and some alone time was a rare opportunity. They wanted to enjoy every second as possible as they could.
In the end, they decided to spend more time in the bed.
***
"Now, that is peculiar," said Alex as he was staring out of the window.
"Hm?" asked Tommy absentmindedly. He was busy wearing his shirt.
"The weather," continued Alex, he kept looking. He was wearing his trousers. "I cannot recall a time when we had this in Spring. Maybe in Summer." He took his shirt on the floor.
"I was thinking the same," said Tommy. He was fixing his shirt's collar. "Do you think it is a sign of something?"
Alex's smile was mischievous. "Like victory, perhaps?" He put on his boots.
As he shrugged, "Why ever not?" asked Tommy. "Maybe peace between the people will be provided, and we would not need any more war."
"You are such a romantic," said Alex. This time, he laughed. "I could mistake you for French if you weren't born as English."
Tommy sighed with boredom. He had finished dressing and stood before Alex, who was still dealing with the collar of his shirt. He pushed the Knight's hands away and started to straighten his shirt collar. "You speak like a warbreaker. Wishing for peace isn't romanticism. I only... I only desire comfort. I'm sorry if I upset you for not wanting to go across the water and fight with foreign people."
"I believe you are the only one here who is upset."
Tommy stared at the young man, not expecting such a return. Alex was grinning instead. "You bloody-" He playfully hit Alex's shoulder. "I cannot believe you tease me that way!"
"I just mean that if you do not go to war, and return victorious during your reign, it would look odd. At least, you can consider campaigning Scotland. We are not very fond of each other as nations anyway. I don't think anyone in the court would judge you for that."
"There will be peace under my rule, Alex," said Tommy, accentuating each word. "If it was just my life at the tip of it, I could ignore it, but it's not just me here. It is important for families to stay together. I cannot disunite anyone because of my greed. It's just not me."
Alex stroked Tommy's face with his fingertips. "I did not mean to offend you. Please accept my apologies." He grabbed the fingers still hanging on the collar of his shirt and took them to his lips. "I love you."
"I know. I love you, too." The smile that spread across Tommy's face was even warmer than today's weather. "And I care very little for what people say in the court."
"Oh, I see. Rebel Prince Thomas is ready to go for an argument with his consultants in his court, is that so?" Tommy rolled his eyes.
"I don't understand why you keep putting words into my mouth when I do not mean them. You will put us in trouble one day." He let go of Alex and walked to the window, looking outside. "I have hope, Alex," he started. "I think there will be wonderful things for us in the future, I can feel it."
"I think warm weather has affected you," Alex deadpanned.
"Perhaps. But doesn't even the dream make one feel good?"
Alex leaned at the table and thought for a while. "I suppose so," he said carefully. All this time, both of us could only reach where we are by hiding things from people around us. I don't wish to live in fear anymore. It is tiresome for me to sneak in through the door at night and to leave your room as if I run away in the morning. I want people to know. I want to be able to say, "Yes, this is the man I love!" and dance with you at the banquets." He laughed nervously. "We... We never danced before..." He lowered his head with defeat.
"Sometimes I dream, too... That we dance, I mean. I take your hand and we stand in the center, where everyone can see us, even if they do not wish to. Then, the music starts and we take our first steps. We never practiced beforehand but we are in such harmony... People are surprised and jealous. They are jealous because they will never gain what we have. That is why they are mad. Both of us know it but we do not care, because at that moment, when we dance, everything is complete. You and me, like the way it's supposed to be." When he looked up, the Knight's eyes were like glass.
"I dream about these, but I do not hope. Because if I do, if I let myself go... Nevermind, let's forget what I said." He stood up and said, "I should go now. Before your manservant arrives."
"Alex, please-"
The closing door had not let him finish.
Maybe today wasn't that good, after all.
***
He felt like he could not even swallow the food. His mind was wandering around Alex's words. Despite discussing the same issue several times, they kept turning around and opened the same wound. Alex was doing it. Tommy had said before; there was only one solution before them. When he supposedly took to the throne, he would change the law that required the King or Queen to get married to someone from only another royal family. This law did not cover knights because someone who was not a noble could well be a knight. And the King would never allow Tommy to be with Alex. It was in the law.
He pushed his plate down dispiritedly. A worried expression appeared on his manservant's face. "Didn't you like your breakfast, my Prince?"
Tommy shook his head. “No, breakfast is just fine. I've lost my appetite today. You can withdraw, I wish to be alone.” His manservant nodded and soon disappeared with his plate.
Suddenly, he felt hopeless. He felt like a bird in a golden cage that can't go far because of the rope tied to its foot even though the cage's door is open. He was told that a prince could do whatever he wanted, but within the rules. Like that bird with its feet tied, he could fly away, but then he had to come back. He would never really be free. This fact made him angry, upset, and mad. He could give up everything to be someone normal. He could live as an ordinary man and could be with Alex. Tommy just wanted Alex.
Like Alex, he began to dream. That they were dancing. Tommy grabbed the hand reaching for him and allowed himself to be taken to the dancing area. They both took steps as a sad love song was played. The song was about two lovers who were waiting to reunite, and a third person who was trying to come between them. It was unlike any song Tommy had heard before. Alex was right, they were in harmony more than anyone else. The people in the court looked at them with admiration, but the two only saw each other because no one was more important than them. As the song came to the part where the third person had found love with the two reunited lovers, his door suddenly opened, and everything he dreamed of disappeared just like the burst of a bubble of water.
Tommy quickly opened his eyes and was surprised to see himself standing on his feet. His body was in a dance position, but he didn't even notice it. He was so immersed in his dream that his mind had convinced his body that this was real and had him dance without music, partners, and spectators. Then, the same surprise was replaced by sadness. A dream he knew that was not true was shaking him. His sadness doubled when he saw Alex was the one waiting at the door.
Alex was watching him with the same sadness in his eyes. He knew what was going on. As the expression on his face turned from something harsh to anything else, Tommy could only watch. He knew that although there was so much he wanted to say, none of them could help them both. That's why he chose to be silent.
“The King… Has returned. With victory,” he said. There was a smile on his face trying to pass off what he just saw. "He'll be here soon."
Of course he had to greet his father. "Sure," he could only respond. But neither of them moved. "I should be prepared." Alex nodded and moved to go out.
"Alex, I-"
There was so much he wanted to say. Things he wanted to apologize for and craved to admit that he regretted to keep them in. Perhaps if he had not paused, everything would have started to come out of his mouth and could not stop himself. But there was no time.
Alex watched him in anticipation, the hope on his face was killing Tommy. The young Knight was his blessing and his curse in this world. He could not be without him, but he was ruined when he was with him.
"Thank you for informing me."