Chapter Text
When Jeremy decided, that he would woo Michael Mell it was a pretty abstract thought fueled by the enthusiasm of the three girls that made him agree to the photoshoot.
It wasn't the kind of idea where he had a concrete plan on how to actually go through with it and this became more and more apparent to him as he said goodbye to Christine and the others and made his way over to his first lecture of the day.
For example one of the things Jeremy hadn't anticipated was Michael actually saying yes to do the shooting with him but as he looked at the message from his best friend and crush he felt relief and excitement flood him. At the same time he remembered what this meant for Michael.
Over the last few days Jeremy had learned a lot more about Michael and his insecurities and letting other people take pictures of him had to be a big deal, even if he acted all nonchalant again. Jeremy wanted him to know that it would be okay if he didn't participate in it but he also wanted him to know how amazing it would be if they could be in this together.
Together...
That was something Jeremy generally wanted, he noticed. They had been a package deal for years but never quite like this and now Jeremy couldn't get enough of it.
He wanted more togethers, more things they both enjoyed, more activities they did together, more opportunities for their lives and time to overlap. Perhaps Jeremy was just greedy but in that moment he really yearned for that kind of closeness that they weren't able to have back when they were just online friends.
Something they weren't even able to have just a week ago.
In a way they had come a really long way in such a short amount of time but to Jeremy it felt like they had been working up to this for years and maybe it was just wishful thinking but he wanted to believe that maybe Michael felt the same. Felt that same need to be close to each other in new ways and felt that they had waited enough already.
Now condensing all of those thoughts into messages wasn’t quite as easy and even less with his attention divided between the road, his scrambled thoughts and his phone but after a bit of typing and retyping Jeremy was at least able to call his messages „mildly cohesive“ which was all they really needed to be anyway.
Player1: Wait, really???
Player1: That’s awesome!
Player1: But also you don’t have to if you don’t want to!
Player1: I know that pictures are a big deal for you and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable
Player1: I mean, the whole shoot is about lgbt+ people, so you’re probably not the only trans person there but just
Player1: It would be cool if you joined me because you look amazing and then I didn’t have to be nervous by myself but your comfort is more important
Jeremy knew that he hadn’t been as supportive and understanding as he should have been in the past and he was trying to change that now, but the will to change didn’t always correlate with the ability to do said thing properly.
Or the ability to write supportive messages without them sounding clunky.
Plus he didn’t want to sound overbearing or patronizing, because Michael knows his limits and can decide things for himself and really Jeremy was just an over thinking mess right now.
His mind was still reeling from agreeing to let people take his photos in a weird attempt to make Michael think that Jeremy looked even half as good as him as if that would somehow persuade Michael to date him.
Which raised an interesting point.
How could Jeremy get Michael to date him?
If Brooke and Chloe were right, which Jeremy wouldn’t bet on, then Michael might actually be at least a bit into him as well and the weed-kissing could possibly support that idea.
At the same time there was plenty of evidence against Michael liking him, sure a lot of that was probably just Jeremy’s self-hate but some of it might be true.
All in all the train of thought gave Jeremy a mild headache which was completely counter productive not just to his endeavor of wooing Michael but also to the several hours of lectures he had ahead of him.
So all things considered Jeremy decided to put the whole issue aside.
For now.
He had already reached the campus during his contemplation and was well on his way to his „Music and Singing“ workshop and it was high time for him to pay attention to the things around him again.
Plus he actually wanted to pay attention to this seminar, as it was one of the few electives he actually took out of interest instead of doing it just because his study regulations told him to.
Jeremy wasn’t much of a singer himself but there was something about Musicals that appealed to him a lot. There was something special about music and singing enhancing but also changing the performance of an actor and how one had to change the acting to truly bring the characters and story alive.
There was also the added bonus of it being something Michael enjoyed as well. In a way Musicals were a middleground between their studies and interests.
Participating in a Musical together, Jeremy thought, would have suited them way better than modeling but maybe he could propose that later on.
Those thoughts in mind Jeremy settled down at a desk in the front of the room, waiting for the professor to show up and start the workshop and appertaining breathing and vocal exercises.
Luckily it didn’t take long for the rest of the attending students to arrive, some of which Jeremy knew only briefly, yet well enough to exchange some only slightly awkward small talk with. That was another change from high school, back then he had never felt comfortable or confident enough to chat so casually with the people around him, instead opting to just write with Michael.
Something he would love to do right now as well for sligthly different reasons.
Shaking his head slightly Jeremy focused on the conversation he was having again until the class started for real and he got to immerse himself in the now familiar exercises and still embarrassing vocal drills.
Don’t get him wrong it was fun and he genuinely enjoyed practicing and the short reprieves he got from lectures and just listening to his professors talk about something but there would probably always be a part of him that felt just a little awkward doing anything while people were watching.
He had learned to live with that to some extend and as long as he was able to shed his insecurities as soon as he was on stage he was fine with being a little awkward.
It also helped that he, at least, was actually majoring in acting unlike some of the people in his course which were just there out of curiosity. Knowing that they were probably a lot more out of their depth than he was usually helped quite a bit, even if it was slightly mean-spirited.
At the same time it wasn’t as if he was making fun of them, so he didn’t feel too bad about using their discomfort as a way of managing his own.
All in all he was pretty happy with himself after the workshop ended and that energy followed him all the way into his next lecture.
It was one of the few he shared with his two college-friends and was therefore by default one he didn’t pay quite as much attention to. Mark and Jackson were extremely weird people and while Jeremy enjoyed their friendship he was also secretly glad that their interactions were usually limited to the time they spend on campus.
The three of them had bonded over video games during the freshman excursion and while they weren’t nearly as passionate about acting as Jeremy was they were still good to have around.
At the same time they weren’t really the kind of people Jeremy would want to share his personal problems with lest he be called „Dorkus mallorcus“ by Mark again or something equally as stupid and embarrassing.
Together they managed to barely pay attention to the lecture about the history of acting.
All in all it was a nice distraction while it lasted and Jeremy was actually a bit sad when they weren’t able to accompany him for lunch, a feeling that changed as soon as he saw that there were a lot of unread messages in the photoshoot group chat, some of which were directed at him and told him that he was actually expected to join the other three in the cafeteria.
Jeremy made his way over to the cafeteria warily, not knowing quite what to anticipate after the frankly nonsensical discussion that morning. At the same time he had already agreed to model for Brooke and Chloe so it wasn’t as if he could just ditch them now.
Plus he couldn’t ditch Michael now that he had agreed to that shoot as well.
Speaking of Michael... Jeremy quickly unlocked his phone again to look at his messages and he didn’t see any new ones from Michael which was odd to say the least. He’d usually have written something by now and the complete lack of a response made Jeremy a bit nervous.
Player1: You’re probably busy with university, but I’m kinda worried because you haven’t replied yet so
Player1: Idk please message me when you have the time
Player1: I hope the photo thing didn’t actually make you super anxious
Some quick messages later Jeremy didn’t feel better exactly but he at least felt reassured enough in himself that he finally stopped lounging outside of the doors like a loner entered the cafeteria to go search for his new friends. Or acquaintances, he wasn’t quite sure about that yet.
The place was as crowded as always and the sheer amount of people and noise level made Jeremy feel extremely uncomfortable, as they always did, but at least he knew that he wouldn’t be alone this time.
Squeezing through the throngs of people Jeremy scanned the crowd for familiar faces until they finally landed on a table in a corner a bit further away. It appeared to be completely covered in papers and pictures and what seemed like fries, even though Jeremy couldn’t be sure about that from a distance.
With a destination in mind navigating the crowd got a lot easier and before he knew it Jeremy was already pulling out a chair and sitting down next to Christine who greeted him briefly before re-engaging in a heated discussion with Chloe that Jeremy couldn’t quite follow.
“They’ve been at this for several minutes now,“ Brooke whispered as she sat down next to Jeremy. „They’re arguing about whether or not to write what the models identify as in the description. Christine says we shouldn’t do it because of privacy and to not call too much attention to labels and Chloe thinks we should do it to normalize it and so people make a game out of guessing which model identifies as what. I feel like they both have good points but people have been glaring at us for a while now and I wish they could just drop it for now.“
Brooke looked apologetic as she explained the discussion to Jeremy, as if she was sorry that he had to witness what might seem like a silly disagreement and Jeremy felt like maybe she had grown used to apologizing to people for feeling strongly about topics like these.
“But it’s an important question right?“ Jeremy asked instead.
He hadn’t actually thought about what participating in a project featuring lgbtq+ people exclusively would mean for him.
It wasn’t as if he had never outed himself before but at the same time it never felt all that significant. People at school had already spread rumors that he was gay and even though it took him a while to realize that he liked people regardless of their gender it didn’t come as a surprise once he did realize it.
Michael was actually the first person Jeremy had talked to about his sexual orientation and Michael was also the one that showed him the word pansexual, which ended up being what Jeremy identified with most closely.
After that it was just a matter of telling his dad, who reacted incredibly supportive and from that point on onward Jeremy just didn’t have anyone he really felt the need to come out to.
Sometimes he’d mention it to friends or family when he had a crush on someone that wasn’t female but that was about it. Looking back he wasn’t even sure if most of his relatives knew that he wasn’t straight.
Agreeing to this photoshoot was akin to outing himself to everyone that would look at the project and he wasn’t sure if he was completely comfortable with that.
At the same time that thought felt liberating. He wanted to be able to tell people who he was instead of just hinting at it. He wanted to own the label that had given him so much comfort back when he was still figuring out who he was.
And honestly? He wanted to be able to decide what people found out about him and how, it wasn’t a choice Christine or Chloe should make for him and the other models.
It was that thought that prompted him to interrupt the two of them „Can’t you just ask the people that model for you what they want? You both have good points but in the end it should be about what they feel comfortable with, right? At least that’s what I think.“
Of course that wasn’t the most amazing solution, but it was at least enough to get Chloe and Christine to sit down again and stop arguing loudly for a while.
“I guess we could do that before we make the final decision.“ Chloe muttered, while still throwing some annoyed glances at Christine who looked just as perturbed.
At least Brooke looked satisfied that some semblance of peace had been regained.
“So, what am I here for anyway?“ Jeremy asked, looking at the three of them curiously.
“We wanted to go over the preliminary schedule with you.“ Brooke replied, very clearly cutting Chloe of before a simple question could dissolve into a lengthy discussion again.
“We’d like to get the Interview portion of the project done sometime next week if possible and the best case scenario would be to do the shooting the coming week-end. After that Chloe and I will edit the pictures and interviews so they’re ready for the exhibit at the end of next month. Once the exhibit is done Christine will write the article about the exhibit and that together with some of the pictures and snippets of the interviews will be published in an LGBT+ newspaper were collaborating with.“
Brookes explanation made sense but also hit home how big of a thing this was for Jeremy.
The project was moving at an incredibly fast paced compared to what he was used to and would possibly have a bigger audience than he hat anticipated.
“So... You want me to do an Interview some time next week?“, he asked then so he could focus on something other than the tension in his body.
“Essentially, yes. We’d message you and Michael about possible time and day for that this week-end if that’s not too short notice for you.“ Brooke sounded apologetic again and Jeremy decided right then that he would go through with his even if it was just because he’d feel guilty about disappointing her.
“No, yeah. That should work for me don’t worry.“
They discussed some more formalities after that and soon after Jeremy had to hurry to his last lecture of the day.
Once he arrived he took a quick peek at his phone, only to find that Michael still hadn’t replied to him. His brows furrowed Jeremy send Michael some memes he knew he’d like and then forced himself to put his phone away for now.
Sadly the lecture didn’t seem to care about Jeremy’s distress and the time went by just as slowly as it always did during times like this, breaking Jeremy’s resolve to stay away from his phone. Instead he spend time taking silly pictures of the people around him and sending Michael bad jokes.
None of that changed the fact that Michael wasn’t replying or that he wasn’t even online.
It really threw Jeremy off and not for the first time those past few days he noticed how important Michael was to him and how big his presence was in Jeremy’s day to day life.
They weren’t attached at the hip or texting constantly but there would usually be some kind of message every few hours. Some kind of notification that Michael had forwarded a post to him or send a picture or anything at all.
Despite the unease it wasn’t as if Jeremy could do anything it wasn’t like he could check up on Michael in person... or could he.
After all they lived near each other now and even if Michael wasn’t up to spending time with Jeremy today Jeremy could still grab some lunch and a slushie and leave them at his door or something..
Actually, that was a great idea. He would surprise Michael with his favorite food and if wanted company they could eat it together and if he didn’t he’d at least have food and the knowledge that Jeremy cared and wanted him to be happy.
With that in mind Jeremy felt a lot calmer and ready to actually pay a bit of attention to his class until he was able to leave.