Chapter Text
Casper carefully brushed through his light brown hair, heart-shaped irises following his movement in the refection of the bathroom mirror. He stood in front of the sink, mirror hanging above and smiling at him.
Confidence.
Tonight he would be with the light sides again and he would be with Logan too. Remus would not be around, after all Patton and Virgil did not agree to them interacting (Logan thinks it is ridiculous and for once, the pink side had to agree with the logical one). But could he really say “no” to anyone, let alone his friends?
The slightly furrowed brows above his eyes, the intense look in his carefully squinting orbs paired with the little bit of tightness around his mouth proved him right. He could see himself in the mirror, doubting look throwing itself back at him.
He was not in the position to deny his friends anything. He.. he would never, he could not. He physically and mentally felt so .. wrong just thinking about it.
A part of him hardened, his hearts feeling heavy.
Remus told him to yell it out, to curse it away.
Attachment shook his head, letting every thought other than the memories of comfort he had collected with Remus leave his mind.
Focus on cursing. Curse. Swear. Curse yourself into confidence, into a riot. Stand up for yourself.
He reminded himself, repeating the words again and again to affirm himself. It was almost as if he needed to study for a test Logan would make for him because apparently sides needed studying too. At least according to Logan.
Well, maybe Patton too. A bit.
Every side taught him a bit every now and then but Remus seemed to teach him the most useful stuff in the most fitting way for him to learn. It was fun and always helped him and it was not boring like maths or geography..
Casper closed his eyes.
“Fuck this”, he spoke softly.
A little tug could be felt in his heart as the words left his mouth. He could hear himself speak, he could experience the relief instantly.
Somehow, these words were the comforting pat on his shoulder he did not know he needed before this happened. This just proved how smart and precious Remus was to teach him these things.
It really helped. Immediately, even!
He took another breath, filling his lungs and confidence with energy.
“Fuck Logan”, he tried again, tone of voice turning a firmer like snow piling up so much, it pressed into a layer of something akin to ice.
A little smile appeared on his face, his lips pushing his other facial features up and making his eyes and heart freckles shine with him, bright like a star.
A star was a sun! He knew that because Remus showed him!
He continued, his voice and spirits warming up as he moved on to worse words, harsher tones and more confident exclamations of comfort.
His mind was set on assertion, not service.
As he went on, his voice increased in volume as well. The time was forgotten in his little space of the bathroom. He was walking up and down, even throwing his hands up when the catharsis of swearwords came cascading from his rather active vocal chords.
Strings of offensiveness were pronounced wildly by his curious yet usually ever-gentle voice of an innocent child.
Casper was so sucked into his world of good feelings and coping with all this stress, he got fired up for the meeting that had started minutes ago instead of actually attending.
The sides were waiting for him and after some moments, Patton decided to pop up and check up on him to make sure he was okay. After all, he was one of his kiddos and he needed to take care of his best friends - all 4 of them.
The dad suddenly appeared in Casper’s room in his regular fashion. A patient smile was leading him into the empty space as he manifested himself into it with a cheery
“Casper~”
Nothing.
There was nothing to be seen.
The place looked pretty much as always. Some clutter, many many piles of memories concerning Thomas in earlier years of life such as his baby and toddler stages.
Still, there was no Casper.
If the room was okay, then Casper had to be okay, too. Right? This was how it worked. Usually, rooms would change with a side’s alterations.
Especially feelings were also reflected in a side’s room. The pink side’s room was the same as always, there was not even a single thing that seemed to be out of place.
Patton, however, could make out the smallest bit of noise in the background.
The moral side inched closer to the door that lead to the bathroom.
“Kiddo? We are waiting for you”, he called into the responseless space, “we have your favourite snacks”
The silence screamed at Morality, making him squirm in his spot and carefully shift his weight from one foot to the other.
As he approached the door further, he started making out the clear sound of Casper’s soft voice. The gentleness of a child marked the sound of it, making it more than evident that it was him and not anyone else talking.
“Casper, heyo!”
Patton tried again but there was a response this time, a rather loud and harsh series of spat-out words.
“Fuck THIS ALL! Stupid, fuckfaced, mother-”
It was at this moment, the reader knew, Casper had fucked up. But it was also at this moment, that Patton knew nothing but blackness.
Within just the fraction of a moment, his mind blocked out any other information and his body snapped together like a folding chair. He landed on the floor like a plank rather than a person. His whole appearance was stiff, frozen from the shock of hearing such vulgar words at all but especially said by a voice as soft as Casper’s and by a person as sweet and innocent as Attachment had to be!
Casper could hear a sudden thud.
Huh? What happened? Usually, Remus would be louder than that when crashing into his room all of a sudden. The chaotic side also had a sense of respecting Casper’s separation between spending time with him or the others. He would not invade without a reason.
Curious yet also peaking in a tad of worry, he stuck his head out of the door only to be met with the sight of a passed out Patton before his bed.
“Oh? Pat, Pat, what is wrong?!”
The pink side held the dad figure carefully. Slowly, he woke up.
“Casper..?”
Attachment nodded eagerly, glad to see the other awake once more. Relief taster sweeter than honey on his little tongue.
Patton sobbed softly.
“I thought you had said really bad words”, he explained between sniffles, his arms moving to hug the other, “I was really scared Remus had turned you into one of them.”
The sweetness turned bitter real quick. His whole mouth seemed sour and Casper got really sick and heavy in the stomach.
Patton seemed oblivious or careless to the sudden change of heart in his friend. He was busy fixing his hair and glasses before moving on to adjust his cardigan.
“Well, I know you kiddo! I must have been excited and gotten too happy about seeing you and your nice room and memories so much I was overwhelmed and passed out! Well, silly me, I should get used to it. Anyway, my dear, how about that movie night with the others? I am super keen on it - what about you?”
Patton was rambling so much, Casper blinked a lot to process all these words. Maybe looking fast meant hearing fast? He was not sure about it but he knew that all these words made him really fuzzy in his head.
His stomach was still really foul with how Patton had talked about his best friend again. Small grabby fingers brushed over the green bracelet reminding him of Remus.
“I mean.. yes. Yeah! Of course!”
His mouth was black and foul with the deception of his feelings.
His heart hurt. As usual, his lips smiled still but his eyes were dull hearts. His freckles did not glow with the enthusiasm of cuddling up with Virgil and holding hands with Patton or singing with Roman. He could not look forward to any of those things anymore.
His index poked the tentacles, one of them saying “B E S T”. When the engraved letters tickled his finger pad, he almost felt as if the world did not have to be grey anymore.
He swallowed the taste of rotten eggs.
Morality gave him a soft smile and nudged him again. He shot up to his feet and stretched out his hand.
“How about some sugar cookies, kiddo?”
Casper wanted to say yes, wanted to want going with him but something within him was still hurt by Patton’s little comment about Remus.
His stomach was so sick and sensitive, if he held hands too much, he would probably cry and feel really bad. Maybe he would get a tummy ache?
He got up by himself instead and patted his clothes for good measure and manners.
“Maybe carrots?”
Remus and he really liked carrots. The other sides did not like him. He did not understand why. He felt like crying and really wanted carrots.
“Yes, sure, kiddo.”
Something in how taken aback Patton sounded made him feel as if he had done a bad thing. It was too surprising. He was too different. Too much like them.
Patton walked out of the room and Casper followed suit, his steps slow and heavy. It felt as if his freckles would fade if he did not cry.
He would not cry now.
When they arrived, he got his spot next to Virgil while Patton washed and cut him some carrots. Logan and Roman were bantering. His friend soaked up the bad feelings in his heart.
When Patton was back, Casper had already given up on being awake and instead fell asleep to relish in the dreams of holding hands with Remus instead.
It was just them, holding hands and riding clouds because they were best friends.
“Casper is experiencing pleasant dreams, as it seems. This indicates a good overall mood and well-being.”
Patton nodded. This settled it, he had imagined the whole mess with these mean words after all!
“See popstar? He is happy with us.”
Roman gasped dramatically, touching his heart through his Beast onesie.
“How could he not be? Of course he is happy with us! We are the good guys!”
Logan rolled his eyes and shrugged, deciding to not give him the time of the day. The others redirected their attention to the screen again.
Tangled was playing and Patton and Roman started singing again as the next song came on. Virgil held onto his friend, trying to ignore just how embarrassing he felt when he hid his eyeshadow-black eyes in a pillow.
Logan measured the time it would take for the scene to end.
Not one of them noticed Casper’s heart freckles glowing. His heart was warm and his giggles were lost in the improvised sing-off between the two most enthusiastic sides.
Only dream-Remus would recognise the change and call him “glow cheeks” for it.