Chapter Text
"Don't touch me" Dick protested weak and confused against Tarantula on top of him. She wasn't listening to him and she continued to trail her hand over his body. Tears began to stream down his face, mixed with the rainwater.
He tried to close his legs so she couldn't touch him, but at the moment she was stronger than him and pushed them back open. Sliding a hand under his uniform. He choked back more tears, he knew that he was completely at her disposal. He didn't have any amount of strength. He tried to push himself into a sitting position to push her off but he ended up collapsing back onto the ground. He knew what she was going to do and he closed his eyes, unable to fight against this.
"Shh Querido" he heard her whispering inches from his face. He tried to bite back the tears but he couldn't. He was so weak and tired. He hated this, it hurt so much, he just wanted it to be over.
Dick woke up crying. He woke up still feeling the weight of her straddling him. The hardness of the roof still under his back. The feeling of rain against his skin. He whimpered half-conscious and tossed his head wanting the feelings to go away. He knew he was awake, it had been a nightmare. Still, he felt nothing in him but unending sadness. Dick whimpered squeezing his eyes closed, he felt pinned under her weight. He could feel her hands on his body "get off me, don't touch me" he whimpered letting tears fall off his cheeks as he squirmed uncomfortably.
"Hey, you're okay its just me" he heard Jason whisper and felt a hand brush through his hair. Dick opened his eyes quickly looking at his little brother. He was still laying on Jason's lap where he had fallen asleep. He made no effort to hide his tears or to get up. Instead, he covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes closed crying. Jason just brushed his hair back. Jason shifted the two of them so that he was lying with Dick and Dick just curled up into his chest crying into the soft fabric of his shirt. Jason wrapped his arms around him tightly and it more Dick only cry harder.
"It's okay" Jason whispered uncharacteristically soft. Very few people ever got to see Jason this soft.
Jason had been the very first person Dick told about Catalina, Jason had been there for him the entire time. He felt terrible because while helping out Dick, Jason was forced to also confront his own history of assault. But now they were both doing much better. Still, they both had bad days and as much as Dick hated asking for Jasons help he wouldn't turn him away. Jason understood and sometimes having someone who knew how it felt was helpful.
"I want to die" DIck whispered. He wasn't even sure where that had come from but it was out in the open now. He didn't really want to die, he just wanted this to stop. He wanted to stop hurting. He wanted to stop feeling so fucking dirty all the time. He had attempted suicide before and he knew that was a very serious sentence to say, especially out loud but he didn't have the strength to care. He was exhausted from the past two days. Yesterday had been nothing but pain and anxiety and exhaustion and today wasn't shaping up to be any better.
Jason pushed Dick slightly away from him and looked the older man in the eyes. Dick wanted to look away but met the intense gaze. He knew what it was Jason wanted him to say, Jason wanted him to say he didn't mean it. Honestly, Dick wasn't sure if he meant it or not. "I just want it to stop hurting" he muttered remedially to the other statement. He knew that if Jason seriously thought he was Suicidal he would tell their therapist Dinah and it would turn into a whole ordeal.
"There are ways to do that, that doesn't include death," Jason said very seriously and DIck knew he was right but right now it was hard to conceptualize because all other routes seemed slow and difficult. "And death ain't really all its chalked up to be" Jason joked. Dick actually kinda chuckled. Still, he felt so drained and exhausted. He had work today, he had things to do, but right now he felt like he didn't have any energy.
"You should" Jason stopped "WE should text Dinah, see if she can move our session to today" Jason offered. Dick buried his face back into Jason's chest. Dinah, black canary, was their therapist of the past three years and usually did a twice-monthly session for dick and a once-monthly joint session for the two of them. Originally they had been more frequent but as Dick and Jason recovered some they dropped in number. The joint session was supposed to be in a couple of days. DIck nodded as Jason's idea of seeing if it could be moved to today. It wouldn't be the first time they had moved it to accommodate one of them having a really bad day, or bad set of days.
They laid there for a while and Dick found his mind wondering. It always wondered to either suicide or the Rape, they seemed to be the only things he could think of. Somehow all trains of thought lead straight back to those two things. He hated it. "Jason, I need it to stop" he was going to drive himself crazy thinking about these things. He needed to think of something more positive.
"How about we take a walk" Jason offered, DIck nodded. A walk would be a good change of scenery.
It was still early in the morning. 5 or 6, he had slept fitfully for a few hours in the night and Jason had stayed awake making sure that the nightmares didn't get too bad. Dick felt kinda guilty but he knew that he would, and had, do the same thing for Jason. The night was quiet and the air was taking on the coolness of the coming fall. It was a good change of pace from the hot stormy night in his nightmares. They walked for several hours until the sun started to come up and people began to fill the streets. This wasn't the first time they had done this and it probably wouldn't be the last. As they began to head back home Dick spoke up "Thank you" he looked down at the street emberased but not really sure why.
Walking and being with Jason helped the memories ease a little bit, they hadn't completely gone away but for at least now they were manageable.