Chapter Text
Levi Ackerman entered the Federal Bureau of Investigation offices in a daze. Of course, no one noticed. He passed by the secretary, Thomas Wagner, as well as his team, nicknamed the Special Operations Squad, members Petra Ral, Oruo Bozado, Erd Jinn, and Gunther Schultz without anybody noticing anything strange about his demeanour.
But there was a certain heaviness in his steps, and a cloud of mixed emotions in his eyes. He entered his Boss' office, without knocking as usual, and found Hanji Zoe, the woman responsible of the logistics, in a heated argument with their boss, the Captain America like Erwin Smith. Now anybody would have been deterred to be so... vocal and expressive with their boss but it was Hanji, and Hanji was not the orthodox type of person.
Levi coughed. Once. Twice before they deemed his presence of importance, but the frown that should have been between his eyebrows because of annoyance and lack of patience was non existent. He had just seen a flash from the past.
Commander of the Souting Legion, Erwin Smith, and Squad Leader Hanji Zoe, also responsible for experimenting on their natural enemy, the titans. Their personality from the past still transpired in their present selves, just like everyone that had been reincarnated. Erwin immediately put a name on the spark of recognition that had lit Levi's eyes for a moment, and dismissed Hanji, to her great displeasure.
Once the door was closed, Erwin took an aura of seriousness that was too close to the Commander to be a coincidence, and Levi knew then. Erwin also remembered. Of course, Erwin fucking Smith would.
"Levi, when did you start remembering?" Erwin started, cautious as ever.
"This afternoon, when I had lunch with Eren." Erwin's eyes widened in surprise. Eren. The one boy that Levi had taken under his wing. Even in this lifetime, the raven had succeeded in finding his lover. "The boy was really surprised when I did," the raven confessed, almost mechanically.
"It didn't go well?" Careful Erwin, the blonde thought as he was treading on very dangerous waters.
"All the contrary in fact," and Levi smirked. "The kid was all 'oh God! you are remembering' and 'don't worry am here with you'."
"He was understanding and caring. I'm not surprised. He always was considerate towards you, but why are you so shaken?" Erwin asked, clear incomprehension in his voice.
"Because I don't know what to do, Erwin. Everything is flashing by, like a fucking monsoon flood in India and I can't do anything about it!" the man shouted, truth lacing his words.
In fact, he had been so truthful Erwin's eyebrows had shot up in his hair. How was he supposed to comfort (was it the word?) an insecure Levi? He would have tackled anything, from a sumo of 200 kg single handedly to a ninja with lethal blades to even a titan without 3DMG, but seeing Levi, Humanity's Strongest so shaken and... broken did it for him. For the first time in his life, Erwin Smith was at a loss at what to do. And his best friend was hurting.
"I... I thought I was scum. Even now. There are things I am seeing Erwin. I did horrible things. Really deadly crimes." The raven stopped then, the visions flashing in front of his eyes holding too much emotion and atrocities. Both men sat down, and Erwin gently urged Levi to continue.
"And then there is Eren. Always Eren. By my side. Always. Shit! I'm turning into a sentimental sap but. He was there, embracing me at night and fighting for Humanity when day came, when every soul disrespected him and held him in disgust. He fought like crazy. I was hurting him when I used him as a wall of flesh for manoeuvring the 3DMG. And then I had to kill him. The boy that I cared for. A boy that had dreamt of seeing the ocean more than anything. A boy who was clean. A boy who had done nothing to deserve being killed by his lover!"
The use of the l-word definitely made Erwin's brows lose themselves in his hair. Levi had never been one to convey his feelings, both in the past and now. But the Levi in front of Erwin at this moment was so nakedly honest that the blonde was helpless. How was he suppose to be of any goddamn help? He had had no lovers in the past, and the weight of the loss Levi had suffered when he had to end Eren's life had nearly broken him 2000 years ago. But the Levi then had been hardened. The human being in front of him did not lose so much. But if Erwin thought Levi was over, he was so very far from the truth.
"I cold heartedly put an end to the life of the human being that shared my life. I am worse than a fucking shit. I am a damn monster because I murdered the only kid that I had learnt to love." Levi ended, a tone of finality in his voice, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
He had let all of his feelings pour out of him like a damn fountain but he knew Erwin wouldn't shout the information on all roofs. He was very unlike a certain woman with a creepily crazy personality. However, now that he had let out all of his fears, he felt better, but as empty as ever.
Eren didn't seem traumatized at Levi remembering. Hell! The kid even seemed to be delighted to be in his presence. But could he accept the guilt? The guilt of having cut short the dreams Eren had treasured all of his short life? No. Levi could never look Eren in the face without feeling his insides crush together. How could he accept losing himself in those bright teal green eyes that spoke of unconditional love and care when he had killed the damn kid and he, the scumbag, had lived? No. He would never forgive himself. He was a monster. He was a murderer.
"Levi," Erwin spoke up, not in the commanding tone of the leader of the Scouting Legion, but as the friend that he had made all those years back at the Federal Academy. He could never comprehend the loss, but he knew Levi best. All of the raven's fears were things that only the man could fight, but Erwin could reason with him. And reasoning was one of the things Erwin Smith had always done best.
"I've always thought of how you would react when you remembered. Both you and Hanji don't, well in your case didn't, but there are others who do, like Petra as well as Gunther and Moblit. They all agree that Eren changed you back there, but in the slightest way that only the closest around you noticed. We talked a lot, and we all came to the conclusion that you were caring with him, inside your room."
At that Levi's head shot up, disbelief painted on his features.
"You still haven't remembered everything. You said you saw the two of you in bed. Did Eren seem unhappy? Did he seem to be there unwillingly? No! He loved you deeply Levi. Really deeply. We could all see that! It was thanks to you he got over the loss of his comrades, as well as the loss of his sister, Mikasa. You were there for him when he needed you, and even when he died, he had to, for the new government, and for Humanity. All titans had to disappear Levi. And he knew! But he was also complete. He had survived and fought till the end. He had helped humanity gain its freedom. And above all Levi, he was able to find love." Erwin ended and a deep silence fell in the room. It was not a heavy and tense silence, it was one that was conducive to deep thinking. And thinking, Levi did.
He tried conjuring up those memories. Mostly, he saw those terrible last battles against the titans and the organization behind them. They were bloody, imprinted with losses and immeasurable physical pain. He saw Mikasa dying, and Armin breaking down. He saw anger flash through Eren's eyes, and him shifting and taking on a dozen titans, killing them all. He saw another moment, in their room. Eren laughed and made a joke about his height. He gave the teen a kick in the shin, and the boy smiled more, cuddling Levi to sleep. He then had another flash. He saw the courtroom all over again, when he had to behead Eren in front of all the new officials. But he saw something else.
Eren muttered something, just as Levi was going to deliver the finishing blow. And he said it in a voice so low.
But it was high enough for Levi to hear.
Unfortunately it was not early enough for Levi to reciprocate.
Eren's head rolled, and Levi's heart broke.
"Levi," Erwin said, breaking the silence. "What are you going to do now? It is your choice to make alone, but think about it. You have waited 2000 years to be reunited. It is high time you pardoned yourself, and if Eren is okay with it, you should have nothing to fear. So, what is your decision?"
"My decision, huh?" Levi muttered before a look of determination came over his face. "I'm going to tell him the words I always meant for him to know."