Chapter Text
Well, todays the day. Annie’s picking up Armin to help out, Reiner and Bertholdt are flirting on the couch and I’m jiggling my leg violently in impatience. I know I should be more concerned about the choices we’ll have, but all I can think about is her. The ‘girl of my dreams’. She took my poster, so she has to be coming, right?
I groan and start fiddling with my necklace.
“Pull yourself together, Ymir…” I whisper. Just then the doorbell rings and I swear I feel my heart jump from my chest and into my mouth.
“Fuckin’ hell…” I mutter. I run to answer the door and Annie shuffles past me with Armin close behind.
“Is everything ready?” Armin asks. I nod my head.
“All that’s left is for them to hurry the hell up… The auditions start in 10 minutes and no one’s here yet.” I sit in a chair, staring intently at the door.
If they’re all going to be this late when we go big, then this is already looking hopeless.
“Someone’ll come.” Reiner called from the other room. “I saw a lot of people stopping to look at our flyers, someone has to come.”
I sighed deeply and put my head in my hands. This better be worth it…
~~~
An hour passed and Reiner was right. 15 people or so walked through my door for auditions. We had a few promising people but I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have been. I just couldn’t stop watching the door. Several times Annie would nudge me because I was jiggling my leg so much in impatience, but there was no sign of her and I was pretty damn worried.
Auditions took about 2 hours. We agreed to sleep on it and then discuss everything in depth tomorrow before making a decision. Even now, there was still no sign of her.
Dammit this was my chance to find answers. Maybe at least know the name of this girl that had been invading my mind. I sighed a lot and each time Annie would look at me, clearly concerned. Well, I couldn’t blame her. I would be concerned too if one of my friends was acting as shitty as I was. But if you ask me, I was taking it pretty well for someone who just had her hopes and dreams crushed.
I groaned for the thousandth time and dramatically slammed my head into the table. All this was making my head hurt…
Reiner chuckled and I shot him an annoyed glare.
“Tired? Damn, I knew being social was tiring for you, but I thought you could last a little longer than that!”
“Suck my dick, Reiner…” I mumbled. He held up his hands defensively before patting my shoulder.
“Don’t worry so much. We’ll find someone in no time and that manager will make us rich. It won’t be much longer now.” I stayed silent and closed my eyes. That wasn’t what I was concerned about, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
Everyone gradually began to leave. Reiner and Bertholdt left first. Annie stayed behind to make sure I was okay one last time – to which I assured her I was totally okay and she didn’t need to worry so much – and left at last to take Armin home.
Now here I am, all alone in this hopelessly empty house with none of my questions answered. In fact, I think I had more questions now.
Why did she take the poster and not come? She obviously wanted the information for something. If it wasn’t because she wanted to audition, then what did she take it for?
I’m getting a headache again.
“I want to take a nap…” I grumble and lazily get up from the chair and flop onto the couch.
Naps, the #1 way to avoid all responsibilities and problems. Even if all you dream about is someone you don’t know in some creepy ass alternate universe that doesn’t make sense.
“Maybe if our band doesn’t work out, I can write a book…” I joke and shove my face into the pillow, closing my eyes.
~~~
We drag ourselves slowly through the snowstorm with only her grunts and the wind as comfort from the cold. She pulls the unconscious man from a rope, clearly struggling.
“….-,Give up already.” I call out to her. She doesn’t stop. “You listening?” I call again.
“I will not give up.” She grunts. I stare at her, emotionless.
“….- is already at deaths door… A guy who couldn’t even properly evaluate his physical limits shouldn’t have come here in the first place. But he wanted praise and recognition and took this harsh training anyway. With a stupid approach like that, this is as far as he gets, simple as that.” She remains silent.
“If we keep walking at this snail’s pace, he’ll die for sure, and we, too, will be in a very real danger. We won’t last till morning. So there’re 2 choices available to us. We leave -…- behind and try to survive ourselves, or all three of us die here together. Your choice?”
There’s a pause and she seems unfazed by my comments.
“I choose a third option.” She says confidently. “The two choices you offer are wrong, Ymir. I’m going to reach the facility at the foot of the mountain and save -…-… Of course, it’ll be easier for me if you just go ahead and stop bugging me. What do you say to this?” She stares at me expectantly and I return her gaze.
“I won’t bug you.” I say.
“We’ll make it there, I promise. So you just go ahead, okay?” She turns away from me and continues to pull his limp body through the heavy snow. I don’t change my pace and continue to follow her. When she realizes that I’m not following her order, she gives me a confused look.
“Hey… Why are you still here?”
“Hm?”
“Go ahead or it’ll be dangerous… so go… hurry up…” She says in between breaths.
“Huh…?” I lower my mask and give her a skeptical look. “Say, why aren’t you asking me for help? It should be glaringly obvious that between you with your child-like build and me it’d be a lot faster if I haul him instead, no?” She gives me a shocked look and finally stops moving. I move up to her side and lean down closer to her eye level.
“I thought so. You’re not really trying to save -…-, are you?” Her look goes from shock to fear and we stare at each other in silence. Neither of us move and the only sound is the wind that seems to be growing stronger with each second that passes.
“You said it yourself that it’s gonna be dangerous, didn’t you? Which means you’re well aware that at this rate you’re gonna die too, aren’t you? And dying is precisely what you want to accomplish here, right? Right? You wanna make it so that I was left to spread the legend about one self-sacrificial goddess -…-. No, wait, I’m probably reading a bit too much into it.” I lean in closer. “That won’t do… because -…- is a good girl, ain’t she? So you’re probably honestly asking yourself what you can do to save this guy… without asking me to haul him, is that wrong? You really want people to think that you’re a good person who’d literally die for the sake of others. Cause if people get involved with you and end up dying… that would make you a bad girl, yea?” She grabs my coat in her small fist, a look of horror on her face.
“You’re wrong… I… I would never…I…” She begins, quivering. She looks down at the snow, falling silent.
“Then it’s you, ain’t it… The illegitimate child of a mistress driven out of the house.” She tenses up and slowly looks back up to my face.
“Why… how do you…”
“Oh, the bull’s eye, huh. It really is you. I happened to accidently overhear a conversation at a certain church in the innermost land when I was going round borrowing money to keep living. The dangerous kind of talk that no outsider was supposed to hear… You were a heiress to a certain very important house. A direct descendant by blood but born out of wedlock, which mad you unacceptable as a successor for many of them... they thought everything would be so much easier if you just got killed somehow. Or, at least, renounced your name and lived like an ordinary person… then they were willing to overlook your existence. And the girl they were talking about did just that, changing her name and joining the military trainees after having been driven out of the house, they said…” She was still staring at me, fidgeting nervously.
“Don’t worry, I’ve no intention to tell this to anyone or sell you out.” I reassure her.
“Then… you joined the trainee squad just to find me?” She furrowed her brows in confusion. “Why would you go to such lengths…?” Now it was my turn to stare at her in shock. I was unsure of what to say to that.
“Who knows…”
~~~
I jolted awake. All the lights were on but it was dark outside. With a groan and a lazy yawn I pulled myself away from the couch and grabbed my phone from the table to check the time.
“8:52…” I mumble. I squint at the numbers and click my tongue in annoyance. I drop the phone back onto the table angrily and stomp up the stairs.
“What the fuck… why the fuck…” I grumble, stomping into the kitchen.
“It feels like each dream is a puzzle piece or some shit, but none of them actually fit together! Or maybe I’m just too stupid to see?! Who the fuck knows, cause I sure as fuck don’t!” I fling open my cabinets and can feel the anger growing stronger.
Unsatisfied with the contents of my cabinets, I open the fridge. Right in front of my face is a pack of cheap, shitty beer. I’m quick to decide that I don’t fucking care about the quality of the alcohol, I just want to stop thinking about this for as long as damn possible.
Yanking the box violently out of the fridge I slam them onto the counter and sit down at one of the chairs, grabbing a can. I open it and chug it down so fast I don’t think I even tasted it before it reached my stomach. The faster, the better.
It only took about 2 or 3 for me to start to feel whoozy. My vision was blurring and I was sluggish but I continued to drink.
I know what you’re thinking. ‘Ymir, drinking isn’t the answer!!’ and to that I say, yes, I know. But I think by now it’s pretty obvious 98% of the shit I do ‘isn’t the answer’. I am nowhere near being a good kid but hey, I could be worse.
I’m starting to black out at this point. Not really sure if I’m gonna fall asleep or if I’m about to wake up in the middle of nowhere to find that I’ve done a bunch of shit I should not have done. Guess we’ll find out in a few hours.
~~~
I blacked out and did a lot of stupid things. That’s an understatement though, because I have done some serious shit. At some point I stumbled out of my house like the drunken fool I was and started a fight with some guy harassing a girl. Of course I was in no condition to fight and actually win, but the guy was really offended about the whole things and called the cops. I don’t know where the girl went during all this, but I guess I still managed to save her in a way.
When the cops arrived, I may or may not have tried to fight them. I don’t think I realized that they were cops and thought he had just called back up. They were the nice cops though, thank god. And I never actually hit any of them so I didn’t technically attack them, and they couldn’t really understand what I was saying so to their knowledge I hadn’t threatened them so they didn’t charge me. I am however in a cell at the station due to my asshole-ish actions until someone can pick me up, and I have a fine for being a wild drunk in a public area.
That’s about all I got from the officer when I asked him what happened while trying really hard not to gouge out my brain from the massive hangover I had.
The weirdest part though is that no one I knew was there, but he said my friend was coming to let me out and take me home. Honestly I’m not sure how to feel about this whole thing, probably because my brain hurts so fucking much. Why did I drink all that shit beer. Why do I do this to myself. Why.
“Yo, can you tell me whose picking me up? I’m really confused here.” The officer chuckled and glanced over his newspaper.
“She’ll be here any moment now, just wait.” Wow, thank you that is so helpful. I groan and lay back down. Not sure if I fell asleep or what, but sure enough this mystery friend shows up and is kneeling beside me. I groan and open my eyes to meet two deep blue ones.
I stare into the deep blue eyes of the girl in front of me. Her blonde hair falls delicately over her face and reaches just below her shoulders. She stares back earnestly, reaching out to me. I don’t move away and instead just stare in awe. How the fuck does someone get this damn lucky, this must be a prank or something.
“Are you alright?” She asks in that soft voice of hers. She touches my shoulder and my breath hitches. I grab her hand and shoot upwards causing her to jump and shriek a little. I should apologize but I don’t think my brain is really functioning that well right now.
“Your name.” I say.
“W-what?”
“I need to know your name. No, I need to know everything. Wow that sounds fucking weird, but I’m too hungover, my brain isn’t filtering my thoughts. Just your name is cool. Yea.” She seems a little uncomfortable and I let go of her hand. C’mon, Ymir, don’t scare her.
“U-uhm… My name is Krista Lenz, you saved me from that man that was harassing me in the park? Well, sort of… I don’t really know what you were doing…” Krista… Krista… Holy shit I still have no idea what’s going on but that name is so damn comforting right now. And it feels so right, like I’ve known it for years.
“I don’t know what I was doing either, let’s just pretend I didn’t do or say any of the stuff I did because that was embarrassing as fuck. Hi Krista, I’m Ymir. Thanks for bailing me.”
“Y-yea… Do you need help to go home?” Holy shit this girl is nice. Like really nice.
“That would be great, thanks.” I say and stand up. I have to look down in order to meet her eyes and scream a little on the inside. She is so small. Or am I just too tall? I don’t know. I don’t really know anything anymore, I just need some aspirin.
She awkwardly stepped away from me and turned around. She glanced to make sure I was following and guided me out of the police station.
Okay Ymir, make conversation. Don’t fuck this up, if you do you’re doomed. Be casual, be cool.
“So… are you into music? Or singing?” Yea, that’s good. That’s casual and completely normal… right?
“Huh? Oh… well, yea I guess…”
“Would you… do it for a living?”
“Well… I would, but I can’t. It’s a little bit complicated…”
“O-oh… I see…” We round the corner onto my street and I rub the back of my neck. We walk in silence for several moments before I clear my throat. “Well, I can understand that… It’s just that, I’ve got this band and we don’t have a lead singer… and sort of need one, but I can’t seem to find someone I like…” She stopped and looked up to me in surprise.
“Are… are you asking me to be your lead singer?”
“Well, it couldn’t hurt to at least let me give you an audition… could it?”
“No, no of course not! I mean… It’s just that I can’t give you a guarantee I can do it. You’re the band that had all those flyers up, right? I was going to come… but…”
“Oh, you saw those… Well, yes we did have auditions yesterday but… Well, that’s also a little complicated. If you want, I can call everyone else and let you audition.” We walk up to my door and I stop to see what her answer is. She bites her lip cutely and I smile a little. She shifts and looks up and down the street.
“I’d like that, thank you.”
I smile wider and suppress the urge to whoop and cheer. Opening the door I guide her inside.
“Make yourself comfortable.”
I should be the definition of ‘act natural’.