Chapter Text
Ever since you were a young child, you’ve been told that a person like you could never make friends. You had around you a mighty wall, which no one bothered to even look at, let alone make the effort to jump over, which left you misunderstood, alone, and obviously, broken.
You were what you’d call, a lone ranger, secretly caring for people but can’t pause and let them get to know you—you weren’t scared, per say, you were cautious, and perhaps learning that your kindness was hidden and was not a gift you would so willingly give away.
On most nights, you pondered if this was how your life was going to be. An elder sister, married away to a family that could not stand you, and parents long dead from disease and strife—you were forced to move, adapt and learn new things to survive, but it was on one chilly, winter night did you figure out that your method of survival was not the only way to go. You were not one to believe in demons, but when your eyes landed on a small-statured demon feeding on a person who was talking to you just moments ago, you were frozen to your spot.
You immediately shut your eyes, knowing that this was all you were going to live for, tears leaking from the side of your eyes when your one breath turned to two, and two turned four and you were breathing still—forcing you to open your eyes and meet with a rather strange man, a snake around his neck. He spotted you, on the ground, crying and didn’t bother to offer help. He had saved your life, after all, that was all the help you were getting.
“If you want to live,” He said, “You might need to learn a few more things.”
You wanted to learn. You wanted to be more like this man—quiet, yet callously dangerous, a large wall around him that you could literally feel around him. You didn’t want to say he reminded you of you, because you were in no comparison to the strength this man unfolded before you. Yet, you wanted to be more like him—learn and adapt in ways that could let you survive the way he had.
“Can you teach me?” You asked, your voice a mere whisper.
“No,” He didn’t look hesitant, but you could tell from his eyes that he pitied you, “But I do know someone who can.”
That was how you met Kanroji Mitsuri, who more than willingly took you under her wing—wanting to learn more about you, carry you in her arms, feed you so much food that you could barely eat, and had Obanai-san watch the two of you as you interacted. Kanroji refused to teach you her breathing technique, however, which left you confused.
Confused, only for a while.
It was one morning when you were foraging did you feel your breath be taken away. As curious as you were, you approached the flower, in all its beauty and callous demeanour, and stood there, admiring it. It was a blue rose, but you could not touch it. Thorns spread around its stem, forbidden anyone from even getting close—forcing the onlookers to admire it from afar. You were mesmerised because this flower reminded you of you, not that you considered yourself as elegant as the flower, no—but it was the thorns that melted your heart straight away.
It was one of the most beautiful things you had ever seen—and that was when you realised it; some of the most beautiful things come wrapped in thorns. What Mitsuri-san had told you made so much more sense. You, at the time, were just a misunderstood 11-year old with nothing to lose.
You merely aimed to be something more than just that.
*
Three years passed with you having become a demon slayer. You had mastered your own breathing technique, under the supervision of Mitsuri-san and Obanai-san of course, who merely instructed you and did nothing more. Mitsuri introduced you to Shinobu after you passed, earning you the rank of a Tsuchinoe immediately for having been somewhat of a tsuguko.
You believed this was all your life was going to be like. Mitsuri-san and Obanai-san are the only ones who knew you past your thorns, and there was no need for anyone else to fill any sort of gaps, if there were any.
You wanted to believe you were happy, you wanted to believe that you were content with the kind of life you were living, but you couldn’t help but feel a void growing in your chest, day in and day out—and no matter how strong you thought you got, you were feeling a tad bit more hollow each day.
“(y/n)-chan,” Shinobu’s voice broke you out of your reverie as you were training, “We’ve got a mission.”
You always were mesmerized with her sing-song voice, though there was something odd about it that you couldn’t quite place your finger on. You nodded before heading into the estate to change and get yourself ready to leave, unaware that Shinobu was watching you the whole time.
“(y/n)-chan,” You paused as she beckoned you, “I wish you’d let people in some more. Kindness oozes out of you, yet you pick them up carefully like pebbles on the beach floor.”
You smile at her softly, “Shinobu-san, the world isn’t kind. My smiles won’t end the demons. My blade will.”
She nodded because what more could she say? You reminded her of herself from long ago, and you had said the same thing she had said to her sister before she had died. Your heart was fixed on something, and there could be nothing that could sway your mind—nothing apart from a storm.
They say that there’s a circle drawn around the very area you were standing on; this was how fate worked, in strange and bizarre ways. You were never not meant to be here and you were never not meant to meet a certain brown-haired boy.
You sensed four demons ahead and what was strange was only three of them were hostile—confusing you at how a demon could just stay around people and not attack them. But that was not what you were going to think of, you were told to assist the humans there and that was what you were going to do.
Your eyes widened when you spotted a boy with a box on his back, facing off against three demons. The brown-haired male looked a bit distracted when the demon approached the box on his back—forcing you to quickly jump on a trunk and breathe—
“Breathe of the Blue Rose,” You unsheathed your sword in an instant before standing still against the trunk of the tree, “Dance of the Briar,”
The boy below you froze as thorns grew around you, heavy and thick, with tiny blue roses blooming from the tips, and in one instant, the thorns wrapped around the three demons before you jumped and slashed each of their heads off, in one clean swipe. You landed on your feet ahead of the demon slayer, before turning to him and looking at him—cold eyes met warm ones, and you swore that this boy’s eyes showed you that the past, present, and future were all the same thing.
“That was… That was amazing…” He said, and you ignored him.
“There’s a demon on your back.” You said, starting to unsheathe your sword.
His eyes suddenly widened, “N-No! I can explain—”
You stilled when you sensed a stronger demon presence coming from half a mile away. There were a few humans there, and you had to pick one over the other. Clicking your tongue, you glared at the boy in front of you, before sheathing your sword again.
“If you are caught protecting a demon, it could mean trouble. I hope you know that.”
Just as you were about to leave, “Thank you so much for saving my life!”
You didn’t bother on responding, but for some reason, your heart couldn’t stop beating rapidly.
*
The next time you saw the brown-haired boy was in the butterfly estate. Shinobu had asked you and Aoi to help out, considering how there were quite a few people who required assistance—and this boy, Kamado Tanjiro in particular, was special.
You learned from the Hashira that Tanjiro’s sister had been turned into a demon, but had not hurt a single human being thus far. So that’s the demon on his back, you thought, looking at him while he was asleep. You knew from the way he was shifting and turning that he would wake up any moment, after which you were to administer his medicine. You felt bad for him, curious about the kind of life he had led, after having his entire family be killed by Muzan, and his only remaining family was turned into a demon. It broke your heart, and you bit your lip, unable to express what you were feeling.
“It’s you…” you heard Tanjiro’s frail voice alert you before you turned around and handed him his daily medicine.
“It’s bitter.” You said before the boy drank it without question.
His blond friend was still asleep, considering it had been just two days since they were brought back to the estate. You watched as Tanjiro attempted to sit up, and you were sure he was going to engage in some conversation with you. You wanted to leave before that happened.
Just as you were about to get up, you heard him say, “You’re… Why are you so sad?”
Your eyes widened and you let out a soft gasp before you turned to look at him, looking at you earnestly. How did he know that? You gulped before frowning at him, causing him to suddenly regret what he said, and walked away—not intending on answering his question. Of course, it had caught you off-guard, but that did not mean it didn’t encroach on your boundaries. Boundaries, huh… you thought as you walked toward Tanjiro’s sister’s room.
What use are these boundaries at all? You thought as you opened the door, only intending to check up on the girl.
You expected to see the demon asleep or passive, but the second you entered, you saw her sitting up on the bed, with three layers of blankets over her.
You knew demons couldn’t go out in the sun and you knew she was trying to avoid any bit of sunlight there was so that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Walking over to the window, you put over a dark-colored sheet over the curtain to further prevent light from getting in.
“Is that better?” You asked Nezuko, as you learned her name, only to have her grumble with joy.
You wanted to smile at her, your heart going out for the tragedy that these siblings had gone through. Slowly, without realising it, your hand reached her head and you patted her just twice, her eyes staring into your soul.
“I’m sorry, Nezuko-san,” You whispered, “I wish I was better at this.”
A second later, her handheld your own which was on her head and she brought it to her cheek, cradling it softly. You were frozen to the spot you stood on, admiring this demon’s ability to show more kindness than you had ever been able to, and you felt your lips quiver.
That evening, you noticed Aoi attempt to walk to the room Tanjiro was in. You rushed to her before grabbing her arm, staring at her.
“Do…” She had no idea what you were trying to tell her, “Do you want to give this to him?”
You nodded once before she giggled and handed you the medicine, and you entered the room to find Tanjiro already awake, smiling at you. You wanted to smile back but only a frown was plastered on your face, which for some reason, he smiled at you wider for. You quickly handed him the medicine before turning to leave, but Tanjiro stopped you.
“Could you s-stay for a moment? I’d like your company!”
You narrowed your eyes before feeling a soft blush come on your features, as you sat down beside his bed on the stool. Tanjiro drank his medicine quietly and once again smiled at you.
“I never caught your name.” He said, bashfully.
“(y/n).”
“Just (y/n)?”
You nodded. Your sister and yourself never had a surname. If you did, you couldn’t remember it.
“(y/n)-chan, thank you for saving my life! Your breath style was just so beautiful, I couldn’t look away!”
You blushed at how easily he complimented you, and cleared your throat not knowing what to say, “Thank you…” came out rather softly but he seemed all the more happier that you were just there.
A moment later, you looked at him and asked, “Why did you ask me that?”
He blinked, “For your name?”
“No, why did you ask me if I was sad?” The real question was, how did you know?
“Ah,” Tanjiro scratched the back of his head, “I could… I smelled it off you. Not meaning it in any creepy way, really! I just… You are so kind, your hands, your eyes—they’re all brimming with kindness, yet, your sadness masks them all. You’re like the rose from your breathing technique,”
You gasped at his words.
“The thorns being your sadness.”
“Tanjiro-san…” Your face was steaming hot. “I… I’m not good at any of this.”
“Not good at what?”
“I’ve always been by myself,” You couldn’t believe what was happening, “When Obanai-san found me, I thought I was dead. No one’s tried to know how I feel or what I want or how I sound like… I’ve always just been here, living by myself, feeling by myself—it’s no different from not knowing how to talk. How can I…? How I can ever dream of letting go of my insecurities? I can’t be who I want to be because—”
“Of course you can,” Tanjiro’s smile was blinding, “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or feel happy because thorns have roses. Ultimately, you can’t accept the beauty of a rose without the thorns, right?”
You quickly stood up, feeling so bashful that you thought you’d die.
“I hope you get better soon!”
You ran out of the room, unable to contain yourself. What exited your mouth after that was a laugh, a sound so unfamiliar to you that you felt strange—warmth coursing through your veins as you rushed to the training ground. You were breathing heavily right then, tears pricking your eyes. You were not sad, not even close, yet you felt the overwhelming need to cry—as if to cleanse your system off the thoughts you have always had about yourself, your reservations, your beliefs.
You pictured Mitsuri-san’s smile right then, and you smiled back, covering your face with your palms. Slowly, you brought your hands down, the smile still intact on your face.
Thank you, you thought, Tanjiro-san.
*
As days passed, you were slowly becoming a new person. Tanjiro had started his training with Kanao-chan, with Inosuke and Zenitsu awake and attending the sessions as well. Tanjiro was assigned to train with you as well—where all he had to do was race you to a finish line.
All set in the woods—your place for victory.
While you easily beat them over forty times, you noticed how hard Tanjiro worked each and every single day—and all this was for Nezuko, who had gone back to sleep after you had met her that first day. You approached Tanjiro with a smile on your face, patting him on the shoulder, alerting his attention. He turned to you and froze, which caused you to still as well, tilting your head in confusion.
“Is something wrong?” You asked, still smiling.
Tanjiro’s own smile grew in retaliation and he shook his head.
“You’re…” You’re beautiful, he wanted to say, “It’s nice to see you smiling!”
Your smile only grew before saying, “It’s all thanks to you!”
You spotted Zenitsu and Inosuke slowly catch up and you smiled at them before folding your arms.
“You can try using the breathing technique while you run,” You suggested, “It’s hard at first, but you’ll get used to it. Your movements will be lagged initially, but with practice, you’ll learn to move much, much faster.”
“While running? That’ll kill me for sure!” Zenitsu said, causing you to chuckle.
“I can do it!” Inosuke yelled out loud.
Tanjiro watched you, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He sensed your sadness still, but he also sensed a growing sense of concern lodge itself in your heart —for them, and he couldn’t be happier.
That night, you noticed Tanjiro sitting on the roof of the estate. You easily jumped to him and sat beside him, not wanting to alert him when he was in a stupor. A second later however,
“(y/n)-chan? There’s something I saw in the woods the other day. Would you like to come see?”
You nodded, curious as to what it could be. A moment later, Tanjiro offered you his hand, for which you gulped before taking it, feeling heat rush to your cheeks. He led you into the forest in absolute silence, but the sound of your heart slammed against your ears and you were certain that even the brown-haired boy could hear it.
He could hear it, but hardly because his own heartbeat was raging in his chest.
When the two of you reached a clearing, it was one of the most mesmerizing sights you had ever laid eyes on. White roses, reflected in the blue of the moonlight, shone in their bed of thorns—enchanting you with every breath you took.
“Tanjiro-san,” You didn’t know what to say, “This is beautiful!”
He went ahead and picked one flower from a bed of thorns, before handing it to you. You were amazed at how beautiful these flowers were, a feeling rushing inside your heart that you couldn’t quite place. You smelled it, a soft smile sitting on your lips as you let out a sigh of happiness. Tanjiro blinked at you, with a grin.
“Thorns don’t stop you from sniffing,” He said, “Or putting them in a vase or admiring them. You work around them. Because the rose is worth it… Think of what you’d miss.”
You blushed at his words, unaware of where this was going.
“Tanjiro-san, you…”
Your heart was beating so loudly you were going deaf. You felt him come closer to you, taking your hand in his, his forehead dangerously close to yours. You wanted to hold him just then, but you were unsure. Hesitant.
But so, so deeply in love.
“I love you,” he whispered and kissed your brow. “Thorns and all.”
Suddenly, everything else didn’t matter—the void in your chest was filled with sunlight, a dancing flame that burned brighter than the rest. Staring into his eyes, you smiled as tears leaked out of your (e/c) ones before feeling Tanjiro’s hand reach your cheek and bring your forehead to touch his.
“I think I’ve loved you from the second you saved my life, (y/n)-chan,” He said, shutting his eyes. “And there is not any wall I wouldn’t scale for you.”
Your hands wound themselves around his neck before breathing into his scent, feeling his skin touch yours, his hair tickle your cheek—Tanjiro embraced you back, feeling his arms protectively wrap around your figure, as he kissed you softly on your cheek. There was no need for you to hide away anymore—and there was no need for you to be afraid of your kindness.
If there was one thing Tanjiro was good at, it was at loving you.
And if there was one thing you were good at, it was returning the love that is given to you.