Chapter Text
‘’Toma, I love you.’’
It felt like time stopped. When she confessed that she loved him, everything just stopped. All his built up exhaustion, depressing feelings, just hit him like a truck. Toma struggled to breathe, feeling his entire being tremble, before his vision eventually blurred.
‘’Toma!’’ Her cries were the last thing he heard before collapsing on the ground.
I don’t deserve this….
I don’t deserve this…..
I don’t deserve her,
I don’t deserve her or her love.
-
‘’Hey Toma.’’ The blond turned his attention to his co-worker, who was sitting at an empty table with him during their break. ‘’I’ve been wondering this, but… do you have a girl you love?’’
Toma’s eyes widened at Sawa’s absrupt question, right to the point. ‘’Why do you wanna know that?’’
‘’Well……’’ She dipped her cheek into her palm boredly, ‘’You’re a pretty handsome guy, so you gotta have some kind of love life going on.’’
Toma laughed, a bit embarrassed. Clearly shy towards answering, he looked over at the one that came into his mind when she asked that question. The one who had his heart since they’ve known each other. Amber hues softened, ‘’.....We’ll never have that type of relationship anyway, but I’m grateful enough if I get to stay in her life somehow.’’
‘’Eh? Really? I’m sure you could get her if you tried.’’ Sawa stated, dumbfounded. ‘’Who is it?’’ She turned to see what or who he was staring at but Toma already stood up.
‘’Time to get back to work!’’ He stretched, acting as if he didn’t hear her. ‘’Come on Sawa.’’ He went to fetch himself a serving tray.
‘’Toma! Wait, who is it?!’’
-
When Toma’s eyes opened, he felt his head throb. His eyes felt heavy, most likely from his absurd sleep schedule finally catching up with him. He heard the vague sound of beeping, and when he turned he saw the heart monitor he was attached to.
‘’. . .What. . . . where?’’ He slurred tiredly,
‘’You’re finally awake. . . I’m so relieved. . .’’ When he saw Kanna beside his bed, he froze.
‘’You… what are you…..’’ he could barely manage out sentences, ‘’Why are you….’’
‘’You collapsed while I was talking to you…. So I called an ambulance.’’ Wearing a sorrowful smile, she went to grab his hand, holding it gently in hers.
‘’You haven’t been taking care of yourself, have you Toma?’’ She questioned, most likely overhearing what the doctors said when he arrived.
Toma didn’t answer, looking away and snatching his hand from her grip. ‘’Go home. You shouldn’t be here.’’ He said coldly, ‘’Get away from me. You know I’m a dangerous person.’’
Her smile faded into a frown, but clenching her jaw she stood up and glared at him. ‘’No. I won’t.’’
‘’Go home.’’ He said again.
‘’I’m not going home unless it’s with you.’’
Toma gasped. Then he struggled to sit up. He couldn’t deal with this. No, no. . .
What the hell was she even thinking? Was she some kind of masochist? Or was she just an idiot? Maybe both?
‘’Please… stop doing this. I already accepted that I don’t deserve having you part of my life anymore….’’ As excruciating as it was, he already accepted it. If she continued doing this, he’d start hoping for something he didn’t deserve.
Kanna’s face started streaming with tears when she stood up, ‘’You’re such an idiot! Who do you think you are to decide that?!’’ She yelled at him.
‘’I’m the guy that locked you up in a cage, and pinned you down while you were injured! Get it through your head! I’m a scumbag, go back to your boyfriend Ikki. He’s the one you love, not me!’’ Toma yelled right back, which caused a splitting headache to hit him. He grimaced from the throbbing.
She grew quiet after what he shouted back, sitting back into her chair. Fiddling with the hems of her skirt, she stared at her hands. ‘’......I never liked Ikki, I liked you.’’ Kanna quietly admitted, ‘’Ikki…. I was only asking Ikki for advice about how to get your attention, about how to ask you out…. But when I got amnesia, it ruined everything….’’
Kanna let out a deep sigh. If she never ended up getting amnesia, things could have been different. ‘’Ever since we were kids, I loved you so much…. You always took care of me, you always put a smile on my face….’’ the tears started spilling again, falling onto her hands.
‘’Then you have the nerve to disappear without a trace. Shin’s right, you are an idiot. A big, huge idiot.’’ she said through tears.
His heart ached, hearing her cry, hearing everything that she was telling him. He still didn’t think he deserved her though. Toma reached out to stroke her head. The act made her gasp, looking up at him through tear filled lashes. The guilt was written all over his face. ‘’Your amnesia didn’t ruin anything, I did.’’
She huffed, ‘’No, you didn’t!! Toma…. Please.’’ Taking the hand that was on her head, she brought it between her palms and held it close to her. ‘’I don’t wanna live without you…’’
Toma was growing frustrated. ‘’Stop it, I already told you---’’
‘’One week!’’ She shouted over him, which startled the blond. ‘’Let me stay here with you for one week, and if you still don’t want to be with me by then…. I’ll leave.’’
Toma scowled at her for a second, but it subsided because he felt there was no winning with this girl. ‘’Okay.’’