Chapter Text
Seasons, they will change
Life will make you grow
Death can make you hard, hard, hard
Everything is temporary
Everything will slide
Love will never die, die, die
***
The first words they said to each other had been purely business, and still they somehow hadn’t sounded unfriendly.
“You on your own?“ - “Seems so.“
Back then they hadn’t known each other and still Tommy was there without backstop. Hadn't wanted to look weak and scared because it would have been a stumbling block to every deal. He needed Solomons but mustn’t have appeared submissive - more like someone who needed something but could offer a valuable thing in return.
Alfie had kept a wary eye on him while he had been drinking, eyeing the glass in Tommy’s hand. Nothing escaped him, not even Tommy’s short smile. The man was obviously not the continuously frigid person he pretended to be. Maybe he could convince other people of it, but not Alfie. He would find out what weak spot it was that would become important regarding this business partner in the end.
Only in retrospect Alfie had looked at their meeting from another point of view. Admitted to himself there was something to his upright posture, same went for his firm expression. His whole appearance was a clear statement. One that pointed out that he would sell his own grandmother, even if his big, blue eyes may look ever so lovely sometimes.
He had surely placed importance on every detail, from his shoes to his choice of words. The groggy condition certainly hadn’t been part of the plan, but even this thing may be interpreted to his advantage.
And whereas they had addressed each other formally back then, they were close to each other now - not only regarding addresses. It had been a challenge, but Alfie had accepted it. Had accepted that it would take its time until Tommy allowed himself not to pay attention to every detail. Until he didn’t control himself every second and thought about every gesture, but simply leaned against him because it did him good. Until he unexpectedly came up from behind, wrapping his arms around Alfie, only to whisper something into his ear. It didn’t even matter what exactly he said, as long as it was Tommy. Only the two of them, close to each other, surrounded by silence.
The last words they said to each other were those after they had sex. Or was making love more like it? After they had been laying close together. After Tommy had kissed his neck and Alfie had wondered how he deserved this beauty next to him. They had never searched terms to describe this kind of relationship, it wasn’t necessary - not to mention the fact that it couldn’t be good to set such boundaries. To say that they were this and that and had to act accordingly. It was already good to be close to each other.
“Take care of yourself, alright?“ - “Always.“
He could have never uttered something like I love you, this words seemed to be too powerful, but his touches expressed it all - just like the smile he got as an answer to it. It surely would have looked good on a photo, Alfie thought as a smile appeared on his own lips, too.
Tommy had already gotten dressed again. This time Alfie already spotted some fur on his coat collar. It were always only small changes, but Alfie noticed them. They only showed that life went on. That Tommy continued building up his wealth, whereas he himself was laying there and could only watch the other man standing on this chessboard and only being able to align himself with the circumstances. He would never entirely control the situation, forever being a token, but maybe still prevail over his enemies.
And even if his style might change, without his clothes it was still Tommy who was standing there in front oh him. The second he took of his clothes he also got rid of all this masks he was wearing by day. The masks that allowed him to win the right people over, but at the same time were only composed of lies.
Sometimes when they were laying close together, Tommy confided in him. Didn’t only tell him about the political God-awful mess, but about smaller dreams he often understated - as if his wishes didn’t matter, were absolutely petty in comparison to the big deal.
Tommy looked so alive when he told him about all the things he wanted to. Once he gave up control, Alfie could ruffle his hair for hours while he enthused about his horses. When he thought about buying another animal and asked Alfie’s opinion, even though he knew that the latter had no idea about riding. When he resolved to go for a ride with Charlie again and take Ruby with them. Alfie couldn’t say much about their relationship - only that Tommy tried hard but it was tense nevertheless - but at least there seemed to be a chance that it would get better. A chance Tommy hung on to, even if he would never admit it together with some other things.
Alfie probably didn’t even guess it, but Tommy didn’t forget about his words. Take care of yourself, take care of yourself. Even if it wasn’t completely altruistic, he wanted the best for him. He didn’t need this blood since he had retired. He had found his Margate and at the same time apparently the pleasure out of the peace. The wandering Jew had found peace, if it wasn’t ironic.
Bit even if he wasn’t wandering anymore, he hadn’t forgotten this lifestyle. How could it be otherwise when he regularly had someone over who still lived that way? Someone who was on his nerve’s ends as good as permanently because plans for the next weeks, notes and years sneaked into his brain again and again?
But he knew what he could do against it. Alfie knew exactly that Tommy wouldn’t jostle him away when he carefully opened the buttons on his waistcoat, afterwards those on his shirt. Let his lips wander over the exposed skin to leave a love bite on it. The other people wouldn’t see it, but Alfie would live with the thought about Tommy feeling the touch even days later.
And Tommy did. Loved to recall the hours he associated with it. That Alfie desired him and he felt the same way. That their relationship embodied a high contrast to the world they had met in.
Alfie truly looked gentle, as he was laying there, still wrapped in the duvet, unwilling to get out of bed. Tommy felt it every time when he briefly grabbed him by his arm, as if he wanted to say stay here a little bit longer. As if it wasn’t already hard enough to tear away from him, especially when there was this certain tenderness in his look.
He gave him a last kiss on the cheek before he left. If everything went according to plan, it wouldn’t be the last time he could do that - a thought that conjured a smile on his lips.