Chapter Text
Soobin rubbed the sweat off his palms on his pants, re-grabbing the flowers and books.
He looked at Yeonjun's houses, a weird feeling in his stomach, it makes him want to run away and pretend he’s another person.
He walks up to the door, knocking on it, fixing his grip on the flowers he's holding.
The door quickly opens, a man without a shirt and who looks like he's never slept or showered stands in front of Soobin.
“What do you want, kid,” the man says with a bored expression on his face.
Soobin stands taller, “i-is Yeonjun home?”
The man looks Soobin up and down then looking at the flowers in his hand, “are you two dating?”
Soobin shakes his head, “no sir”
The man grabs the door handle, “don’t lie to me.”
“We’re not dating sir.”
“I don’t like it when little punks like you lie straight to my face, do you take me for an idiot?”
Soobin’s heart started beating faster, the feeling telling him to run away getting stronger, “no sir. I just want to give him these books.”
The man steps closer, “Fucking leave you f-ggot before I do something you won’t like. My son doesn’t like men, especially little twinks like you,” the man slams the door in Soobin’s face.
Soobin’s mind blanked out. His head repeating the words. He looked down to the books he was holding, staring at the drops of water falling onto them.
Is it raining?
“Binnie?”
Soobin didn’t hear his name. Still staring down at his books, water drops covering the front page of his journal.
“Soobin!?”
Soobin felt himself shaking, his breathing unsteady, too fast for his lungs to get enough oxygen. It felt like he was drowning, like he couldn’t breath.
“I, I can’t breathe, I can't breathe. I'm going to die. I can’t breath.”
Soobin let go of the flowers and books, clenching his shirt, trying to breathe.
“Soobin you’re not gonna die. Look at me, turn around.”
Soobin turned around, still trying to breath. He was met with a blonde man, his vision too blurry to see who it was.
“Breathe, you’re ok. Here just follow me, in and out,” The man placed his hand on top of Soobins (that's on his chest),” in and out. Yes, just like that. You’re ok, it’s ok.”
Soobin felt his heart calm down, his vision focusing again.
“Hyung…”
“Welcome back to earth bun,” Yeonjun patted his hair, a soft smile on his face.
“Your hair,”
“Yeah…, Beomgyu helped me.”
“Beomgyu…”
“You had a panic attack, what happened,” Yeonjun asked. Soobin stared at him, his mind was thinking too loud, too much happening, “you know what? Let’s go get ice cream.”
Soobin shaked his head.
“No? You want to go home?”
Soobin shaked his head again, turning around and flusteredly grabbing his book and journal, “I brought them… for you,” he handed them to Yeonjun, “please.., read the journal. I’ll go home on my own.”
“No, no. I can read this later. I’ll walk you home”
“Please hyung. Look at it, I…, I need to go home by myself. I want to think.”
Yeonjun bit his lip, “ok.., text me when you get home.”
“Ok. Goodbye Hyung.”
“Goodbye Binnie.”
Yeonjun watched Soobin slowly walk away. His figure going off down the street on the way to his house. Yeonjun turned, seeing flowers on the ground in front of his door, he picked them up carefully, reading the card attached to them.
‘A consolida: open heart. A red chrysanthemums; I love you. A Clematis; beauty, luxury, perfection, magnificence’
Yeonjun opened the door quickly, kicking it closed behind him and running to his room.
He opened the black journal up. It was sketches of flowers, all the different parts labeled different things.
Page 1
Christmas Rose: peace and tranquility
Hyung walked home with me.
Yeonjun read each page, every writing Soobin wrote. Each flower had something to do with Yeonjun.
Page 15
Fennel: strength
Hyung had a fight with his dad. He was sad. He’s strong.
Yeonjun teared up, the suspense rising in his stomach.
Page 54
Geranium: surpassing hardships
I yelled at hyung today. He told me not to text or call him. I miss him. Im sorry Hyung.
Yeonjun bit his lip.
Page 55
red tulip: Declaration of love, eternal love, irreversible love, perfect love
I'm gonna tell him today. I hope he feels the same.
Page 56
Red chrysanthemums: I love you
Yeonjun held the book to his forehead, the sudden realization that Soobin loved him was too much.
He loved him. Soobin loved Yeonjun.
Yeonjun sobbed against the book.
Soobin was telling him the whole time, telling him through his own way, his own language
He turned the page again.
Page 57
“I hope I'm with you while you read this. I’m not good with words so I tried telling you through another language. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I was scared that he was gonna hurt you. I wanted you to be safe and i didn’t know how to tell you i was worried so i yelled at you. I know I'm not the most attractive person,” Yeonjun scuffed, “and I'm too tall. I'm also an introvert and you’re an extrovert, I don’t know what I feel and when I do I can’t put it into words. But I love you hyung. I hope you can give me a chance, if not, forget this happened. We can stay friends.”
Yeonjun shaked his head.
“I shouldn’t have let him go home,” he thinks out loud.
Yeonjun closes the journal, looking over to the 3 meanings of flower books. The books were filled with bookmarks, he opened the first book mark.
Sea Lavender
DescriptionLimonium is a genus of 120 flowering plant species. Members are also known as sea-lavender, statice, caspia or marsh-rosemary. Despite their common names, species are not related to the lavenders or to rosemary. They are instead in Plumbaginaceae, the plumbago or leadwort family.
They represent lasting beauty .
The ending was highlighted, a small sticky note on the side reading: hyung
Yeonjun sobbed again.
“He's so cute”
He read every book mark, every small sticky note, every small note Soobin wrote on the side, every highlight, every flower.
Yeonjun looked over to his phone, a notification on the lock screen.
Binnie 🐰: I got home safe.
Yeonjun bit his lip.
Junie 🦊: Are you home alone?
A couple seconds passed and Yeonjun sat in anticipation.
Binnie 🐰: Yes.
Junie 🦊: Can I come over?
Soobin took a long time to type. The ‘ Typing ’ coming and going.
Binnie 🐰: Ok.
Junie 🦊: omw
Yeonjun grabbed extra clothes, stuffing them onto his backpack, he grabbed the books, carefully putting them into his bag, being careful with the book bookmarks on the side.
He closed his bedroom door, walking towards his front door.
“Where are you going,” His father asked from the living room couch.
“Friends house,” Yeonjun answered carefully.
“Someone asked for you today, some tall f-g, he had flowers like he wanted to ask you out. told him to leave, I said my son doesn’t like men,” his father turned his head to face Yeonjun, “don’t go around making friends like that.”
Yeonjun felt his blood pressure rise, the grip on his back pack suddenly much stronger, he breathed out heavily, slamming his front door closed and running to Soobins house.
—-
He knocked on Soobin’s door, he nervously played with the strings on his hoodie.
Soobin opened the door, hair messy, a black hoodie too big on him and black sweatpants.
“Hi hyung”
“Hi Binnie,” Yeonjun looked at Soobin who was avoiding eye contact, “I-“
“let’s go to my room.”
Yeonjun nodded, following Soobin to his room. Soobin looked stiff, like he was expecting Yeonjun to blow up.
Soobin opened the door in his room, letting Yeonjun walk him before closing it behind him.
“I like your hair, it suits you,” Soobin plays with his hands, looking down.
“Thanks but it killed my hair,” Yeonjun chuckled, patting his hair down.
Soobin walked over the the bunny cage, looking at Soobun lay down, “did you see everything?”
“Yeah, it was beautiful,” Yeonjun walked over next to Soobin.
“How do you feel,” Soobin looked to Yeonjun, lips pressed together, arms pressed to his side.
Yeonjun gave an awkward kiss to Soobin. He was too stiff and they were in an awkward position but he didn’t care, he wanted to show him what he felt.
His heart broke when he felt the wet and saltines invade their kiss.
Soobin was crying
He broke the kiss, now biting his lip and playing with his hands.
Yeonjun was in awe because Soobin is the prettiest person to ever live.
His lips were red and so pretty and plump, his cheeks were dusted a pretty pink, eyes shining from the tears, even his nose was a little pink.
“W-was that to make me feel better,” Soobin asked quietly, his hands coming up to brush away the tears on his face.
“No silly bunny, I love you.”
Yeonjun’s heart exploded when he said it because he finally said it, it felt like he was taking his first breath. He wondered if Soobin felt the same things.
Soobin breathed out heavily and closed his eyes, a tear coming out of his left eye.
Yeonjun got on his tippy toes planting kisses all over Soobin’s face, “i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you-“
Soobin’s face scrunched up cutely, “Ok, Yes, I love you too Hyung.”
Yeonjun beamed, “you’re so cute baby.”
Soobin blushed, like actually blushed, “H-Hyung you can’t say that.”
Yeonjun smiled harder, if that was even possible, he probably looked like an idiot but he didn’t care, “Do you not want me calling you that Bin?”
Soobin shook his head cutely, “No, I mean, I'm ok with it if you are it's just.., embarrassing.”
“I feel like I have to kiss you one million times or else I will die,” Yeonjun groaned dramatically.
“Don’t be so dramatic Hyung…, but you should do that, just in case.”
“Yeah just in case,” Yeonjun repeated, pulling Soobin closer to give him one million kisses.
Soobin happily leaned in.