Chapter Text
It had started with about one square millimetre flickering in and out of existence on Ian’s shoulder. Cristóbal hadn’t paid much attention to it at first, trusting his engineer to take care of the malfunction himself. After all, he always did such an excellent job with the others.
But days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Ian’s shoulder was still glitching, and the glitch was becoming worse every time Cristóbal saw him. Sometimes he wondered why Ian wouldn’t fix the glitch; it couldn’t be that difficult. Was Ian not noticing it, or was there something Cristóbal should have been made aware of?
One evening, after most of the crew had gone to bed, and only Soji was awake to look at the stars at the helm, Cristóbal decided to talk to Ian. Ian was working with something at the transporter pad when Cristóbal found him.
“A word, Ian”, Cristóbal said as he sat on the edge of the transporter pad. Ian looked up, raising his eyebrow.
“Is there a problem, captain?” Ian asked, continuing his maintenance work. “Have I disappointed you in some way?”
Cristóbal was taken aback by the way Ian spoke. It was almost nonchalant, almost as if he didn’t care about disappointing Cristóbal. Or was it Ian not caring about himself? Cristóbal wasn’t sure.
“No, you haven’t”, Cristóbal said, shaking his head. “I wanted to talk to you about that glitch you’ve had in your shoulder. Why haven’t you fixed it yet? Isn’t it bothering you?”
Ian tilted his head, which made him look like he was thinking. It was almost amusing, the way he mostly kept quiet, not unlike Cristóbal himself. Ian was clearly the thinking type, the sort of person who would rather relax in front of the fireplace to read a book. Cristóbal might have been like that once upon a time.
“I meant to do it when I first noticed it”, Ian explained after a moment, “but then Enoch malfunctioned, and I had to make sure he’d be alright. Then there were the Klingons and soon after we almost lost our warp core. After a while, I got used to the glitch. I suppose I’m kind of fond of it – it’s a part of me.”
“But it’s a malfunction”, Cristóbal argued. “You shouldn’t stand it.”
“Aye, but don’t you like to keep your scars as well?” Ian asked, smiling his kind smile. “Isn’t that exactly the same?”
Cristóbal couldn’t find the words to answer. Ian was right, obviously, but Cristóbal found he didn’t like the thought of Ian glitching if it could be fixed. It felt wrong; Ian had more value than that. Why couldn’t he see it?
“Or are you thinking that I should be kinder to myself than you are to yourself?”
That snapped Cristóbal out of his thoughts. He frowned as he tried to formulate an answer.
“Not necessarily kinder”, Cristóbal said slowly, “but I do wonder why you stand that glitch. I know that you’re a hologram and can’t be physically in pain, but are you sure it doesn’t bother you? It looks irritating.”
“You sound like our sweet little doctor”, Ian said, chuckling.
“What?”
“She asked me if the glitch hurt”, Ian explained, “and pleaded to let me fix it. She’s a kind soul, that one. It took me quite long to convince her that it doesn’t hurt. It feels almost odd that she considers us individuals unlike anyone else. We’re supposed to be just copies of you, are we not?”
Cristóbal was taken aback. Yes, Ian and the others had been copies of Cristóbal at first, but La Sirena and her circuits were curious and sooner or later they’d developed personalities.
“I guess…I don’t think you’re just copies”, Cristóbal mumbled, deep in thought. “I don’t think I’ve thought of you like that for a while. You started out that way, yes, but you developed intelligence the more you learnt about the world around you. I think Agnes is right. You are individuals.”
Ian burst out laughing. “Good thing you came to the conclusion after the ban on synthetic life was lifted”, he said between his chuckles. “Only the stars would know what would have happened to us, had someone found out you think us individuals when the ban was still there.”
Cristóbal blinked his eyes, dumbfounded. He could never have even imagined that Ian could have such a side to himself. Ian didn’t seem mischievous, not at first glance anyway, but he always had a sparkle in his eyes. Cristóbal supposed that Ian represented what he’d have been, had Cristóbal ever been presented with the chance of becoming a grandfather.
“About that glitch”, Cristóbal said after a moment of watching Ian laugh. He hadn’t even known the holograms could laugh! “Will you fix it? I know it’s your body…projection…whatever! I know I can’t force you to fix the glitch if you don’t want to do it, but I’d feel more comfortable if you fixed it.”
“Aye, I could do that”, Ian agreed, “if you start taking care of yourself.”
Cristóbal raised an eyebrow. Was Ian…was he trying to bargain with Cristóbal?
“Don’t give me that look”, Ian said, shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest. “The others are worrying sick over your indifference to yourself. Emil especially. You should see how fried his circuits are. I have one condition to fixing that glitch on my shoulder and it’s ye taking care of yourself. I don’t care how you do it, but I want your word that you do take care of yourself.”
“Why do you want me to do that?” Cristóbal asked. Oddly enough, he wasn’t angry, not even irritated. He was just genuinely curious as to why Ian would want him to take care of himself.
“Because the way you’re punishing yourself is unhealthy”, Ian said, shaking his head. “We’re all worried. You’re punishing yourself for something that happened years ago, for something that you had no say to. At least think about it, captain. You know you have to start letting yourself heal again, sooner or later.”
Then, without further ado, Ian gathered his tools and walked over to Enoch who had materialised near the fences separating the higher level from the mess hall. Enoch smiled at him and poked his index finger through the glitch on Ian’s shoulder – it was already almost three inches wide. Ian sighed and gently swatted Enoch’s hand away and then turned to give Cristóbal a meaningful look.
Perhaps Cristóbal could try heeding Ian’s advice.