Chapter Text
Sans was glad to see the human the first time. He knew how much it would brighten his brother’s day, something he always went out of his way to do someway or another. Papyrus didn’t deserve so much disappointment in life, nor constant misery. He had gotten better over time. As a 22 year old, he’d found something to focus on in terms of aspiration with the idea of becoming apart of the royal guard, still using the habit of over expectations and over hyping himself about the idea of popularity and--particularly--friends. He also began calling himself “The Great Papyrus”. Sans obviously agreed with the sentiment, and he had to think that affirmation did wonders for his brother’s self-esteem. He just hated how Papyrus would sometimes comment how it’s easy to lie to himself about that. But then other days he speaks the contrary in saying how, no, he wasn’t lying to himself. The former is obviously when Papyrus isn’t feeling the best.
He’d also gain a best friend, Undyne. At least he was sure she was his best friend. There was sort of silent acknowledgement between Sans and the captain of the guards how Papyrus is ill prepared to be apart of the royal guard. Sans’ reasoning going a little deeper that hers. So their training shifted over to cooking classes where Papyrus would make god awful spaghetti. But he loved making it for others, because he thought others loved it, so who was Sans to ruin his happiness?
The human, however, was something Sans just knew would bring a genuine smile to his brother. The first time, he was fine with the kid. And it was sad to see them leave and not reach the surface or anything, but he was pretty much fine as long as he had Papyrus.
Then it started.
And it was the next day.
Yesterday.
The second time the human came, they were more dusty. He didn’t get it until later the woman behind the door wasn’t talking anymore. Then the fourth time came around and Undyne was gone. Fifth Muffet was missing. And sixth Mettaton was gone. And seventh--
…
Third, Papyrus perished. The most unnerving thing to Sans was that he had to wonder if his brother was glad about that. Glad about dying. Dying the same day he commented for the first time in years that he couldn’t wait to start the day. Felt good about the day. Wanted to live. Papyrus dying was something he tried so hard to prevent. Prevent from his own brother. And he failed to some human child, he wasn't even sure if that was worse or not from the flower. But he just had to wonder if Papyrus was happy to have died. Because if he was, Sans could feel happy for him too, right?
He woke up far earlier than what he was used to. Normally after a RESET, he’d wake up at the same time, if not roughly the same time. And yet, he was awake in the early morning. He knew it had to be early morning with the lack of noise around the house.
Not feeling up to fall back asleep, Sans got up and shuffled over to the door, not bothering to get his hoodie. He wasn’t much for alcohol, but he had to admit with this being over the thirtieth RESET, he felt he needed some.
So he left his room and down the hall yawning. It really felt like he got no sleep, even though he’s had more than enough in the past timelines. He just wished he had slept in a more comfortable position before the RESETS started--
“Hah… ha…” Sans froze in front of Papyrus’ door. “Hnn… HNGH! Th-that was too deep…” Eyelights not at all visible as he slowly turned his head towards the decorated entrance. Heavy breathing was being heard with a hitched breath and other mutterings. Sans leaned against the door lightly, his skull pushed against it to better listen. “Ow… o-ow-- sh-shoot… Hngh… okay. I should stop.” Sans felt himself fiddling with the hem of his shirt, feeling queasy just listening. He had a good idea what was happening. There was some silence, with Papyrus taking a deep breath. His SOUL dropped with what he said next. “Come on, do it. J-just… just get it over with. It can’t be that hard to shatter it…” Shatter what? Well, there was a thought of what he was trying to figure out to shatter. But his feet stayed glued, too scared to open the door and see it. Then there was a hiss of breath. “O-ow… okay, it might hurt a little… it doesn’t matter though.” he said. “If I’m so great I… I should be able to kill myself.”
The door flung open without Sans even realizing his movements, stepping in to see Papyrus on the bed in his pajamas, frozen with his SOUL out and a knife to it. There was rattling, was it Sans? Papyrus didn’t look like he was shaking. He wasn’t crying either. But there was clear wetness on the elder’s cheekbones.
Sans looked all over Papyrus, still without his eyelights. His brother looked abused. Abused by himself. Cuts littering his bones, some looking close to wanting to break. His neck--his cervical spine--had clear indents as well. Was that by past timelines or… or had it been Papyrus’ doing? His SOUL, his beautiful beautiful SOUL, looked like it was dripping dust and ooze that the tip of the knife also had.
With this day that keeps repeating.
This moment keeps repeating.
Papyrus nearly shattering himself repeating.
Repeating on the same day he talks about how great everything will be.
Sans felt like a fool to believe such a lie for so long. All because he couldn’t take the idea of his brother still being fucking depressed and suicidal.
“S-SANS, THIS ISN’T-- THIS ISN’T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!”
Because he needed Papyrus to be happy now.
“I-I MEAN, I KNOW THIS DOESN’T LOOK GOOD!”
Because Sans was having difficulties as of late to be happy.
“M-MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT LATER?”
Because he’d been feeling a horrible state of loneliness.
“OR WE CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT IT! THAT SOUNDS GREAT, DOESN’T IT?!”
He realized how happy Papyrus must’ve been to die all those times before.
“S-SANS?”
…
Sans used the heel of his hands to scrape against his skull, to try and get rid of the tears that just kept coming. He took a sharp breath to try and not break down on the spot.
“y-you um… you need a uh…” He couldn’t fucking come up with a joke. Not right now. “... i’m gonna go get somethings…” he muttered, taking his leave of the room.
Sans felt so numb. Just in pure disbelief. One of the only bright side of these RESETS was ruined. The only bright side--that Papyrus got to be happy and feel like life was great everyday--had been tainted.
He sniffed, grabbing the med-kit and catching his reflection in the mirror. Sans’ skull was stained with trails coming from his sockets. He went to washing his face in the sink, taking deep breaths to collect himself. He can break down later.
His movements brought him back to Papyrus’ room, who had the taller skeleton on the bed hugging his knees with no soul in sight or knife. Was that why Papyrus was so insistent on spandex for his costume? To help hide the cuts?
Shutting the door behind him, Sans moved to sit by Papyrus on the bed, setting the kit down and opening it up. It was still full of everything, in case something like this would happen. He wished it hadn’t. He wished he didn’t have to worry about that.
“arm.” he mumbled as he was getting the cleaning solution ready. Skeletons still needed to clean their wounds after all with infections and such. Especially considering what can grow out of a bone crack.
Papyrus tightened his hug and looked away.
“arm.” he repeated, the command this time having Papyrus follow by putting his arm out. Sans went straight to work as he mumbled his thanks.
They didn’t say anything, only silence filling the room. Bandaging the arm, he moved onto the next, thinking of what to do after this. Will he even be able to keep waking up this early? Keep helping his brother? How well would he remember this? Would he even keep trying to help after a while?
Obviously yes. That was a stupid question. Sans couldn’t let something like this just go all untreated, because god knows did Papyrus just go out without treating himself properly. And it just hurt to know that this was happening every fucking morning and Sans didn’t suspect a thing.
He couldn’t bring himself to ignore his brother’s misery. He needed to be happy for both of them still it seemed.
After the arm was wrapped, Sans got up a little closer onto his knees to look at the cuts in his vertebrae. Papyrus leaned back, tilting his head down.
“lemme see papyrus.”
“W-we could always just ignore this happen--”
“papyrus.” he spoke in the same dangerous tone as before. “let. me. see.”
His brother swallowed, tilting his skull up but keeping leaned away. He flinched when he felt Sans’ phalanges trace the scarring. He lingered, his sockets glued on the sight. The kid had been decapitating him so many times… did Papyrus make their job easier by getting a solid chunk of bone out? Some of the cuts were older. He could tell because dust and marrow wasn’t spilling out.
Sans got to cleaning his neck and bandaging that up as well.
“bring out your SOUL.” he commanded. Sans was putting away the rest of the material, knowing he’d need healing magic for this part. Not his expertise.
“U-um…” Sans looked up unimpressed seeing Papyrus struggle with an excuse. “I-isn’t that um, a little personal brother--?”
“SOUL. now.” Papyrus lingered until giving in, calling forth the white upside down heart. Sans tossed the kit to the floor before grabbing it, causing his brother to flinch. It was still wounded, dust and the ooze getting on his hands.
SOULs are a very personal thing that should only be shown and touched consensually, particularly by loved ones. SOUL touching is more known in the sexual sense and is certainly true for that. But you can still touch a SOUL without it being necessarily sexual. As long as you don’t touch it in a certain way or with that intent of course.
Sans was careful with Papyrus’ SOUL, normally always finding it pure and something to cherish. Right now however, he was hating it. Because it was part of the cause for Papyrus wanting to hurt himself. Part of the cause of Papyrus being so depressed. And it was made ugly with the small incision made.
“bear with me here…” Papyrus yelped when Sans applied pressure.
As he tried placing his best healing magic to the SOUL, Sans also added thoughts and feelings to try and move his brother’s.
Calm
Warmth
Comfort
Love
Tiredness
The latter was for later, but he was happy to see it working with his brother’s sockets drooping.
“tired?” He smiled. Whenever Papyrus looked so sleepy, it just reminded Sans when he was just a babybones and refused to sleep until Sans was left to carry him up to his room.
“Brother… w-what are you doing…?”
“relax. i’m makin’ you feel better… how does a day off sound?”
“Awful.”
“cool, i’ll call undyne ‘bout it then.” Papyrus gave a weak groan, hunching forward trying to fight off sleep.
Doing the best he could, Sans pushed the healed SOUL back into his brother’s rib cage and walked off momentarily. As promised, he got on the phone with Undyne calling for a sick day, something she called bluffed on so Sans had to try and convince her Papyrus was bad enough to warrant it since usually he’d walk it off. He also got his blanket seeing as Papyrus wasn’t going to get off his anytime soon--the bed was already made too, so Sans was too lazy to try and pull it out from under him.
Coming back to his brother’s room and closing the door, Papyrus was nodding off still in his hunched position.
Sans chuckled lightly, coming over to push Papyrus by the shoulder to lay down. The younger let out a grumble, something about not wanting to sleep, but the pillows under his skull didn’t help.
“scoot.” Sans nudged him, Papyrus did so, making room for Sans to lay beside him and laid his blanket over the two of them. As he adjusted, the white dog that hangs around jumped up panting happily until it found a spot between the brothers and curled up into a ball. Must’ve slipped through the door.
“Annoying dog…” Papyrus muttered. Sans chuckled again, pulling Papyrus’ skull over to his shoulder after adjusting himself.
The younger made no move to fight, sighing into the elder’s touch. Sans stroked the side of Papyrus’ skull, staring up at the ceiling. They could just do this every timeline. And then the human couldn’t kill him. Even though that’s something Papyrus must enjoy.
But they could do this. Maybe just have a day inside the house in general. That would be nice… Sans wouldn’t mind spending the rest of the RESETS just with Papyrus. Just comforting him every day? He could handle that a lot better than his death. He’d rather do that. And maybe one day the RESETS will stop and they’ll get to move on with life. But this was pretty much the best Sans could get out of these now. To better learn about his brother’s thoughts and feelings.
“Sans?” He hummed in response, still stroking the side of his brother’s skull, leaning his own head slightly to his. “Why do you keep doing this?”
“doin’ what?”
“Caring about me?” he asked. “It must be hard and annoying.”
“nah, it’s the easiest thing i could do.” he said. “and i’ll keep doing it until you don’t need me to anymore.” Knowing what his brother was probably doing, Sans used his free hand to grab one of Papyrus’ and pull it over the blanket, rubbing his knuckle with his thumb as he continued, “i love you too much to just give up.”
Papyrus shifted trying to pull away, Sans didn’t let go seeing--feeling--the damage he’d already done to the hand he was holding. Sans put his teeth to Papyrus’ skull.
“i love you so much papyrus. i dunno what i’d do without you.” He kissed him again. “i don’t want you to hurt yourself so much. i don’t want you to kill yourself, i-- i don’t want you thinking about killing yourself.”
“I know.” He responded softly, feeling another kiss to the top of his skull.
“you’re really great and so kind and you deserve all the love and praise you talk about gettin’.” Another kiss. “i just want you to be happy.” With no other words, Sans just began clinking his teeth to the top of Papyrus’ skull, nothing following after the peppering of kisses.
Papyrus with half lidded sockets murmured, “I’m sorry…”
“for what?”
“Not being happy.” he answered. “I don’t… I don’t know why I can’t be happy.”
“you can be.” Sans said, going back to just the strokes and tilting his skull back on Papyrus’. “and i’ll help you through it. cuz that’s what brothers do.”
“You don’t feel like a brother sometimes.” he commented. “Like right now. You don’t feel like a brother.”
“hm? then what do i feel like?”
Papyrus shifted awkwardly, orange decorating his cheekbones. “Um, I guess something more… paternal?”
Sans’ cheeks now dusted lightly with blue before he laughed it off. “so you see me as a father figure?”
“N-not a very good one!” he defended. “Because you’re far too lazy to be a proper father figure.” His hand snaked out the covers to hold Sans’, playing with the elder’s hand mindlessly. “But you raised me for a long time… and you comfort me like this… and taught me a lot of what I know like talking and morals… so. . .”
“... eh. i seem more like a bother figure.”
“That’s another good way to describe you, yes.”
Sans chuckled a little before continuing the conversation, “i guess i would be a sorta father figure to you. just uh, don’t go callin’ me ‘dad’ or anything.”
“No, that would be weird.”
“yeah. but uh…” Sans looked off to the side. “guess i sorta see you in a similar light.”
“You see me as a father figure?”
Sans laughed. “no, i don’t see you as a father figure. it’s more like a son figure.” Papyrus hummed.
The two didn’t speak for moments.
“... This was a weird conversation.”
“yeah. pretty weird.”
But he had to admit that it was true to feelings. Sans certainly was the closest thing to a parent for Papyrus and he himself was the closest thing for Sans to having a child at this point of his life. And he wouldn’t change anything. He was happy to be the one to raise Papyrus. Sure that sacrificed a childhood, but he didn’t much care. Would’ve probably been too lazy to participate in it anyway. He just never thought of their dynamic as being anything different than brothers. If Papyrus had learned young what a father was before a brother or something similar, he’d probably have called Sans that. And Sans, although appreciating that it didn’t go that route, didn’t exactly mind filling that role. Of course not literally. His brother calling him “dad” would be uncomfortable.
But raising Papyrus wasn’t something he’d trade, even with the complications.
Feeling his brother try and move his head up, Sans pushed it back down to his shoulder. “why don’t you sleep?”
“We have work.”
“i called off.” he said, keeping his voice soft. “go to sleep. i’ll get us something to eat later.”
“But--”
“sleep.” he whispered. “good ol’ papa sans will stay with you the whole time.”
“Don’t make it weird.”
“could’ve made it weirder.”
“I don’t doubt you.” Papyrus closed his sockets breathing out a sigh. “... Can you rub the back of my skull again?”
“sure thing babybones.”
“Don’t call me that.” he huffed blushing. “I’m a very serious adult.”
“well, you’re an adult.”
“You’re implying something.”
“nothin’ at all paps.” He kissed the top of his skull. “nothin’ at all…”