Chapter Text
Time doesn't heal anything,
It just teaches us how to live with the pain.
“Reports says that a group of vill-”
Bzzzt
“Police are still investigating-”
Bzzzt
“Peoples are gathering around the school compound to pay respe-”
Bzzzt
The television black out into silence. The hospital room once again is filled with almost no sound. The remote is thrown onto the bed. Fajar sighed. It’s almost a week since he had been admitted into the hospital. And nobody had told him yet, but he figured it out.
Hanah is dead.
Click
The sound of the door clicking catch his attention. The turn to the door, and walking into the door is Dr Amran. “Selamat pagi Fajar. (Good morning Fajar.)” he said, with a smile on his face.
Fajar remain silent, avoiding eye contact with the doctor. Dr Amran is a new doctor, but he’s reputation as a great doctor is well known among the hospital staff. He has short black hair, wearing a brown rimmed glasses over his dark brown eyes.
“Hari ni macam biasa saya nak periksa kesihatan awak ye. (Today as usual I’m gonna check your health, okay?)” Dr Amran said. He took the vital information from the heart monitor, then he’s checking the IV drop.
“Doktor, Hanah dah tak ada kan? (Doctor, Hanah is gone, isn’t she?)” Fajar suddenly said, detracting the doctor’s attention.
The doctor just stays quiet until he finished his checking. He took a chair and sits beside the bed. “Siapa bagitahu kamu? (Who told you that?)” he asked with a calming voice.
Fajar shook his head. “Tak ada sesiapa. Tapi….. saya boleh agak. Reaksi jururawat, riak muka mak ayah saya bila saya tanya. (Nobody. But….. I kinda figured it out. The reaction of the nurses, the face expression of my parents when I asked them.)” he said.
The doctor sighed, didn’t expect the boy already figured it out. ‘Bijak budak ni. (He’s a smart kid.)' he thought.
“Ye, dia dah tak ada. Bila pihak EMRS (Emergency Medical Rescue Service) jumpa awak, mereka terus hantar awak ke hospital. Kawan awak….. runtuhan konkrit berjaya dialihkan pasukan penyelamat, tapi waktu mereka jumpa dia, dia dalam keadaan yang lemah. Bila dia dikejarkan ke hospital, nadi dia dah pun takde.
(Yes, she’s gone. When the EMRS (Emergency Medical Rescue Service) finds you, they immediately send you here. Your friend….. the rescue team successfully moved away the concrete ruins, but when they found her, she’s in pretty bad shape. When she’s rushed to the hospital, we lose her pulse.)” he explained to the his patient.
Fajar just looking down as the doctor explains. Thousands thought running through his head.
‘Kenapa aku tak dapat selamatkan dia? (Why couldn’t I save her?)'
‘Kenapa dia? (Why her?)'
‘Kenapa mesti dia? (Why must her?)'
‘Aku gagal.(I’ve failed.)'
He looked at his hand, clenches into a fist.
‘Aku gagal selamatkan orang yang aku sayang. Aku tak layak jadi wira. (I failed to save the one I love. I’m not worthy of becoming a hero.)’
“Kamu rasa macam tu? (You think so?)”
Dr Amran voice snapped Fajar back into reality. He’s taken aback by the response.
“Maaf. Quirk telepati. Apapun, kamu yakin ke kamu tak layak jadi wira? (Sorry. Telepathic quirk. Anyway, are you sure you’re not worthy of becoming a hero?)” he said, scratching his head, kind of ashamed to hear his patient private thought. Fajar didn’t response, still struggling to find the answer.
“Macam ni la. Saya bukan saja seorang doktor, saya juga seorang ahli terapi. Apa kata kalau awak berkelapangan, hubungi saya. (You know what? How about this. I’m not only a doctor, I’m also a therapist. How about you give me a call anytime you’re free.)” he said, putting a card on the night stand beside the bed.
“Saya tak perlukan terapi. (I didn’t need a therapy.)” Fajar said, kind of irritated by the doctor’s offer.
“Mungkin kamu tak perlu. Tapi kalau kamu perlu berbual, saya sudi mendengar. (Maybe you not. But if you need to talk, I’m all ears.) Dr Amran said, as he’s leaving the room.
Three days later, Fajar is already in a good condition to leave the hospital. His parents come to take him home. Fortunately, the school insurance covers all the treatment cost.
The drive back home is quite. Fajar didn’t speak a word and his parents understand that. They only inform him that the school will be open next week at a temporary facility at a local community college.
Days followed by days, Fajar still thinking about Dr Amran's question.
“Kamu yakin ke kamu tak layak jadi wira? (Are you sure you’re not worthy of becoming a hero?)”
Although the question sound rhetorical, but it still bothers him.
‘Seorang wira mesti selamatkan orang yang dia ambil berat! Kan? (A hero must save the people he care about! Right?)’
He ruffles his own hair, feeling annoyed on how that simple question can bothers him that much.
And then, days become week. And that means he had to come back to school.
Everyone feels the pain and hurt of the aftermath of the tragedy. Teachers aren’t too strict and the school also provide emotional and psychological support and service for those who need them. Most of the students are all well behaved, either still traumatized by the incident, or already recalculating their life after a near death experience. Highlight: Most.
“Woi Fajar! (Hey Fajar!)”
Fajar sighed, clearly not in the mood to deal with that crap in the first day of school. He turned around and sees a tall, huge figured boy with some others with him. “Apa kau nak Fakhrul? (What do you want Fakhrul?)”
“Takde apa. Nak kacau kau, Tak boleh? (Nothing. Just want to mess with you, can I?)” Fakhrul said, smirking.
Fajar just ignores him and leave. And Fakhrul didn’t like that.
“Woi! Kau nak pergi mana tu?! (Hey! Where are you think you’re going?!)” he yelled, but Fajar still ignores him. Now, Fakhrul is pissed off for real. He grabbed Fajar’s shoulder, turn him around and pushed him to the ground.
“Hahahahahaha! Lama dah aku tak merasa tolak kau macam ni. Dulu mesti awek lembik kau tu lindung kau. Mana eh dia sekarang? (Hahahahahaha! It’s been years since I last time pushes you down like that. Back then, your pathetic girlfriend always protects you. Where she’s now huh?)” the bully said, provoking him. As Fakhrul said that, Fajar seems triggered. A thin thread within him started to tensing up.
“Oh lupa… Dia dah mampus! Hahahahah-OOF! (Oh how could I forget… She’s dead! Hahahahah-OOF!)”
Fakhrul’s laugh didn’t last so much as a kick reaches his chest. He’s thrown back and fall onto his back on the ground.
Thrust
A shining blade is stabbed on the ground, inches away from his face. Fajar, who’s kneeling on him, holding the tanto and a kerambit on his neck.
“Kau jangan…. (Don’t you dare….)”
The other boys are stunned, caught off guard by Fajar’s sudden rampage.
“Kau jangan sesekali hina kematian dia! (Don’t you dare insult her death!)”
His voice booming through the area, catching the attention of other students and teachers nearby. He’s very mad, his wrath obscured his judgement. His eyes is filled with blazes of anger.
“Fajar berhenti! (Fajar stop!)”
The voice bring him back to the reality plane. He look around, and saw his others classmates and teachers, all looking both shock and horrified. Fajar backed away from Fakhrul, just realizing what he just did. He looked and his hand, which is trembling in fear, disgust. He get up and start running. Away from the horrified faces of his teachers and friends. Away from the look of disgust from the other students. Away from a life unwanted by him.
He run away into the toilet, with is luckily empty. He entered of the the toilet booth and lock himself in. He’s trembling in both fear and remorse.
‘Apa yang aku dah buat?! Kenapa! Kenapa! (What have I done?! Why! Why!’)'
He looked at his hand, trembling. And in a flash, he sees dried blood on his hand. Shouting ringing in his ear. Horrible smells of smoke revisits his nose. He’s once again experiencing his living nightmare. He clutches his head with his hands.
‘Tak tak tak! Tolonglah ni semua mimpi! (No no no! Please all of these be just a dream.)'
His mind is flooded with the memories of the tragedy. He’s hyperventilating, panic attack struck him.
‘Tolong! Aku tak boleh hidup tanpa kau Hanah! (Please! I can’t live without you Hanah!)'
“Fajar!”
A shouting snapped him off. He look up and see Bakar, one of his classmates.
“Kau okay tak? (Are you alright?)” he asked, gently putting his hand on Fajar’s shoulder. “Aku nampak kau berlari masuk bilik air tadi. Aku dengan Azri pon kejar la. Kitorang tunngu lama kat luar kau tak keluar keluar. Aku panggil kau tak menyahut. Azri pon terajang la pintu tu. (I saw you ran into the toilet earlier. So, Azri and I chase after you. We waited long out here but you didn’t come out. We called you out but there’s no response. So Azri burst the door open.)” he continued.
Fajar look at the door and it’s true, the door hinge is already broke and Azri, his other classmate is standing beyond the door.
Fajar look at Bakar, and shook his head. “Tak, aku tak okay. (No, I’m not okay.)” he said. Bakar sighed, offering a hand to help him get up, which he accepts half-heartedly.
“Fajar Jamil, sila lapor diri ke pejabat pengetua. Diulang, Fajar Jamil, sila lapor diri ke pejabat pengetua. (Fajar Jamil, please report to the principal office immediately. I repeat, Fajar Jamil, please report to the principal office immediately.)”
Suddenly the intercom announced. Bakar and Azri look at Fajar sympathetically. Surely that the news about fight had arrived to the principal office.
“Kau okay tak? Nak kitorang teman? (Will you be okay? Want us to go with you?)” Azri asked.
Fajar shook his head. “Takpelah. Korang baliklah kelas dulu. Aku takkan apa-apa. (No thanks. You guys can return to class first. I’ll be fine.)” he said.
Azri and Bakar stare at him for a moment, then nodding. They went their separate ways, Fajar to the office and the other two to the class.
After a walk that feels like forever, Fajar finally arrive in front of the principal office door. He knocked the door, which answer with a muffled “Come in” from the other side.
He opened the door to see the principal sitting at his desk, a few teachers standing beside him and Fakhrul.
“Hah! Ni dia cikgu budak gila yang nak bunuh saya tu! Buang je dia ni cikgu! (Hah! This is the crazy guy who try to kill me sir! Expel him sir!)” Fakhrul suddenly said accusingly, pointing at Fajar. Fajar who’s surprise by the sudden accusation, startled.
“Fakhrul, kamu diam! Kamu tak payah nak mengajar saya macam mana saya buat kerja saya! Kamu berdua duduk! (Fakhrul, shut your mouth! You didn’t have to teach me how I do my job! Both of you sit down!)” the principal said angrily. Both Fajar and Fakhrul immediately sit at the chair in front of the desk.
The principal sigh, kneading his temples. “Saya dah tengok rakaman CCTV dan dengar keterangan saksi murid dan guru. Fakhrul, kamu secara jelasnya memulakan pergaduhan ni! Kamu tolak Fajar dan dia tak melawan sampailah kamu mengusik isu sensitif berkaitan pelajar kita yang meninggal masa tragedi yang melanda sekolah kita. Atau mungkin kamu tahu tentang ni kalau kamu tak ponteng sekolah waktu tu! (I have seen the CCTV footage and hear the statements from students and teachers witnesses. Fakhrul, you clearly start this fight! You pushed Fajar to the ground and he didn’t fight back until you triggered a sensitive issue regarding the lost of one of our student during the tragedy which occur our school. Well, you would know about it if you didn’t skipped class that day!)” the principal said, slamming his hand on the desk.
“Kamu ponteng sekolah pada hari kejadian dan tiga hari sebelumnya! Kamu hanya datang waktu perhimpunan pagi masa kedatangan diambil dan lepas tu kamu, saya petik ayat dari rakan sekelas kamu, ‘ghaib dengan ajaibnya'. (You’ve been skipping class on the day of event and for the past three days before it! You only come during the morning assembly when the attendance is taken and then you, I quoted from your classmates, ‘mysteriously disappeared')” the principal continues, showing files of the evidence of his absence. Fakhrul, who’s already busted, didn’t dare to speak a word.
“Setelah berbincang dengan para guru disiplin, saya dah buat keputusan untuk kamu digantung sekolah selama dua minggu dan menjalani dua jam sesi bersama kaunselor. (After discussing with my fellow discipline teachers, I have come to a decision that you will undergo two week of suspension and spend two hours worth of session with the counsellor.)” he said, pulling out a suspension form from his drawer.
“Mana adil cikgu! Budak ni cuba nak bunuh saya kot! Dah la dia guna quirk dia dalam kawasan sekolah! Kenapa saya yang kena denda pulak! (That’s not fair sir! This guy tries to kill me! He even use his quirk in school! Why I am the one who’s suspended!)” Fakhrul stands up in protest, wasn’t satisfied with the decision.
“Kamu diam! Saya buat keputusan mengikut keperluan para pelajar! Saya tak nafikan dia tak bersalah, tapi kamu pun perlu diambil tindakan! Saya ada cara saya dan kamu kena ikut cara saya! ( Shut it! I make these decisions according to the necessity of my students! I didn’t deny he’s also guilty in this case, but you also need to be penalize! I have my way and you need to follow it!)” the principal is clearly enraged by Fakhrul disrespectful behaviour. Fakhrul return to his seat and giving a hostile glare at both Fajar and the principal, which causing the former to gulped and didn’t even bothers the later.
After finish signing the suspension form, the principal passed the form to the teacher next to him. “Bawa dia keluar. Saya nak bercakap dengan pelajar sorang lagi ni. (Bring him out. I need to talk with the other one.)” he told the teacher.
The teacher nodded, telling Fakhrul to follow him outside, leaving the office. The other teachers follow them, leaving the principal and Fajar alone.
A few seconds of silence passed until the principal spoke. “Fajar… Saya faham apa yang berlaku bukanlah dalam kawalan awak. Awak dikawal perasaan marah dan amarah tu mengaburi penilaian awak. (Fajar… I understand that what had happened was not in your control. You’re control by anger and later the rage obscure your judgement.)” Fajar looked down in shame, feeling guilty for what happened.
“Walau bagaimanapun, menyerang pelajar lain dan menggunakan quirk dalam kawasan sekolah masih dikira sebagai kesalahan yang serius. Oleh itu, pihak sekolah masih perlu ambil tindakan atas kesalahan awak. (That being said, assaulting another student and using quirk inside the school area still be considered as a serious law breaking. Therefore, the school board still have to take action on your fault.)” he continues.
Fajar opened his mouth to say something, but then he shut it back, deciding not to.
The principal take out a suspension form from the drawer and began filling it. He sign the form before looking back at Fajar, feeling sympathy for the boy.
“Saya tahu Fajar. Antara semua pelajar dan guru di sini, kamu la yang sedang melalui waktu paling sukar. Saya difahamkan yang awak adalah orang yang paling rapat dengan Farhanah. Pemergian dia amat dikesali oleh seluruh pihak sekolah. Saya dah buat keputusan, kamu diberi cuti seminggu bermula esok. Anggaplah ini bukan denda kepada kamu, tapi anggaplah ini masa untuk kamu cari ketenangan. Biar minda kamu dalam keadaan stabil. Lepas habis seminggu tu, kalau kamu perlukan masa lagi, hubungi je pihak sekolah. Kami akan pertimbangkan. (I know Fajar. Among all the students and teachers here, you’re the one who’s having the hardest time. I’m well informed that you’re the one closest to Farhanah. Her passing is a great loss to the whole school. I’ve decided to give you a week off starting tomorrow. Don’t see this as a punishment, but see it as a time for you to seek peace. Let your mind be in a better state. After a week, if you still need more time, just give us a call. We’ll consider it.)” he said, handing the form to the boy.
Fajar slowly took the form from the principal, reading it before standing up and thanking the principal. He leave the office and he meet the school clerk to complete his suspension record.
He returned to his class for his lessons like usual before his suspension began tomorrow. During the class, he can’t focus to what the teachers were teaching, instead he take out his wallet and pull out a card with a name and phone number. ‘Mungkin aku perlu orang untuk bercakap. (Maybe I need a talk.)'