Chapter Text
9 months later
"What is his car doing here?" you panicked.
You looked at Endeavor with your eyes widened in alarm, your hands started sweating.
Unable to wet your parched throat, you swallowed drily, feeling your heart racing.
"He wants to see you." the redhead said monotonously.
"No."
"He was literally begging me."
"I don't care. I specifically told you I-"
"Hey Y/N... it's been a while." Keigo said, reaching you and the other Pro Hero outside the hero agency.
Your heart stumbled over its rhythm just by hearing Hawks' voice and a knot began forming in your throat.
You brought yourself to look at him, carefully avoiding his eyes: eye-contact would have been too much to take.
It was like time had slowed down as you watched him getting closer and closer, greeting you with his usual cheeky smile, but you could tell something was off: after all, he'd always been an extremely skilled liar.
The first thing you noticed was the purple bags under his eyes and the lack of his yellow visor.
You turned your face to Endeavor, unable to keep looking at the former Pro Hero.
You dreaded that moment: having to see Keigo again, having his golden eyes staring right at you, seeing him without his wings.
That was why you asked Endeavor to keep the blonde away from you, in fear you would crumble just by seeing him.
Nine months after "the incident", the number 1 Hero managed to find you and send you a message on behalf of the Hero Commission: a fight against the League of Villains was imminent and you were needed to fight alongside the other Pro Heros.
You had a pretty common quirk, therefore there wasn't any particular reason you'd be essential during a fight, so you could only think about two possible reasons the Hero Commission wanted you there: the fight required a high amount of heroes or they hoped you'd die at it.
You could feel deep in your soul that it was the latter; the Hero Commission hated getting their hands dirty, so why make you disappear when you could just die while fighting?
You snapped back to reality when Endeavor cleared his throat, leading the way inside the hero agency, probably towards his office.
You all walked in silence, or at least you had thought so, because when you looked up, you saw the two males talking to each other.
You were so deep in your own thoughts you hadn't even heard them.
"Aren't you taking your coat off? It's pretty hot in here." Hawks asked you nonchalantly.
You tried to talk, but no words were coming out of your dry mouth.
Your eyes widened for a split second when you turned to Hawks: his exposed arms were full of big and waxy burn scars.
You tried to stabilize your breathing; if the scars on his arms looked that awful, you wondered what would the ones on his ba... no, you didn't really wanna know.
Nausea was building up inside your stomach, guilt and grief crushed you like a tidal wave, making it almost impossible to breathe.
You fidgeted with the last button of your coat, trying so hard to stop your hands from shaking; you really hoped none of the other two noticed.
"Here, let me take it."
Keigo slowly approached you, making your heart jump in your throat.
When his fingers slightly brushed against yours to take your coat, you felt all your muscles tighten and a shiver going down your spine.
You didn't know how you were still standing, since your legs felt like collapsing at any moment.
Why was he acting like nothing had happened? It was driving you crazy.
"Well, I'll leave you to catch up. I have to go now." said Endeavor.
You looked at him with pleading eyes, desperately and silently begging him not to leave you alone with Hawks.
You were sure they could both read the panic in your face and gestures, but you felt too dizzy to care about any of that.
When Endeavor closed the door behind him, you felt yourself collapsing onto the floor, despite being sure you were still standing.
The room fell silent: you could hear your heart stammering in your chest.
You nervously brought your hand to your mouth, biting your nails in a pathetic attempt to calm yourself, to keep you busy with something.
"So..." Hawks muttered, a hand scratching the back of his head.
God, you missed his voice so much, but the guilt bubbling in your chest seemed willing to explode at any moment just because seeing him again brought painful memories back.
Of course, the incident with Dabi had never left your mind: your constant nightmares, lack of sleep, anxiety and guilt were a constant reminder of that.
But seeing and talking to Hawks again? That brought a brand new type of pain to your heart.
You felt vulnerable and not in a good way, not in the way you were used to with him.
How in the hell you had managed to feel both vulnerable and comfortable around Hawks in the past was a mystery to you, but now you just felt anxious and nauseous.
"You're just gonna stand there in silence?" the blonde asked.
You didn't answer, didn't look at him, too focused on keeping your body from shaking.
Hawks was acting normal, but you could tell that, deep down, he was a bit annoyed.
You knew you could be coming across as rude, but you just couldn't bring yourself to even look at him.
If you did so, you might explode.
"Please, say something... Say you hate me! Say you want me to leave! But I'm begging you, say something!"
Hawks' broken voice made you shiver, a shaky breath escaped from your throat and you really hoped he didn't notice, but of course he did: nothing got past him unnoticed.
That was probably why you liked him so much.
He was trained to always be on high alert, making it impossible for things to go past him without him noticing.
That was supposed to help him in his fights against villains, but it spread on a more human level; Keigo could read people's body language easily and notice even their slightest flinch.
Sure, he couldn't always understand people's deepest emotions, but he tried, especially with you.
You shook your head, feeling bad for the special attention he had always given you.
“How could you just leave?” his voice was empty, yet somehow heavy with pain.
You felt something inside you breaking and the need to take deep breaths.
It felt like you were in that room physically but not mentally.
The heavy weigh on your chest was slowly killing you, making it extra hard to think straight.
A million thoughts run through your mind, different emotions wanted to burst out but you needed to bottle everything up for Hawks' sake.
Little did you know that all he wanted was to see a reaction from you that wasn't sheer panic.
Hawks wasn't stupid, he could tell you were anxious, but he couldn't figure out exactly why.
He had some ideas sure, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions.
"Will you just fucking talk to me?!"
You trembled, a small squeak escaping your lips; Hawks' sudden aggressive tone took you by surprise.
He felt bad for making you jump like that, so he tried to soften his voice, even if the thunderstorm of emotions he felt inside was making it rather difficult.
He then took two steps towards you, but stopped at a safe distance, not wanting to make you panic even more, despite his urge to touch you, feel you there.
"I know I fucked up. You could have died back then and... fuck..." his hands were shaking "I swear I'll never let you down again, but please... say something." he sounded desperate.
"W-what? How could you have let me down when it was all my fault?!" you cried out, unable to hold back.
"You don't blame me because you don't get it, right? I had one job and I didn't do it... we don't get another chance! How are we both alive right now is a fucking mystery to me! I can't stand you having to watch your back for the rest of your life because I couldn't-"
"Stop this nonsense." you cut him off, feeling your eyes watering.
"It's not nonsense. Knowing that I let you down hurts more than anyth-"
"Shut up!" you shouted angrily.
You brought a hand to your mouth, unable to believe that you had just screamed at him.
Keigo stumbled backwards, almost falling on his feet.
He looked at you in shock.
For the first time in nine months, you were staring in each others' eyes: fierce e/y eys into golden ones.
He swallowed harshly, not willing to give up.
"I just wanted to protect you... I still do. You being away for so long... I-I didn't even know if you were still alive. It made me so fucking scared and angry. I can't find the words to describe the fear I felt, how much I wanted to see you..."
"H-Hawks, I-"
"Fuck! Now you don't even call me by my name anymore?!"
Again, his aggressive tone frightened you, but the way his voice was filled with venom? That fueled the anger slowly growing inside you.
He had every right to scream, shout at you, yet your pride thought it was too much to take.
Your hands closed in fists, your knuckles turning white.
"I don't even have the right to look at you." you whispered, a tear falling down your cheek.
The tension in the room was so thick one could almost cut it with a knife.
The negative emotions you both felt fighting inside you almost had a physical presence, creating monsters to tear down each other.
Monsters that kept you distant, angry, when you both just wanted to crumble in each other's arms.
“You even asked Endeavor to take care of me... as if I can’t look after myself. Do you think a need a fucking babysitter?”
"You know it’s not like that.”
“He can’t take care of his own goddamn children Y/N! What were you thinking?!”
You looked away, your lips quivering and eyes watering.
Hawks was right: what were you thinking?
What was he thinking?
Did he yell at you like that just to twist the knife in the wound?
It hurt like hell, but you deserved it.
The more venom he spouted the more you wanted to cry, scream, crumble, die... the more you felt like it was something you deserved.
The emotional pain made your chest burn, yet somewhat relieved you from all the guilt you had felt.
Maybe if Hawks screamed at you even more, all of the pain would go away.
"I don't know what your fucking problem is, but you need to get over it, jeez." silent tears fell down your cheeks, it was clear you didn't mean it.
"My problem is that you fucking left! Leaving me here alone for nine fucking months without telling me anything... Fuck, you abandoned me when I needed you the most!" he threw a punch to the wall.
You shrank away from his sharp gaze, looking down at the floor in resignation, while he huffed angrily.
You wanted to apologize, but maybe it was better that way: Keigo shouldn’t have to deal with someone like you.
Plus, you didn't deserve to.
And what good would that be anyway? Apologizing would never make his wings grow back so...
Suddenly you’ve lost all will to fight; you just wanted to cry yourself to sleep.
“You’re not allowed to leave again.” he said sternly, coming way too close to you.
“I’m not your fucking property, Hawks!”
“Fuck-fuck... I just...”
Clearly, he couldn't put onto words how he felt, nor find the right words.
How could he?
Ha was taught to fight, to be a spy, to hide his emotions: he was just a puppet in the hands of the Hero Commission, not a human.
He had never known true love, affection, or at least he thought so.
Keigo had always felt alone all of his life, but somehow he managed to find some peace with you.
And when you were about to die, he just lost it.
He had been torturing himself into thinking it was all his fault, because he couldn't protect you.
He paid dearly for his mistakes, but if his wings were the price to pay to keep you safe he was more than willing to do it all again.
You were looking at each other desperately, a million thoughts left unsaid.
He was too close: it made you sick.
Seeing the smallest burn scars on his face, now that he was closer, made you recoil.
You felt disgusted with yourself, with what you had done to him.
As he exhaled shakily, you closed your eyes, letting some regretful tears escape.
Hawks gave in, unable to control himself, and wrapped his arms around you, burying his head in your hair.
You immediately tensed, eyes open wide.
His hold felt desperate, like he was afraid of something, which made things even worse.
You began to push him away, but he tightened his hold.
You started punching him in the chest to make him move, but he just took every hit like it was nothing, squeezing his hands around the fabric of your t-shirt.
"Let me go!" you cried out, your vision blurred by your tears.
He didn't listen, just held you even tighter.
"Fuck, Keigo. Let me go! I don't deserve your-"
"Ten seconds... please, then I'll let go, I promise."
"For fuck's sake... let me go, you fucking idiot."
You didn't want to, you shouldn't have, but you slowly gave in; your fingers shakily reached up and wrapped around Keigo's neck to pull him even closer.
You stayed like that for a long while, even when ten seconds had clearly passed.
"Please, don't let go." he said, tightening his arms around you even more.
"There isn't much I can do to fix this, but... I don't wanna lose you. I-I... I don't wanna be all alone again." Keigo's voice was broken.
That was when you broke down completely, walls crashing down.
You grasped onto Keigo urgently, your shaking arms pulling him even closer, if possible.
You buried your face in Keigo's chest, staining his t-shirt with tears, as you began sobbing.
The blonde stroked your hair and gently rubbed your back with his other hand, trying to calm you down, but the sudden wave of negative emotions leaving your body just left you in a shock.
"Sshh... it's gonna be ok." he whispered, resting his lips on your forehead.
"I-I'm sorry."
You kept crying, kept whispering you were sorry.
Hawks inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh scent of your hair, fully realizing that you were finally there, flesh and blood, in his arms.
He mentally scolded himself when a couple of tears escaped his eyes.
"I know what it is like to be your own hardest critic, but you're being too harsh on yourself. You think you let me down, so what? We all hurt the people we love the most sometimes, that's just how it goes, but I don't wanna get stuck on hurt. If you want to, then I'm sorry but I won't let you." Keigo said, placing a hand on your chin so that you were looking at him. "Guilt drowns you until you feel useless and full of self-rage... and nobody can live with that, especially when it is not your fault."
"But, Keigo, I... how am I supposed to live with myself, knowing that you-"
"Don't you think even for a second that I don't get how you feel! I understand you better than anyone... but if I did what I did, it was because I wanted to, not because of something you had caused. And I'd do it all again, ten thousand times, if that meant keeping you alive."
Hawks caressed your cheek lightly: a small gesture that held infinite meaning.
His hand was robust and calloused, clearly a result of intensive training and a tiring job, but it was also soft and gentle.
Just with that little touch you felt like floating, everything bad suddenly disappearing.
You locked eyes with him, losing yourself in the little golden shades of his caramel eyes.
“Y/N... I lo-“
“Don’t say it.” you cut him off.
You broke the hug, taking a few steps back, putting distance between you and Hawks.
The magic spell suddenly broke and you were panicking again.
“Don’t say it o-or I’ll have to say it back and...and-and I... I don’t deserve to.”
“Fuck! You might as well die tonight, you know that?! If you die in the fight, I... fuck...”
Keigo nervously passed a hand through his locks, unable to keep still or even look at you.
He brushed off a tear that was running down his cheek, feeling way too vulnerable, but fuck... he'd risk it all for you.
Wait... did you just tell him that you...?
“You deserve to be loved.” he said.
"The Hero Commission wants me dead anyway, so get over it." you said sternly.
"I'm not letting you go back to help those bastards that ruined your life!"
"You can't stop me."
"I'm not gonna be loving you and have you die because of those sick bastards!" Hawks looked at you with watery eyes; he looked so sad, so defeated.
"Please, don't look at me like that." your lips were quivering.
The room fell silent.
Without Keigo's arms around you, you felt cold, actually freezing.
His warm embrace kept your demons away, and now it was like they were crawling back inside your head to make you think the worst.
"Y/N." he called you, coming closer, standing just a few inches away from you.
You stared at each other eyes, both of you crying quietly.
You felt the urge to comfort him; the tinge of sadness in his eyes was deeper than usual.
Keigo's hand slowly reached your cheek, his thumb gentling caressing it.
You felt it slightly trembling, so you placed your own hand on top of his.
You stared at each other silently for what felt like forever, just feeling each other's presence.
Your body slowly melted into Keigo's, who placed a hand on the small of your back to keep you even closer.
"I missed you." Hawks whispered, his warm breath caressing your face.
He kissed your forehead gently and your heart skipped a beat.
You brought your arms around his neck, you just wanted him as close as possible.
Another tear rolled down your cheek and, before you could brush it off, Keigo leaned in to kiss you.
His lips delicately brushed yours, just enough for him to take in the warmth of your skin, the way your breath caught up in your throat in surprise, the soft sound your noses made when they slightly bumped against each other, then he went for it,
It was soft and uncertain, which made butterflies fly in your stomach, leaving all of the previous negative thoughts in the past.
Keigo's lips were surprisingly smooth, moving gently, carefully, romantically you dared say.
You felt your cheeks redden, your heart beating faster just like Keigo's.
You felt happy, which didn't happen in a very long time; the nightmare you had lived in all of those months suddenly disappearing, like it had never been there.
It was just you and Keigo now, no one else, nothing bad, no fights, no negative emotions: just the reassuring beating of his heart, calming you like a lullaby.
It wasn't the kind of kiss shown in movies, full of desire and urge.
It was pure, soft, calm, reminding you of the gentler waves of the ocean during a windless day.
It held endless meaning; it felt like home.
You pulled away by just a few millimetres to catch your breath, not wanting Keigo's warmth to go away.
You felt him truly smiling, his eyes looking at you in pure adoration.
In that very moment, you felt weightless.
"I love you." he whispered, lips brushing against yours.
"I love you too."