Chapter Text
I show up somewhere dark.
I know I’m dead.
I let it all out.
All of the frustration and stress.
But just when I think I’m done, there are still unpleasant sensations twisting my gut, thoughts tumbling and tumbling through my head— and it’s all Remus’s fault.
.
Unfamiliar sounds wash over me.
Low, rough, and filled with sorrow.
It sounds over and over again, and finally, I can’t take it anymore.
The Dragon Witch.
Is she…
Mourning?
Mourning who?
Mourning me?
But I’m still here.
I haven’t ducked out.
I try to say that, I try to move—
The darkness surrounding me is unrelenting, and when I try to open my eyes, when I try to let my voice out to scream—
There’s nothing.
There never is.
.
“You know.”
The voice jolts me out of it— whatever daze I’m in. I still can’t feel myself, or do anything, but I’m aware or a presence all of a sudden.
There’s a warm thing here, pulsing, breathing, moving, existing .
I sense him rather than see him.
“They told me I should be careful.”
He’s crouching in front a familiar pair of doors— tall, dark, wood, twisted and twisted in on itself.
My doors.
— No.
The King’s doors.
“They said I’d push you too far, too fast. But comforting isn’t our strong suit, is it?” He giggles, high-pitched and desperate. “Too bad you’re stuck with me.”
He’s quiet, for a while, rocking back and forth.
I wonder what he’s thinking.
He doesn’t look okay.
Then he looks up, and I feel his expression. It’s broken. His eyes search the darkness blindly, for something.
“What are you running from, Ro?” He asks, softly.
.
There’s the pain—
Of course , there’s the pain of coming back.
Then I’m suddenly sitting up, breathing hard.
I feel like I’ve been floating underwater, unable to breathe for so long.
Remy jolts, and I realize I’m laying in his bed, as he sits in a chair by the bedside.
“Shit, Roman, I didn’t— ”
“I’ll be back,” I mutter, squeezing his shoulder as I stand up. Before he can ask what I mean, I push out of his bedroom and bound down the stairs two at a time. Emile is slouched on the sofa, and I press a quick kiss to his forehead— startling him— before I throw open the front door and start sprinting. It’s a terrible apology for always worrying them, but it’ll have to do for now.
I whistle, for Ness.
It’s night, and the streets are mostly empty.
I don’t know what to think.
I don’t know what to do.
Ness lands besides me, and I get on his saddle.
“Fly.” I say. “Take me to Remus.”
So he does, and when we take off, I can see the whole Imagination sprawling beneath me.
It’s beautiful— it always has been.
Selfish .
I’ve always been selfish.
I just want someone to tell me what to do .
I see the dark wall before I see my brother, who’s crouched at it’s top, staring blankly into my kingdom.
Ness lands beside him, and I jump off.
“Roman?” He says.
I drag him to his feet by his collar.
“Say it.” I snap.
“What?”
“Say what you came here to say.”
“...”
“I took you through the long way on purpose.” I say. “Because I knew you had something to say to me. So say it. You owe me this.”
He takes a few breaths, blinking at me.
Then he shoves me off.
“Didn’t you die?” He growls, and he’s backing away, as if he’s about to leave. I can’t let that happen. I can’t.
“I’m— I’m sorry.” I stutter. “I don’t know what to do besides run. I’m just— I feel so lost— ”
”Then open the doors.”
“—What if I ruin everything? I already have! ”
“ So what?” His lips peel back in a snarl. “What are you gonna do about it? Duck out?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
He looks like I slugged him, and I wonder when the last time was that I’d admitted any weakness to my brother.
“I’m not trying to duck out.” I hurry to say. “It just… sort of happened?”
“ How do you ‘sort of’ duck out? ”
“I don’t know.” I growl, pushing my hair out of my eyes. “I haven’t really thought about it— I don’t want to. But if what everyone needs from me is a new Creativity, then I won’t stand in their way.”
My words hang in the air between us.
The silence gets uncomfortably long, and he just looks at me.
I tug at my sash nervously, dropping my gaze.
It feels a little stupid now, that I’m admitting it out loud.
Does that make it sound like I’m sacrificing something? Doing this for everyone else?
“Save the theatrics for the stage, Ro.” He says, finally. “It’s not like you’re the only one who’s ever made mistakes. Do you see the rest of us running off to die in imagined kingdoms?
“ You do it all the time.”
“It’s not the same— you’d know. The others need you, as much as you need them.”
“They don’t need me.” I say, my voice rising, my voice breaking. “I don’t even know what I’m doing— ”
“Have you ever? ”
“— and I feel like I’m falling… Like I’m tumbling through open air, without knowing which way is up or down, right or wrong— I don’t even know if I ever have . How can I steer Thomas, when I don’t even know where— ”
“Don’t play the tragic hero with me , Prince.”
He’s holding his Morning Star.
I stutter to a stop, on the verge of tears.
Of course.
What else could I expect, from Remus?
“Are you going to keep babbling away until you actually duck out ? ”
I step back, and he steps forward.
The Morning Star drags against the ground.
“Because you’re so afraid of making your own decisions, you’re leaving it up to Thomas? ” He smiles widely, showing too many teeth. “You call the dark sides the cowards, but here you are—”
“I’m sorry— ”
“ I don’t need your sorry’s!” He lashes his Morning Star forward.
I sidestep. Ness neighs in warning somewhere nearby.
“The first time you have to question your rights and wrongs— ”
I pull out my katana to meet his next blow, and I have to stagger back at his use of force.
“ You try to run away from it all! ” He screams, and it’s too much, he’s too strong, I don’t even know if I want to defend myself, and he’s backed me to the edge of the wall. “ Do you honestly think you’re allowed to do that! ”
“ I don’t know! ” I sob. “I don’t— ”
Just like that, all the force is gone, and I drop my katana, my hands shaking as I wrap my hands around my shoulders, waiting for the finishing blow.
But it doesn’t come.
I hear him pacing, I hear him muttering. I don’t look up.
There it is again.
He’s pitying me, he’s letting me live.
And can I blame him?
I’ve been pretty pity-worthy lately.
“You’re not ducking out .” He finally grinds out.
“...I’ll hold on until the end.” I say. “But if Thomas decides he doesn’t need me anymore...”
“You’re doing it again! ”
Something whizzes past my head, and I look up.
Remus is crouching in front of me, his eyes wild. “This is what you light sides do. You fight, you argue, you figure stuff out. If you’re falling, they’re always going to catch you. So why are you running away from people who want to help you? ”
I blink, and I blink again.
Remus doesn’t understand.
But I’m surprised he even understands this much.
“I can’t …. I can’t even imagine facing them.” I say, finally.
Remus doesn’t know what it feels like to love someone.
Remus doesn’t know what it feels like to let them all down.
What am I even doing, asking for someone like that for advice?
“What if I need you?”
I think I mishear him, he obviously wouldn’t say something like that.
But he’s grinning his unhinged grin again. “What if I say I don’t want you to duck out, Princey? ”
I stare at him.
A couple of tears roll down my face, but I barely register them.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Exactly what I just said. Will a prince abandon someone who needs him?”
“Why… why are you doing this?” I snap, pushing him away. He falls back easily, and I stand up. “Why do you keep pretending like you care! ”
“Is that it, then?” He asks, and his voice is quiet again.
I don’t like that.
He should just do what he usually does, and keep being loud and chaotic. Why does he keep holding himself back? It’s weird , it’s wrong , it makes him look—
“What would you do if I ducked out?”
“What?” I snap.
“Would you just let me go?”
“Of course! You’re not good for Thomas. You’re everything I never want to be!”
He’s quiet, for too long.
What, did I say something wrong? What does he even mean by all of this?
I’d been expecting a biting retort, a resounding cackle. Why not? Remus loves being the bad guy.
“ Two can play your game, Roman.” He says, instead, his expression unchanging.
Then he tips over, disappearing over his side of the wall.
I lean over a little and watch him, as he tumbles through the air, giggling.
Some twisted, skeletal creature rises up, from the depths of the fog below, its jaws gaping wide open.
It swallows Remus whole and disappears back into the murk.
I stare after him for so long, I feel the sudden emptiness in my gut.
The feeling when any Side disappears.
He… he just died.
He just jumped to his death right in front of me.
For no reason.
What.
The.
Actual.
Fuck .