Chapter Text
When Chan woke the next day snuggled up in his own bed, surrounded by warm blankets, he should have felt safe and comfortable, but he didn't.
He remembered how he acted last night. And it was weird. He felt weird. Or maybe he didn't feel weird when it happened yesterday, but now he does.
What even was that?
It felt like he was in a body too big for how he felt at that moment and he hated it. He hated how lost he felt. He hated how stupid he felt.
Even if he wanted to get out of the van and walk to the dorm by himself last night, he's not even sure he would have been able too. Who just forgets how to walk like that.
"Channie," He heard a gentle knock on the door accompanied by Soonyoung's voice. He sounded so hesitant. Oh god, Soonyoung probably hated him, too. Who would want to date someone that acts like such a baby.
"Oh, no," He said as he saw Chan sitting on the bed, tears gently falling down his cheek. "Oh, baby-:"
"Don't call me that," Chan whispered as he quickly broke eye contact with Soonyoung.
"Why not? You're my precious Channie, my precious bab-"
"I said don't call me that!" Chan screamed as he pushed Soonyoung's hands away that were outstretched in an attempt to comfort the boy.
"Okay, I-" Soonyoung cut himself off taking a deep breath. "I think we need to talk."
"I'm so sorry, it's weird, I'm sorry-” Chan frantically started apologizing, fear filling his features as he tried to hide from the older boy.
"Hey, no. Look at me, Chan," Soonyoung said, gently grabbing the younger’s face just as he had the night before.
“Conventional? Not necessarily. But weird? Absolutely not. I just can’t believe I let you get to that point. You must have been so stressed, Channie. Do you want to tell me what was going on in there?” Soonyoung asked, tapping Chan’s head before pushing some stray hairs away from his forehead.
Noticing the maknae’s hesitant expression he continued, “Do you really understand what happened last night?”
A gentle shake of the head made Soonyoung’s heart a hundred pounds heavier. He must have been so scared.
“Why don’t you tell me how you felt, then?” Soonyoung said but the air between the two told that Chan knew Soonyoung already had the answers.
“I don’t know, it felt like I wasn’t me but also was at the same time? It felt like my body was trying to relax but I also felt like I had no control, and I didn’t know what was happening, Soonie,” Chan sniffled as he finally fell into Soonyoung’s arms, face buried in the elder’s chest.
“I-I just felt- I felt so-”
“Little,” Soonyoung cut him off.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, you don’t have anything to apologize for,” He said gently as he placed a kiss to the top of Chan’s head.
“I don’t even understand it, I just wanted to be taken care of, to have no responsibilities like I was some child and it just felt so wrong!” Chan choked out as his eyes began to fill with tears once again.
“Felt wrong when it was happening, or feels wrong thinking about it because you don’t understand it?” Soonyoung said as he pulled the crying boy even closer.
“Just stop!” Chan yelled once again trying to push away from Soonyoung’s hold.
“Chan-”
“You keep trying to act like this is okay and it’s just not!”
“Because it is-”
“What kind of freaks even do that-”
“ME!” Soonyoung screamed out as he finally couldn’t take the harsh words Chan kept throwing out.
Soonyoung knew the boy meant none of the words towards him, but they hurt. They hurt him so much, and he just couldn't hold it back anymore. It didn't feel like Chan was just disgusted with himself anymore, but that he was disgusted with Soonyoung as well.
“Soon-”
“No, shit! This isn’t about me this is about you, I’m so sorry! Just ignore-”
“No, explain, please.” And Chan just sounded so desperate. He didn’t sound disgusted at what Soonyoung said. The boy just wanted to understand what the hell was going on anymore.
With a heavy sigh Soonyoung sat down on the bed next to Chan once again.
“It’s called age regression. It’s when someone mentally regresses to a younger age, and is usually used as a form of stress relief. I-I found out about it a couple months after becoming a trainee and I tried it for a little bit, and it worked f-for a little bit but-”
“Soonie, I’m sorry-”
“No, it’s okay, I promise. You didn’t know,” Soonyoung said resting his head against Chan’s
“Do you still do it?”
“No, it just wasn’t really working? It didn’t feel right, but not like how it is for you. It didn’t feel wrong,” Soonyoung said, not missing the way Chan tried to shrink in on himself. “Because it’s not wrong, Chan.”
“It just kind of freaked me out, Hyung. I’m sorry for how I reacted.”
“Understandably so, I probably would have been freaked out, too.”
“Do you think I could try it again some time, like with you, if that’s even how it works,” Chan said, cheeks reddening, and words becoming quicker as he spoke.
“Really? I mean, yeah, yes, of course,” Soonyoung spoke, quickly shaking himself out of his initial shock. “There are some things we would need to discuss first, but only if you’re absolutely sure that you want me there with you.”
“You make me feel comfortable and safe, I can’t think of anyone else I would want to help me figure this out,” Chan said before placing a loving kiss onto Soonyoung’s cheek. “I love you, Soonie.”
“I love you, too, Flower.” A newly familiar fuzzy feeling filling Chan’s head.
“Maybe hold onto that one,” Chan squeaked as he shook his head and rapidly blinked his eyes to get rid of the feeling.
“Oh, does little Channie like being called Flower?” Soonyoung jested as his eyes sparkled.
“Hyung,” Chan whined as the two fell back onto the soft blankets consumed in a fit of giggles.
The two boys had a lot of other things they needed to discuss, and eleven other confused boys still to talk to, but right now they were content. Things were going to be okay, even if there are still a few hurdles to get over.