Chapter Text
After the call, Rui just… sat there on her bed. What had she done? What did she do to make Touko so… miserable? This feeling that started to pool over inside of her — a feeling of hatred towards herself was so foreign that she might’ve gone to another planet subconsciously.
She was disappointed in herself every once in a while. When she lost against that pianist, when she dropped the violin in hopes of finding something else she could excel at, but this sort of feeling was unlike anything else she’d ever gone through.
She tried to go back to sleep but she couldn’t, opting instead to see who was awake so she could at least tire herself out more.
Let’s see… Tsukushi and Mashiro were both probably sleeping. Waking up Touko and imposing on her boundaries would be borderline idiotic. Nanami probably was awake. Does that girl ever sleep at a normal time? Probably not.
[09/12/20 01:10] Yashio R.: Nanami. Are you awake?
[09/12/20 01:15] Hiromachi N.: ruirui!! yes i am, watching some movies w this sleeping cutie
Nanami sent a picture of Mashiro asleep, snuggling Nanami underneath a shared blanket they were both using, with her head on Nanami’s shoulder. It was cute, to be honest.
[09/12/20 01:16] Yashio R.: I cannot sleep. I can’t stop thinking about her.
[09/12/20 01:17] Hiromachi N.: u called her???
[09/12/20 01:18] Yashio R.: Yes. She broke down mid-call. Said she needed some time to think.
[09/12/20 01:18] Yashio R.: I’m worried about her.
Nanami took some time to respond. Rui was feeling a little drowsy herself.
[09/12/20 01:22] Hiromachi N.: i mean if she wants space there rlly isnt anything u can do abt that, u cant expect her to feel happy when u rejected her ykno
[09/12/20 01:23] Hiromachi N.: ik ur worried abt her but its best to respect her wishes and give her some space before smth rlly bad happens and makes things more awkward
[09/12/20 01:24] Yashio R.: I suppose you have a point.
Rui rubbed her head, she was starting to have a headache from staying up too late. She put her phone away and gave sleeping another go; this time succeeding.
A loud, beeping noise awoke Rui from her slumber. Let’s see… 10:23 AM. She overslept.
Wait a minute… she overslept? Checking her phone, she had a couple of messages from Tsukushi. She was about to answer them before she got called by the purple haired girl.
“Where even are you? You’re almost thirty minutes late, Rui!” Damnit, she really did oversleep!
“Sorry, I overslept. I’ll be there shortly.”
“You overslept?” The utter shock coming from Tsukushi’s voice really highlighted how unusual this was. “Just hurry up, please.” Tsukushi hung up.
Rui had realized she lives rather close to Nanami, roughly ten to fifteen minutes by foot. She quickly changed from her nightgown into her every-day attire, packed her violin in its case and went down to the kitchen. She grabbed a thermo, filled it up with some coffee and milk, made herself a rather quick sandwich and hurried over to Nanami’s house.
Around eight minutes later, she arrived, excusing herself in and went into the atelier; their usual practicing room when it’s a weekend.
“Rui, you’re finally here.” Tsukushi was rather stern today. Was it because she was the last to arrive? She didn’t see Mashiro inside the atelier; she probably was at her own house resting.
“I apologize about that. I didn’t realize I overslept.” She scanned the room. Nanami hopped over to Rui, maybe to talk or to tease her, who knows. Tsukushi just sighed and told Rui to not worry about it, and Touko…
Touko was there, leaning on the wall in a corner of the room. They locked eyes for a few seconds before she looked away, her eyes dejected and emitting a flare of sadness as they did so. Rui felt her heart sink by a little. Come to think of it, a hoodie and jeans isn’t what you’d normally see Touko wearing. Her hair was also a little messier than usual.
The band started practicing, although it felt odd to not have vocals to back them up, they’d have to make do with what they had. Rui’s head was full of thoughts, most of them were about Touko and what had happened yesterday, some of them were about how she was at fault, and a few were those self-hatred thoughts that kept gnawing at her from the inside.
She kept slipping up over and over. Touko did slip up too from time to time, but it wasn’t as often as Rui was. Tsukushi stared at her, she was worried something was wrong.
“Rui, are you alright? It’s not like you to have so many slip-ups.”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” Rui took a small breath. Tsukushi was suspicious something was wrong.
They kept trying for a while, until Rui eventually slipped up and lost balance, causing her violin to aggressively swing downwards, almost to the point of it dropping to the floor.
If Tsukushi wasn’t sure something was wrong, she definitely was sure now. She got up from her drummer’s seat.
“Alright, I’m calling practice off. You’re free to go if you want.” Tsukushi almost sounded disappointed. Good job, Rui. You made things a little bit worse.
“Okay, see ya, Fusuke.” Touko began packing her things up, seemingly in a hurry. As she began to leave, Rui wanted to reach out to her, but her legs wouldn’t budge and her throat wouldn’t let her speak. Nanami just patted her on the back as she saw Rui watching the blonde leave, her face showing clear worry.
“Hey, Rui, is everything okay?” Tsukushi asked, her voice seemed concerned but her expression seemed stern.
“Yes, it’s probably just a bit of restlessness.” Huh. How ironic — she called out Touko’s lie last night yet here she is lying to hide away something she doesn’t know how to deal with.
“Are you sure? You overslept. That’s not something that you would do at all, Rui.” The smaller girl pressed on; her stubbornness really shining here. “If something’s wrong, you have us to talk to, alright?”
“I’m grateful for your concern, but I’d rather not talk about it.” She started to pack up and took a sip of her coffee, which was rather lukewarm now. “I apologize for my performance today. I’ll do better next time.” With that, she left the atelier, her mind just set on going back home.
Touko took some time to reach her home. Normally, Nanami’s parents would drive her back home accompanied by Mashiro and Nanami, who’s basically inseparable from the snow haired girl once they’re together. However, she didn’t feel like inconveniencing her parents for a drive back home, so she opted to walk instead. Thirty minutes of walking makes for some good exercise anyways, and time flies by with the right music playing.
Once she reached her home, she laid down on her bed, scrolling through her social media and whatnot, before getting a few messages from Mashiro.
[09/12/20 13:27] shiro: touko.. how did practice go?
That’s right. How did it go? Touko couldn’t think properly after Rui locked eyes with her. All she felt was the pain of the wound left in her heart, as if life decided to laugh at her once more. She slipped up a couple of times, that was inevitable, but Rui kept constantly having errors too. Something wasn’t right.
[09/12/20 13:29] T0K0: horrible would be an understatement, rui kept slipping up really often
[09/12/20 13:30] shiro: r-rui of all people…?
[09/12/20 13:32] T0K0: yea it was odd
[09/12/20 13:33] T0K0: srry im rlly tired rn and i wanna take a nap, ttyl
With that she turned off her phone and turned to face the other way, falling asleep rather quickly.
Touko didn’t talk to anyone for the remainder of the day. Or the day after. It got all of Morfonica worried, to say the least. So when they were inside the school, Rui couldn’t help but feel uneasy about Touko’s wellbeing, however when she asked her, all she got was a ‘I’m fine’ as if she was trying to dismiss the subject.
Rui sat with Nanami during lunch break; or more like Nanami entered the student council room and dragged Rui out of it. How she got away with that, Rui doesn’t even know herself. That’s just Nanami for you. At least she had someone to confide in.
“I see… So you’re worried that Touko is going through something worse?” Nanami poked at Rui’s cheek. “Rui-Rui, you’re really sweet, y’know?”
Something didn’t sit right with Rui when she heard that. Sweet? Who the hell would be ‘sweet’ after causing someone so much pain?
“But, you have to give it time, y’know? She probably doesn’t want to talk about it in the first place.”
“I know. But I cannot help but be concerned. It’s… not like her to be this quiet.” Rui took a bite out of her bento, seemingly losing the appetite she once had.
“I’m sure she was just busy with homework and didn’t want distractions.” Nanami thought for a second. She always did that when in conversation, probably looking for what else to say. “If you want, I could check up on her to see if she’s alright, Rui-Rui.”
“Please do.” As Rui packed her bento away, she stood up and made her way to the student council room. Worried, self-loathing and feeling like shit or not, she still has duties to attend to.
It had been two weeks since Touko confessed — Touko and Rui barely spoke to each other; one tried to not overstep boundaries she didn’t know could exist, the other thought she had ruined the bond they shared; creating a loop that would prove taxing to break. Rui hated it. Touko despised it. They both wanted to break the cycle, but the fear of the worst case scenario stopped them from doing so.
One night, while Rui’s self loathing grew and grew, she started to realize her feelings.
Whenever Touko came to her, she felt this inexplicable warmth inside. It was like a feeling that she only seemed to experience with Touko. Before, she chalked it up to just plainly warming up to the blonde; as she tried to show her improvement and the scale in which it kept growing. After some thought, it wasn’t that at all.
She said love was a ‘distraction’. But from what? Morfonica was already at the peek of their career; her skill at the violin was as sharp as ever, what else could she devote herself to? Schoolwork? Getting high grades was natural to her already; she didn’t even have to put any effort because her body already was autonomously able to excel in school duties no matter what.
She thought deeper. Relationships are ‘too bothersome to deal with’. Was she lying when she said that? She didn’t know. Was it something out of impulse? Probably. Upon further thought; Rui was confused on that point she made. It could’ve been her force of habit to disregard anything not related to improve her playing; but now that she was content with where she was, did that point even hold water?
Was Rui… in love with the one she turned down? It would be the only explanation to the warmth she feels toward the blonde, and it would be a question that when answered, would lift a weight off her chest. Was her self hatred a way for her mind to make her think about this and sort it out?
She kept reaching lower; examining her feelings during her interactions with the guitarist. She gained that warmth three months ago. Ever since then, it had been consistent in rising when they both talked. Wait a minute…
Rui realized. She was in love with Touko this whole time; it took her so long to realize and as a result she made the one she holds dearest go through pain. She felt like a fool; the mere realization of her true feelings brought her to tears.
Well, she found her true feelings. But now what? They both haven’t talked to each other for some time. How would she make her feelings known to the blonde?
She grabbed her phone. She opened up her text messages with the blonde and began to type, but was at a standstill on where to begin.
[09/26/20 23:40] Yashio R.: Touko. We need to talk.
There was a brief moment without response. Either Touko was asleep or catching up with homework. She hoped it was the latter.
[09/26/20 23:47] Kirigaya T.: what’s the matter, rui? you’ve been a stranger recently, i’ve missed you a lot
She felt bad about the lack of contact they had.
[09/26/20 23:50] Yashio R.: I have to tell you something. In person.
[09/26/20 23:51] Yashio R.: But first; do you feel better? I’ve been concerned about you.
[09/26/20 23:52] Kirigaya T.: i do feel better, thanks for asking
[09/26/20 23:53] Kirigaya T.: but still having an unrequited crush is still painful and that hasn’t gone away
So she still has a crush on Rui. She debated on whether that was reassuring or not, but couldn’t decide without typing.
[09/26/20 23:55] Yashio R.: Is it… okay if we can meet up right now? If not, we can do so tomorrow. I just really need to get something off of my chest and it’s better if I do it in person.
There wasn’t a response for a bit. Meeting up at this hour would be quite a lot to ask, to be fair.
[09/26/20 23:58] Kirigaya T.: rui, it’s almost midnight, it’s not safe at all
Right. Maybe she should’ve thought more about it before asking something so illogical. Then again; her mind was having a hard time processing everything.
[09/27/20 00:00] Yashio R.: Right. My apologies. Will tomorrow work?
[09/27/20 00:02] Kirigaya T.: if it's that urgent why not just tell me here?
Could she be able to muster up the courage to confess to her at this very moment? Should she say it? What would happen? Would she be turned down? Many thoughts raced around the violinist’s mind, with each one trying to gain control over her head.
It was worth a shot.
[09/27/20 00:03] Yashio R.: I have been reflecting a lot about myself and my feelings over the past weeks. I reached a conclusion and now know something with certainty.
[09/27/20 00:03] Yashio R.: I was afraid of talking to you about it because I started to worry that you wouldn’t feel the same way about me as you did a couple of weeks ago. I was scared, to say the least.
[09/27/20 00:04] Yashio R.: I’ve come to learn that there is nothing that love will distract me from; that a relationship wouldn’t be bothersome at all and if anything, I’ve learned my true feelings about you, even if they have brought me torment and fear.
There wasn’t a reply for some time. Rui’s heart kept speeding up, the anxiety eating her away.
[09/27/20 00:12] Kirigaya T.: rui, is it what i think it is? your ‘feelings’?
[09/27/20 00:13] Yashio R.: Yes. I’m sorry I took too long to realize.
Rui waited for a response. She basically confessed; after all. She felt like a weight had been lifted off of her chest, but only for them to be replaced with even heavier ones.
[09/27/20 00:15] Kirigaya T.: my feelings for you never faded, so you might already know the answer, but i think it’s best if i tell you in person
[09/27/20 00:15] Kirigaya T.: meet me tomorrow at the plaza, i’ll take us somewhere nice
[09/27/20 00:17] Yashio R.: If it’s to eat another trendy food, I’m retracting what I said.
[09/27/20 00:18] Kirigaya T.: it's not i promise!! haha, night rui
With that, Rui turned off her phone and went to sleep. She slept rather easily, compared to the weeks prior.
Touko decided to wear a nice, frilly dress. She had to look good for the occasion.
Right. It was finally happening, wasn’t it…? She didn’t know how to process that Rui most likely felt the same as she did. Her love most likely was not unrequited anymore.
Half an hour later, Rui showed up, she wore her usual turtleneck and long skirt combo. Very classy and formal. Pretty much Rui in a nutshell.
“Oh, Rui! Hey.” Touko greeted pretty excitedly, she was hoping for the best. “Are you ready to tell me now?”
“More than ever.” She held Touko’s hand, causing them to both flush.
“I love you, Touko.”