Chapter Text
Marinette opened the door to her house to find Alya followed by Alix, Rose, Juleka and Mylène, “What are you all doing here?” she asked in surprise.
“Being there for you, obviously” Alya said as the girls came inside and hugged Marinette. She couldn’t help but smile while she was surrounded by warm arms that were preventing her from falling apart. When her friends pulled back, they showed her what they had brought for her: a bag full of different snacks, ice cream, and a DVD set of romantic comedies they could cry to. Marinette never felt so lucky.
As they set the food on the coffee table in the living room, Mylène told Marinette she was sorry for not noticing she was sad the day before. She thought she was concentrating on her designs, “I’m so used to Ivan not wanting to be distracted when he’s working on new music that I do the same with all my friends”, she said giving Marinette an apologetic look. Marinette smiled reassuringly at her, “You don’t have to be sorry! I wouldn’t have wanted to talk about it anyway. So... What are we watching?” she asked in order to change the subject. She didn’t really want to face what bothered her in that moment, Adrien dating her friend was the cherry on top of way too many problems for a sixteen-year-old like Marinette. She should have gotten used to it by now, but sometimes here responsibilities were still too much, and she needed a moment where she could just be herself and not feel any weight on her shoulders.
“I brought Love Actually, He’s just not that into you, 500 Days of Summer, The Notebook, Under the Tuscan Sun and Eat Pray Love for you to choose” Rose said, adding that she spent the whole morning looking for the right movies for her. Marinette thanked her and picked a DVD, her choice was pretty obvious.
“We’re watching He’s just not that into you” she said, putting the disc in the player.
“What? Are you sure? Alya protested.
“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I would’ve chosen it too, you know” Alix winked at Marinette, who felt reassured. She didn’t really know what the movie was about, but she hoped it could help her given the situation.
“Oh, too bad you didn’t choose Love Actually, I really like that one” Rose pouted.
“Did you know that there was a lesbian couple in that movie? They cut them off though” Juleka said.
“What, really?” Rose asked in an offended tone, to which the purple haired girl nodded, “It was the same dramatic trope as always anyway, one of them died. I’m glad they cut it off honestly.”
At that, Rose wrinkled her nose in disapproval, “Is a happy ending too much to ask? I swear, if I hear about another lesbian killed off in a movie, I’ll take matters into my own hands and make my own death-free lesbian movie. I don’t care.”
Juleka chuckled at her comment and looked at her fondly, she had the same calm and sweet expression of her older brother in that moment. Marinette thought about the way the two made each other happy and brought the best out of each other. Maybe it was because she watched their relationship blossom under her eyes, but they were the kind of couple people looked at and said “I want what they have”, everyone could see that they cared about each other a lot and they weren’t the kind of couple that made people around them uncomfortable with their displays of affection. Marinette wished she had that something like that, too.
She pressed play and let the movie begin.
As she watched the story unravel, Marinette couldn’t help but think about how she had been just as hopeful as the main character. The way she had always wished that someday Adrien would have seen her as something more than a friend reminded her of how the protagonist overanalysed every little thing her date did just to convince herself that he was interested in her. But if a guy wanted to be with a girl, he would have done anything to be with her. It hit her, how harsh and cold reality was.
That was probably the hardest pill to swallow, Adrien wouldn’t have done that kind of anything to be with her. She shouldn’t have had this stupid crush on him in the first place, he would have never fallen for her, they were just friends and she should have cherished his friendship more instead of wanting and trying to turn it into something more. Life was not a romantic comedy, and she wasn’t an exception. She was the rule.
She didn’t realize she had started crying until all her friends cuddled on her on the couch, and Marinette noticed that Rose’s eyes were wet too.
The movie didn’t end with the character picking up the pieces and moving on by herself, she got together with the same guy who opened her eyes on how men behaved after she called him out on his selfishness. She became his exception. That was a movie after all, she couldn’t expect anything different.
All Marinette had left was the ending speech.
Maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe… it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on.
She had to move on from her crush, no matter how hard, painful and long it would have been, and she didn’t want to lose his friendship over something so stupid. She wasn’t fourteen anymore, she could handle this in a mature way.
With the encouragement of her friends, Marinette deleted all the pictures of Adrien she kept on her phone, she couldn’t believe that such a small step made her feel like she had fought one of the worse villains she’s ever fought. She refused to take his pictures off the bulletin board in her room, claiming she used them for inspiration, she still needed some time after all.
They spent the rest of the afternoon on the terrace, talking about everything and nothing and doing each other's nails until Marinette’s mum brought them delicious homemade pizzas for dinner. Marinette wasn’t feeling like the whole world was crashing on her, that weight became lighter the more she spent time with her friends. She didn’t care about the fact that she probably would’ve let herself drift into sadness again before going to bed, because in that moment she was okay and she wanted to enjoy that. She finally had the chance to behave like an ordinary teenager, she could think about everything else later.
The air got colder as stars appeared in the dark sky, and although their light was dimmed by the city lights, they still shone bright. Marinette felt at peace watching them, but when Alya got up and said that her dad was coming to pick her, Alix and Mylène up, she felt the serene atmosphere slip through her fingers. She knew it was late and that her friends had to go home, but she wished for the day not to end.
Marinette walked the three girls to the door and gave each of them a tight hug that said what she couldn’t say. Thank you for being there for me, I’m lucky to have you.
After that, she had to say goodbye to Rose and Juleka too. They thanked her while wrapping her in a bone crushing hug. Marinette let out a sigh as she closed the door and went upstairs, her mind was letting out the thoughts she had kept suppressed until then. How hurt she was, how hard and almost impossible it would be to forget how she felt around Adrien, how kind he was to her, how much he relied on her and their friendship, how she had tried in the clumsiest and most absurd ways to confess her feelings for him. Like the time she wrote him a letter but forgot to sign it, or when she plotted along with her friends a plan to ask him out while he was having a photoshoot at the Trocadero. She never noticed how irrationally her crush made her act until now.
She picked her crush over a friend once. She chose Adrien over Luka when Jagged Stone asked her if she knew any guitarist. She dumbly put Adrien first because he was Adrien, and he was perfect, but Luka was perfect for what Jagged had asked. He was talented and sensitive enough to play people’s heartbeat and melodies that could calm turbulent feelings with his guitar, not to mention the fact that Jagged was his favourite singer and Marinette would have made him really happy by suggesting him . She cringed thinking about her behaviour. Yes, she was stupid, and it happened ages ago but how could she pick a crush over someone who had always been – and still was – there for her? He didn’t deserve that treatment, and that behaviour was so unlike her she felt disappointed in herself.
The worse thing her crush made her do, was letting herself be convinced by Chloe into ruining Kagami’s time with Adrien out of jealousy and envy, and telling each other it was for Adrien's sake. Marinette had been so blinded by her feelings that she let them turn her into someone she didn’t want to be. Her and Kagami weren’t friends at the time, but she felt bad for how she behaved, especially since she so proudly claimed that girls should never compete against one another for the attention of boys.
Wasn’t a crush supposed to make her want to be the best version of herself? Why did she do those things? Why did she learn his schedule by heart? Was a crush supposed to make her feel this way?
“Well Marinette, sometimes feelings can be so overwhelming that you forget who you really are, and you make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up for them. Your heart is pure, and you never meant to harm anyone”, Tikki told her, “It’s a good thing that you realized that you’ve made mistakes, but don’t forget that you did everything you could to make up for them, and you have grown from them.” The small creature put both her hands on her cheek in an affectionate way and squeezed it, as if they were giving her a hug. Marinette gave the Kwami a smile, feeling slightly reassured. She felt like she had to do one last thing before letting her past mistakes go, and that was talking to Kagami.
She remembered how, that time she had to fight against Love Eater and chose her for back up, Kagami told her – well, she told Ladybug – that hurting Marinette was the only thing that was preventing her from pursuing Adrien, and that she was her only friend.
And in the end, it was Marinette who let her pursue Adrien, she left them alone that time because she knew that they would have been happy together. She shouldn’t have been surprised of the turnout since it wasn’t completely unexpected, although it hurt. How long had it been since then? A year, more or less.
Kagami and Marinette had become closer, and they hung out almost on a weekly basis depending on their schedules. She was a good friend, she was realistic, determined and very good at helping Marinette keep her feet on the ground, and Marinette, on the other hand, listened to her when she complained about how her mum could be too strict or how the people attending her school were spoiled and annoying, and encouraged her to open up and not to restrain herself in order to please her mother. Marinette didn’t want to lose her.
For this reason, she reached for her phone and looked for Kagami's contact. She typed in a message but then deleted it and stared at the empty box on her phone screen. She tried to type something again, and yet again, she deleted it.
Type. Delete. Type. Delete. Type. Delete.
Words seemed to have lost their meaning, Marinette didn’t know how to express herself anymore. Tikki tried to encourage her before she finally took a deep breath and started typing something quickly.
Hey, Adrien told me that you two got together. I’m really happy for you :)
I hope we can meetup soon so you can tell me everything in person!
Send.
“You did the right thing” the red spirit reassured her.
Marinette didn’t read the message again, typing it down had already consumed her, but deep down in her heart, Marinette knew that Adrien's heart was in the right hands. Even if they weren’t hers.
As long as he was happy, she would have been happy too.
At least, that was what she told herself before going to sleep, and before she kept tossing and turning in her bed while she forced herself to ignore the tormenting images of Adrien and Kagami together that were forming in her mind. She tried to find something to soothe her thoughts, but she couldn’t think of anything that could help, except for... Why didn’t I think about this before, she shook her head as she reached for her earphones.
That night, Marinette fell asleep to the comforting happy melody Luka sent her.
Marinette woke up the next morning with her earbuds tangled around her neck and the music still playing, if this had to be the cost of getting some hours of sleep then so be it. She stretched before reaching for her phone and freeing herself from the thin cords that had left sleep marks on her face.
There was a text message from Kagami that said that she had cleared her schedule to see her that afternoon. Oh, Marinette wasn’t ready. Marinette wasn’t ready to confront Kagami at all. That’s why, instead of going downstairs to get breakfast, she ended up spending the morning pacing around her room and panicking while Tikki tried to calm her down, and when her mum came to her room to announce that lunch was ready she broke down in her arms, pouring all her feelings out.
Sabine kept her daughter close and listened carefully to everything she had to say, and when she started questioning how she acted around Adrien she reassured her that it was normal to behave differently around someone you liked so much, even to the point you ended up doing things you could regret.
“Mom, how do you know if the feelings you have for someone are genuine?” Marinette asked her while her mom so delicately wiped the tears from her face, she still thought that all the feelings she had for Adrien were wrong for what they made her do.
“You put their happiness first”, she answered with a soft voice.
The girl nodded, feeling smaller in her mother’s arms, and slightly comforted by her words.
Did Marinette want her friends to be happy? Yes.
Were her friends happy together? Yes, that’s why she had to put her feelings aside. Thinking about it, she had already done it when she left them alone at André’s ice cream cart that one time. Before she made Hawk Moth find Master Fu, and before she herself became the Guardian of the Miraculous.
Marinette wondered if things could have gone differently if she hadn’t let her feelings for Adrien distract her. Moving on from her crush was definitely for the better.
When she met Kagami that afternoon, the two talked everything out and they realized they had always avoided talking about their crushes because they knew they liked the same person and didn’t want to make things awkward. Marinette admitted of liking Adrien, but she had let him go when instead of confessing her feelings to him, she encouraged him to go after Kagami. It would have been perfect if her heart wasn’t still clinging on the feelings she had for him, but she decided that her priority was seeing her friends happy., and Kagami was definitely happy. She was different from her usual composed self, a new light glowing in her eyes. Marinette had never seen her so relaxed. It surprised her, but she was glad to see this new side of her friend, even if the reason behind that made her heart twinge.
Marinette tried to ignore the ache she felt as Kagami talked about Adrien, forcing herself to smile, she wondered when it would have started to hurt less and tried to hold on to the fact that she had gone through worse. She didn’t really want to spoil her friend’s happiness, even if it hurt her, she could handle that.
Why would she ruin something she had for something she could never have? She had to accept that she would have never had something more than a friendship with Adrien, and if she cared about him and Kagami as much as she claimed, she had to support her friends and give up on her stupid teenage crush, even if it hurt more than she could admit.
Marinette was relieved when they finally changed subject and talked about how neither of them hadn’t started their summer homework yet, it was the second week of holiday after all.
They spent the rest of the afternoon at Albert-Kahn Garden, walking around the park and admiring colourful flowers and plants, Marinette felt calmer than as she felt the warmth of the sun on her skin.
“Did you know that its fruit and seed sprout at the same time?” Kagami said, pointing at the fully blooming lotus flowers floating in the pond below them, “It means fullness and rebirth, since they grow through mud and dirt”.
“I didn’t know you were interested in plant symbolism!” Marinette looked at her in disbelief, she had always seen her as someone methodical and concrete, she didn’t expect her to be interested in such things.
Kagami just gave her a tiny smile and continued to list the characteristics of the lotus, and she did the same with other species as they went on walking around the garden, “Those represent friendship and devotion” she said, pointing at a flower bed full of Peruvian lilies of different shades of pink, yellow, orange and red. Marinette looked around her amazed and took out the small sketchbook she always had with her. She was so struck by the beauty of the nature that surrounded them in the middle of the city that she felt the need to treasure it on the pages of her sketchbook. She quickly sketched a bunch of Peruvian lilies, then went on to draw some other flowers as they explored the marvellous garden and Kagami explained the meaning of the flowers that caught Marinette’s attention.
At the end of the day, the once blank pages were filled with pencil drawings of different kinds of flowers, and Marinette had written their meaning beside them with her neat calligraphy. Before saying goodbye to Kagami, Marinette ripped off one page from her book and gave it to her. The astonished look on her face as she looked at the sheet with the Peruvian lilies in her hands made Marinette chuckle.
“I – thank you, Mari” Kagami smiled, and then gave her a small hug. She wasn’t very good at displaying affection so Marinette took it as a big accomplishment and she hugged her back.
Tikki was right, she did the right choice when she decided to talk to Kagami and find a new starting point for their friendship. She was nowhere near getting over her crush, but she felt she had at least made some progress. She would’ve gotten used to listen to her talking about Adrien the way she wished to.
Her heart was incredibly lighter as she walked to the underground station.