Chapter Text
Ellana woke up in a rush, adrenaline coursing through her veins. She was trembling all over. She scared the servant, who left the small cabin as quickly as she could. Guiltily, Ellana approached the clothes that had been placed on the floor for her.
To her surprise, there was a thick winter coat waiting for her, complete with matching gloves and a scarf. Ellana was surprised, to say the least. Last she knew, Cassandra hated her.
The coat was nice and warm, and the fabric didn’t even bother her skin too much. Carefully, she pushed the door to the cabin open. The light from the sun was too bright, causing Ellana to squeeze her eyes shut for a second. A gust of cold wind blew past, causing Ellana to shiver even through her winter coat. Then, she heard several voices, all speaking at once.
When she opened her eyes, her cabin was surrounded by people. People she didn’t know, who looked at her with awe. She felt her legs begin to tremble as she quickly walked past them, her teeth chattering from both cold and anxiety. Why were they suddenly acting like that? It was strange, to be treated coldly as a criminal one moment and treated with awe and whispers the next. Ellana hated it.
She got to the Chantry as quickly as she could, shivering a little as she closed the door and reveled in the warmth of indoors. There were no people staring at her in here.
Ellana could hear fighting from behind a door at the very end of the hall. Building up all of her courage, she pushed it open.
____
Meeting Cullen was an experience, to say the least.
At first she didn’t notice. Hadn’t been around a templar in ages, she didn’t realize what he was until he started talking about it.
Immediately she had flashbacks. Memories of a templar grabbing her by her shirt, taunting the rest of the kids, putting her in a cell alone to cry all night before being made tranquil the next morning. Her breathing quickened and she took a few steps back involuntarily. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and she didn’t think she’d have the willpower to stop them. Really, it was lucky she didn’t start screaming.
Even more memories came flooding back, memories she had locked away after being cured of tranquility. Memories she didn’t want. Templars sneering at her, pushing her, hitting her while she was tranquil. Talking about how much of a bad girl she must have been, to have been made tranquil at such a young age. Even as a tranquil she had known she needed to leave the Circle as soon as possible. She had never wanted to think about her life as a tranquil again, those years sealed away in a dark corner of her brain she never wanted to access.
Ellana was pretty sure she was on the floor now, Cassandra peering down at her worriedly, Josephine not too far away either. Josephine’s eyes were darting between Ellana and Cullen. Ellana wondered foggily if people would make the connection any time soon. If they weren’t correct, they would be close enough to the truth.
“Maker, Cullen, did you do something to her?” Cassandra asked, a hand hovering over Ellana’s shoulder. She was clutching at her hair now, and Josephine was trying to keep her from pulling it out.
“Not at all,” Cullen sounded bewildered and concerned, “I think I’d remember.”
“Well, she must have been triggered by something,” Leliana said, keeping a safe distance from the mage currently on the floor. Ice was slowly creeping out from under her, creating a layer of frost on the stone floors. Cullen put a hand on his sword, templar instincts kicking in, reacting to an unstable mage. Ellana didn’t react well.
She sent a flash of ice at him, which he couldn’t avoid in time. His gauntlet was frozen to the hilt of his sword. Cullen let out a noise if surprise and jumped a little, as if he didn’t expect her to actually attack him.
“Cullen, you’re making it worse!” Josephine accused, clearly not knowing what to do in this situation. Ellana sent another shot of ice at him, which he narrowly ducked to avoid.
“Shit,” Cassandra cursed as Ellana’s magic was getting wilder by the second, “Go get Solas! Varric! Someone she’ll listen to!”
The person who was able to show up quickly enough was Solas. Not someone Ellana seemed comfortable around, per se, but a fellow mage who could help her control her magic.
Leliana had grabbed Cullen by the sleeve and shooed him out of the room, which calmed Ellana slightly. She was no longer attacking with her magic, but the chill was still leaking out of her. Having registered the threat as gone, she was able to relax slightly. This also solidified that it had, indeed, been Cullen who caused her meltdown. Ellana’s tears were frozen onto her face.
It took time, but Solas was able to soothe her with his magic and calm her down enough to put her to sleep. They decided it would be best that Cassandra carry her back to her cabin, someone she knew as opposed to a stranger.
Solas seemed contemplative when Cassandra got back.
“I’ve seen mages succumb to demons under much less emotional stress,” he commented. Cassandra made a noise of agreement. “What was it that caused all of this, exactly?”
“I’m not really sure,” Cassandra pinched the bridge of her nose, a headache coming on, “Cullen was suggesting we use the templars to close the breach, and she freaked out.”
“Hmm,” Solas hummed, looking thoughtful, “Did he mention the fact that he was a templar?”
“I believe so.”
“Perhaps an aversion to templars, a bad memory or trauma of some sort,” Solas suggested.
Which meant going to the templars for help was likely a no-go. Not Cassandra’s preference, nor Cullen’s. However, if templars affected the well-being of the Herald that much...
“Great,” Cassandra shook her head and let out a long sigh. Solas stared at her with a blank expression, before turning to leave.
“Let me know when she wakes up,” he said before leaving. Why he would want to know was beyond Cassandra.
When she relayed what Solas told her to the others, they had varying reactions.
“Thought so,” Leliana said with a touch of satisfaction.
“Oh, poor thing,” Josephine looked genuinely upset by this whole ordeal.
Cullen just looked shocked and uncomfortable. He didn’t say anything, just stood there with an indecipherable expression. His hands were fisted at his sides, his lips pressed together tightly.
“So,” Leliana said conversationally, “I suppose this means we’re going to the mages for help?”
___
When Ellana woke up, she felt embarrassed. Not only had she had one of her episodes in front of people she barely knew, someone had carried her back to her cabin.
She knew there was no reason to feel embarrassed. Her friends back at the clan made sure she knew. Every time she had an episode, she would feel embarrassed and guilty, and they were quick to reassure her. But here, she didn’t really have any friends to reassure her.
This had been a bad one, too. She usually didn’t attack people. She groaned and shoved her face in her hands, thinking about how she was probably going to have to apologize to Cullen for that. The problem was, she didn’t want to talk to him. Or be near him, if possible. Or any templars at all.
They had been talking about who to go to for help, to seal the Breach. The answer was obvious. Ellana was going to refuse to even meet the templars, let alone work with them.
Actually, her meltdown may have worked in her favor. If they drew the conclusions she thought they were going to, they weren’t likely to force her to work with templars in order to avoid another episode like that. Hopefully, anyways.
Idly, as she got up, she wondered if anyone would even consider the fact that she was a cured tranquil. Doubtful, but not impossible. It was likely she was the only cured tranquil in Thedas at the moment. They probably just thought she had a bad experience at the Circle, which was fine by her.
What she had forgotten to prepare for was how awkward Cassandra was going to be around her, or the pitying looks Josephine sometimes sent her. Somewhere inside she knew these things were going to happen, but she dared to dream that they wouldn’t. Luckily, though, she hadn’t had to see Cullen again. Ellana thought he was probably avoiding her. That was fine.
“I want to go to the mages,” Ellana said. Cassandra had asked her again which one she was going to choose.
“I won’t try to force you, but I think the templars will be safer,” Cassandra said with narrowed eyes.
“Templars are power-crazed,” Ellana said bitterly, “They only care about themselves.”
“And this is assuming mages care about anyone other than themselves.”
Ellana shrugged, “At least mages aren’t oppressors. I’d rather not be caught siding with the ones doing the oppressing. It’s a bad look.”
Cassandra was silent, but her disapproval was basically radiating from her. However, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to convince Ellana to work with the templars.
With that, Ellana prepared to head out to Redcliffe.