Chapter Text
Alan convinced his parents to let him drive to the party on the condition that he promised he would stay sober. He didn’t even really have to promise. That had been his plan anyway. He picked Carmen up first, and she climbed into the passenger seat, smoothing out her black skirt as she sat down. Her usual hair buns were adorned with little green bows which matched her sweater, and her smile was warm as ever.
“You look great,” Alan offered, blushing a little as he pulled out of the driveway. “It didn’t occur to me to dress up at all.”
“That’s probably a good thing,” Carmen giggled, “considering you wear a bow tie nearly every day. I wouldn’t want you to show up to a house party in a tux.”
“Fair point. But really, you’re gorgeous.”
“Thanks, Alan. So are you. Have I told you lately how much I love your freckles?”
“Have I told you lately how much I love your kind heart?”
“Have I told you lately how much I love you? Just, all of you?” Carmen awkwardly but sweetly patted Alan’s shoulder, careful not to distract him from driving.
“Believe me, it’s more than mutual,” Alan said. “I gotta pick up Leslie next, okay? And I said I would drive Joe, too, since he’s still on his learner’s permit and he would usually get a ride from Tobias.”
“Sounds good.” Carmen nodded as she flipped on the radio.
It only took a few minutes to get to Leslie’s. He had clearly been waiting at the door, as he came running out, waving, as Alan pulled into the driveway. Alan caught his breath upon seeing Leslie. He was wearing a bright green bow tie and a pink skirt, an outfit that surely would have looked tacky on anyone else, but by some miracle he pulled it off.
“Hi, Carmen! Hey, Alan,” he said, climbing into the backseat. “We all match.”
It was true. Somehow, Leslie had managed to match his skirt to Carmen’s and his tie to Alan’s. The three of them glanced around at each other, aware that they were about to have either a very good time or a very uncomfortable one. Then Carmen started laughing. Just a light, gentle laugh, but, thank God, a laugh nonetheless.
“We bought these together, didn’t we?” she asked, tugging her skirt out in front of her. “We’re literally wearing the same skirt in different colours! I love it!”
“Oh my God,” Leslie giggled, “we are! We totally are! What if Penny is wearing the yellow one?”
Alan, despite not completely understanding what was so funny, couldn’t help but laugh with them. He had been right. Carmen and Leslie were friends, and this wasn’t going to be awkward after all.
Okay, so maybe Alan had spoken too soon. Joe had spent the entire car ride, an agonizing ten minutes, completely oblivious to the fact that nobody wanted to watch him twist his fist in and out of his mouth. The first time, it had been a bit uncomfortable but, overall, nothing out of the ordinary for Joe. But by the time Alan got to Tobias’ house, the discomfort in the car was palpable.
“Did you all see it that time?” Joe asked, grinning and wiping his hand on his pants. “The whole thing! In my mouth, and right back out! Didn’t even lose any teeth!”
“Yeah. That was really something, Joe,” Alan said, hoping he sounded more genuine than he felt. “C’mon, everybody out.” Everybody out? Man, that sounded like he was talking to his scout troop. Joe, as if he actually were one of Alan’s kindergarteners, ran ahead to ring the doorbell, and Alan slung one arm over Carmen’s shoulders as they walked, reaching out to grab Leslie’s hand with the other.
Woah.
The feeling of having both of them right there with him was brand new, and it was overwhelmingly good. Alan grinned almost too wide, not caring whether he looked like a dope, and clumsily tried to squeeze Leslie’s hand and pull Carmen closer at the same time.
“I think we’re too much for him,” Leslie stage whispered, making Carmen reach around Alan’s back and smack him playfully up the back of his head.
“Hey! I worked hard on getting my hair this nice!”
“You could try getting taller,” Alan joked. “She tries to do that to me, too, but she can’t reach.”
“See, you think you’re being funny, but I know for a fact he owns at least three pairs of heels,” Carmen deadpanned, smiling.
“Sure, but can I walk in them?”
“Yes. I’ve seen you do it, and I said you should be careful because if you twist an ankle you can’t dance or cheer, and you said ‘Calm down, Carmen, I know how to walk in heels,’ and that was the day we learned that maybe you can walk in heels, but Penny cannot.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I can walk in heels, I don’t know why I would pretend I couldn’t.”
Tobias opened the door as they walked up the steps to his porch. He punched Joe on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear.
“Hey guys! You made it! Joe, pro tip, the freshmen think we’re super cool without us even doing anything. Go crazy, but don’t break anything, capiche?”
“You got it!” Joe disappeared into the crowd, half of whom Alan didn’t even recognise.
“Hey, Alan. Carmen. And Leslie. Hold up, Alan, how come you get two dates when I still can’t get one? I’m cool! I’m the guy hosting this whole thing!” Tobias laughed, and his smile didn’t waver. He seemed more confident than ever tonight, although that could be the ego boost of having half the school in his living room.
“Got lucky, I guess,” Alan replied. “Really, really lucky.”
“Gross. Leave it to you to get all sappy ten seconds after getting here. Anyway, food’s over there, and there’s no alcohol as far as I’m aware, but if any shows up, let me know so I can make sure there’s no evidence, yeah?”
“Sure thing,” Leslie interjected before either Alan or Carmen got the chance to lecture Tobias. “By the way, your makeup looks great. I almost didn’t notice it, it’s so natural on you. I’m calling it now, blues on your eyelids would really pop. Wait, even better- blue lipstick! When you’re ready for it, of course.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Tobias waved a dismissive hand, but his face betrayed that he was pleased. “Anyway, I gotta bounce. There are, like, a million people begging for my attention. Catch ya later!”
It was then that, just like every year, Alan remembered he had no clue what he was actually supposed to do at a party. Have fun, sure, and hang out, but a lot of the things Alan called fun, others called community service or even punishment. He looked around the crowded room. People were dancing, and a small circle of mostly girls had formed off to the side. From the looks of it, they were playing Never Have I Ever, and all of Teri’s fingers were still up. Next to her was an empty gap, and then Jamie, with all but one of her fingers curled into her palms.
Suddenly, Alan felt Leslie’s hand get jerked away from his as Masami jumped onto her best friend’s back. That would explain the gap between Teri and Jamie.
“You’re here!” she squealed as Leslie stumbled into the wall. “Awww, and you’re with Alan! I told you he liked you back.” She slid back down to the floor, her energy making it almost seem like she wasn’t one of the shortest people in the room.
“Hi, Alan!” she continued, waving up at him. “I’m gonna steal Leslie for a bit, okay?! I’ll give him back later!” Without waiting for a response, she linked arms with Leslie and dragged him, shrugging and smiling, to the circle of girls.
“So, what now?” Alan asked Carmen. “I’m up for whatever you want to do.”
“Last year there was a scary movie in the basement,” Carmen suggested. “We could get some food and go sit together.”
“Sure, why not? Leslie scares easily, too, so it would be smart to do that while he’s busy.”
Carmen looked up quizzically. “What are you talking about? Sarah convinced us to watch a horror movie marathon once, and he was the only person aside from her who never flinched or screamed.”
“Really? Last weekend, when I saw a movie with him and a bunch of people, he kept needing me to kinda comfort and protect him. I- oh.” Alan felt his face get red as he realised what Leslie had done.
“Yeah, that sounds like him. Absolutely shameless. I love that for you,” Carmen said, tugging Alan toward the food. “C’mon. I wanna get down there before we end up having to share an armchair like last year.”
“That doesn’t sound like the end of the world,” Alan replied, walking with her and grabbing a cookie.
It wasn’t a horror movie this year. In fact, the only other people watching were a group of freshman girls Alan didn’t recognise, and two of them were mouthing the script along with the young, heartthrob actor on the screen, so Alan assumed they had picked the movie themselves.
“I cannot believe we’re at a party hosted by Tobias Wilson and “Language Barrier,” the 2007 movie about some guy falling in love with a French woman, is playing,” Carmen giggled. “But, hey, I kinda like it down here. It’s quiet, and I have my popcorn, and we can share the same armchair we sat in last time.” She gestured to the chair, and Alan sat down, helping her climb up into his lap. One of the freshmen giggled and nudged her friend, who did a very poor job of pretending not to look at them. Alan waved to her, hoping to show that he and Carmen weren’t scary, and the girl went pale.
“You, uh, you make a cute couple,” she stammered, before gluing her eyes back to the screen.
“Thanks,” Alan said, trying to as casual and confident as possible. His voice cracked in the middle of the word, and he promptly buried his burning face in the top of Carmen’s head as the girls started giggling again. That was one of the things he loved about being so much taller than Carmen- she could sit in his lap, and he could see over the top of her head, faceplant in it, or kiss it if he wanted. She was the perfect size, and her tight curls, while not exactly soft, felt nice on his skin. Without moving, he pressed his lips to the top of Carmen’s head and kissed her. She tilted her head subtly, just enough that Alan knew she felt and appreciated it, and he smiled into her curls.
Alan and Carmen must have shown up a good two thirds of the way through the movie, but it was cliche enough that Alan understood what was going on without context. The woman onscreen- did Alan recognise her from a perfume commercial?- was giving a monologue in a heavy but clearly fake French accent, and occasional shots of the male lead showed him misty eyed and sweaty, probably from having chased her through Paris in the last scene. After one of the freshmen had spent a suspiciously long time upstairs “in the bathroom,” the others had gone to find her, leaving just Alan and Carmen in the basement. Neither of them was particularly invested in the movie, but it was nice to be cuddling with the sounds of the TV in front of them and the party upstairs. It had only gotten more loud and crowded since they had been there, and Alan was glad he didn’t have to navigate the overwhelming atmosphere.
“They’re about to kiss,” Carmen said, as if it wasn’t obvious.
“Yeah, that’s how this sort of movie usually goes,” Alan responded.
“No, I mean...” Carmen shifted on Alan’s lap, turning herself over to straddle him on her knees. “They’re about to kiss.” Her eyes met his, a sweet smile tugging the corners of her mouth upward.
“...Oh!” Alan put his hands on Carmen’s waist, holding her gaze and his breath.
“Mademoiselle,” said the actor onscreen, “I must admit… je t’aime.”
And Carmen’s lips met his. Alan had kissed Carmen before, but it never stopped feeling new and special. Her lips were chapped- they always were- but there was an innate gentleness to them, and Alan couldn’t get enough. Kissing Carmen made him feel like the world could end and it would be just fine. She brought her hands up from Alan’s shoulders to cup his face, letting out a soft hum of pleasure and turning Alan’s brain to lovestruck mush. He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her without caring how prickly her sweater was. All he could focus on was the fact that he loved Carmen, and she was kissing him, and he was kissing his girlfriend at a party, which was somehow even more exciting than kissing her anywhere else. Carmen pulled away to catch her breath, and Alan was surprised to hear himself audibly panting.
“I love you,” she murmured, the backlighting from the TV making her glow like an angel in the otherwise dark room.
“I love you, too. So, so much. You’re why the Ancient Greeks became poets.”
“How do you do it, Alan?” Carmen asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.
“Do what?”
“Come up with things like that. It barely makes sense, but it’s also the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. You’ve been doing it since middle school.”
“I don’t know. That’s just… what I think. When I look at you.”
Carmen smiled and kissed him again, but not nearly as long or deep.
“If and when I marry you, I want you to say those sorts of things, okay?”
“I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself if I tried.” Alan helped Carmen readjust herself in the chair so she was sitting sideways on his lap, able to see his face but no longer straddling him. They smiled at each other for what felt like forever, comfortable in their shared silence until a voice on the stairs broke it.
“I swear they’re down here! Carmen? Alan?” Teri’s gentle soprano called.
“Hey, Teri! We’re here,” Carmen responded, getting up to greet her friend.
“Oh, good! Some people upstairs and I wanted to play another game, but we’re running low on people as everyone gets up to dance or see their other friends. Will you come up and join us?”
Carmen turned back to Alan and smiled, cocking her head as if to ask him his opinion.
“Yeah, we’ll come!” he said, getting up and brushing off his legs, which were tingling just a little from supporting Carmen so long. This could be fun.
The circle was indeed a bit smaller than it had been when he first saw it, but the only people who had left were people Alan didn’t know well. Aside from himself and Carmen, he counted Leslie, who was now leaning on Alan’s shoulder, Masami in Jamie’s bomber jacket and Jamie with Masami’s lipstick smeared on her jawline, Teri, Molly, Sarah, and a few unfamiliar faces.
“Okay!” Masami clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention, but no one seemed to hear her.
“Hey! Listen up!” Jamie’s shout startled Alan, and he shook his head a bit in shock. He always forgot just how loud she could get. Jamie pointed at Masami as everyone in the circle swiveled to face her. “She’s talking.”
“Thanks. Anyway, I decided we’re gonna play truth or dare, because we haven’t done that yet tonight and it’s a classic. I’ll start. Jamie, truth or dare?”
“Dare, obviously.”
“I dare you to beat up the next person who makes me sad.”
“That’s a waste of a dare. I would’ve done that anyway. But yeah, sure.” Jamie glanced around the circle. “Teri. Truth or-”
“Truth!”
“Fuck, you’re boring. Uh, what’s the most trouble you’ve ever been in?”
Teri’s voice faded to be so quiet Alan could barely hear what she was saying.
“Well, for a long time, I didn’t know those cute little bottles of hand sanitizer by the door of the bed and body store weren’t free, so when I was fourteen I got caught stealing nine of them. I got out of it by explaining I didn’t know and putting them back, but it was pretty scary for a second.”
“That’s it?” Jamie laughed. “You’re almost as bad as Alan!”
Alan felt his face go red, but he wasn’t that embarrassed. If anything, he was almost proud that he had a reputation for being and doing good.
“Okay, um, Molly!” Teri said, her voice louder and more confident.
“Truth!” Molly pushed her hair behind her ear, grinning.
“Tell us… If something bad happened, like the apocalypse, who in the circle would you save first?”
Molly frowned, thinking hard. “I guess I would have to say Sarah. We’re super close, you know? But if I could, I would save all of you! Actually, one time I was playing this apocalypse video game, and two of my friends were playing it with me, and they were both really low on energy but I only had one food item, so I had make that exact same decision! True story! Anyway, Masami! Truth or dare?”
“I’ll take a dare. Why not?” Masami didn’t say it, but Alan could tell she expected Molly couldn’t come up with anything too bad. It was a smart way to play the game, he mused. Take dares from people who wouldn’t put you at too much risk, and don’t get bullied for only ever picking truth.
“I dare you to… text the most recent person in your contacts and say something about them. Not necessarily something mean, but something about them. Then say it was the wrong number and they weren’t supposed to see that.”
“Ooh, drama. Alright,” Masami said, pulling her phone out. “Cool, so, the person I texted most recently is Leslie, but he’s in the circle, so I’m going one down, and that’s- shit, that’s my dad!” Masami laughed, clearly not too worried about any potential consequences. She typed something out, Jamie squinting over her shoulder, then pressed send. “Okay, I called him a hard-ass and a total workaholic, but I also said I get why. He’s probably just gonna ignore it anyway. Leslie. Your turn, bitch. Truth or dare? And don’t pick truth. I already know everything about you.”
“Fine, dare. You suck.”
Masami smirked. “You already know what I’m gonna say.”
Leslie sighed at her, but he was smiling. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“I dare you to kiss Alan. Right now, in front of everyone. You’re welcome.”
Alan’s face flushed. He had never even kissed Carmen in public- not because he was ashamed to, but because it just wasn’t the sort of thing he usually did. Sweet talk and hand holding, sure, but never actual PDA.
“Alan? You okay with that?” Leslie asked. Alan couldn’t help but notice that his eyes were still blue. Of course they were, eyes didn’t just change colour, but the depth and brightness of them caught Alan off guard every time.
“Do it,” Carmen whispered, nudging him. That was all he needed.
Alan nodded sharply, just once, hyper aware of all the eyes on him and of Sarah ooh-ing to his right as he leaned in. Their lips met, and Alan wrapped one arm around Leslie’s back, using the other to steady himself. Holy shit, Leslie’s lips were soft. It made sense, he was always applying chapstick, but Alan hadn’t thought it would be this unbelievably nice. He had been right about Leslie feeling like an adventure. Alan’s whole body was tingling with affection and excitement, and his nerves about being watched melted away completely as Leslie threw his arms around Alan’s neck. Alan smiled into the kiss, his heart so full he was sure it was about to burst. Kissing Leslie was brand new, and that made it exciting, but it also felt profoundly right, as if Alan was made for kissing him. He never wanted to stop.
“Okay, that’s enough!” Masami’s voice cut through the lovestruck mess that was Alan’s thoughts, and he and Leslie pulled away equally quickly, blushing at each other with stupid smiles on their faces.
“Geez,” she continued playfully, “If you wanted to make me regret that one, you sure did it.”
“Nope,” Leslie replied, trying and failing to appear composed. “But I can handle my own love life.”
“No you can’t. Nice try, though. Now go, it’s your turn.”
“Oh! Right! Um, Sarah-”
Alan tuned out the rest of what Leslie said, still reeling. He heard Carmen joke to Leslie that maybe he had been right, maybe the two of them were indeed too much for Alan, but he didn’t try to correct her. He was overwhelmed with joy and infatuation, and he didn’t really care if she teased him for it a little. After all, he was just as in love with her, and, well, maybe Carmen and Leslie together really were just a bit too much for him, but in the best way possible. He felt his way around the floor to their hands, and grabbed on, still grinning ear to ear.
“I got to kiss both of you,” he whispered happily, not expecting anyone to hear.
“Yeah, you’re pretty lucky, aren’t you?” Carmen laughed back.
“Or maybe we’re the lucky ones,” Leslie added, messing up Alan’s hair. Carmen’s eyes grew wide as she realised that, since Alan was sitting down, she could reach his head, and she took a turn playing with his hair as well. Alan hummed contentedly, leaning back against the wall and relaxing as Carmen’s fingers danced across his scalp and Leslie’s intertwined with his own.
Joe ended up getting permission to stay overnight, so it was just Alan, Carmen, and Leslie on the way back. Carmen offered to sit in the back, since she had gotten shotgun on the way there, and immediately regretted it when Leslie switched the radio from NPR to a pop station. Alan pulled up to Leslie’s house in the dark, and put the car in park.
“I’m gonna walk you to the door, okay? Carmen, feel free to move up to the front seat.”
Alan and Leslie were silent as they walked to the door, the kind of silence that was both awkward and comfortable at once. They stopped on the doorstep, and Alan cleared his throat, unsure of exactly what to say.
“I had a really good time with you,” he said, something in his voice making it sound almost like a confession. “I, uh, I’d love to do it again sometime. Not even a party, necessarily, just me and you and maybe Carmen, maybe sometimes just the two of us, and, you know, nice times.”
“I’d really like that too.” Leslie’s smile was genuine, and far softer than the one Alan was used to seeing from him.
“Great! Good! Then, I’ll see you at school, yeah? Can I, um, can I kiss you goodnight?”
Leslie didn’t answer. He just pushed up onto his toes and kissed Alan. It was short, and not very deep, but Alan could tell he meant it, and that was enough to give him butterflies all over again.
“G’night, Alan.”
“Yeah. Good night!”
Leslie waved as he stepped inside, and Alan stood there for a second before walking back to the car. Carmen had switched the radio back to NPR, but she turned it off when Alan got in, clicking his seatbelt on as he closed the door.
“Alright! Next stop, Carmen’s house. I kinda don’t want it to all be over yet.”
“I know,” Carmen agreed. “I had a good time. And I still can’t believe Jamie can fit that many marshmallows in her mouth. Can’t decide if it’s impressive or just disgusting.”
The car’s headlights cut through the dark night as Alan drove, Carmen’s voice putting warmth in his chest as she recounted stories from the party they had both just attended.
“Okay. Here we are. May I escort you to your door, mademoiselle?” Alan stepped out of the car, bowing a little too deep to bring the joke home.
“But of course!” Carmen replied, repressing her laughter. “I am a proper lady, after all.”
Carmen’s house was nicer than Leslie’s, but not by too much. The most notable difference was the cobblestone pathway to the door, which Alan walked slightly ahead of Carmen on, repeatedly advising her to “Watch your step, mademoiselle, lest you should trip and hurt yourself.” The first time, Carmen played along, but by the third, she had given up on not laughing. When they reached the door, Alan extended a hand to help her onto the porch.
“I had a really good time. I mean, it feels more normal with you, because we’ve done all this before, but I never stop loving it. Anything’s a good time when we’re together.”
“I could say the same to you,” Carmen said, grinning in the lamplight.
“I hope ‘tisn’t out of place for me to ask,” Alan drawled, returning to the joke, “but, my dear mademoiselle, might I steal a kiss?”
“I had hoped you might ask, sir,” Carmen said. Even up on her toes, Alan had to bend down to kiss her. He had always found that adorable. Like most of their goodnight kisses, it was quick and gentle, and Carmen glanced at the door immediately after, as if checking her parents hadn’t seen.
“Love you, Alan. See you on Monday.”
“Love you, too, Carmen. Goodnight.”
When he got home, Alan put the car keys in their drawer, got ready for bed, and, upon lying down, found himself enveloped in a soft, quiet, genuine warmth. He couldn’t remember ever being so happy, or his heart ever feeling so full. Even as his mind raced, he found himself at peace and supremely comfortable. That night, Alan smiled even as he slept, and his dreams were the best he’d had in a long time.