Chapter Text
As the climbed the stairs again, only stopped from falling asleep in the car by Harold managing to stay just awake enough to look at the time, Harold looked over to Bubby, whose shoulders were hunched in on himself, head bowed. It was so different from his usual confidence, and, perhaps some of it could be contributed to exhaustion, but Harold knew there was more than that.
“You need to talk to Gordon about this.” He said quietly, and Bubby’s eyes darted to him, just for a moment, before they dropped again, before nodding slightly. Harold sighed lowly, wrapping an arm around him as they walked up, only letting go to open the door again.
Tommy was awake, eyes darting towards them from the kitchen. He was quiet, though, upon seeing Bubby, smiled, raising a mug towards them. Bubby shook his head slightly, though smiled. “Just gonna... go to bed.” He murmured, and slipped off to the guest room that he and Harold had taken over. Harold look towards Tommy, who frowned at him, and shook his head slightly.
“He’ll be alright.”
“Go with him.” Tommy said, then turned back to making his tea. After just a moment of watching Tommy, Harold nodded, and followed.
Fanta was a welcome pet into the group. Another dog that Joshua wasn’t allergic too brought the child a lot of joy, not to mention the fact that Fanta was very in tune with Gordon, also the same way that Sunkist was with Tommy. Bubby was half sure that, with time, Fanta would be able to have the same reaction time as Sunkist.
Having two dogs basically made to sniff out anxiety, however...
Well, when Fanta took over Sunkist’s job with Gordon, his paws full, Sunkist of course checked with Tommy, as always, and then attached herself to Bubby.
It was helpful, sure, but kind of a give away, when everyone knows. No one... said anything, and Bubby was still debating how to talk about the whole thing without making it about him, which was the last thing he wanted to do, so it was helpful. If no one talked about it, than he could keep pondering in silence, with Sunkist draped over his lap.
Gordon dropped onto the couch next to him, Fanta trailing after quietly. There was a moment, where Fanta reached up, pressed his nose to Sunkist’s side, before settling on Gordon’s feet, head on his paws. Sunkist lifted her head just for a moment, then lay it back down on Bubby’s hand, trapping it there once more, after he had tried to bite at his cuticles again.
For a moment, they were silent, before Bubby sighed, carefully worming his hands free from under Sunkist. She watched, not stopping him, and he shifted to sit up properly, Sunkist sliding off his lap to allow this. She settled down near Fanta, who lifted his head slightly before laying it back down.
“Bubby?”
“I have no clue how in the world to talk about this, so I’m just... gonna say it.” Bubby stared down at his lap resolutely, pressing his palms together tightly, hands clenched together. He didn’t dig his nails into the back of his hand, not yet, but it was a close thing, stopped only by knowing Sunkist was still watching.
“What’s up?” Gordon asked carefully, turning a bit to face him, and Bubby sighed lowly, closing his eyes.
“I...” He paused again, then shook his head. God, he couldn’t get the thoughts out, couldn’t form them properly. “Okay. Can I preface this with it’s my own bullshit?”
Gordon blinked at him, before carefully pushing Fanta off his feet to turn himself fully to face Bubby, legs cross on the couch. “Bubby. Is this about the roof thing?”
He groaned softly, but nodded, then frowned. “Kinda. I just... Did I...” He paused again, but Gordon seemed to understand.
“You and Benrey having me jumped sucked. You know that much, but no. You are not a direct cause of that.” Bubby frowned, nodding slightly, and Gordon shifted, tugging xem forwards slightly, and Bubby went easily, wrapping his arms around Gordon tightly.
“I know, I’m... ugh.”
“Take your time, Bubby.”
They sat like that for a moment, in silence. It was so much easier to talk to Harold about this, for some reason. The same words could have worked here, but for some reason they felt wrong, and Bubby couldn’t explain it properly. He had to push past it, clinging to Gordon quietly.
“I... traumatized you.” He settled on, and Gordon hummed above him. “I did that, and I... that helped this along...”
“Well... I’m not gonna pretend that I wasn’t traumatized by that... I mean, you’ve seen that, but, Bubby. You were the first to get me out of that the first time. You helped, and you’ve more than made up for it. The roof thing... that wasn’t you. That was a choice I made, and it was... not a good one, but you aren’t the cause for that, and even if you were, your role in that would have been... so minuscule as not to matter.”
Bubby glared up at him halfheartedly, and Gordon laughed. “Not downplaying trauma. Just saying that the trauma wasn’t the biggest part of it? It pushed this along, but, Bubby, I’ve always been depressed. I’ve always had suicidal thoughts. That’s just... I’ve lived with that. Black Mesa pushed that shit along, but that wasn’t my first attempt and you know that. Any role you had in it was small enough that... I don’t care? You’re still my family.”
There was a moment, and then Bubby huffed, hiding his face in Gordon’s chest. “Sap.” Gordon laughed loudly, arms wrapped around him carefully.
“Yeah. So are you though.
Bubby didn’t dignify that with a response, which... really... just proved Gordon’s point.