Chapter Text
In the soft summer breeze, Minho was thinking, leaning on his arms at the edge of his window. He had a smile on his face. He had been texting with Iseul and they were going on a second date where he would officially ask her to be his girlfriend.
While it is true that he was aware that Hyunjin liked her too, he saw no reason to stop talking to him as friends or start a fight. And it was something that Hyunjin had also noticed, since they had never discussed the subject.
Now that he had seen his friend's little collapse, he felt a hint of guilt after being in the clouds for a couple of minutes; before his mind re-created the scenes from a couple of days ago. Was it too bad of him to want to continue his daily chatting routine with Iseul and stick with his plan of asking her out?
Furthermore, if he asked Hyunjin about it directly, he would know that Hyunjin would not answer him well at all. And most likely he already had Jeongin by his side, trying to lift his spirits and support him, as always. He had had some talks with Chan himself, about his recent crush; and Chan in turn nodded and was silent about it, not very aware of why Minho did not come with Hyunjin for these confidences, although he got the idea later.
He wanted to avoid the discomfort of causing even more embarrassment for his dear friend, despite the kind of cold war they had waged. It was like a silent arrangement, almost in the old fashioned way, where the two suitors tried to be the best option for the maiden. Contest that they both knew Minho was winning.
The next day passed as it had lately: with a Hyunjin slightly abstracted and usually glued to Jeongin, or very concentrated on his notes. It seemed like he was going to end the same way, with slight exchanges of greetings until he received a message in a chat that Hyunjin had created between him, Minho, and Iseul. He was a little dismayed at what would happen next. Everything pointed to Hyunjin declaring himself first. But it sounded more like he wanted a closure once and for all, he could not possibly continue with the doubt any longer.
In a way, Minho felt heartbroken at the thought of how badly his friend must have had it. He did not think it would end that way, so he always preferred not to have confrontations with him. Perhaps he had acted wrong. But he hoped at least to fix his friendship with him.
"I'll be there," he wrote and sent in response.
***
That same afternoon, Hyunjin finally got a result. An answer that was expected but that in the same way finally freed him from the tightness in his chest that he had had for a long time.
He nodded, nodded several times. And smiled. He smiled to avoid collapsing again. Fear and anxiety no longer dominated him as before; at least he had already faced the source of his great worry and stress.
And it happened at a good time, because they still had to shoot the last scene. Chan, half aware that there was something beyond between the three of them, suggested leaving it like that, but it was Hyunjin himself who agreed to record again. Deep down, he knew he had to accept his defeat. He had to accept that Iseul had happily fallen in love with his friend, and not with him. Well, maybe the word “fallen in love” was too strong to be used for now but it was clear that she liked Minho enough to agree to have a dating relationship with him.
Thus, little by little Hyunjin managed to get out of his sadness. After all, they were still young. He had a lot to live for and love would not close the doors forever. However, for now, he wanted to enjoy his time with his friends.
***
Feeling closer to Jeongin, Hyunjin realized that he sought his company more often. They got along very well and at his side he found a very pleasant tranquility that made him feel at peace.
And now the one who was suffering from the nervous breakdown was Jeongin. Poor boy, still unable to do anything about his own situation after being present at Hyunjin's most difficult moments. In a way it was somewhat ironic. He was worried about scaring his friend away from him if he found out about his true feelings.
Will he ever be able to confess? Or would he get rid of his feelings first?
***
For Jeongin, spending more time with Hyunjin now was both a blessing and a curse. He was afraid to show too much his slight fixation or infatuation with him, his crush, since he was not as soft or playful as with Hyunjin than with others. It should be said that the one he hugged the most was himself.
Maybe everyone already knew, already suspected. Perhaps his wide smile was very noticeable every time he saw the other.
However, shortly afterwards he discovered from Changbin that everyone simply believed that Hyunjin was Jeongin's favorite; without going further in his suspicions. Jeongin was somewhat relieved although he believed that soon Chan or Felix would discover what was going on in his young heart.
***
Over the days, Jeongin had had the idea of confessing, but always fearful, he took a step back from his wishes. Now they all went out together once or twice a week. And from time to time they dated a few others; however Jeongin and Hyunjin were always together.
Jeongin felt lucky to be Hyunjin's most trusted one now. Yet another reason for not expressing his real feelings. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable again, although at the same time he felt bad and suffocating to be so close, much closer than before, but at the same time away from him.
He knew he was doing wrong. That he was hurting himself by shutting up. That Hyunjin would surely prefer him telling him the truth and not omit that important detail. Lying and hiding were two different things but they could also hurt the trust between them. And Jeongin's mind wandering and pondering in different directions was getting him nowhere.
***
He was startled when he was caught looking at Hyunjin's profile in the movie theater. He was to Hyunjin's right, Seungmin to Hyunjin's left, and Chan in turn to Seungmin's left. They had shared two large boxes of popcorn, one of them was on Hyunjin's lap just when Chan was going to ask for the box. Jeongin had been watching Hyunjin for a few seconds since he had been gawking at the screen, with his mouth open and that tender expression of being very deep in the movie. Even though he couldn't see the mole under his left eye, he was still content to appreciate his right profile.
Seeing Chan's gaze, he was scared and thought he had seen a certain smile from the older man. Jeongin pretended not to be startled, and continued to watch the movie while Seungmin asked Hyunjin for the popcorn.
Minutes later he placed his hand on the arm of the seat and met Hyunjin's hand, who did not show any discomfort and Jeongin wanted to venture and wait a couple of seconds before pushing it away again. A smile spread across his face as he continued to stare at the big screen.
***
Although Chan was suspicious, now he could no longer inquire or have time to question or advise his young friend, as both he and Changbin were taking extra courses to prepare for the college entrance exam. The rest of the boys didn't see each other too often anymore either, as the summer was over and classes were back to normal.
It almost felt like it used to, seeing each other in the morning before classes started, and playing a game or two at the arcade before heading home. Of course, the small group of three that he, Hyunjin and Minho used to make up was not that common anymore, and Chan and Changbin used to be busier when everyone wanted to play or go out together.
Another detail was that the close relationship between Hyunjin and Jeongin seemed not to weaken at all. Despite Jeongin's constant worries and mental debates, his chemistry with Hyunjin was so natural and good that he couldn't help but exude that cheerful and warm aura that was perhaps what attracted and made Hyunjin feel comfortable.
"Felix for me is like Jeongin's Hyunjin" Changbin commented one day, while they were in the audiovisual club. Almost everyone was there, except for Chan and Minho, and the couple of boys who did not belong to their circle of close friends. Changbin blurted out suddenly, as he snuggled into the aforementioned and ruffled his hair.
It was well known to everyone that Changbin used to be very affectionate and playful with everyone, but lately he used to say that his favorite was Felix, with all his lungs and a lot of honor. Sometimes Jeongin wanted to be like him and express himself openly. It bothered him to be so introverted.
As soon as he heard those words, Jeongin choked (even though he wasn't drinking water). Hyunjin just laughed, as if he didn't care, so Jeongin decided to do the same. The comment was overlooked for everyone. Or well, it was very common comments so no one would bother to joke with others. However, Jeongin was thoughtful.
***
Thoughtful as in these moments, when he had Hyunjin on his lap and he played with his hair while he slept peacefully. This scene had already happened a couple of times before, and Jeongin almost always stayed awake, sometimes ending up dozing too. He felt warmth in his chest, and there was little left to say those two words that he had so hard to keep to himself.
They were in his room, they were supposed to be studying, but from one moment to the next Hyunjin decided that lying on Jeongin's shoulder was more comfortable to study and ended up falling asleep again. Looking tenderly at the other's face, Jeongin gently ran his hand against his cheek.
Yes, he would like to be like Changbin and express himself openly and without filters.
***
"It's okay. See you later then, Binnie. I love you” he heard Felix end the call. His eyes widened in surprise and the Australian boy's did the same. Felix immediately turned red. "Eh… Jeonginnie… h-how long have you been there?"
"I only heard the goodbye." Jeongin felt his cheeks red too. "Excuse me, it was not my intention to listen" said Jeongin a little embarrassed. Now he was studying history with Felix, Seungmin and Hyunjin were supposed to be with them but they canceled at the last minute for having certain family matters to attend to.
"I-Okay" Felix nodded slowly, as if thinking. "I won't tell anyone anything, I promise," Jeongin immediately assured, not wanting to inconvenience his friends or meddle in their affairs.
As soon as Felix felt next to him, Jeongin grinned. "I'm happy for you," he said quietly. Felix blushed again and nodded, "Thank you." It was then that Jeongin dared to ask, “who…? May I know who confessed first?" Jeongin looked down at his fingers, fiddling with them and the hem of his sweatshirt.
The question again took the boy by surprise, who took a few seconds to answer. "It was ... It was Changbinnie-hyung." And he told him how he, accustomed to Changbin's displays of affection, never believed that their feelings would be mutual because he did not think that his Hyung treated him differently from others. He also commented on how for them, he and Changbin, the relationship between him and Hyunjin is tender.
Jeongin almost choked again. "W-what?" his ears were red and it was clear that he liked Hyunjin, by now Felix had confirmed it. "So is. I mean, it shows that you both like each other, but maybe Hyunjin still doesn't realize it… I was like that before I found out that I liked Changbinnie-hyung "
Such a comment came as a surprise to Jeongin. Hyunjin? Liking him? Is it true?
"I think you should tell him, Innie," Felix added, before reopening his book, smiling honestly. "Don't be afraid, I'm sure everything will be fine"
***
It happened one autumn afternoon. It was the end of September and they were both in a park. Hyunjin had suggested hanging out for a bit, and Jeongin was happy to do so. It wasn't the first time Hyunjin had asked him out somewhere, but Jeongin never thought that those outings meant anything else. He always thought they were just friends' outings.
The truth is Hyunjin didn't know exactly when he started liking Jeongin either. It happened in that period of greater closeness between them. Without realizing it, he had become too used to his presence and to texting with him.
Being on the swings, and with the cold welcome autumn breeze, they both laughed as they ruffled their hair. Jeongin suddenly felt free of any weight, light. And, bluntly, he stared at Hyunjin's face until he did the same. They held their gaze for several seconds, before Jeongin finally said those two words.
"I like you, Hyunjinnie"
Hyunjin's cheeks reddened, this time it was not the fault of the autumn breeze, but his smile was still almost the same or wider. The boy got up, stood in front of him and answered him, taking his hand. "I like you too, Jeonginnie"
Holding hands, they walked to a bench under a large birch. Hyunjin observed that there were very few people around, so he felt more comfortable.
“I didn't think you were going to do it. I… I wanted to tell you today too” the taller one explained, a little embarrassed. Jeongin widened his eyes in surprise.
"I ... I didn't have it planned ... Actually, I had been thinking about it for a long time but ... today ... I could just finally do it" he mumbled almost to himself but still Hyunjin heard him.
"I ... To be honest, I don't know exactly when it happened, but I always knew that I was very grateful to you for being so good to me" Hyunjin began to speak, smiling and still holding his hand. "And without thinking I already found myself thinking of you very often, and ... well," he blushed again and Jeongin felt a lot of tenderness.
He decided to lean in, place a kiss on his cheek. “I was afraid you would walk away from me. At first I didn't know what to do, just when I realized that I liked you, Minho and Iseul thing happened and ... and I wanted to be a good friend, I preferred not to tell you" he murmured looking at the ground with some sadness, but Hyunjin brought his face again.
"I understand ... Jeonginnie ..." his eyes reflected certain sadness as well, seeing that Jeongin went through a lot and was always there for him, even when he himself had that predicament. “But now… now it's been a long time since that and my feelings have changed. Now, now I feel happy again and even more because you reciprocate me and because you are my best friend ", he confessed with happiness and frankness, smiling.
Jeongin nodded, smiling too, and taking the other's cheeks between his hands. "May l?" Hyunjin nodded slightly, and closed his eyes in anticipation of the gentle contact. Jeongin finally kissed him. It was a sweet, short kiss. The first of many.
"I love you"