Chapter Text
No matter how many comebacks they had as a group, the energy never seemed to change.
Whether it was in regards to the little things like concept shoots, to larger, more strenuous activities like recording songs and practicing the choreographies, everyone had an identical reaction to each phase.
Sure, the emotion differed, from curiosity to excitement, frustration to nervousness. At the end of the day, they would all gather around and ensure that everyone was on the same page.
For Sangyeon, these kinds of periods were vital because he had to ensure that each and every one of his members was in tip-top shape and well cared for. So as one could imagine, he wasn’t particularly thrilled to find not one, but three of his dongsaengs seemingly troubled.
And of all people, they had to be the most difficult ones to approach, generally evading his questions of concern or feigning cluelessness. All he wanted to do was help, because they certainly weren't doing themselves any favours, but he couldn't bother or burden them and was forced to wait it out quietly, praying that it wouldn't affect the whole group.
The three of them seemed to be relating differently to the problem - whatever it was - with Chanhee spending longer hours in his studio, practicing his vocal parts, Changmin spending late hours in their dance studio and Sunwoo… the younger was switching between the two, dancing whenever he could in private and locking himself in his studio when he was in the mood to settle for something less fast paced.
Sangyeon was almost tempted to enlist the help of the other members - well aware that they all knew something was wrong - but he couldn't bring himself to make them worry. Eventually, he had to ask for a second opinion.
“I feel really bad about it. It’s taking all I have not to offer my help in any way I can.” Jacob mumbled in reply after Sangyeon had approached him during a dance practice break.
“What should we do?” Sangyeon questioned, handing the other his water bottle.
“What can we do? They’re adults. They obviously don’t want anyone else involved.”
“But waiting is-”
“The worst, I know. It’s unfair to just watch when we could be helping but honestly…” Jacob bit his lip, face clouded by uncertainty. “Hyung… to be really honest, it’s Sunwoo I’m worried about the most. Not just because he’s younger. You’ve seen it, right?”
At first, Sangyeon didn’t know what Jacob was referring to. Then he spotted two of his members sitting side by side and realized instantly.
“Yeah… I have.”
In the three weeks that the situation had been present, all three boys involved had put some distance between themselves. There were less vlives in their company, less coffee or meal dates and even fewer sightings of them huddled together in a corner of their dorm. At first, it was Sunwoo that seemed to be missing from the triad, then Chanhee and Changmin appeared to hardly be in each others presence.
However, there were still moments when Chanhee would fall asleep on the living room couch and Changmin would carry him off to his room, or Chanhee would cook and drag the other to eat with him.
They had each other, even as they tried to stay apart and Sunwoo was utterly alone.
“What do we do?” Sangyeon repeated, feeling worse.
Jacob sighed and rested his head against the elder’s shoulder.
“We wait.”
And they did. In the meantime, they completed the recordings of their songs, wrapped up the shooting of their music videos, held a concert for their beloved Deobis, and finally, released the album.
It was nerve-wracking to wait and see just how much things have changed since the last time they put their blood, sweat, and tears out to be judged and none of them could believe it when their title track had debuted within the chart’s top 20.
“Hey!” Sangyeon stood, his heart warm and filled with pride. “Dinner’s on me!”
He wanted to celebrate them for all the hard work they’d put in and hopefully give the boys struggling some time to breathe. Apparently, the plan had worked better than he expected because at the end of the day, just as Sangyeon was preparing to turn off the lights and get some sleep, Sunwoo showed up in tears.
“Hyung…”
Sunwoo stared blankly at the ceiling, wondering if this was it. If he’d lost his chance to make things right, to end his pain.
At least the one in his heart.
Just laying there, he could still feel the faint throbbing around his neck that burned when he moved wrongly, reminding him of his nonchalant attitude towards his health and the disappointment it had incurred from his hyungs.
It was all so horrible. He was meant to be up and about, practicing to give back all the love Deobis has showered him with, or at least seeking forgiveness from the boys he’d hurt, not bedridden like some child.
After his chat with his leader, finally, some things made sense and things didn’t seem so bad.
Sangyeon didn’t need to think twice before opening his arms, cradling the younger boy close to his chest, shutting his own eyes as Sunwoo’s pain caused his body to shake.
The younger had always been a picture of strength and independence, never really wanting to display his weaknesses and because of that, Sangyeon had always worried about him. Now, his fears had come to life.
“I… I didn’t mean to. I just wanted it to stop, b-but… it hurts a lot more now.” Sunwoo sobbed into his sweatshirt.
Gently, Sangyeon stroked his dark hair, using his other hand to pat his back until he calmed down.
“Sunwoo, do you want to tell me what happened?”
He patiently waited for the other to stop hiccuping, wipe his eyes, and reply.
“I like Chanhee and Changmin hyung.”
Sangyeon nodded. “Okay.”
Sunwoo had never been one to beat about the bush and his bluntness didn’t faze Sangyeon in the slightest, even though it was a little surprising.
“You can call me stupid. Just this once. I deserve it.” Sunwoo sniffed.
“Why? Do you think you’re stupid?”
“Uh… yeah? I couldn't be normal and fall for one person. I just had to develop feelings for two people. At the same time. Who were already dating each other. Could I be any more of a mess?”
“Sunwoo-”
“As it that wasn’t bad enough, I broke them up.”
Sangyeon stilled. “What?”
Sunwoo tugged at the sleeves of his sweater, biting his lip nervously.
“I thought… for a little while, it felt like they liked me too. They were constantly asking me out to meals, hanging out with me and I just thought - but it made no sense! They had each other and they were perfect together.” his voice dropped and his lower lip quivered as his eyes filled with tears. “Why would they want me? I told them to leave me alone and now they won't even sit by each other.”
Ah. So that’s what happened.
Sangyeon closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, starting to really feel the familiar paternal-stress sink its claws into his flesh.
“I think you’re wrong.” Sangyeon tsked, wiping at the tears rolling down Sunwoo’s cheeks. “I don’t think you did anything wrong. We can't question what our hearts want or how it chooses it. Life isn't so black or white. Secondly, why wouldn't they want you? You do realize you get about five marriage proposals within ten minutes each time you do a vlive, right?”
Sunwoo groaned and fell forward into Sangyeon’s chest, causing the other to laugh and ruffle his hair.
“If thousands of our Deobis want to take care of you and treat you right, how can you expect Changmin and Chanhee to resist your charms?”
“Hyung, please stop.”
“I don’t think you did anything wrong, Sunwoo-yah. And what’s happening with the other two isn't your fault. Stop torturing yourself over it. If it’s any consolation… I had a hunch about your feelings.”
“What?”
Sangyeon suddenly felt like he was in trouble. “Well - for the longest time, you’ve been attached to them, like they were - are to each other and to you. You never really clung to anyone else besides them and when they were around, your smiles were at its brightest.”
Sunwoo paused and then rolled his eyes.
“Wow, hyung. Maybe you should try writing some of our songs next time. Might as well put your fluffy mind to use.”
“This punk - maybe you should talk to them. Tell them how you really feel.”
“What’s the point? I already told them off. Whatever chances I might’ve had are long gone.”
The leader closed his eyes, counted to three, opened them, and flicked Sunwoo’s forehead.
“How are you one of the smartest people I’ve met and still so frustratingly dumb? If it was so easy for them to stop caring about you - if at all they felt the same way - what would’ve been the point of following you around all those times? You told them to leave you alone. Those were your words and they obeyed. Do you think your feelings for them have faded in the slightest?”
An expression of realization dawned on Sunwoo’s face and slowly, he shook his head. “It’s actually the exact opposite.”
“Exactly, so there’s a chance that how they feel about you hasn’t changed either. You just need to think a little, Sunwoo. What do you want? Once you’re sure about it - whatever it is - get it.”
Sunwoo lifted his head up slightly, hope flickering in his eyes. “Do you think they’ll want to talk to me?”
“You won't know if you don’t try.”
The younger nodded and wiped at his nose, leaning away from Sangyeon.
“Thanks, hyung.”
The leader put a hand on his shoulder, smiling fondly as he mentally hoped for all of them to be okay.
“You’re never alone, Sunwoo. I really wish you’d understand that.”
He had a plan. Get through the showcase and find a way to talk to Changmin and Chanhee.
He hadn't expected it to be easy, he wasn’t stupid.
After his outburst, neither boy would look at him, much less come close unless really necessary. They never stopped being kind though, and it drove the pain much deeper each time. Changmin would always help him out whenever he had a problem getting a certain dance move right and Chanhee refilled his water bottle and left him snacks while they practiced and recorded.
They made it look like nothing when it was much more and it destroyed Sunwoo each time when he remembered his reaction to them.
Even if Sangyeon was wrong and all the signals Sunwoo thought he had been getting had been in his head, it was still no way to treat his best friends. So he tried to make up for it, first by understanding the extent of his feelings.
Despite the busy hours that followed in preparations for the showcase, Sunwoo still found time to properly sift through the months worth of feelings and thoughts that he had avoided about the boys. Slowly, he unboxed each sentiment, pondering about how he’d reacted to their affections long before his fear had taken over.
After watching a handful of vlives and swiping through hundreds of selcas, he realized that Sangyeon was right. Whether or not he had been willing to admit it back when the notions had begun to manifest, he had obviously felt more in regards to Chanhee and Changmin.
Every moment he spent with them had been brighter, happier, and much more comfortable than the game of solitude he’d been playing for four weeks now.
And he was so sorry, for hurting them. While their intentions might still be uncertain, he knew he had to make things right. If it had all been in his head and the affection he had for them couldn't be reciprocated, he would’ve at the very least liked to have his best friends back.
If they would have him.
So he tried to formulate plans and reasons to approach them, attempted to formulate the right words to help make things seem less… impossible.
Except Sunwoo never quite had a chance to express his feelings the way he preferred, because he’d forgotten what Sangyeon said about life not being as black or white as one would hope.
Because the very next day after the showcase, he’d woken up with a blinding pain in his neck. He could barely move, much less execute the moves of their choreography, and the thought of not performing made his stomach churn.
As he’d expected, the doctor had advised him to rest. And in return, he politely refused.
“I’m really fine, guys.” Sunwoo attempted to console the group.
“Hey, look at me.” Sangyeon called from his right side.
The younger tried to turn and screamed instead, his face turning red at the sudden burst of pain.
“Yeah, you’re totally fine.” Sangyeon snorted, folding his arms. “Sunwoo, you can't possibly think of performing in this state.”
“I’ve done worse in more painful states. Please, hyung. I’ll keep the movements to a minimum. It’s hard enough not to be able to see Deobi live. If I don’t perform -”
“We get it.” Chanhee had spoken up suddenly. “We understand Sunwoo, but you don’t. You could make things worse if you don’t stay still and get the rest you need. Can't you see that? We just want you to be okay.”
Chanhee’s voice had been so soft and pleading and he’d really wanted to do what the elder asked but… he remembered how Changmin had cried during the showcase, overwhelmed by the weight of all they’d been through and how much work they’d put in for their fans.
He’d wanted to console the elder and had reached out, hesitating at the last second before his fingers could grab onto Changmin’s white sleeve. Chanhee had taken his place in the blink of an eye and quietly, Sunwoo moved further to the side of the stage, promising that he would give his best to ensure that they can proudly hold their heads up and add some achievements from this promotional season.
“I can't, hyung. I worked for this for months. We all did. None of you would be willing to sit still. Why should I?”
He’d needed to do something. So much had been riding on that performance and if he didn’t do well… how could he expect his hyungs to trust him?
It had always been like that for Sunwoo. He’d always wanted to make his members proud of him and whenever he failed to deliver, it always broke him, made him feel like he was unworthy of them.
And now… he had more on the line. He was an idol, nothing more. If he couldn't perform - the simplest, bare minimum of what was required of him, he had nothing to offer Chanhee or Changmin, who had worked so hard to present their best selves.
He’d be useless. And if there was the slightest chance that they had wanted him, they wouldn't anymore.
“Sunwoo-”
“I’ll be careful.” he faced the doctor. “Nothing extreme. No stunts. I’ll keep all the moves to a minimum. I promise. Please… let me do this.”
He’d gotten his way and gave what he’d felt was a pitiful performance. While they wrapped up, Kevin sat next to him and handed him his phone. On the screen, search results of a hashtag GetWellSoonSunwoo were displayed and in each tweet, fans expressed their sadness over his injury, wished him well, thanked him for performing, and left him positive reviews of it.
It had taken some of the disappointment away for a bit and warmed his heart. But neither Changmin nor Chanhee would even glance his way after that.
That was yesterday. Another performance had been held earlier and he’d been feeling a little better and begged to be taken to the company instead of at home, promising not to do any form of dancing or pointless movements.
Now he sat in his studio with airpods in his ears, songs shuffling from a playlist of songs he’d gotten from Jacob on repeat and his mind a million miles away, thinking of his bleak future.
So he hadn't heard the knock at the door, or the visitor walk in, until his chair was slowly spun around and he found himself staring into bright blue eyes.
For a moment, he was certain he’d fallen asleep and was currently dreaming, because there was no way this person was in front of him at that moment, looking at him like… he always did. Like Sunwoo was precious.
One of his airpods was carefully dislodged from his ears and he still couldn't move, heart beating so loudly, he was certain the other could hear it.
“I knocked. You didn’t answer and I wanted to check if you’d fallen asleep.”
Sunwoo blinked. Once. Twice. Finally found his tongue after six long seconds of silence and spoke,
“I wasn’t.”
“I can see that.” Chanhee smiled, slowly reaching up, stopping before is fingers brushed against Sunwoo’s bangs and quickly put his hand down. “I want to do a live and order some lunch. Do you want to join me? Let the fans know you’re okay?”
Seeing Chanhee stop himself from touching him made his chest ache and he was painfully reminded of how much he’d missed them. So he needed no convincing.
“Sure.”
Chanhee’s face lit up and there and then, Sunwoo made a vow to see his plans to confess through, regardless of what had happened or might occur.
He would do it. Tonight.
The elder held up a take-out rack with two coffee cups, one an americano and the other looked like a hazelnut latte, Sunwoo’s favorite.
“I thought you might need a little energizer.”
Sunwoo grinned and collected the drink gratefully, taking the straw Chanhee offered afterward.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely, for the coffee, the company, and the beautiful smile.
“Anytime.” Chanhee rewarded him with another smile. “Do you want to do it at my studio or do we set up here?”
“Whatever works for you, hyung.”
“Yah, you’re the one who’s injured.”
“Okay, then. Let’s do it in your studio.”
“But-”
Sunwoo carefully rose to his feet, slipping his hand into the other’s without thinking. “It’s only a few doors down. Stop making it sound like we have to climb eight flight of stairs, drama queen.”
Chanhee rolled his eyes, pretending that the fine dusting of pink across his cheeks was a figment of Sunwoo’s imagination.
“Even when you’re not feeling well, you’re still a brat.”
“Only ever for you, hyung.”
The live went… much better than Sunwoo had expected. Chanhee had assured their precious Deobis that Sunwoo was healing up nicely and that there was no need to worry. He also unboxed their meal rather aggressively and helped Sunwoo fold up the sleeves of his black quilted jacket after the younger had whined about it.
Every bit of that moment reminded Sunwoo of how sorry he felt and how stupid he was for taking the coward’s way out instead of facing his feelings. His desperation to rip off the band-aid grew with each minute that ticked by and finally, they said goodbye to their beloved fans and turned off the app.
“That was fun.” Chanhee mumbled, wiping his desk for bits of the dessert he’d eaten earlier.
“It always is-” he bit his tongue before the words ‘with you’ could slip out.
Yes, he wanted to confess. But Changmin wasn’t here and he really wanted them all to be together when he revealed that as ironic as it sounds, they’d stolen his heart.
Chanhee glanced at him suspiciously for a bit then stood. “Let’s get you home. You need to rest or Sangyeon will kill us both.”
The younger deflated, wanting to stay in Chanhee’s company a little longer, a little upset it wasn’t as easy as he thought to speak his mind.
“Yeah… let’s-”
The door creaked open and a dimpled face poked through the space. Changmin glanced between the two of them as if searching for something, then sighed and asked.
“Heading out? Wanna go together?”
Chanhee seemed a little disappointed as he turned to no doubt ask if Sunwoo wouldn't mind and at that moment, Sunwoo decided it was now or never.
“Actually… can I talk to you? Both of you?”
It would’ve been comical how surprised they looked if Sunwoo couldn't hear the rushing of blood through his veins.
“Sure, bud…” Changmin drawled, somewhat uncertain as he fully walked in and shut the door. “We were actually hoping to speak with you as well.”
They were? Really?
“But you can go first.” Chanhee encouraged, gently patting his left arm.
They were both watching him with thinly veiled curiosity and his heart was getting louder and panic nearly overtook his senses. At the very last second, he blurted,
“I’m sorry!”
They blinked simultaneously.
“What for?” Changmin enquired with a puzzled frown.
“For saying what I did that day. I’m really, really so sorry.”
“Sunwoo-”
“I wish -” he swallowed, tears filling his eyes. “I wish I could take it back or say I didn’t mean it. But at the time… I thought it was what I wanted. I thought it was the only way to make the pain stop. I… I like you. Both of you. And it scared me so much because I wasn’t really sure and you guys were already together - and then, you were so sweet and flirty and I thought… I thought t-that you might like me too. B-But you looked so good together and I could never imagine myself anywhere near you too, so I… I convinced myself that you were just teasing me. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings and broke you two up.”
At this point, he couldn't see past the tears in his eyes, whimpering when soft fingers wiped at the wetness on his cheeks.
“Oh, baby,” Chanhee cooed, gently pulling him into a hug.
He almost didn’t hear Changmin walk up behind him but felt his heart react when the other rested his chin on Sunwoo’s shoulder, his arms wrapping around the two boys.
“Don’t cry, sunshine. If you’re like this, how are we going to tell you how wrong you were?” Changmin murmured softly.
“Yah, Ji Changmin, don’t be mean.”
“I-I was wrong?” Sunwoo sniffed when they pulled apart.
“So wrong.” Changmin smiled, showing off the dimples Sunwoo was obsessed with. “We like you too, brat.”
“A lot. And we’re the ones who should be apologizing. We’re really sorry we weren't clear enough about our intentions. We weren't trying to tease you or hurt you. I swear, we’d never do that to you.” Chanhee spoke earnestly, holding onto Sunwoo’s hands.
“Do you want to know something interesting?” Changmin playfully questioned, running his fingers through Sunwoo’s hair. “We’ve liked you longer than we’ve liked each other… sort of. We bonded over our crush on you and then… I kissed him.”
“Yah!”
Changmin pointedly ignored Chanhee’s embarrassed sputters, moving around so he was in front of Sunwoo.
“The reason why we never said anything about what we were was because we were hoping to ask you out before making it official. We should’ve talked to you instead of playing those silly games - even if they weren't games to us. You’re just… really cute and so special and we're pretty much obsessed with you, it’s a little hard to express self-control around you.”
Sunwoo whined and shuffled around to hid behind Chanhee, who giggled brightly, patting the hand rested on his shoulder.
“You did hear him say we like you, right? As in, both of us? You have nowhere to hide, sweetheart.”
“And you shouldn't have to. We’re really sorry about how things turned out and we won't force you to do anything you don’t want to. But… if you’re up for it, would you like to go out with us? Just a few dates before you make up your mind.” Changmin stated, holding up his hands.
Sunwoo peered shyly over Chanhee’s shoulders. “What if I already know what I want?”
“Which is?”
“To be yours. Both of you.”
The room was silent for a moment and just as Sunwoo had begun to feel like he’d made a grave mistake, Changmin sank to his knees clutching his chest.
“How are you so cute? This is unfair! It was so much easier when we didn’t know you liked us.”
“I told you he’d be dangerous.” Chanhee chimed in, stepping aside so he could hold Sunwoo’s hand.
“Please stop…” Sunwoo groaned, cheeks hot.
“Okay, fine. Just because you’re hurt.” Chanhee winked at him and continued, “We still want to date you first, because it’s the right thing to do. We’re really sorry, Sunwoo-yah.”
“I’m sorry too, for everything. Especially breaking you guys up.” Sunwoo responded, dropping his gaze.
“What are you- oh, no. We didn’t break up.” Changmin shook his head and crossed his arms.
“Yeah. We felt like we were being punished for sort of getting together without you - even if it was unofficial - and we just took a break until we were able to talk to you.” Chanhee explained.
It felt like a dream. For once, being wrong was a great thing and right there and then, with those wonderful boys standing by his side, he felt the pain in his chest fade away.
“So… what do you say? Kim Sunwoo, will you go out with me - Choi Chanhee-”
“And me, Ji Changmin?”
Through another wave of tears - this time more happy than terrified - he mumbled “Yes, please,” and gratefully accepted the hugs - mindful of his injuries - and soft kisses on his face and hair.
Sunwoo nibbled on his chopsticks thoughtfully, staring blankly into space as he pondered on the project he’d been given by the company earlier. It wasn’t a big deal, just to write songs for the sub-unit of The Boyz that was scheduled to debut in three months.
So far, he had nothing but faint thoughts and although there was still some time left, he still wasn’t entirely thrilled with his lack of progress.
“Whatcha thinking about, sunshine?”
Distractedly, Sunwoo turned in the direction of the voice, snapping out of his trance as a pair of lips pressed a chaste kiss against his.
“Hyunggggg….” he whined, covering his face.
“What?” Changmin smirked, no doubt pretending to possess innocence, a concept he had no understanding of.
"Ugh, hyung, go and bother your boyfriend!" Sunwoo groaned, hiding his blush behind his hands.
"But I wanna stay with you." Changmin pouted, pulling down Sunwoo’s hands. “Besides, you’re my boyfriend too. Or did you forget?”
It had only been a month since they had made things official and related their relationship to the group and even if more time was put between that day, Sunwoo was positive he wouldn't be able to forget.
“Never.”
Changmin smiled softly, pressing another kiss to Sunwoo’s temple, mumbling against his skin, “Thank you, baby.”
Sunwoo grunted in reply, pretending that Changmin’s antics had no effect on him as he stuffed his face with rice. Chanhee wandered in seconds later, eyes narrowing at the choking raven-haired and the other person with green hair that was patting the victim.
“I leave for five minutes-” he sighed, handing Sunwoo a glass of water.
“It was a really long five minutes.” Changmin whined, receiving a flick on his forehead for all his troubles and a kiss from the attacker in apology.
Sunwoo took a moment to bask in the warmth generated by the adoration and love they had for each other - a word that hadn't popped up yet, but would soon make a grand appearance at the rate they were going. This was… a lot more than he thought he’d ever get in life and everyday, he was so grateful for it.
Because they were his, and he was theirs and it was perfect.
“Let’s watch a horror movie.”
“Absolutely not.”