Chapter Text
After what felt like hours of searching, he finally finds Jungkook sitting against the wardrobe in one of the guest bedrooms. He's sat in the darkness, with only the light from the streetlamp outside illuminating the room. His knees are pulled up to his chest. His sobs echoed around the room, waves of misery crashing over him as his rapidly sobering mind comprehends what's just happened downstairs. His eyeliner has run, black tears streaking down his face.
Taehyung stands in the doorway, frozen. Oh fuck. He always knew he'd make this boy cry. Knew he would fuck this up, and break the heart of the most beautiful person he'd ever met.
It's for mostly this reason that Taehyung had distanced himself from him. Attempted to move on, tell himself that maybe Jungkook genuinely was not interested in him. But he couldn't pretend he hadn't seen the light dim in the boy's eyes when he'd flirt with a girl, using the same compliments he used to shower upon Jungkook. The way his mouth would downturn in sadness when he'd see Taehyung with his arm around a total stranger. Jungkook had been like a moth, drawn to his fucked up flame.
It had started off innocently enough. Jungkook was cute, and quite clearly interested. The way a blush would appear on his cheeks and he'd bite his lip whenever Taehyung would flirt was enough to pique his interest. But it was the way this vulnerability would disappear as quickly as it appeared, as Jungkook hid behind his mask of indifference at Taehyung's comments and actions that held Taehyung. Never before had someone resisted like this. Taehyung had been determined to break through, and have the boy fall apart for him.
He'd come close, once. One time after school, he'd found Jungkook sitting in the library, alone and upset. The anger he felt at seeing the younger boy this way surprised him. He wanted to find whoever had caused those tears and beat the shit out of them. Wanting to help however he could, he'd cautiously sat down next to him, asking what was wrong. In between sniffles, Jungkook explained the argument he'd had with Jimin. As he talked, Taehyung could feel the last remnants of doubt/restraint give away as he gazed at Jungkook's face. Oh fuck. He was in so deep.
He realised too late that he had been silently staring at Jungkook's face for several seconds after he'd finished speaking. Jungkook's eyes flickered from his eyes to his mouth, shifting his body subconsciously towards Taehyung.
This was it. Jungkook was surrendering to Taehyung, and was currently waiting for him to kiss him. But Taehyung couldn't do it. This boy deserved so much more than this, more than him. He'd made his excuses, and left Jungkook alone.
He'd never intended to fall for him. Over the past few months, Jungkook had left an indelible mark on Taehyung, worming his way into his heart, changing its very nature. Before Jungkook, he had been bitter and cold, hardened from a world that had been less than kind to him. He didn't give a fuck who got hurt as a result of his actions, and he certainly didn't chase people. Jungkook was the antithesis of this. The way he gave love out to those surrounding him, without expecting anything in return, truly amazed Taehyung. It also proved that he didn't deserve him.
If the unselfish side of Taehyung was more dominant, he would have stayed downstairs. Left Jungkook up here alone, allowing his heart to break and grieve for a boy that he could never be; the Taehyung of Jungkook's imagination. It would hurt, but Jungkook would eventually move on. He'd go to college, and move away. Fall in love with a boy that was his equal in kindness and light. Who could give him back the love he gave so freely to the world.
But, Taehyung had always been selfish. He was tired of denying himself, repressing his feelings for the beautiful boy sat before him. Because if it was the last thing he would do, he would not fuck this up.
~
When he sees who has entered the room with him, Jungkook covers his face with his hands.
'Please just leave. I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one night.'
Taehyung shuts the bedroom door, moving across the room and sitting down on the floor next to him.
'You shouldn't be embarrassed.' He says softly.
Jungkook lets out a forced laugh. 'Look at me. I'm wearing these stupid fucking clothes to impress you, flirting with complete morons to try and get your attention, and if that's wasn't humiliating enough, I can't even fucking see. I have to wear stupid fucking glasses and I didn't wear them tonight to look sexier for you and I'm so fucking stupid -'
Taehyung interrupts, determined to end Jungkook's self-depreciation. 'Do you have them with you?'
'Yeah, in my coat pocket, over there.'
Taehyung rummages in the pocket and pulls out Jungkook's glasses. He gives them a quick clean using his shirt and gently places them on Jungkook's face. Even tear-stained, his face is breathtaking.
'Don't try and impress me. I'm really not worth it, beautiful. Anyways, I prefer you with glasses. I can see your eyes better.'
Jungkook sniffled and gave the older boy a watery smile. Taehyung bumps his shoulder, giving him a cheeky grin in return. 'But I have to admit, those jeans look fucking awesome on you.'
An awkward silence falls over the two. Jungkook decides at this moment that he needs answers. If this is his last chance to speak to Taehyung, he at least wants to know why. Wants to know why he wasn't enough, what those random boys and girls could offer that Jungkook couldn't.
'Why did you stop talking to me?' Jungkook mumbled miserably, avoiding making eye contact with the older boy.
Taehyung begins to play with the jewellery adorning his fingers. 'It's complicated. I've been trying to figure my shit out.'
'But you've been ignoring me for weeks!' Jungkook protested.
'Not because I didn't like you anymore, but because I didn't want you to like me.'
Jungkook's eyebrows scrunched together, his face forming into an adorable frown, as his drunk mind struggled to understand what Taehyung was talking about.
'I'm sorry, but you've lost me.'
Taehyung sighed. 'You deserve so much more than me. Someone who you can take home to your parents, who you can show off to your friends. Someone you can be proud of.'
Jungkook tried to protest, but Taehyung stops him.
'Fuck Jungkook, I have wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you. But, it's not fair of me to have you. People like me don't get to be with people like you. I'm the guy who you fool around with for a couple of months before you go off to college. I don't get to keep you. And I don't think I could settle with anything less than calling you mine for as long as you'd have me.'
With a sense of finality and nothing else to say, Taehyung gets up to leave. Jungkook grabs hold of his arm and yanks him back down. He won't let Taehyung walk away from him that easily, in a misplaced sense of chivalric duty.
'I hate to break it to you, but you don't get to make that decision for me. I couldn't care less what my parents think, or frankly what anyone thinks. Nobody, not even you, gets to decide what's best for me.'
This response shocked Taehyung. In all his mental debates he had had with himself about this, he had never considered that Jungkook would fight him on this. Would want to fight for this, fight for him. He's speechless.
Jungkook carries on. 'I've spent the last few months thinking you weren't interested, and then the last few hours trying to be someone I'm not. It might be the alcohol talking, but I'm just gonna get straight to the point. Please, just kiss me.'
'No.'
Jungkook's lip wobbles and tears threaten to fall from his eyes. Taheyung quickly tries to explain himself. He keeps fucking this up. 'Not never, just not now. You're drunk and probably won't remember this in the morning. Not really how I want this to go.'
Jungkook giggles, relieved. He wipes his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt, leaving black streaks all along the inside of his wrist. Jimin's going to kill him. But, at this exact moment, he can't bring himself to care.
'I don't know how I could forget that this happened, but I get it. If this ain't going anywhere, I kind of just want to sleep. And take these trousers off.'
Despite the noise of the party carrying on downstairs, they lock the door and makes themselves at home in the bedroom. Jungkook takes Jimin's jeans off and slides into the king-sized bed in the middle of the room. has started to wear off, and he can feel himself getting sleepier. He pats the bed beside him, inviting Taehyung to join. He smiles, takes off his jeans, and gets in next to him. Taehyung slings his arm over Jungkook's waist, and they settle down to sleep.
~
It's five o'clock in the morning when Jungkook wakes up. His head is pounding and his throat is dry. He knows he's going to regret drinking this much later on. However, his mind feels clearer, and he has one goal in mind. He turns round in Taheyung's arms and admires the sleeping boy's facial features. While asleep, his face carries none of the tension that it usually does when he's awake. He's relaxed, more vulnerable. Jungkook notices a mole on the end of his nose he's never seen before, and the way his lips turn down ever so slightly. He looks so peaceful in the early morning light.
He frees his hand from the duvet covering them and gently strokes Taehyung's warm cheek.
Taehyung's eyes blink open slowly. 'Wassit?'
Jungkook winds his arms around Taehyung's neck, pulling him closer. 'I'm sober now.'
Taehyung smiles sleepily, and leans in, gently brushing his lips against Jungkook's. He captures Jungkook's bottom lip between his for a split second and leans back onto his pillow.
It was so much softer than Jungkook expected. It feels like the start of something. A promise of so much more. But for now, it's enough.
They smile and go back to sleep in each other's arms.