Chapter Text
Sirius was running harder today, his feet pounding harshly against the solid ground. No matter how hard Marlene tried to keep up she couldn’t. She paused, letting him continue to race ahead of her as she dropped her hands to her knees and gasped for air. It was a cool day, and the lake rippled slightly as the wind blew, continuing on to whistle through the trees. Winter was coming soon, which meant the three broomsticks would be serving hot chocolate on Hogsmeade weekends. She wondered idly if Dorcas would like to join her in having one.
“Fuck!”
Marlene popped her head up at the sound of Sirius’ exclamation. He was sitting on the ground a few meters ahead, his long hair falling into his face as he slouched forward, one hand circling around his ankle. With one last deep breath, Marlene jogged towards him.
“What happened?”
“My fucking ankle. I tweaked it last week when—” He paused. “I tweaked it last week and it’s still giving me issues.”
Marlene knelt down and gently took Sirius’ ankle her hand, feeling for some sort of tear or strain. He sat silently as she worked, which Marlene found quite suspicious. Sirius was, well, pretty dramatic most of the time and this subdued Sirius that had been appearing more and more lately was definitely starting to concern her.
“What sort of thing do you and the rest of you marauders do on those nights you sneak out to cause you to fuck up your ankle this bad?”
Sirius looked at her. “You know we sneak out?”
She shrugged. The truth was that Marlene only knew they snuck out because she had seen them last month when she was up in the astronomy tower, waiting to meet Dorcas. The two of them had started becoming closer and Marlene—though the very idea scared her—has started to have feelings for the other girl. She had yet to anything about these feelings, though. It was strange, maybe, but Marlene wanted to be out to her friends before attempting to start anything with Dorcas. What fun would it be if she couldn’t tell anyone about her?
Marlene looked at Sirius, who had resumed staring off into space. She frowned, suddenly feeling guilty about not catching onto his obviously distressed state earlier. How terrible a friend she must be for not noticing despite running with him nearly every day and sharing a common room with him.
“You were pushing yourself pretty heavily,” She said, taking out her wand and transfiguring a stick into some wrap to tie around Sirius’ ankle. “why is that? James tell you that you need to for Quidditch, or something?”
Sirius shook his head. “Just stressed.”
“About what?”
He looked up at her and Marlene could see the worn-down look in his eye. The genuine sadness there made her heart ache for him. It was not a look that belonged on Sirius Black’s face.
“Have you ever…felt alone?” He asked, and Marlene pretended not to notice the way his eyes filled with tears. She nodded.
“Well, that’s how I feel. I…I have a secret and I’m too afraid to say it out loud. I’m scared of what could happen if I do. Scared of being rejected, of losing my friends. Of losing Remus.”
Sirius said the last part softly, and Marlene got the feeling that she perhaps was not supposed to hear it at all. She stayed quiet for a moment, eyeing him, and wondering if maybe, just maybe, Sirius was like her.
“I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would make your friends turn their back on you, Sirius. Especially Remus.” Marlene said solemnly. He scoffed.
“You don’t know that.”
She thought for a moment, wondering what she should say next. She thought back to the past few weeks, about how desperately she wanted to confide in her friends, in Sirius, and how she too was scared of rejection. It was a terrible, feeling as though you could not share your most authentic self with your closest friends. She would not let Sirius feel that. Neither of them had to.
“Fine, I don’t know.” Marlene said. She reached out and took hold of his hand, prompting him to look at her. “What I do know is that I won’t turn my back on you. There is nothing you could say to me that is going to make me love you any less, Sirius. You’re one of my best friends and I care about you too much to let anything come between that.”
Tears fell from Sirius’ lashes and he shook his head. “You don’t know—”
“Try me.”
He sucked in a breath, trying to compose himself before whispering into the wind so softly that Marlene almost missed it.
“I’m gay.”
Marlene smiled at him, recognizing the look of relief in his eyes, even as the fear lingered. She remembered that feeling, remembered the support she had received from Dorcas and she wanted to give that to Sirius. With her arms wide open, Sirius fell into them, crying in earnest now, and she held onto him tightly.
“Please don’t hate me, Marls.” He whimpered and Marlene had to bite back tears of her own.
“Oh, Sirius. Never. I could never hate you.” She laughed slightly. “Besides, it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to hate you for being gay when I’m a lesbian.”
Sirius pulled back, looking at her with wide eyes. “You’re—”
“Into girls? Yes.”
Sirius opened his mouth, stunned for a moment, before punching her lightly in the shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“I wanted to! I almost did like ten times! C’mon, you know how intimidating it is!”
They laughed, their tears turning into those of joy as they embraced each other once more. Marlene felt like she could breathe again. Coming out to Sirius made it seem more real, made her feel even more empowered than she was before when it was just a secret between her and Dorcas. She wondered if she would continue to feel like this the more people she told. Lily and Alice would be supportive, there was no doubt in her mind. She would tell them tonight. She would tell James and the rest of the team during practice. Surely they would be happy for her before James made them promptly get back to work. She would tell Remus in the library where they studied. He would probably nod his head and offer a small smile, thanking her for being so honest.
“You should tell your friends.” Marlene whispered.
“You should, too.”
She pulled back from their hug, smiling her watery smile.
“Let’s do it together.”