Chapter Text
Iwaizumi was doing fine. All these years had been fine.
Him and Oikawa had been the best of friends ever since they first set foot in kinder garden. It just clicked.
All these years it had been fine. Then why — why?! — for the love of god had it gone terribly down south in high school? He couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t ask Oikawa either. That’d be just… even worse than terrible.
Throughout their childhood Oikawa had always been handsy. With him, with other boys, and with other girls.
He usually didn’t ever care. Why would he?
Oikawa didn’t care. Neither should he.
But it was fine in kindergarten. They were young and innocent and didn’t know a thing about the outside world. They just played house and went along with anything that came at them.
In elementary, junior, and middle school it was still fine too. Nothing had really changed that much and Oikawa and Iwaizumi were still inseparable. They didn’t play house with the other kids anymore, but Iwaizumi noticed more and more that Oikawa’s interest in the other gender was different than his view and interest surrounding that… subject.
Girls were weird. Why would Oikawa pay so much attention to them?
Later in middle school his mom had explained to him that what Oikawa was experiencing was a biological reaction and that he was just a late bloomer.
But at the end of middle school, he knew it wasn’t just a “biological reaction” and that he wasn’t just “a late bloomer”.
Was he confused?
Maybe.
However, in high school, it took a turn for the worst. Oikawa had gotten his first official girlfriend (he didn’t date before because his parents hadn’t allowed him to) and was flaunting her everywhere. But Iwaizumi couldn’t feel happiness for his friend.
There was something else gnawing on his insides, but he was too stubborn to explore that. It was bothering with his school work, and thought it might be better if he started seeing Oikawa less. Or at least the girl. But wherever he went, she went too, and vice versa. So, another option didn’t really exist.
In his second year he figured it out.
He was gay.
Oikawa was the one he’d fallen in love with.
And now what? Would he ever tell his best friend? No fucking way. Not in a million years.
The thought of confessing to his childhood friend was a thought too extreme for his brain. It scared him and that was enough of a proof to just leave the thought behind him altogether. No way he would ever confess his feelings to his best friend in the entire world.
A couple years went by. The world had moved around him, Oikawa was getting new girlfriends here and there throughout high school and even in college. If everything had moved, then why hadn’t his feelings moved on to someone else so it would have been easier confessing everything in a later period of time?
It hadn’t.
High school had sucked. Being in the same volleyball team and leaving earlier so he didn’t have to see Oikawa’s sweaty body. College on the other hand had made it easier for him to see Oikawa again.
Apparently the million years he had thought it would take him before confessing to Oikawa had flown by. He couldn’t take it any longer. Tonight was going to be the night. They were going to meet up for dinner, at their usual hangout spot. They would meet up at that exact place twice a week, to still see each other weekly due to their busy schedules filled with uni and volleyball activities. If they still were on the same team, meeting up would have been way easier.
But, again, time didn’t allow them.
So tonight. Tonight was going to be the night.
Iwaizumi was nervous while driving down to the restaurant. It was his favorite restaurant — his on Tuesdays, Oikawa’s on Thursdays — so he had hoped that that would ease down his nerves.
It didn’t.
Iwaizumi’s heart was banging in his throat. He was gripping onto the steering wheel and felt his palms becoming sweatier the closer he came towards the restaurant.
He did say tonight was going to be the night, but seeing the road his nerves were taking, maybe it would be better to chicken out.
No.
Tonight was the night.
Arriving at the restaurant, he placed one foot outside his car, still doubting if he should really go with his gut feeling or just follow his brain back into nothing and just… not confessing to Oikawa at all.
No.
He shouldn’t keep on thinking like that. Tonight was going to be the night it was going to happen and he just needed to stop overthinking because even his thoughts were getting him nowhere.
“Fuck it,” he whispers, fingers finally releasing its tight grip on the steering wheel and moving forward out of his car. “You can do it,” he cheered himself on, mentally slamming his head against his car because god did he sound pathetic.
Anything for love or something like that.
Right as he wanted to move towards the entrance of the restaurant, another car drove onto the parking lot. He recognized the car immediately—it was Oikawa’s. Fuck. Now they even arrived at the same time. Oh, well, no more time for Iwaizumi to fret his time even more. He just wanted to get this over with, so why not see him head on already.
His heart started banging in his chest as Oikawa was parking his car. In one swift motion — wayyyyy more smooth than Iwaizumi ever could — he stepped out of his car, and waving excitedly at his friend.
“Iwa-chan!” He cheerily yelled at him. “How are you doing?”
“Doing well.” Fuck. His voiced had hitched. Great way to start a conversation! Showing off you’re nervous, just his luck.
Oikawa didn’t seem to notice or mind and went on with his standalone conversation about how his day had gone and how he had had a lot of fun at work today. He continued to ask Iwaizumi about his day at work and went on to listen interestingly while they were queueing up to enter the restaurant. He nodded when he had to and said a “right” or a “yeah” when he agreed on irritations Iwaizumi had had today.
It was nice, small talk like this. But Iwaizumi’s mind couldn’t completely focus, only to realize that after Oikawa pointed out that he was telling him something that he’d already told him five minutes ago.
Oh.
“Sorry,” Iwaizumi mumbled and Oikawa simply laughed.
“No need to apologize! I know the feeling of having worked too much and simply losing your concentration to do anything else properly.”
“Right,” Iwaizumi answered. Of course Oikawa would think it was due to his day having been so super busy. It wasn’t, Iwaizumi knew himself that much, but it still sucked that even his mind was starting to get all clogged up.
He knew he had to get it over with sooner or later, but that thought was just stressing him out even more. He wanted to tell Oikawa how he felt but he was just… dreading the moment.
They got assigned to their seats and took place. They were seated across from each other. With one look they’d be looking in each others eyes, the feeling of being so close with their feet nearly touching was shaking up Iwaizumi’s entire mind. And plan.
Iwaizumi opened his mouth. Now was the moment, now better than ever. Now—
“May I take your order, please?” the voice of the waiter interrupted him.
He shut his mouth tight.
Oikawa, not realizing Iwaizumi had been about to say something to him, cheerily looked at the waiter — with eyes that made Iwaizumi a little jealous, which he hated to admit — and placed his order. The soft eyes then shifted over to Iwaizumi, waiting for him to place his.
“Oh, uh,” Iwaizumi hesitated. What was he even going to order? He had been so occupied by finding the right way and moment to tell Oikawa that he hadn’t even decided on what to eat yet. He quickly chose one of the meals that seemed closest to his tastes and handed the menu back to the waiter, who thanked both of them and left.
Nervous, Iwaizumi rubbed the palms of his hands over his jeans. The rough material of his jeans agains his sweaty palms made his hands tickle. It also made him feel even more nervous. He didn’t know where to look either, avoiding Oikawa’s eyes at all costs.
And it wasn’t like Oikawa hadn’t noticed. He was trying his hardest to make any eye contact with Iwaizumi, who clearly wasn’t having it.
So, he decided to speak up. “Iwa-chan,” he started with. Iwaizumi still didn’t look. “Why are you avoiding my eyes?”
“I’m not—“ he coughed, another crack in his voice, “I’m not avoiding your eyes. What made you think that way?”
“The fact that you literally haven’t even looked at me for the past ten minutes after we sat down is what makes me think that way,” Oikawa bit at him.
Oh no. He sounded frustrated. Immediately, Iwaizumi turned his head around to look at Oikawa, who was playfully sticking out his tongue at him.
Iwaizumi scoffed. “You tricked me.”
“But you did finally look at me!”
“Ah.” He did.
“So? What’s up? Did something happen at home or with your mom that you don’t want to tell me?”
“No…”
“Then what is it? You’re making me very curious but also very concerned with what could be wrong with you…”
Don’t say that…
“You know I care about you a lot, right?”
Don’t say that.
“I would honestly feel terrible if there was something wrong with you and I found out too late.”
Don’t.
“Iwa-chan, you know you can always tell me if something is up with you, right? And if you don’t want to tell me know because we’re in a restaurant, then I can completely understand that.”
“Don’t.”
Oikawa stopped talking. “Oh.”
Startled, Iwaizumi looked up. He’d said the last line out loud. “Fuck,” he whispered. “No. I, uh, Oikawa—”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me or if you want me to stop talking, but you don’t need to snap at me like that…”
“Sorry,” Iwaizumi managed to get out. He didn’t mean to say that.
If only Oikawa knew what was raging through his mind, if only he knew what was raging through his mind, if only he knew the thoughts that were occupying his mind that made him stop thinking straight— hah.
Oikawa hadn’t said anything after catching Iwaizumi and was just staring into the air to the left of him. He wasn’t looking at Iwaizumi and the atmosphere between the two of them was getting more and more tense with every passing second…
It was sneeringly cold and Iwaizumi hated it. He wanted to blur it out, he wanted to tell Oikawa he liked him—no, loved him, ever since they were little.
“What?” Oikawa said, staring right at him, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide in shock. “What did you just say?”
Iwaizumi froze. What did he say? Did he say… Oh. Oh, fuck.
What the fuck just happened?
Neither of them were speaking as the waiter returned with their food. The plates were placed in front of them, but Oikawa was too shocked to thank the waiter—which was something he always extendedly did.
So Iwaizumi thanked the waiter for them, but that wasn’t a reason for Oikawa to move just yet.
Iwaizumi moved his arms up from his legs, to his plate to start with his food, but Oikawa still hadn’t moved.
“We should eat before the food gets cold,” Iwaizumi motioned to Oikawa’s plate.
But Oikawa didn't budge.
Then, he finally opened his mouth, right as Iwaizumi was about to take a bite. "What did you just say?"
Iwaizumi dropped his spoon. "I..." What was he even going to say? Was he going to repeat himself or simply ignore it all like nothing ever happened. He didn't like seeing his best friend sad, then why wasn't he speaking up about how he was truly feeling so they could clear up the air.
Right as Oikawa was opening his mouth to speak, Iwaizumi gathered the courage and opened his mouth again.
"I like you."
"Oh," Oikawa.
Silence.
"Do you mean it?"
"Yeah."
No more excuses now.
"Ah," Oikawa whispered. "I see."
He sees? Iwaizumi was confused. He doesn't know what else to say or think or feel or... anything.
"Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable by confessing just now," Iwaizumi mumbled. "It wasn't my intention to discomfort you by just blurting it out--fuck. I just shouldn't have said it at all. Right, forget I said anything and let’s just move on to our food again, ignoring this... small trivial thing and go on with our lives." He raised his spoon again. The mood between the two was off and Iwaizumi felt like it was not going to get better either.
Oikawa slowly -- finally -- moved his hand up to his spoon and started eating from his soup. It probably had turned lukewarm by now, Iwaizumi guessed. If it had, Oikawa sure was good at faking the taste of it. He was probably confused by anything Iwaizumi said just now and didn't know how to process hearing his best friend confess to his feelings in front of him, blurting it out like that.
He mumbled something, while taking another spoon full of soup. Iwaizumi didn't hear him and asked for clarification. Again, he couldn't hear a thing of what his best friend was mumbling in front of him.
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand what you were saying..." Iwaizumi felt bad for not understanding but he really was unable to make out any of the words Oikawa had been saying to him.
“Me too!” Oikawa then blurted out himself. It was a fast response, so fast and loud that Oikawa was shocked by the volume and bluntness of his own actions. He froze on the spot.
Now... What the fuck happened just fucking now? Iwaizumi's mouth dropped open. He was in utter shock.
“What was that?”
“Fuck,” Oikawa hissed. “What a way to fuck it up, Tooru.”
Iwaizumi held back a laugh. As if he himself hadn’t been making a fool of himself just a few minutes prior.
He didn’t know what else to say than “Cool,” and slapped himself to the forehead right after. “Now that is just great.”
Oikawa… finally laughed. Iwaizumi’s nerves that had jumped all the way up to his throat were suddenly gone as snow would disappear before the sun.
Suddenly, Iwaizumi didn’t really care about anything else. Oikawa was in front of him, smiling after saying he liked him too. All his worries about his pastime as a child had disappeared and he was thinking tonight was going to take an entire different road than that he had expected it to take.