Chapter Text
Five months pregnant, and Emi still felt like she was in a trap. She hated all of this. It hurt her so badly to know that everything they loved would be affected by her decisions. All of this was her fault. All of it. She had been so selfish, but Shota would refuse to acknowledge that. Why?
As far as she was concerned, there was nothing that could be helped. She had screwed everyone over. Too much so. And why was Shota allowing this when he had to be the one hurting the most. It didn’t click. She didn’t get it.
Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, she found an afflicted pregnant woman. Why was she still here? She had no worth, considering all she had done to all of them the whole year; she didn’t understand why they were still beside her, especially Shota. Why was he still there? He should have left her ass while he could, but he didn’t.
Even if the female was more emotional than logical, she couldn’t grasp why the male would ignore all the red flags about her. Perhaps, she had to do what was best for both of them and run away. It felt like the best choice at this time, and she would get rid of their baby by putting them up for adoption. That would be the best choice. She had to follow through with that. It was the only solution to this problem. She couldn’t allow him to risk everything for her. There was so much more that he could do with his life if it wasn’t for her keeping him from doing so.
With Shota went doing who knows what, Emi prepared to abandon everything she knew. Even if she agreed to follow through with their mission only because Nezu made them both agree to. There would be consequences to her actions, but she couldn’t forgive herself for everything she put her husband through. He had through hell and back for her. Countless times. Why did he want more of that?
Running off to her room, she picked up a large suitcase and began packing everything she could fit inside. Taking every gift that Shota ever gave her and a shirt of his, she closed her luggage and made her way to the kitchen. It was there that she would say goodbye.
Grabbing a piece of paper, she reached for a pen and contemplated her thoughts. What was she supposed to write? Was there something specific she should say? She didn’t know. All of this was so much pressure. So much.
Tears streaming down her cheeks, she used her sleeve to wipe her eyes. Right now, her heartfelt is torn in two. She didn’t want to do this, but there was no other way to give her husband and everyone else what they deserved.
Pen pressing the paper, she began writing.
‘My love,
Words cannot express how important you are to me. You are my world. If I lost you, all would be lost. I need you in my life, Shota...but it would best if I left you. We both know that I have brought so many issues and complications to our relationship. Lives. You don’t deserve that. I don’t get why you don’t find someone else who could please you and give you what you need.
So I’m doing what best for you by leaving today. I already packed, and I’ll be gone by the time you get back. Don’t bother looking for me, it’ll save wasted energy spent on me.
Your wife,
Emi’
It was a short letter. It wasn’t like Emi couldn’t write anymore anyway. Her heart shattered, tears staining her face; she pressed the paper to her lips before sitting it down for Shota to find. Turning around, she bowed her head and headed straight for the door. Touching the door handle, she exhaled and opened it. This was it.
“Emi…”
“...Shota?..”
“What are you doing?..were you crying? Emi what the hell is going on?” Shota questioned. Studying her, he pressed his lips together. “...You weren’t…” Then he saw the suitcase, that was when he knew what she was planning. “Seriously…”
Taking her hand, he pulled her back inside and closed the door behind them, locking it. “Fuck. Emi...why...why would you do something like that... we’ve already had this discussion multiple times... it’s draining…”
Yanking her hand away, Emi attempted to escape the situation. She couldn’t deal with this anymore, and to think that she ran into the last person she wanted to see, it felt like the world was suddenly against her. “No! Stop!”
Hardening his expression, Shota came up behind her. “I can’t deal with this, Emi... you’re pushing me away...do you want that?”
“...Yes…” She whimpered. Frozen in place, she faced the wall. “... That’s what I want…”
“Emi...I don’t know what is going on with your mind...but this isn’t you... you’re pregnant with our baby. You can’t just leave everything when we’re expecting.” Clutching his hands, he furrowed his brows. “...Emi, it hurts... I’ve given so much for you...I love you, Emi...I made you my wife because you matter to me.”
Shaking her head, Emi argued, “NO! YOU DON’T NEED ME! STOP! YOU’LL BE HAPPIER WITH SOMEONE ELSE! I ONLY BRING YOU PAIN AND GRIEF! I’M GOOD FOR NOTHING ELSE!”
Picking her up, he carried her bridal style to the couch. Sitting down, he placed a hand on her cheek. “Em, I need you to breathe... I’ll do it with you I want you to tell me exactly what you were doing and why after you think it through for a few minutes or until you’re ready. Can you do that for me?”
Breathing in and out, she counted to twelve, eight, four, all of it. She was going to do everything she could to ease her mind with this. She had just stopped using her medicine for the first time, too, due to her pregnancy. In the first half, she could use it, and now, she was supposed to lower it or stop. She chose to stop it entirely and not tell Shota. It was what was driving her insane. Anxious. A nervous wreck.
Caressing her back, Shota held her with such warmth. He loved her with all of his beings. There were periods where it felt like he ignored everything he did for her, but then again, they thought differently.
Emi lifted her eyes to Shota. Once again, she sobbed. This time hyperventilating. “...I...I... I-I’m...s-sorry…”
Taking his scarf, he wiped her tears. Here, he didn’t have his capture scarf around. However, Emi helped him pick out a few for his outfits. It would help him feel vulnerable or exposed, mainly since he carried it on his person at all times practically. “Emi, don’t apologize. I’m here for you. I’ll wait, however, long it takes for you to relax...I understand how difficult this is...not that we feel it to the same extent.”
It took her over an hour to be able to relax without beginning to cry again. Unable to maintain eye contact, she bit her lip before disclosing what would probably make him livid. “...I should have told you this before...when I found out, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to put more pressure on you...you work so hard compared to me... you’re amazing. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate you and everything you do for me.” Swallowing, she closed her eyes. Soon meeting Shota’s eyes, she continued, “...my second half of my pregnancy... I’m not allowed to be on my medicine since it is so strong...they don’t want the baby to be dependent on it. I could...do ask for my medicine with the lowest suggested dose since... I’m such a burden to you...I still don’t know why you put up with me, then that is my depression talking.”
Stroking her hair back, he kissed her forehead. “Baby, there is nothing you can say or do that can stop me from loving you.”
“Cheating on you.”
“There is that.” He agreed. “I know you won’t...anyway, I don’t get what you’re going through. I will do whatever it takes to support you through it. You’re my world, Emi...I left U.A. for you...my students mattered so much to me, but you were worth so much more.”
Instantly, she broke into tears. Wrapping her arms around Shota, she held him tight, sobbing into his shoulder.
“You’re my wife. I chose you out of all people to spend the rest of my life with...when we promised to take care of each other, we said we would do whatever it took.” Lifting her face, he gazes down at her. “That means that we tell one another our insecurities, doubts, fears, troubles, all of it. There will always be a rocky road through life, but as long as we have each other, I know we can make it through anything. You’re my joy, Ms. Joke.”
“...My hero name...I haven’t used that...in ages…”
“I know.” He retorted. Pecking her lips, he rested his forehead against hers. “I missed working with your alter ego, even if I found it annoying at times.”
Fluttering her lashes, she stared at him blankly. “What? You enjoyed working with me?”
“...Why do you think we worked together so often?”
“...I thought that it was the commission or our agency’s choice.” She mumbled.
“Emi, I worked through my own agency, underground. That meant I made my own choices.”
“Oh…” She looked away, feeling like an idiot.
“It’s amusing how many people don’t understand how I worked even after knowing me for years, close and personal.” He chuckled. Wrapping his fingers around her hair, he played with it, allowing his body to relax.
“...Even Hizashi and Nemuri?” Emi raised a brow.
“Hm, maybe at first...when I started...those two...I could never get rid of.” Shota sighed, tilting his head up.
Placing a hand on his, she hummed, “I’m glad you weren’t. You needed them, even if you hate to admit it. I was often thankful that they would check in on you...Nemuri would often update me about how you were doing too.”
Startled, Shota straightened his stance. “WHAT?!... you’re joking…”
“Nope.” Emi giggled, holding a hand against her lips.
“...what a bitch…” Breathing out, he shook his head. “Doesn’t surprise me that she told you...she always did what she saw best.”
“Such a hypocrite.”
“...” Shota narrowed his eyes at her, unamused by her claim.
“It’s true. You do whatever is ‘logical’” Emi put in air quotes.
Continuing to glare, he huffed, “I have a better sense of logic than you do and you know it.”
“Fair, but I know when and where to balance out logic and emotion.”
“Then what were you doing a few hours ago?” He provoked.
Dumbfounded, Emi stared at the male blankly. “...” There was nothing to say.
“...not always. Even I mess up with my decisions... we’re only human.”
Looking up at him, she murmured, “...Some better than others…”
“At the moment, you’re not going to make logical decisions…” Shota grumbled, acknowledging the issue behind all of this.
“Hm, I can still make some.”
“You were going to leave your life behind all because of your depression...I don’t understand depression like I’ve said before, but I do have trauma that still haunts me. Even then, there are times where you have to separate the two.”
Emi bowed her head, eyes on her lap. “It’s so much easier said than done...I...I feel that I’m too emotional…”
Intertwining his fingers through her hair, he shook his head. “Hm, everyone is different...you handle yourself differently than I do. As a couple, we’re supposed to look out for each other.”
“Why are you…” Stopping, she changed her statement. “...You’re so much more positive than I am these days.”
“...it helps that I have the love of my life here.” He curled his lips.
“...You’re flirting with me now?! Shota...you could flirt with me any other time and you chose now...what the hell.” She shifted her body to get off of him.
Hands-on her hips, he held her close. “...even if you won’t allow me to take you right now, at least let me hold you.”
Cocking her head, Emi purses her lips. “What the actual hell. You’re insane...we were having a good conversation and now you’re flirting with me...did someone put a spell on you or something?”
“No...I want to flirt with my wife.”
Squinting her eyes at him, she shook her head in disgust. “...I was about to leave your ass a few moments ago and you’re flirting with me...that’s messed up.”
“...Emi…” Sighing, he lets go, pressing his fingers against the bridge of his nose. “I never can never expect what you’re going to do next...you’re spontaneous. It’s not a bad thing, but I’m not going to let your sudden mood changes determine mine.”
“Are you blaming this on the fact I’m pregnant?”
“No.”
“...My period?”
“You’re not on your period.”
“The fact I’m a woman?”
He stops, hesitating. “Maybe. I don’t understand women exactly. Then again, men and women have trouble understanding each other in general. Hell, people have difficulty reading each other. No one can assume one thing about the other.”
“Hizashi knows you well.” She dictates quickly.
Shrugging, he pushes it aside. “Hm, he’s my best friend. He’s not my bride though.”
Hands-on his chest, she pushes away from him. “I don’t want to have sex.”
“Who said we were going to do that?”
“You were flirting with me.”
“Always assuming and asking questions. Typical of you.” He chuckles. Sitting up, he gets up and makes his way to their room, not without noticing her note. With her being in his arms still, he tightened his grip on her. Shota’s expression immediately hardened. “...You were going to put our baby up for adoption...unbelievable…”
“I wasn’t planning on running into you…” She cried, kicking her legs.
Remaining silent, he set her on their bed and undressed. Climbing into bed, he buried his face into the pillow.
Watching him, she perceived that she hurt him rather severely, emotionally, mentally. This was going to tear their marriage apart. Crawling next to him, she laid her head on his back, tears already streaming. “...I’m so sorry...I’m so selfish...weak...I’m pathetic...say it already!”
Shota ignored her. He was still trying to wrap his mind around everything. It did hurt. Why would she do that to them? Did she really know what she was getting into when she agreed to marry him? It didn’t feel like it.
His eyes became glossy. It was emotional, thinking about how his love was going to ditch him due to thoughts. It was something that he wished they communicated more on. He had opened himself up to her while she was closing herself up more and more. It hurt—a lot.
Resting his head on the side, he met Emi’s eyes.
“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...I’m so selfish.” She apologized over and over.
“Bullshit. Do you even mean it? Do you know how much you hurt me by not reciprocating what I do for you?”
Emi’s lip trembled. Waterworks poured out of her eyes. Reaching for a pillow, she buried her face in it and wept uncontrollably. She felt guilty for all of the pain she had put him through. This was why she was going to leave him. It was better that way.
Waiting thirty minutes or more for Emi to say something, Shota pulled her toward him, discovering she fell asleep. Wiping her tears, he muttered, “Why do you make it so difficult for us...I know you hurt...still, I can be there for you.”
Sensing something touching her, Emi stirred away, fluttering her eyes open, gradually. “...Shota...why are you still here...I don’t understand...you should leave my ass.”
Closing his eyes, he laid down next to her. “...it’s because I love you that much...I know your past was difficult...extremely. I need you to open up to me...instead of closing yourself off. I care so much about you and having you push me away, hurts. I’ve opened up to you...even if you gradually do it, it would mean the world to me.”
Blinking, she nodded, “...I...I...I-I can...t-try.”