Chapter Text
That was it.
It was finally over.
He finished tapping the last e-mail to submit his and Taehyun’s history project to Mr. Kim. He reread it one last time to check that nothing was missing and finally he hit the button ‘Send’.
The project was now over.
It had been a week and since their… not exactly fight but rather emotional discussion that had ended in rushed words of denial and quick goodbyes.
They had barely talked since, Taehyun had tried but Beomgyu always refocused the discussion on their project. By the Wednesday after their fall down, he was done with his share of the work. Once Taehyun sent his part and he finished editing the video, Beomgyu had deleted all of their messages and funny e-mail chains.
It was over now.
He could finally move on from whatever he believed was happening between Taehyun and him.
Finally forget about the hurt that his heart was screaming about but that his mind was toxically dismissing.
It was supposed to feel good. To be able to let himself heal, once and for all.
He scoffed at how ridiculous he sounded. All that for a crush on a person he had never met.
Maybe that was what hurt the most. That he had felt so much, that had gotten so close to someone who couldn’t even do something as simple as showing his face.
He just felt stupid.
(He just—
He just missed him.
It was stupid.)
Once he finished checking for any other school related e-mails, he sighed and pulled away from his desk to go what he had done for the last fortnight: lay lifelessly in his bed, waiting for the day to pass.
He hadn’t been going out at all except to go do some errands for his parents. And he was pretty sure that he was doing it because they wanted him to actually have some kind of physical activity other than moping in different rooms of their home.
He did the errands, but it didn’t help with the moping.
Not being able to talk to Soobin was just unusual. His best friends had been here with him every step of the way since they had met, so not seeing him was just painful.
The older had tried to talk about things at first but once again, Beomgyu didn’t want to hear none of it. After the fifth message left on read, Soobin decided to let him have his space, which Beomgyu appreciated.
As for his brother, the older knew him too much to just let him have his space.
He was coming home this night and stayed until the Wednesday after, but still.
Still, every day he would call him, or text him and Beomgyu ignored him. Not for the same reasons as Soobin and Taehyun though.
He was more scared of answering his brother than anything else.
Scared that it was real. That he would confirm something that his mind still had trouble to grasp.
He was scared of how bad the betrayal would hurt if his brother confirmed that he was dating his best friend.
He was scared that he wouldn’t be able to talk to his best friend again after that, and not just temporarily, like he knew that this was.
So, he did what he did best.
He avoided confrontation and silently took it all while his mind rotted over how hurt his heart was.
It wasn’t the best solution on the long term, especially because he was eventually going to talk about it, but that was all he felt like doing for now.
✜ ✜ ✜
The doorbell rang around 9PM.
Beomgyu froze from his spot on the couch and he felt his heart beating faster by the second. It was finally time.
“Beomie? Could you get it? It’s probably your brother!” his mother asked loudly from the kitchen, in which she was cooking all of his brother’s favorite meals. Studying at Yonsei, he didn’t have much time to go home but apparently, he had finished his finals, so he took some time off to see his family. Beomgyu couldn’t even feel excited to see his brother after so long. All he felt was dread.
“Beomgyu?” his mother’s voice snapped him out of his daze, and he walked to the front door to open it fast, just like ripping a bandage.
He was shocked to see that it wasn’t his brother, though.
His best friend hadn’t really changed since they had their fights. The strawberry of his died hair had faded for something closer to orange, but other than that, it was the same dimples, the same awkward fidgeting and round emotionful eyes. He even had the white and black puffy jacket that Beomgyu had gifted him on his 17th birthday. The difference was more in the dark eye bags he carried, in the color of his face that leaned towards something pale. It was almost worrying.
“… Hi.” Soobin greeted lowly, almost like he was breathing the words out of fear and he wondered how he did it. He was he in the wrong and still it was Beomgyu that felt so guilty, that felt like he wanted to hug him and tell him that it was going to be okay. That he just didn’t want to lose him.
His pride pushed him to only say a dry “What are you doing here, Soobin hyung.”
Soobin recoiled at the honorific, that seemed so strange in their relationship. He composed himself quickly, though and answered, “I was invited by your mother.”
Beomgyu’s eyes widened and he almost felt like punching something. “She what?!”
“I invited him to eat dinner, Gyu. Now let him in. It’s cold outside.” His mother dismissed his pleading eyes of shock and pushed him away to hush his best friend inside of their home with a warm smile. He was still frozen on the spot, trying to understand how his own mother had betrayed him. Ten seconds later he felt a small hand on his shoulder. It was his mother again, but this time she had a softer look.
“I did this for you, baby. I can’t handle seeing you two fighting.” She explained in a whisper and in any other circumstances he would have been grateful for her good-willing meddling but at the moment all he could do was trying to calm his beating heart because her gesture couldn’t have been more ill-timed.
He felt Soobin’s eyes on him, probably pleading and God, he hated this situation.
He hated it so he did the most childish thing and huffed before zooming to his room to lock himself in it, ignoring his mother’s call. He hated disobeying his mother, but he couldn’t face his best friend at the moment.
He stuck his back to his wall as soon as he locked the door. He could hear his mother sighing and Soobin’s soft “It’s fine, auntie. I didn’t expect things to go any other way.”
And no. It was unfair that he felt like he was the bad guy. The unreasonable one.
Soobin was the one who was ruining everything.
Soobin was the one who—
The doorbell rang again, but this time it was followed by the sound of a key turning in a lock.
God. God.
He couldn’t do this.
“Mom? Dad?”
“Yeonjunnie! My baby, you’re here!”
“Mom! I missed you so much… It’s hard without you guys.”
“I know baby. We miss you, too. Your brother is having a hard time.”
“… I know he— I know about all of this.”
“I know you do; You're a good brother... That’s why I organized this family dinner. Speaking of food, I have to check on it. Say hi to Soobin, baby.”
“Binnie? What are you doing here?”
'Binnie'? Since when did his hyung called Soobin 'Binnie'?
“Your mom invited me.”
“I’m so happy you’re here… Did you guys… You know?”
“No… No, we didn’t.”
He didn’t want to hear this.
It already felt so... so domestic.
He couldn’t handle it.
“It’s okay, Binnie. We’ll just talk about it, all together.”
“I just hate that we don’t talk anymore. I miss him”
Beomgyu’s heart squeezed. He felt like lead was weighing in his chest.
“I know you did… I didn’t expect things to take this turn. I thought he would be less selfish about it.”
Maybe it was the array of emotions he was feeling all at once.
Maybe it was because he had lost his crush and best friend at the same time.
Maybe it was because he was just overall feeling so hurt but most of all fed up.
But something made him just snap. He unlocked the door and in seconds he opened it to see the two boys at the end of the hall.
Soobin was holding Yeonjun’s face softly, the older’s frowning face melting to mirror’s Soobin’s expression that was now one of shock.
Beomgyu was fuming.
“I’m selfish?” he hissed lowly.
The couple – or whatever they were – looked at him in surprise because, once again, Beomgyu hated confrontation. It was a fact.
Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed a little and he started “Beom—"
Beomgyu didn’t let him finish, “No. No, no. I refuse. You can call me childish, susceptible, sensitive but don’t you dare ever calling me selfish.” He hissed at them.
“Gyu, just let us explain.” Soobin pleaded.
“You two are incredible,” he chuckled bitterly, “You hide your relationship from me, you hide the fact that you had any type of connection outside of me and I have to find out through fucking text messages and I’m somehow the one at fault?!”
“You’re the one overreacting.” Yeonjun threw back at him, officially mad now.
“I was lied to.” He deadpanned, “By the two most important people in my life. You broke my trust and for what? For something that isn’t even going to last. And I’m the selfish one?”
“Not everything is about you, Gyu.” Soobin said, his ears reddening and his frown deepening.
“Yeah, if you could stop for a minute thinking that the world should comply to your every wants and needs it would be—”
“Excuse me!?” Beomgyu felt his whole body shiver from anger and his eyes were definitely tearing up from frustration. He was so shocked from what he was hearing that he was gripping the door frame. He heard a soft “Beomie? Junnie? What's going on?” behind him sounding oddly like his mother but he ignored it.
“My whole life revolved around you two!”
The silence that followed next was almost tangible.
“My whole identity was based on you, hyung,” he spat at Yeonjun’s face that had been cleared from anger to show some confusion,” Do you know how… How hard it was to live in your shadow? How painful it was to be constantly compared to you by everyone? To be called ‘Yeonjun’s chubby brother’ or 'Yeonjun’s weird brother'? Do you know how annoying it was to have people constantly taunting me because I wasn’t you, and that I would never be you? Do you have any idea of how much I had to work on myself to not simply hate you?”
He was breathless.
Yeonjun and Soobin were gaping at him.
But he wasn’t done.
“Every day, I had to remind myself that it wasn’t you. It was them. They were the problem. They were the bullies. You were my brother that was always there for me. And I swear, hyung, I love and admire you so much.” He wheezed out, "but if you weren’t the problem, you were still the cause, and nothing could have changed that.”
He felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder, and he shrugged it off.
He wasn’t done.
“The only consolation I had in life was you, Soobin.” He said, and Soobin was crying in shock, audibly gulping.
“You were my silver lining. My best friend. I always believed that if the world would never feel like I was enough because I wasn’t Yeonjun hyung, at least you belived I was enough for you.”
“You are enough.” Soobin chocked out between sobs, trying to reach him, but Beomgyu backed away immediately, his mother right behind him, staring at everything in shocked silence.
“No, I’m not. You’re just like everyone else. You just took your time to realize it.” He hissed though tears.
Actually, they were all crying. Soobin out of sadness, Yeonjun out of guilt and Beomgyu out of frustration.
The difference between the three of them was that Yeonjun'sn had was resting on Soobin’s hip almost protectively and Beomgyu...
...Beomgyu was alone.
“Beomgyu…” Soobin whined, “You’re my best fr—”
“I am your best friend.” He breathed out lowly, so tiredly, “And for this reason I’m going to what I do best. I’m going to forget about myself, because contrarily to what you might think, I do care about you two.”
“Wh—What are you saying?” Yeonjun asked, wiping his tears quickly.
“I can’t be in the way of you two. I’m the shadow. The shadow has no say in any matter.” He said solemnly.
“Baby…” his mother said from behind him, but he couldn’t pay attention to anything else than this hand on his best friend’s back.
“You two can do whatever you want. I’ll just have to get used to the fact that once again hyung, someone chose you over me and I had to be just fine with it.” He said so, so lowly, so deceitfully. He wiped his tears with his sweater’s sleeves and nodded to himself.
It was the right decision.
Yeonjun huffed and frowned, “Beomgyu, please just be ratio—"
“Mom,” he turned around to his mother, “I’ll sleep at a friend’s house. I’ll come back on Wednesday.”
He barely left his mother register his word before taking his coat that was hanging by the front door, he quickly took his wallet, keys, mask and phone, took his shoes in his hands and exited his house in his home slippers.
He heard his mother and Soobin call after him. Pleading him to come back to talk.
Then all he could hear were the cars passing by.
It was the right decision.
✜ ✜ ✜
He regretted not bringing a warmer coat.
He was currently on a bench in a random park, shivering from the November cold breeze. Even with his face mask he still felt his lips shivering from the cold because his tears had soaked it. His whole body was tense from how uncovered he felt.
He had never felt so lonely in his entire life.
At the thought he cried even harder than he already was.
The autumn air bit at his throat that was exposed, and he started coughing from the tears and cold air.
If he didn’t want to get sick, he had to find some place warm. Anywhere warm that wasn’t his home.
(Taehyun.)
He pulled out his phone again, scrolling through his contact list. He realized that he didn’t have many friends. He almost regretted not making friends with the people in his class.
He scrolled through it for quite some time until his eyes fell on the letters KTH. They welled up again at the sight and the memories it carried.
He watched Taehyun’s contact name and clicked on it. The number was glaring at him.
He had deleted the messages, but he couldn’t delete the phone number. It had been too soon.
He hesitated to click on the number. He had cut things with the younger, he had been the one who ended things abruptly. It would be rude to just come back because he was vulnerable.
But… The younger knew about his situation more than anyone else.
And besides.
He missed him.
He couldn’t believe he had been so… selfish. Getting mad at Taehyun because he didn’t want to see him like that.
It didn’t matter if he didn’t want to see him. Just having Taehyun in his life was already such a big source of comfort.
That last thought made him push the button.
He saw his screen showcasing the calling window. Hesitantly he brought the phone to his ear and lowered his mask under his chin, wiping the leftover tears, although it was useless.
After four rings he was going to hang up, the ringing stopped and then silence.
“… Hello?” Beomgyu dared, so lowly. His voice was rough from misuse, so he tried to clear it.
No one was saying anything at the other end, so he quickly checked if someone had picked up. Everything seemed fine when he did so. Taehyun had picked up the phone but he wasn’t saying anything.
“Taehyun?”
Silence.
“I just…” he tried, “I know I’m such an asshole for even trying to reach you after how I acted but I… I just had the worst fight in my life with both my brother and my best friend and I’m in a random park because I ran away from home. I just— I don’t know what to do.”
Silence.
“And— And I know that I don’t deserve anything from you but I just… I miss you, Hyun. I miss you so much.”
He heard a small gasp which sent shivers down Beomgyu's spine.
“I miss your laugh. I miss your wittiness and your lame jokes. I miss your fun facts and how you dismissed me playfully, I just… I just miss you Tae. And right now I’m so cold that I’ll probably die from hypothermia but I think that I called you because I knew that hearing your voice makes me warm inside and I need it more than ever.” He whimpered. He probably sounded pathetic, but he felt like he needed to let it all out.
“And I’m sorry if I made you feel like seeing you was such a big deal because I realize that if I have a crush on you right now, it’s not because of how you look, it’s really because of everything else about you.” He finished shyly. He had stopped crying now. He still felt really agitated but it was for slightly different reasons.
He had just confessed his feelings when he hadn’t even admitted to himself that he liked Taehyun this way.
There was still silence at the other end of the line. He patiently waited for something, anything.
Then, so quietly, he heard a small “… Do you want to come over?”
His heart skipped a beat and his breath stopped. It truly felt better just to hear his voice.
“Are you sure?” he asked carefully. He didn’t want to force the younger to show himself
“Yes. I’ll text you the address.”
✜ ✜ ✜
He walked in the depth of the neighborhood that Taehyun had sent him the address of through text messages, until he reached a three-story building. The building in itself wasn’t that great. The painting needed to be re-done and the walls had water infiltration stains. Few windows were lit but overall, the neighborhood was quite quiet. The streets were empty because of the health restrictions, although they’ve been quite lax for a few months.
He reached the main glass door of the building and his eyes fell on label “Jo/Kang”. Then it hit him.
After almost a month of getting closer with the younger through phone calls, he was finally going to meet him.
In the span of those few weeks he hadn’t even been able to picture what he might look like. It hadn’t really mattered until their last discussion.
His finger hovered over the button next to the label that had the younger’s name. It was the worse night to feel anything more than frustration and sadness over what had happened earlier. Despite this, he felt nervous.
Eventually he breathed in and out and pressed the button. A shrill bip buzzed in the air and then he waited.
Seconds later he heard the door system activate and the red light on the side of the glass door became green. He pushed the door and entered in the small, badly lit, lobby.
He huffed and walked to the staircase. Taehyun had already told him that his apartment was on the second floor. He climbed them easily enough, hands in his pockets.
When he reached the second-floor hall, he looked on his left and right and saw the apartment number 5.
He hesitated once again. Maybe he should just go home.
Your home is barely one right now, his mind provided.
That was the last push he needed to press the doorbell.
Seconds later the door opened, and he face a young woman.
“Hi, Beomgyu-ssi.” She greeted him warmly, her eyes showing so much compassion, “I’m Taehyun’s sister, Haseul.” She introduced herself. Her smile lit her entire face although it still looked quite delicate and soft. She had small doe eyes. She was pretty.
“Hi. Thank you for having me,” he muttered shyly, his voice was raspy from the cold he was in previously. Her eyes almost disappeared from the fond smile.
“Do come in,” she said softly, “You look like you’re freezing.” Beomgyu stayed still in front of her, not expecting her to act so… gentle with him.
She made way for him and when his body worked again, he slowly entered the apartment.
It was mid-sized. Taehyun had mentioned once that it was a two-bedroom apartment with a small living room and kitchen. It was just enough for the both of them he had said back then.
“Taehyun is in the bathroom right now. But he’ll be there in two minutes.” she explained softly as she led him to their living room. It was small just like he had imagined, but it was quite cozy and so homey. It had lots of pillows and stacks of plaids in one of the corners, some of them already balled up at the end of the couch. Picture frames were hung on each walls and fairy lights lined the corners of the small room. It was lived in, warm and just… familiar.
On the table that faced the cozy couch were two empty cups of tea and as soon as he sat, Haseul poured him a cup of tea after he agreed to her asking if he wanted some. After she gave him the cup, she silently threw him a plaid around him. He stayed frozen as she fussed over him probably being cold. He sheepishly told her he was fine, but she didn’t want to hear none of it.
“Thank you, Haseul-ssi.” He said quietly after she was done with her fussing. She smiled at him.
“Call me noona, Beomgyu. I feel like I already know you at this point.” She said cheekily and Beomgyu flushed a little at the idea of what she must have heard about him.
Beomgyu understood why Taehyun loved her so much, though.
Taehyun.
He was going to see him for the first time. He shifted awkwardly at the thought.
“He’ll be there in seconds.” She said quieter, probably reading his mind. His mother did tell him that his expression was easily readable whenever he was sad. He was probably like an open book tonight.
“Thank you… noona.” he said lowly, and he meant it in so many ways. She understood that immediately as she nodded, and she winked at him before excusing herself because she had some work to do. He nodded back and let her leave the room.
He waited silently taking a sip of his hot tea. He needed the warmth at the moment.
“Beomgyu.”
Hearing his voice so clearly felt like a whiplash.
Slowly, he turned around to see a boy looking at him with wide and hesitant eyes.
Taehyun was… for lack of better the prettiest person he’d ever seen.
He had a soft face; his nose was long and tall just on top of average sized soft-looking lips. They were red, just like his cheeks that were dusted pink, and his hair that were cherry red. But what was the most mesmerizing wasn’t his perfect jaw line, nor his soft looking bangs that fell perfectly. No, it was his eyes.
He had beautiful wide eyes that probably held constellations. Beomgyu held contact with them and he felt like he was drowning in them, even as the younger looked away in nervousness. Probably because some time had passed, and Beomgyu still hadn’t said anything.
But who could blame him, really. The younger had just taken his breath away.
“Taehyun.” Was all he could say, in a mere whisper.
Taehyun blinked at him, not knowing what to say. He looked a little bit awkward, slightly sheepish, but very… vulnerable.
Seeing him, though, awakened something in Beomgyu.
Maybe that’s why he rose from his seat on the couch and walked to a frozen Taehyun to finally take him in the warmest hug.
Taehyun smelled of lavender and honeydew. It was a mix of scent he never knew he needed.
Hugging him felt like hugging a cloud, Beomgyu truly wondered how he had survived not knowing how that felt all of his life.
His arms rounded the younger’s neck softly and he felt his eyes wetting once again as the younger’s arms slowly rounded his own waist.
He was hugging Taehyun.
Finally, he was seeing him in real life.
He breathed out in the younger’s neck and he shivered a little as the younger did the same on his own shoulder. He closed his eyes just to focus on the intoxicating smell. It was like all of his sorrow, all of his worry had just disappeared as he basked in the younger’s presence. And he had a hunch that Taehyun felt the same, since Beomgyu felt him relaxing in the embrace.
“I can’t believe I’m holding you right now. I missed you so much.” He said as he tightened slightly his arms around the younger’s neck. There was barely any space between them now.
He leaned his head even more against the younger's hair and his lips brushed against the younger’s ear. They both shivered from the sensation, since Beomgyu’s lips were frozen and Taehyun’s hand started stroking Beomgyu’s back.
“I’m here, now. I missed you too,” the younger whispered shakily, “I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”
“It’s fine. I’m sorry for pressuring you,” he answered as lowly, “besides… it was worth wait.” He said earnestly against Taehyun’s now red ear.
“I guess it was.” Taehyun said back. Suddenly he pulled away from Beomgyu’s shoulder, and the older did the same.
From up close Taehyun was even more breath-taking. It was like someone had picked the brightest star just to make Taehyun’s eyes. After staring at each other for too long, the younger’s eyes lowered avoid Beomgyu’s contemplating look. His cheeks were pink again and the blush was so delicate.
So pretty that Beomgyu kissed his right cheek.
He knew he was going fast but he couldn’t help it.
Like he had said before, his crush had been built on Taehyun’s amazing strong personality. But it was like seeing him in real life had unlocked a side of him he never knew about. Taehyun was cute, and soft, and just so kissable.
The peck lasted several seconds and at some point, he heard Taehyun gasp out of surprise, but he feels the younger’s hands on his waist hold him tighter, so he knew he was doing the right thing.
He pulled away and now they were both blushing red. Taehyun was looking at him with his beautiful round orbs in surprise again and Beomgyu wanted to kiss him fully so bad. He didn’t, though. Not yet at least.
Taehyun eventually composed himself from his previous shock and spluttered in shyness. “You’re really something Choi Beomgyu.”
For the first time this night he smiled genuinely. The younger was just too cute.
“I should’ve asked, I’m sorry,” he muttered a little sheepishly. “Next time I’ll ask.”
The young blinked in surprise, “Next time?”
Beomgyu realized what he had just said and cleared his throat. He was going to go back on his words when he realized that he couldn’t run away from those feelings. He liked to avoid confrontation of any kind and his fight with brother and best friend had proven that it was a real mistake.
He wanted to be honest with the younger, always.
“Yes, next time. I— I really want it to be a next time, Hyun.” He muttered shyly. Taehyun froze for the smallest moment before raising his gaze back to lock with his own.
He was trying to understand him, to see if he meant him. Beomgyu looked at him, trying to silently prove that he was serious about it. About them.
Fortunately, his honestly shone through because Taehyun sighed longingly and nodded softly before pulling him back, his nose nuzzling in the crook of his neck.
“Alright, Gyu. I’m okay with that.”
Those few words united some knots in Beomgyu’s stomach, and he breathed out. He felt himself tearing up again, but this time it was different.
It was out of relief.
✜ ✜ ✜
“So… what happened exactly?”
They were currently on Taehyun’s bed, under the covers, waiting for sleep to take them although neither of them was tired.
After their long embrace, Taehyun had pulled him in the kitchen to feed him something because in the midst of the eventful night, Beomgyu hadn’t eaten anything. The older ate in silence, but it had been rather quick because he honestly wasn’t that hungry. The only reason he had eaten was because the younger had insisted, and it turned out that Beomgyu was just weak for Taehyun’s pleading eyes.
Once he was done, Taehyun had given him some clothes to change in and let him take a quick shower. Beomgyu had used the honey scented soaps and had loved the fact he smelled like Taehyun after it. Once he was done, he had expected to sleep on the small family’s couch, but Haseul had refused. Apparently, it was very cold out in the living room, and since she didn’t want him to catch a cold, she insisted for him to sleep on Taehyun’s bed.
At first, he was a little embarrassed but eventually he agreed – once again he succumbed to the sight of Taehyun’s round galaxy-like orbs.
So here they were in the dark of Taehyun’s bedroom. Beomgyu had joined Taehyun under the cover and there was a small but consequent space between them. They knew about each other’s feeling but it might be a little soon to cuddle, since they hadn’t really defined anything.
They were both looking at the ceiling, Beomgyu holding one of Taehyun’s squirrel’s plushie.
“I just… snapped, I guess.” He sighed in the air, and Taehyun hummed. “Yeonjun hyung was to come visit for a week, and I was already stressed about the confrontation that was supposed to happen but then just like that, Soobin was there because my mother had invited him for dinner, most likely because she wanted us to make up. In seconds I panicked and locked myself up in my room and then my brother arrived, and I heard them through the door, Hyun. They’re really… really into each other. It was so weird, I swear.”
“So, you snapped at them because you couldn’t handle it?” Taehyun asked softly, no trace of judgment in his voice. It was almost intimate the way he spoke so quietly in the night. Beomgyu’s heart squeezed at the fact that despite how dark it was he could still picture the younger’s expression. God, he was whipped.
“Not, exactly. My brother ended up saying I was selfish because I didn’t approve of them. It just set something in me and in seconds I was screaming at them letting everything off my chest. How bad I’ve felt for years, and how I buried it all. How I felt like I would never come second with Soobin, but that I was so hurt that, from now on, I would. It was just so messy. We were all crying.” He huffed, not having anymore tears to shed, even at the memory of what had happened.
“It was going to come out at some point, I guess.” Taehyun hummed again, “It’s too bad that it couldn’t be in more civil conditions, though.”
“I couldn’t handle the idea of them saying I was the bad guy. I’ve spent years thinking about them and them only. The last thing I should be called is selfish.”
“That’s true. Dependent would be a better term.” Taehyun answered back and ouch. That was harsh.
Although it was true. They had talked about it after all.
“I just- I know that everything would be fixed if I just…stopped putting them on a pedestal and just let them be, but even when I ended up saying that I would leave them alone, I felt like my heart was breaking from how lost I would feel if I were to just… cut them off.”
“Could you even cut them off?” Taehyun asked seriously.
Beomgyu took his time to answer. Could he?
He honestly didn’t think so.
“No, not really,” he whispered, “They’re still really important to me. I don’t really know what I would do without them.”
He felt Taehyun move, and in an instant, he felt the younger’s faint breath against his shoulder. He was now on his side facing Beomgyu’s profile.
Beomgyu’s eyes left the ceiling to look in Taehyun’s direction. It was quite dark in the bedroom but Taehyun hadn’t closed the window, so the yellow hue of the streetlights oozed slightly in the room, just enough to have a glint of it shine in Taehyun’s constellation-filled eyes.
They shared an eye contact in silence. Beomgyu could discern the shape of the younger’s nose and eyebrows. Even I the dark, he was breathtaking.
“Do you not know what you would do without them or... is it something else?” Taehyun whispered carefully.
Beomgyu blinked but conceded quickly. They both already knew the truth anyways.
“It’s more that I don’t know who I am without them.” He still confessed.
He thought he saw Taehyun’s lips purse in the darkness. He briefly wondered what they felt like against his own but forcefully dismissed the thought.
“I know that what matters is what you feel and how you perceive things, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re just great the way you are. Without your best friend and your brother.” Taehyun said as he took Beomgyu’s hand that was resting limply on the bed. Their finger intertwined delicately and Taehyun’s hands were as soft as his voice. His heart beat a little faster at the gesture.
“You’ve only known me for a month, though.” Beomgyu answered as he squeezed the smaller but softer hand in his.
“Yes, and through that month I’ve gotten to know Choi Beomgyu. Not Yeonjun’s brother or Soobin’s best friend. Just you. And I already said it, I like you.”
He couldn’t stop the flush nor the smile that draw itself on his face.
No one had ever made him feel the way that the younger was making him feel at the moment.
“I really like you too, Kang Taehyun.” He whispered back shyly although fondness dripped off the simple confession.
He felt the younger squeezing his hand back and the move temporarily made forget about everything wrong with his life.
The next one did even more so.
He barely felt Taehyun move again to close the space between each other until their faces were inches apart. His eyes widen at the closeness and from the distance he could see a little bit better the way the younger’s eyelashes fluttered against his soft cheek. The way he was slightly biting his lip in hesitance.
“Can I?” Taehyun asked shyly. His voice sounded so vulnerable, as if Beomgyu wasn’t dying to do so since they had seen each other face to face few hours ago.
He could barely think so he simply nodded. It was enough to have the younger fully close the gap and slowly take his lips for a kiss.
The smallest sparks flew behind his eyes and he felt himself warm up so fast. He closed his eyes and succumb to the feeling.
Taehyun’s lips were even better than what he had imagined.
Although they weren’t as plushed as his they were softer, and the way they smacked against his made them irresistible.
It was so gentle the way the younger parted his lips against his own. He felt dizzy from the feeling of Taehyun’s warm breath as he molded their lips together.
Beomgyu had never kissed someone before in his life and he probably wouldn’t be able to kiss anyone else after he had tasted Taehyun.
They exchanged soft but languid kisses, the sound of their lips smacking being the only noise filling the silence of the night. He felt Taehyun’s hand reaching for his nape and slowly stroking his hair as they kissed some more.
He chased the younger’s lips as soon as it felt him pulling away, not wanting it to stop. The younger hummed as Beomgyu pecked him several times.
Eventually he gave him one last, long, languid kiss before feeling like he could stop. For now, at least.
They settled for looking at each other breathlessly. Taehyun’s eyes seemed a little wider than before and gosh, Beomgyu wanted to see what he looked like so bad.
Once he caught his breath, he tried a hushed “That was… good.”
Taehyun chuckled softly and here it was. The melodious tinkling.
(Beomgyu enjoyed this breathy version of it even more.)
“Thank you, Taehyun.” He blurted out, “Thank you so much for giving me a second chance, for being my friend and hopefully… more.” He murmured the last part, but their closeness had made the younger hear anything.
“You’re welcome, Gyu.”
Beomgyu smiled at him in the darkness, his eyes not leaving the younger’s. and then they settled in a more comfortable position. Taehyun’s face was burrowed in his neck while the older turned to lazily put a hand over the younger’s waist.
They stayed like this silently, until they let sleep take them away.
✜ ✜ ✜
The morning after, he woke up lazily, his eyes opening one at the time.
He stretched leisurely as he noticed the weight on his shoulder and where he was.
He slowly turned his head to see the younger cuddling close to him and looking so small.
He had trouble realizing that he finally had met the younger. but it was real.
His delicate face so serene whilst his chest rose and fell, the way his bangs fell on his eyes to the point his eyes were visible.
It was all real.
Waking up next to Taehyun almost felt like a dream.
It was a whole new side of him he was seeing, and he wondered if he would have discovered it if they hadn’t met.
Beomgyu’s heart had actually stuttered at how angelic the younger looked.
It had fully stopped when Taehyun woke up from his own slumber and his first move was to smile softly (Wow, his mind provided) and peck Beomgyu’s lips.
Taehyun’s kisses were something else.
All through the morning, they were just lazying in Taehyun’s bed and they would shyly peck each other. Each time Beomgyu felt his stomach doing somersaults in giddiness.
He could really get used to the feeling, though.
Later in the day, they finally decided to get out of the bubble to eat something. When they exited the room hand in hand, Haseul was working on the coffee table and she throw them a knowing smile.
“I take you guys made up completely.” She grinned at them with a brow rising suggestively.
“Yeah, we did.” Beomgyu answered as he felt his face heating up. Taehyun didn’t look any better as he squeezed their intertwined hands
“I hope you slept well, Beomgyu.” Haseul said warmly, “Taehyun explained briefly what happened. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. Whenever you feel ready to deal with your issues.” Beomgyu’s heart squeezed at how understanding both the siblings were.
He nodded softly and bowed gratefully. She chuckled and bowed back.
Taehyun simply smiled at the scene and chuckled as well. They had the same lilt in their laughter and Beomgyu was overwhelmed with fondness.
The younger led them to the kitchen, pulling the younger by their intertwined hands.
“So, what are we going to eat?” Taehyun muttered to himself as he opened the fridge to then pull out some rice and eggs, “We’re supposed to do some groceries this week so it’s not all that amazing but I can cook something for you with what we have.”
“Anything is fine, Tae,” Beomgyu said back as he sat on one of the chairs that faced the single table that was probably the siblings eating area. “I just want to eat a little, since I didn’t eat a lot last night.”
“You’ll have to help me, then,” Taehyun asked firmly, although he still was smiling while doing so. Beomgyu smiled back and nodded.
So, they started cooking. Neither of them were very good. Add to that the constant teasing and bantering from both sides in shapes of pushing and distracting pecks, you ended up with a half-burnt kimchi pancake. That didn’t stop them from finishing it, though.
Once they were finished, they went bac inside Taehyun’s room because they both had work to do.
“Can I use your computer? I have an econ essay due for next Friday.” Beomgyu asked as he sat on Taehyun’s bed while the younger sat on his desk chair. His room was just big enough to have both and the bed was placed in a way that the desk was on the bed’s left side, the only think separating the two furniture being a small night table. From this position, Beomgyu just hard to turn his head to see Taehyun’s profile as he faced his desk.
“Sure, Gyu. I have math homework anyways.” Taehyun handed him the computer that was already on. Beomgyu thanked him and opened a word document to start with his essay.
They silently worked on their own, occasionally making some comments and asking for help when they didn’t understand something.
It worked well between them. Beomgyu already knew that they were great studying buddies, but it was more than that.
The transition from friends to more had been almost seamless. In the span of a few hours, they had gotten so close and breached new steps that he didn’t even know he would ever cross with the younger.
What had been impressing for Beomgyu was the way that the younger had just backed on his former reticence to reveal himself as soon as he understood how distressed Beomgyu was. He would always be grateful for that gesture.
Still, a part of his mind wondered. Why didn’t he want to show himself?
During the course of their fight, Beomgyu had thought of scenarios but Taehyun seemed fine. There was nothing to be alarmed about, physically at least. He was just so intri—
“What’s on your mind?”
Beomgyu blinked in Taehyun’s direction, and the younger looked at him softly, a small smile drawn on his face.
God, he was so pretty it almost hurt to look at.
(Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to show himself, his mind provided stupidly.)
“I’m just intrigued.” He stated as softly as he rested his head on the bed headboard softly. Taehyun titled his head slightly in question and hummed in question. It was cute.
“What are you intrigued about?”
“Well… You just agreed for me to see you yesterday when you really didn’t want to last time,” explained muttered, his eyes not leaving the younger’s. He didn’t know if he could anyways, his mind provided as he bit his lip. They were too mesmerizing.
Maybe Taehyun had read his mind because his ears tinged a gentle red as he cleared his throat and tried to word his thoughts properly
Finally, he settled for “I guess I was scared?”
Beomgyu blinked at the answer, “Why, though?”
The younger let out a noise of discomfort. Or maybe it was embarrassment.
“If it’s because you were scared that I would judge your looks, let me stop you real quick. You’re so pretty, Tae. It’s kind of ridiculous actually.”
“It’s not about my looks!” Taehyun spluttered as he blushed some more. Beomgyu chuckled at his flustered reaction.
Once he sobered up a little, he cleared his throat and asked, “What was it, then?”
Taehyun huffed and fell a little on his desk chair. Beomgyu’s eyes glanced at the younger’s neck and how pretty it looked. Just as Taehyun went back looked at him, he re-focused on his face.
“I guess that I could relate to your situation and it wasn’t pleasant.” Taehyun explained and Beomgyu frowned at the words. He hadn’t imagined that the younger related to his situation. His confusion must have been clear on his face as Taehyun pushed away from his desk to roll to the edge of the bed. Beomgyu took his hand instinctively and the younger let him.
“Let me explain,” Taehyun sighed, “I know your life hasn’t been easy but in some different ways mine hasn’t either.” Beomgyu nodded in haste. What he had went through and what Taehyun had went through was incomparable. “I think that losing my parents broke something in me back when I was younger. Sure, I had my sister but there were still many nights in which she had to study. Of course, it was for the both of us, so I let her be. Still, those moments were quite lonely. And it lasted for most of my childhood.”
He had a sad smile, “It was fine, I felt fine. At some point I actually had made a single friend back when I was 12. His name was Kai. He was from Hawaii and had stayed for one year at school because his father had a temporary mission in South Korea. It was fun with him. He was very cheerful but still gave me my space. I never really understood why I had gotten closer to him since I knew he was going to leave me. Still I took the risk, and of course on the day he was to leave I was crushed. It had made me realize that I was so lonely, something that I had been fine with for so long.”
“After that I tried to be more social, but it just didn’t work. No one was receptive to my friendship, I guess. They thought I was weird and rude because I was quiet and when I spoke, it was rather bluntly. Besides, I was a good student and somehow that was intimidating to most kids.” Taehyun frowned, most likely at the memories he wanted to bury.
Beomgyu felt for him. It was hard to be the school’s black sheep. The only consolation he had in his life had been that he had his own best friend. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he didn’t have a single friend. Even the most antisocial person needed at least one person that somehow showed care sometimes.
“It went on like that. I grew up and changed but my ‘reputation’ followed me. People in my school couldn’t really get passed how I used to be, and quite frankly, I didn’t really want to befriend them. We had quarantine and then, Haseul noona got the job here, so we moved.” Taehyun explained.
“I think that when I moved here, I didn’t know what to expect. I was apprehensive, that’s for sure. I was set to spend my senior year alone cooped up in room. But then I met you.”
Beomgyu felt his cheeks flush as the younger smiled with so much fondness as he looked at their intertwined fingers.
“Honestly at first, I was a little scared, but for the first time in my life I got to be myself. There was nothing to hold me back, no reputation, no heavy past. Just me and you. And we got along so well.” He added, “In so little time, I got attached and I just felt so comfortable with you. It was scary.”
“How was it scary?” Beomgyu asked quietly. He could see what would be, but he just wanted to ask.
“… I was bold with you, Gyu. Even the little flirting felt like something so out of ordinary for me. When I told you about you being a star… It meant it and I was just so afraid because I was just gradually shedding myself in front of you when we hadn’t even met. Then you said you wanted to see me, and I just panicked. I thought to myself, how could I even be with someone so incredible and caring when I was…” Taehyun didn’t finish, getting visibly upset at his own words.
Beomgyu felt his hand his fingers loosen in his hold and he couldn’t just let the younger think this way. He retightened the hold on their hand moved from his position on the bed to sit in front of him as he reached with his other hand the younger’s cheek softly.
Taehyun still couldn’t look at him in his eyes and Beomgyu’s heart cracked. He grazed the younger’s cheek with his thumb gently.
“Hyun… Look at me, please.” He pleaded softly and the younger did as he was told.
There was so much vulnerability in his eyes and Beomgyu realized how lucky he was to have someone who was constantly jumping out of his comfort zone for him. He just wanted to make sure that the younger know just how grateful he was.
“You’re so… so amazing. Your bluntness is funny to me, your quietness makes up for my inability to shut up and I think that your brains are so attractive to be honest.” He loved the way that the younger blushed, he could feel the heat against his hand. “In the span of a month you became very important to me, Tae. Besides, I already told you, I fell for your personality before anything else. It’s that beautiful personality that makes my heart stuttered during each history class and during each of our meetings. I know that it must come from you but trust me when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about in this matter.”
“I understand that you’re scared to get closer to people. You lost… so much.” He sighed, then he realized, “And I can’t imagine how you must have felt when I silence treatment-ed you. I’m sorry, Tae. Had I known, I would have acted differently. I just couldn’t deal with a rejection; I was already upset and—”
The younger shook his head slightly, “It’s fine.”
“Still… Your feelings matter, and I’ll make sure to respect them all the time from now on.” He promised seriously. He wanted the younger to feel secure in their friendship first and foremost, then in their relationship (or whatever it was that they have.)
“I’ll try to be there for you as much as you’ll be there for me.” Taehyun said as he finally looked at Beomgyu in his eyes.
Beomgyu blinked at the two galaxies and all he could do was nod with a small smile.
The kiss they shared after was gentler than the ones of the night before, but it held so much more meaning.
✜ ✜ ✜
“You can’t avoid them forever, Gyu.”
It was the third time that Taehyun was chastising Beomgyu since the day had begun.
It was Tuesday. Beomgyu had stayed for three days and quite honestly, he understood why the younger liked to stay in his room all the time. It was cozy.
Even his neighborhood was quite nice during the day. On Monday, They had gone on a walk during the lunch break and again after they were done with their online classes since Beomgyu had felt like he could explore the park near Taehyun’s building a little more.
That’s what they were doing at the moment. They were leisurely strolling in the park, hand in hand ‘enjoying the fresh breeze’ since, apparently, Taehyun liked to be freezing. The younger had given him his puffiest coat and off they went.
“I know I can’t. But I’m enjoying myself with you, right now.” He said, and he meant it. He was having a great time getting to know him, as well as studying, eating and cuddling with Taehyun. It felt very domestic.
Taehyun sighed and lowered his mask momentarily, “I’m really enjoying myself with it too, but it’s unhealthy to let everything bottled inside. You can’t ignore your family anymore, Beomie.”
“I’ve texted my parents everyday since I left home.” Beomgyu whined, “they know I’m with you and they even talked to Haseul noona!”
“Don’t play dumb, Choi Beomgyu,” Taehyun deadpanned and Beomgyu pouted even more, “You know I’m talking about Yeonjun and Soobin. Soobin didn’t stop trying to reach you this last few day and even your mother said that Yeonjun looked so down.”
“I don’t want to, though… I said some ugly things to Yeonjun hyung and I know things won’t be the same after what I told Soobin.” He whined even more, although his playfulness barely hid his real concern.
He was scared of what might happen when he’d see the two boys again. Talking things out with Taehyun had felt so good and they also had made him realize that honesty was the best option. The thing was that he had been a little too honest with them and it had ended in tears and hurtful words from both parts.
He was still upset.
(And embarrassed.)
Taehyun sighed and stopped them in their walk to face Beomgyu. He was wearing a long red coat that matched his hair. He had a white scarf around his neck that swallowed half of face – although his face mask under his chin did a little bit of the work. It wasn’t even the cutest part, though.
Beomgyu had bought him some glittery pins while they had dropped by a convenience store and Taehyun had somehow agreed to let him put them in his hair. He looked adorable with half his hair held with those cute pins. He was still cooing internally at the sight, but he kept it all inside because he didn’t the younger to hit him again.
(He realized, once again, how easily Taehyun could affect his mood. It was so weird.)
“Listen, Beomie,” the red-head sighed and looked at him with such earnest and soft eyes that Beomgyu did just that, “Your brother is going back to Seoul tomorrow and then you won’t see him before the holidays. The more you wait the worst things will be Gyu. You need to talk it out because they’re the two most important people in your life and I see how much this affected you and how it still does.”
“But—”
“No buts. You can’t eternally stay with me. You’ll have to go home at some point and trust me, talking it out is way easier than eternally walking on eggshells.”
“I just—”
“No. You just need to do this then you’ll see where to go from there. Waiting is useless. You had your break, and although I loved that little bubble we were in, it’s time to burst it, Gyu. Man-up and deal with your problems.”
“But… I like being with you.” Beomgyu pouted at the younger who rolled his eyes fondly.
“Me too, Gyu. But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be with you every steps of the way alright?” he reassured the younger.
Beomgyu hummed in a pout but Taehyun shook his head, not wanting to budge.
After a prolonged staring contest that lasted enough to have children passing by staring at them like they were mad, Beomgyu huffed in reluctance.
“Fine…” he sighed, “I’ll talk to them…”
The grin that lit Taehyun’s face was worth the discomfort.
(Had he mentioned how beautiful Taehyun’s smile was? If not, it was criminal not to do so.)
“Thank you, Gyu. You’ll see that on the long run, it will feel better.” The younger comforted him a little when he saw Beomgyu’s uncertainty. “I’ll text Soobin myself to warn him and I’ll even walk you to your house tonight.”
“Tonight? Not now?” Beomgyu asked.
“Yeah, tonight.” Taehyun nodded as he pulled Beomgyu in the direction they were coming from, “I want some alone time with you before I have to let you go.”
Beomgyu chuckled and let himself dragged by the red-headed.
✜ ✜ ✜
After cuddling and kissing each other for an hour and a half (it was supposed to be an hour but Beomgyu couldn’t stop peppering kisses in Taehyun’s neck and honestly, Taehyun was only human) they were finally in front of Beomgyu’s home.
Taehyun had already texted Soobin who had agreed – after expressing his surprise that Taehyun was even real— and on the bus ride, he had warned Taehyun that he was already at Beomgyu’s.
“I don’t think I can do it, Tae.” Beomgyu pressed quietly as he looked at the familiar front door in worry. They both lowered their face masks to see each other’s face entirely.
Taehyun looked at him with a comforting smile, “Yes, you can Beomie. I know you can.”
Beomgyu took the younger’s hand and pulled him in a hug, much to Taehyun’s surprise. He immediately relaxed in the embrace, though.
Beomgyu felt him snake his arm around his waist and pull him even tighter. Beomgyu instinctively burrowed his head in the crook of his neck to smell the intoxicating smell of lavender and honeydew.
Taehyun whispered back, “Things will be okay, Gyu. If they care about you, they’ll understand that what you said came from a place of hurt and honesty. They’ll respect the way you feel, and you’ll find a common ground.” He pulled away to make sure that Beomgyu was looking at him, “You’re a starlight, remember?”
Beomgyu nodded slightly, focusing on the younger’s orbs that shone in earnest. “I’m your star and you’re my moon.” He added.
Taehyun chuckled quietly, “At least your distress didn’t ruin your ability to be cheesy.” Beomgyu smiled fondly and leaned to kiss him.
He truly couldn’t get enough of his lips.
It was supposed to be one kiss, but the Taehyun’s breath hitched and he just had to do it again.
They were momentarily so entranced in each other that they barely had time to notice the front door opening.
They startled out of their kiss and Taehyun tried to pull away but Beomgyu still kept the hold on his waist.
To make things even more awkward, it was his parents at the door.
“Mom, dad! Hi,” Beomgyu said in embarrassment.
“Hello, Sir. Madam.” Taehyun bowed deeply, although it was probably to hide his red face. He was probably even more embarrassed from being caught since it was the first time, he met his parents. “I’m sorry for the wait.”
“Hello, boys.” Beomgyu’s mother said with a knowing grin, eyeing Beomgyu’s hand on the small of Taehyun’s back. He almost wanted to drop it, but he felt like Taehyun needed some kind of support if he were to trip in embarrassment.
“I see that Beomgyu was well taken care of,” his dad said with his eyebrows raised and Beomgyu kind of wanted to die a little inside. “See, Minha? I told you that you didn’t need to worry. They were just fine. I almost feel like you and Soobin fought just so that you could plan this prolonged sleepover.”
“Dad,” Beomgyu whined, “Of course I wouldn’t do that.” Taehyun was redder than his hair at this point.
“Is it true… I’m sorry, remind me your name?” His father addressed Taehyun.
“Kang Taehyun, Sir! It’s nice to meet you.” Taehyun bowed a 45° degrees bow, once again.
“That’s right. The history project partner.” His mother nodded in remembrance.
“Exactly.” Taehyun nodded, his back straight. He looked so awkward; it was almost funny.
“You should come in for dinner, Taehyun.” His mother suggested. Taehyun looked at Beomgyu in alarm and that was his cue.
“No, mom. Taehyun’s busy tonight. Besides, I have a lot to talk to with Soobin and hyung.”
His parents conceded easily, their faces suddenly way more serious.
“That’s fine, then.” She agreed, “Next time, though?”
Taehyun nodded so hard Beomgyu heard his neck crack, “Yes, madam. Of course.”
“Call us auntie and uncle,” she waved him off with a warm smile, “You’ll probably be here often, so might as well get comfortable right now.”
The two teens flushed at the implications but Taehyun still nodded then he bowed again as a greeting.
Once his parents gave him some privacy to say goodbye, he turned towards Taehyun to see the younger already looking at him.
“I’m mortified.” He whimpered, “We’ll definitely have to talk about that later. No more kissing on the porch! ” Beomgyu protested but the younger hissed at him, “No. It’s settled! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home to scream in my pillow.”
Beomgyu nodded and that made him relax a little more as he chuckled.
“Okay. Do that, Hyunnie.”
“Alright.” Taehyun sighed, “Go on then. Good luck. Text me when you’re settled!”
Beomgyu nodded and dropped a small kiss on the younger’s lips before entering immediately to avoid the younger’s protests. He chuckled, throwing one last wink before closing the door.
Seeing his home after the last event that had occurred in it felt so odd.
He walked long the corridor taking off his mask fully and dropping his coat on the coat hanger. He still had one of Taehyun’s scarfs since Haseul was scared he would catch a cold. Actually, his whole outfit was Taehyun’s. He had to give them back the next time they would see each other, although he was probably going to keep the sweater just to have something that smelled faintly of Taehyun.
He walked until he was just at the edge of the door that led to the living room where his best friend and brother were most likely waiting for him.
He breathed in and out and thought of Taehyun’s reassuring words. He wanted to believe them.
So, he entered the room slowly.
The first person to notice him was Yeonjun who’s eyes widened when they met Beomgyu’s. His brother looked a little tired, and his eyes were a little red, just like Soobin’s. when the younger noticed him, he rose from his spot next to Yeonjun to sit further from him.
“No, no. Sit. It’s— It’s fine.” Beomgyu reassured his best friend who still looked quite alarmed and shell shocked.
Beomgyu walked to the chair that was perpendicular to the couch in which the couple was sitting.
The same way that Beomgyu had held Taehyun’s waist when he was embarrassed, Yeonjun seemed to show his silent support to Soobin by holding his hand. And weirdly enough, his stomach didn’t churn at the sight.
Yeonjun started, “I’m… really glad you agreed to talk things out with me before I left. I was actually worried that we didn’t even speak before I went back to Seoul.”
Beomgyu nodded quietly before saying, “I figured that after what I said, I at least owed you an explanation. Although I was quite clear last time…”
They all winced at the memories of the harsh words. He peered at Yeonjun and Soobin’s intertwined hands shifting a little.
“Uh, I guess I just wanted to say that—”
“Can we talk first, Gyu?” Yeonjun interrupted him. “I feel like we didn’t really get to explain ourselves in all this situation.”
Beomgyu fidgeted with a little hesitancy but agreed.
“Beomgyu…” Yeonjun hummed, “Ever since we were children, I’ve always been… lost? Confused. And I know that I always looked confident, but most of it was all an act, Gyu.”
Beomgyu gulped, completely baffled.
“I felt like no matter how much praises I received, it never felt enough. I was never enough. Sure, I had people around me that enjoyed my presence, and even few people I could call friends but truthfully it all felt artificial most of the time. I know it sound like I’m whining about fake problems, but it had been a big deal in my life since I was young. I just felt inadequate.” Yeonjun confessed.
“90% of the times, the only thing that helped me believe I wasn’t an imposter was you, Gyu. You truly knew me, and you still admired me. You just always looked at me with stars in your eyes and I felt invincible whenever you told me how cool I was or how proud you were to be my brother.”
“And I’m sorry, Gyu. I knew that the comparing between you and I was much for you. It couldn’t possibly easy. But still, you had that twinkle in your eyes, so I never really believed that it fully bothered you. I should have known, though.” He sighed in defeat, and Soobin squeezed their hands tighter in support, “At no point did I ever think that you felt so… low of yourself and the simple thought of me being the reason for it… I despise myself for it, Gyu. I’m so sorry.”
Beomgyu stared at his brother in aghast.
He didn’t imagine things going this way.
He expected the older to be mad at him, not to feel bad.
“It— It’s fine, hyung.” He tried shakily and oh, he was tearing up again.
“No, it’s not. I can’t believe I made my baby brother feel like this all those years.” Yeonjun was crying now and Beomgyu wanted to hug. Fortunately, Soobin was already on it. He rounded his brother’s shoulder and kissed his forehead in reassurance.
Beomgyu blinked some tears and looked away from the quite intimate moment.
He had no idea that his brother held such a burden. he had always thought that Yeonjun was alright, great even. He sure as hell always smiled in front of him.
They both sobbed on each side of the room and Soobin looked even more alarmed, not knowing what to do.
They sobbed for a little longer until Yeonjun caught his breath. Soobin asked him if he was okay, silently and Yeonjun nodded.
“I don’t really know when I first noticed Soobin as something more than a dongsaeng, than your best friend…” He said lowly and Beomgyu’s eyes fell on the carpet, not really able to look at them while he talked about that.
“He was just there for me during certain hard moments. They always were short, but I guess it was enough for me to mean something. So, when you were napping, or when you were at school and he waiting for you, we talked and it made me feel so much better and eventually it made me feel… more.” Yeonjun explained.
Beomgyu was still unable to look at them. It was just so odd for him. To think that he had missed it when it was right under his nose.
“Beomgyu?” Soobin suddenly spoke and hearing his voice after so long made him instantly look at him.
God, he missed him, was his first thought as he looked at him.
“I just want to tell you that I never meant to hurt you. It happened without even realizing it, really. And there were so many moments in when really wanted to tell you, I swear—”
“Why didn’t tell me then? Why didn’t you just tell the truth? When did it even started?” Beomgyu asked so desperately.
Soobin gulped and exhaled without saying steadily, “It started at the beginning of the summer. And as to why we lied… We felt that you wouldn’t take it well, that we had to ease the idea into your mind before officially telling you. We were wrong, though. There weren’t any good moments and just like this, it as back to school, Junnie hyung was leaving and we hadn’t told you anything. And I regret it so much Gyu. I should have told you since the first day I started having feelings for Yeonjun. I was just scared, Gyu.”
“You’re my best friend, Soobin. You can’t just hide this kind of stuff. Not now, not ever.” Beomgyu muttered, upset. He just had to say it once, now it was out, and he could move on from the lying.
“I know, I’m sorry… I was afraid you’d feel like I was replacing you or something. Which would never happen, by the way.” Soobin pressed, “I could never be able to replace you. You’re my best friend and soulmate. No matter how I feel for Yeonjun hyung, he knows that nothing could replace what you and I have” Soobin said firmly and Yeonjun nodded pitifully next to him.
“I want to make sure that you know that no matter what relationship I have with hyung, you have your say in all of it. I know I said that the world didn’t resolve around you, but you still are what brought us together and one of the most important people in both of our lives, so... I mean, we wouldn’t want to break up for that, obviously but you’re still one of our priority, Gyu. And we should respect your opinion.”
Beomgyu took in everything that was said to him.
He really hadn’t expected to feel this… lighter after talking to them; he thought he would lose them both.
Now the ball was in his course. They were open to his opinion, something that he now realized no one never did.
“I’m fine with you two being together.”
The shock on both of their faces was almost comical.
He wiped his tears. He was done crying now. He had to man up and deal with it, like Taehyun had said.
“It will need some get used to, but I realized that I couldn’t let my life resolve around you. Because it’s just putting a pressure on myself and on you two. Hyung,” Yeonjun’s eyebrows rose, when he addressed to him, “You’ve clearly been so burdened by this image of perfection and I apologize for never realizing that it must be as hard for me to be your shadow that it must have been for you to be the sun.”
Yeonjun whined, “Please stop referring yourself as my shadow, Gyu. You’re more than that.” And Beomgyu actually chuckled making the couple look even more shocked.
He was going to be okay. He could fix this. He believed in himself enough for that.
“I know I’m more than that, hyung. Someone helped me realizing it…” he smiled fondly in memory before taking a big breath, “It’ll be hard to stop thinking lowly of myself when people constantly do so, but I want you to know that it’s not your fault hyung. You’re amazing and deserve the praises. I hope that Soobin helps you deal with all of it.”
“I will, don’t worry.” Soobin nodded hastily, eyes still round.
“And regarding you, Soobinie. Regarding us… I accept your apology. I understand that I’m not the easiest person to tell hard things to. It must have been hard for you to keep everything in and I’m sure that it wasn’t easy not to be able to tell me about all of this between us two.” Beomgyu smiled softly.
“Gyu…” Soobin started tearing up from how touched he was by the words. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m just happy that you’re so understanding,” Beomgyu grinned even harder.
“Of course, I am Binnie. You and hyung are also my favorite people in the whole wide world.” Along with someone else, most likely but maybe hit was too soon to say, ‘I want you to be happy.” He put it simply.
It was enough for the two to share a look before walking across the room to tackle him in a huge hug, cutting his breath momentarily from the impact.
They were both crying in his shoulder, but it was the best feelings.
He slowly got up, but they wouldn’t get off of him. At least he was in a good position to hug them back fully.
God, he had missed this.
“We missed you so much,” Soobin cried out, “You not talking to me sucked so much. Let’s not fight anymore, please.” Beomgyu nodded and tried to hold back more tears trying to escape.
“You became so wise and considerate,” Yeonjun cried in his shoulder and Beomgyu laughed fondly, “I can’t believe how proud I am of you. You’re so grown and mature.”
“Thanks, hyung,” he smiled fully, “I think that talking things out with Taehyun helped me a lot.” He admitted a little shyly.
Soobin nodded, sniffling a little before a small smile drawn, although his eyes were still tearing up.
“Right. You stayed with Taehyun. I’m happy you had him to help you through this.” Soobin said sincerely and Yeonjun finally pulled away. His face was all snotty and tearful, it was too much of a funny sight not to laugh. Beomgyu wheezed out and started cackling at the sight, soon Soobin joined, although he didn’t look any better. Yeonjun looked confused but as soon as Soobin pulled out his phone to show his reflection he laughed along at how messy he looked.
Laughing had never felt so good.
✜ ✜ ✜
After that, everything was away better. They had shared all together fried chicken and pizza and played Mario Kart. After some playful banter and heart lighted trash talk, they realized that it was already midnight and that Soobin had some missed calls from his mother so they had decided to do that again the day after. Yeonjun walked Soobin much to both their delights. Before leaving Soobin had given him the tightest hug, to express how happy he was that they had made up and how grateful he felt that they had each other. Beomgyu hugged him back even tighter if that was possible.
It was now nearly 1AM, and he was probably going to regret not going to bed early but he could barely sleep, anyways.
He pulled out his phone and texted Taehyun.
To: Hyunnie 🌟
We made up!
From: Hyunnie 🌟
That’s a relief wow
I told you that things would be fixed!
I’m happy everything is fine for you, Gyu
To: Hyunnie 🌟
I want to say thank you but I feel like simple words don’t express how grateful I am for you
From: Hyunnie 🌟
I’ll accept my payment in check or cash
Please and thank you
Beomgyu chuckled at the message fondly. He was whipped.
To: Hyunnie 🌟
I can only pay you back in kisses and cuddles
And a dinner at my home (my mother was dead serious apparently)
From: Hyunnie 🌟
Hummmm
I’ll have to think about it
Can the first part of the agreement be done under twenty-four hours?
To: Hyunnie 🌟
Why, my my
I just checked and
Yes. Yes it can
From: Hyunnie 🌟
Interesting…
I’ll think about it and get back to you.
To: Hyunnie 🌟
Lmaooo
Alright then
(Thank you so much Hyunnie. I mean it 💓 )
From: Hyunnie 🌟
(Anytime, starlight 💓)
Good night!
(That night, in weeks, both Taehyun and Beomgyu fell asleep knowing that even if they were alone at the moment, they would never truly be lonely.)
To: Hyunnie 🌟
Good night moonlight 💓