Chapter Text
Adrien's POV
It had been a month and half since he had first felt the “Miraculous side effects” or Animal Instincts has Plagg called them, and Adrien wish he could said it had been easy. In a way it wasn’t too hard, initially he was convinced things were going to be a lot harder. He feared developing an anger problem, snapping at random times or worse a sudden need to isolate himself from everything and everyone. That thankfully hadn’t happen, but things weren’t easy.
The Animal Instincts kept showing up at the most random times. Adrien had to stop from snapping at makeup artists for grabbing his face, having to control the occasional spikes of rage when dealing with mundane things, the need to scream at Lila when she started to lie about something, the need to stop from pushing her or Chloe away when they suddenly touch him. He was struggling less and less with each episode, but it didn’t mean he was currently comfortable where he was.
These feelings felt evasive and annoying. They frustrated him to no end, which in turn seem to occasionally aggravate them. Plagg had warned him it would take time, most likely a few weeks or months, but Adrien had thought by now he would have it under control. Yet, control came slowly and painfully, just because he didn’t snap at people didn’t mean people didn’t notice his odd reactions at times. Adrien had given some weird and embarrassing excuses when his friends asked him what was wrong.
After the first month he had once again sought out Plagg’s knowledge. This time he had asked more in depth about…well everything. Plagg was useful for the most part, an ungodly amount of cheese puns and random references had been used, but Adrien understood things a little bit better. Plagg had told him some of his users had it worse when it comes to the emotional side. That being said it wasn’t the norm, the other users from different miraculous also struggled. The adjustment period seem to depend more on the type of person they are.
Adrien was a calm person, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get angry or frustrated. Plagg had told him he had absolute faith that Adrien would eventually get control. An emotion appeared and he would instinctually know if it was him or a side effect, making its dismissal a lot easier, until he would no longer notice them. Adrien just wished his instincts would hurry up and get with the program.
Still it wasn’t all bad news. When the physical side of things appeared Adrien had quickly realize it was a lot easier to control than his normal emotions. It had been one of his biggest fears, with all the sports he did it would have been easy to slip up. Yet, since the changes came gradually he trains his body to adjust.
His room had a boxing bag, which he used to train his strength. He had bought a sensor device to install inside the bag and got the app installed into his personal phone. The sensor device inside would indicate how hard he hit and how much damage he could cause. Every day he would spend half an hour with it, making sure not to hit to hard.
When his speed started to cause problems, he had asked Nathalie if he could have a treadmill in his room. It was there the next day. He started to figure out a way to slow down his body while processing his environment at a higher speed.
He couldn't do much for his endurance and stamina increasing into superhuman territories, but he could fake being tired. Since fencing requires him to use a full body suit it wasn’t very noticeable when he was tired. Every other sport he would dunk a water bottle over his head half way in to mimic sweat.
Plagg had warn him the physical changes took a lot more time to fully mature because they came gradually. Still, Adrien felt confident in his ability to keep up a good balance.
It had been a convoluted few weeks, with a lot of work, confusion and frustration. He also felt alone. The side effects had hit him first, meaning he had to wait for Ladybug to experience them before having someone to vent to. Plagg was great and a source of knowledge but Adrien needs to talk with someone who would get it on a personal level. He had to wait for his partner in crime fighting.
It didn’t help that Ladybug had taken more than a month to develop this new feelings. From the first conversation with Plagg, Adrien had convinced himself that it would be a matter of days before Ladybug was also experiencing it. When that didn’t happen Adrien had started to feel alone. It wasn’t her fault, this happen to everybody at different times, but the longer he had to deal with this emotions alone the more frustrated he become.
He also felt guilty for keeping this from her. On an intellectual level he knew it was better to wait for the Animal Instincts to appear and then explain. Although Adrien was a little mystified by Plagg never saying a word, he also understood perfectly why the Kwami had done so.
He didn’t know if Ladybug would feel the same way. She usually preferred to have all the available knowledge in advance to make a more efficient battle plan, but she was also a reasonable person. The benefits of waiting out and explain instead of stressing out the users is a good idea. Since Ladybug does a have a tendency to try to carry the burden of…everything and stressing a lot, Adrien thinks it was the best decision.
It just didn’t make it any easier to keep seeing her and keep his mouth shut. Adrien guesses it was one of the reasons he got so devoted to manage the physical part. It was something he could control a lot better than the emotional side, and it was something he could give helpful advices when the time came.
When Plagg finally told him Ladybug had started to experience the same emotions he felt relieve and ashamed. Relieve he could finally vent about it, and ashamed he was glad his partner was finally experiencing something truly hard to handled.
He had wanted to meet up immediately, but things weren’t always that easy. Sadly, it took almost a full week before they had the time to talk this out. A bizarre amount of akumas, schoolwork, model work and Ladybug also being extremely busy in her personal life, left both of them with no time to meet up and discuss this new development.
Tonight was the first time in forever where they would be able to meet up and talk. Adrien was so relief by it he ended up arriving 20 minutes early. He had lay down on top of Eiffel tower just watching the night sky. It was a cloudy night, he couldn’t see the stars and without his suit he would have frozen up here, but he still felt an inner peace watching the sky. Having rain earlier, the floor was wet, but there was a smell coming from the gardens bellow of wet grass that left him content.
Ladybug arrives a ten minutes before they were supposed to meet. Adrien feels a soft smile appear on his face. He wasn’t the only one looking forward to this meeting.
“Good evening my Lady.”
“Hello Chat.” She gives him an amused smile and lays down next to him.
He turns his face to her, while Ladybug watches the cloudy sky with a peaceful expression. Adrien knows they don’t have a lot of time and they should start talking right away, but he can’t bring himself to say anything. The silence feels oddly right after this chaotic week.
Ladybug takes a deep breath and looks at him. “So…animal instincts.”
“Yup. When Plagg told me what was happening. I was like ‘Fur real’?”
She doesn’t react to the pun, instead she frowns. “Tikki told me they started earlier for you. How has it been?”
“It has been okay. The emotional stuff in harder than the physical…I don’t like snapping at people.” Ladybug squeezes his hand but remains silence. “Plagg keeps telling I’m doing great, that I already have great control, but I still want to snap at stupid things…I just feel so frustrated with myself…it’s just isn't me…” he trails of when he feels himself getting angry. It’s not the animal instincts acting up. Just his emotions and frustration at the situation appearing.
Ladybug breaths in. “I haven’t had enough of…emotional episodes to tell you what to do, but I have been meditating for prevention. I have a technique for when I get angry…I could show you. I can’t make any promises that would help…I…”
This time it’s Adrien who squeezes her hand. “I would love to know them, even if they don’t help with the…err situation, knowing calming techniques it’s always fur-midable.” Ladybug rolls her eyes, but a small smile comes back to her face. Adrien considers it a win. “Although the progress is slow I have notice improvements over my…outburst? I think it might be the best word…small things, like understanding what it is faster and dismissing it faster…things like that. It just frustrated how slow the process is.”
“We’ll get through this, especially when we have another person who can help.”
“Dealing with this owl (all) by myself hasn’t been a picnic in the park either.” He notices Ladybug opening her mouth and cuts her off. “Don’t apologize for something you can’t control.”
A voice in the back of his mind that sounds just like Plagg snorts and calls him a hypocrite.
Ladybug smiles at him. “Magic is freaky. The emotional stuff has been strange, but the physical part has been a nightmare.”
“Oh?” That’s unexpected. Adrien assumed she would deal with it better than the emotional stuff, just like he was.
She suddenly becomes suspiciously interested in the night sky. “I might have been having trouble with my own strength…” He gives her a look. “There might be a hole or two in my house caused by me tripping and falling…”
He burst out laughing. The mental image of Ladybug punching a hole into a wall because she tripped it’s hilarious. Adrien had a few issues with his physical strength, but there are no holes on walls. Also, the way Ladybug is saying this he had a sneaky suspicion it might be more than at her house. The thought of Ladybug civilian identity having to justify sudden feats of incredible strength is incredible.
She covers her face with her hands. “Don’t laugh. I was already a bit clumsy before this…now my strength and speed are going insane. It’s like I forgot how to walk, but instead of falling I cause disaster everywhere I go. Yesterday, I was running up a flight of stairs at my school and I jump a little bit too high, missed the next step and put a small dent on the step. Thankfully no one notice, but now there’s a small dent in the middle of the stairs and I can’t say anything because how can I explain it?”
He struggles to stop laughing - her story doesn’t help at all - but Adrien eventually catches his breath. “Y-y-you dropped a bowling ball on it?”
She stares at him with an are-you-serious-right-now expression. “Why would I bring a bowling ball to school?”
He shrugs. “Stranger things have happen.”
She sighs. “Well…how are you dealing with the physical part?”
“I do a lot of sports…I think that has been helping…The other day I got a sensor to put in a boxing bag that tells me how hard I’m hitting…I’ve been running in a treadmill and trying to run slower than I can…Just a lot of activities…”
“I don’t think I have time or money to join a gym.” Right most people don’t have those things inside their house, much less their rooms. “Still, I can improvise something…it would make sense to do physical activities where we could monitor our progress…”
“Plagg said I was doing really well with that part…I think it being a gradual process, instead of randomly showing up helps a lot. Did Tikki say how long it last…the physical improvements? Plagg wasn’t helpful…he just said it can take months or years …and it just stops one day.”
Ladybug looks at the sky. “Tikki says it can depend on a number of factors, how long we have the miraculous, how much magic we use, how old we were when we stared, if we were kids or adults…a lot of things. The best estimate she told me was a couple years due to our particular situation with Hawk Moth.”
“If we stop using the miraculous full time does this stop?
“No. She told me this was a permanent process…”Ladybug goes quiet, but unlike the early silence of the meeting, this one feels heavy.
Adrien can guess why. While he has always seen the miraculous as mostly a blessing, it doesn’t mean he isn’t aware of the responsibility he holds. Ladybug has always been more...burden by the responsibility than him. It isn’t because he’s irresponsible or anything like that. It’s just their personalities. She is a worrier, and he is more relaxed. It’s a good balance. She makes sure he doesn’t get lost in the sky and he makes sure she doesn’t drown in what-ifs.
This situation is different. They were both blindsided by this. He has been trying to stay positive about it, but it’s hard. For the first time in his entire superhero run he has been confronted by an outcome he wasn’t expecting and yet it was inevitable. In an odd way it felt disturbing similar to betrayal. Yet, he couldn’t say from whom.
Plagg? No the kwami was right if he had told Adrien about this he would have freaked out more than necessary. It would have made him paranoid and more stress. Master Fu? What could the man say? From what Plagg told him it also showed up as a surprise for him too. The man had to figure it out like he and Ladybug were currently doing. Telling them before it happen would have the same result as Plagg.
It didn’t make the feeling go away or any easier to deal. It was cruel, but it wasn’t all bad. Adrien would have superhuman senses and reflexes after this was all done, but the dealing with the emotional cost seemed like an unfair trade off.
Ladybug squeezes his hand again and he looks back at her. A soft understanding expression on her beautiful face reminds him why he fell in love with her.
She clears her throat. “I always knew this…the miraculous would come with a cost. Free time, missed opportunities, having to lie to my friends and family…those things. It was a cost I was willing to pay…this was not something I planned or even saw coming…but I have to accept. Just like I accepted everything else but it doesn’t mean…”
“…we have to like it.” He finishes it for her. “It sucks. I wouldn’t pretend I’m happy this happen because I’m not. I also don’t believe I can’t get over this. It’s hard, but it’s not impossible. Being blindsided hurts more than the actual ‘animal instincts’ thing, but I can deal with it and with time accept it has a learning curve. Plus, having you by my side makes it easier.”
He wasn’t lying, the biggest reason he wanted her to get to this point was so they could go through this together. They have always been the best team, and they would triumph over this. Plagg had said some users lost themselves to this instincts, but Adrien was sure he wouldn’t neither would Ladybug.
He could see in her eyes she felt the same thing. So, while smiling at each other they both turn to watch the night sky in a peaceful silence.