Chapter Text
Dear Moon-se,
Thank you for pushing me to explore the outside world. I went to a party and...let’s just say it was one of the best evenings ever. I spoke to someone for the first time and it felt really, really nice.
To show my appreciation to what you made me do, I’ll tell you the story of my first love. It’s rather fitting, if you ask me.
I used to think my first love would be an epic, grand realisation. That it would happen on a rainy day where a boy shares his umbrella with me and I fall in love at first sight. Or it would be in a bookstore where I am trying to reach for a book, but then someone reaches up to take the book for me instead. Those cliches, you know? I used to dream of falling in love that way, where the world just fades away and I hear nothing but the sound of our hearts beating in tandem. But nothing like that happened to me. I didn’t even realise he was my first love until recently.
There was no slowmo, no music playing in the background. We didn’t even stare into each other’s eyes for seconds longer than necessary. In fact, I didn’t even learn his name until much, much later.
It’s a funny thing. First love. How it just creeps onto you at the least expected timing, how you suddenly develop feelings for someone in just a blink of an eye.
Anyway, I don’t think I’ll ever stand a chance with him. He’s sort of out of my league - popular, friends with many people. We spoke before, but that’s just it, you know? I don’t really know what to do. I guess I’m just content with watching him from afar. First loves are not usually attainable, anyway. I’m happy with just being his friend.
What about you? Do you have a first love, too? What are they like?
Your friend,
Elizabeth
11 December 1999
Dear Elizabeth,
I’m really glad to hear that! I’m glad to hear that you had fun at the party.
Thank you for trusting me with the story of your first love. It sounds lovely, and even if your experience may not be like those depicted in the movies, I think that’s what makes it special. Because it’s so real, so sincere and so pure.
Of course I have a first love, too. My first love is cute and neat! She’s really smart and hardworking too, and she has the most contagious laughter. You may be judging me when you read this, but I fell in love at first sight. I knew I loved her from the first moment I met her. Funnily, I didn’t even speak to her the first time we met. I was too nervous to say anything!
But I stole glances. To look at her every chance I got. And...she’s really pretty.
I know you’re probably swooning as you read that, but I’m afraid I’d have to burst your bubble of happiness because nothing happened between us. I see her on a regular basis because we share classes with each other, but I couldn’t muster enough courage to talk to her. I mean, I recently had a conversation with her, a proper one, and...I wish I could tell her how much she made my heart race, how happy I was that evening.
I don’t know why I’m being such a coward. What do you think I should do?
Your friend, Moon-se.
13 December 1999
Dear Moon-se,
Oh my god!!! Oh my goooood!!!!!
You can’t tell me all of that and then end it like that! What do you mean you don’t have the courage to speak to her? You two are in the same classes but you’ve never properly spoken to her until recently? What?!
Moonse-ya! Lee Moonse! Get a grip of yourself! Do not let your first love slip past your fingers like that without even trying! Talk to her more, tell her how you feel! Gosh, what am I going to do with you? You shouldn’t give up even before you try!!!
Yours truly,
Elizabeth
15 December 1999
Dear Elizabeth,
Umm...for someone who just gave up on her first love and said that it is unattainable, you sure seem really excited for mine to succeed. Going by that logic, wouldn’t you also stand a chance as well? What’s stopping you, anyway? Why do you say the guy is out of your league? You’ve spoken to him before, right?
From my conversations with you thus far, even if it’s through letters — I think you’re pretty cool, Elizabeth-sshi. I doubt the guy is out of your league, it’s probably just your own conclusion. You asked me to talk to my first love more, right? Well...you should talk to yours again, too.
Let us both be happy this Christmas. What do you say?
I dare you to talk to your first love.
Your friend, Moon-se
16 December 1999
“Hi,”
Ikjun looks up from his textbook, a little bit surprised at the sudden voice greeting him. His gaze meets with that of Songhwa, who had quietly taken the empty seat opposite him in the library. She smiles at him, but says nothing else. Instead, she slowly takes out her own textbook and notebook, uncapping her pen.
“Hey,” Ikjun replies with a smile. “What are you—”
Songhwa gestures at her book with a smile, then presses a finger to her lips. Just like that, silence befalls them, one that is comfortable as Ikjun watches how she starts to study, jolting down notes diligently.
He smiles to himself, and resumes his own revision too. There is a test coming up at the end of the week, and he knows that is probably what Songhwa is studying for.
Occasionally though, Ikjun finds himself lifting his head to steal glances at her. While she never did meet his gaze, Ikjun is content with the sight in front of him; hair tied into a ponytail, the crease of concentration on her forehead as she highlights her notes with her colorful highlighters sprawled all over the desk; the way she would sometimes nibble her pen when in deep thoughts, as if trying to figure out the answer to something; the way sunlight streams into the library and seems to emit a sort of glow around Songhwa that leaves him almost breathless.
Songhwa looks up just then.
Ikjun’s heart catches in his throat.
Their eyes meet.
And she gives him another smile, her eyes turning into crescents as a blush streaks across her cheeks.
His heart skips a beat.
After their studying session, Songhwa invites Ikjun out for lunch together, much to his surprise. He barely even nods, as she is already pulling him up from their shared table, half dragging him out of the library.
She seems happier than usual, is what Ikjun silently observes. Their footsteps come to a gradual halt just outside the entrance though, upon realising that it is pouring.
Her face falls, and Ikjun is overwhelmed by a sense of wanting to put a smile back onto her face. He quickly shakes his head at that thought, and reaches into his bag for his pocket umbrella that could barely fit two people.
“Here,” He hands it to her gingerly, and Songhwa’s eyes widen in astonishment. “You can have it.”
“What about you?” She asks sharply, to which he flashes her a grin.
“I have my jacket.” He says, already removing his jacket when his hand stills the second Songhwa places one hand on his forearm.
“We can share.” She tells him firmly.
Ikjun wants to tell her that the umbrella is too small for two people, but finds his words caught in his throat. Instead, he nods, and Songhwa promptly opens the umbrella.
He takes the umbrella from her hand gently; since he is taller. As they start their steps down the staircase, Ikjun finds himself subconsciously tilting the umbrella to her side, so that she is fully protected from the rain.
Songhwa realises this halfway through the campus, her eyes catching the sight of his wet shoulder by chance. His gesture causes her heart to quicken in pace once again, and she is reminded by Moonse’s letter to her.
I dare you to talk to your first love.
She wonders what Moonse would think, if she is to tell him what she is about to do next.
Songhwa huddles closer into Ikjun’s side in an attempt to squeeze both of them under the umbrella. He looks startled at the sudden brush of contact, and Songhwa states rather firmly, “your shoulder is getting wet.”
“Oh,” Ikjun says, heat on his cheeks at how close their proximity is suddenly.
And then, Songhwa curls her hand at the handle of the umbrella as well, her fingers lightly brushing his.
Dear Moon-se,
I did your dare.
I did your dare, and more.
I studied with him in the library, shared an umbrella with him under the rain, and we ate lunch together, too. It was truly the happiest day of my life. You were right, I shouldn’t have given up so early too.
I hope you haven’t, as well.
Yours truly,
Elizabeth
19 December 1999
Dear Elizabeth,
I’m really happy to hear that! I’m glad you took up the challenge and spent time with your first love.
I didn’t give up. I’ve never given up, to be honest. I just didn’t know how to talk to her.
But now, I think I do. And I’m going to do something about it. I’m going to confess to her.
You asked me to watch some Christmas movies, didn’t you? I’ve seen two, and one of them reminded me very much of our current situation with each other. Do you know who recommended these movies to me? My first love did.
I want to tell you about those two movies. And I want to tell you more about what I did with her recently.
Can we meet? And...I mean in real person.
Yours truly,
Moon-se
20 December 1999
The second Songhwa reads the last sentence Moon-se had written to her, her jaw drops open slightly. Her first reaction is to be stunned, because she has no idea how to react to him asking to meet her. Of course, she wants to meet him. She’d been wanting to since November.
There are still insecurities within her, and she fears that Moon-se may be disappointed when he finds out who she is.
But then she remembers all of their letters, all of his letters to her. Moon-se isn’t the type of person to be judgemental, she thinks to herself. And if Moon-se doesn’t like her that much as a friend, he wouldn’t have suggested even meeting her.
So she takes a deep breath, and begins to write.
Dear Moon-se ,
Geurae. Let’s meet on Christmas Eve, then.
Yours truly,
Elizabeth
22 December 1999
Dear Elizabeth,
I’ll meet you outside the cafe during our second exchange of letters at 10AM on Christmas Eve. The one with the blue door. I’ll be wearing stripes, so you’ll know it’s me.
If you decide to meet me, and you’re...okay with who I am, let’s take a trip down memory lane. Let’s go to all the places we’ve mentioned in our letters. Let’s spend Christmas Eve together.
Yours truly,
Moon-se
23 December 1999
On Christmas Eve, Songhwa wakes up with the biggest smile on her face.
She is meeting Moon-se today. Moon-se, her Mystery Friend she’d written to since November, with almost two months worth of memories spanning across the dozens of letters they’d exchanged with each other. She is excited, to say the least, and reaches for her favourite purple sweater and light blue denim jeans.
At 9.30, she starts for the cafe, her steps light and bouncing with anticipation.
At 9.45, she reaches the gates of her university.
At 9.50, she sees the little cafe from afar, instantly putting on a smile on her face.
And then she sees him, a boy in red and dark stripes, standing outside the cafe.
At 9.52, she comes to an abrupt halt, eyes widening, jaw slacking in shock.
Because the boy outside of the cafe, the boy who has written all those letters to her, Lee Moon-se, her Mystery Friend —
— is Lee Ikjun.
Ikjun tries to calm his pounding heart as he starts to dig his heel into the small cloud of snow beneath his feet.
He is nervous beyond belief.
Today, he is going to meet her , his penpal since November.
He seems to sense her presence even though she is a few feet away from him. He turns his head sideways, and just like that, their eyes meet.
Ikjun could tell at once the shock marred on her expression.
His heart starts to race. He holds his breath, and waits for her next move.
The truth is, Ikjun knew from the very beginning that the person who had written the letters is Songhwa.
He’d seen her by chance outside the library from afar, seen the way she looked left and right in an almost suspicious manner before tossing a pink envelope into the pigeon hole. And then, Songhwa disappeared into the library.
Ikjun had stopped at the same spot she was just standing, her scent still lingering in the air.
He’d reached into the pigeon hole and pulled out the envelope. And the rest...the rest was history.
Now, as Ikjun stares in anticipation at what Songhwa would do next; if she would walk towards him or walk away, he could only pray that she would listen to his explanation. He knows he owes her one.
Songhwa takes a step forward slowly, and then another, and another. Soon, she reaches him, and she blinks in considerable confusion.
“I...I don’t understand.” She tells him.
Ikjun starts, slowly. “The two Christmas movies recommended by my first love are While You Were Sleeping, and You’ve Got Mail. I’ve seen both recently.”
Songhwa blinks. Realisation slowly sinks in, the depth of his words rests upon her shoulder.
I am his first love?
“Songhwa-sshi,” He whispers. “I am Moon-se, the person you’ve been writing to since November.”
To say that she is shocked is an understatement. It feels almost like a dream, something she couldn’t quite grasp. As his words sink even deeper into her heart, her gaze starts to falter.
Ikjun takes another deep breath before continuing, “In November, I saw you outside the library. I saw you putting that letter into the pigeon hole.”
Her heart is hammering against her chest - so loud, so fast she could hardly breathe.
“All along, I knew it was you.” He finally admits. “I’m sorry I pretended like I didn’t, because I thought if you knew it was me, you wouldn’t want to write back. I just...I wanted to get to know you better, but I didn’t know how.”
Songhwa finds her voice eventually, though it comes off as a whisper. “You knew I was the one who wrote you the letters.”
He nods. “Yes.”
So many thoughts are tangled in her head now, but Songhwa focuses on one in particular. “And you’re not...put off by that?”
“Why would I be put off by that?”
“Why wouldn’t you? I’m...me, and you’re...you.” She says softly. “You’re Lee Ikjun ,”
He shakes his head to refute her statement. “I told you, didn’t I? That you are never plain or boring to me. That you are interesting.”
“Why…”
“And it is because you’re interesting that I find myself liking you more and more, Chae Songhwa.” Ikjun states firmly. “You should know by now that you...you are my first love.”
Songhwa does, but hearing him say it out loud, to hear the words ringing in the cold December air, it feels different. It feels different in the best way possible.
“During our interview, I gave you a scrunchie…”
Her eyes widen.
“Do you remember what I wrote to you about my first love? That it was love at first sight?”
Immediately, the words from his letter start to invade her mind one by one, forming a paragraph she’d read over and over again until she’d memorised those words. Songhwa remembered thinking to herself that whoever it was that managed to capture Moon-se’s heart at first glance, must be someone who was really, really remarkable.
That someone had been her, all along.
“I was a coward.” Ikjun continues. “For so long, I never gathered enough courage to speak to you. I saw how you became friends with Ahn Jeongwon and Yang Seokhyung, and I was envious. I may be a social butterfly and I may have a lot of friends, but somehow...somehow in front of the girl I like very much, I cannot seem to do the same. That evening at the party? I wasn’t expecting you to show up. But then you did and I thought to myself that maybe this is another nudge from the universe.”
Hearing all of his thoughts, to Songhwa, is something she would never have imagined to be privy to. Not when the subject of the conversation is her, not when it turns out that her unrequited crush-slash-first-love?
It isn’t unrequited, after all.
“You seem to think that you aren’t attractive enough, or cool enough.” He shakes his head. “But I don’t agree with you. I think you are pretty enough, that you are cool enough. I...really, really like you, Songhwa-sshi.”
Ikjun pauses. “The reason why I wanted to meet you is to tell you that in person. I couldn’t believe it when I read your recent letter to me. When I realised that...there is a possibility I may be your first love, too.”
She holds his gaze, still a little too stunned to speak.
“Am I right?” He asks in a hopeful whisper, almost afraid to hear her answer. “Am I your first love?”
Songhwa swallows the lump in her throat, braves herself to finally speak.
“Yes.” She replies, and sees the way relief and happiness flash across his expression in an instant. “Yes, you are.”
She holds his gaze just as Ikjun takes a step forward, reaching a hand out to gently cup her face.
Songhwa expels a soft sigh, leaning into his touch in reflex. She could hear her heart pounding in her head, of anticipation and maybe even in disbelief — because this cannot possibly be real , right? It cannot be that the boy she has spent months crushing on from afar, the boy she recently realised is her first love…he likes her back, too.
“I’m really sorry for keeping my identity a secret from you for so long.” He whispers.
Somewhat dazed that this is really happening, Songhwa manages to shake her head once. “It’s okay. I…”
There’s a pause as all words are lost in her head. So instead, Songhwa settles with a smile in the end. A smile that tells him that it is alright, that she forgives him.
He inhales, then exhales. And then Ikjun asks bravely;
“Is it okay if I kiss you?”
She almost forgets how to breathe then, her eyes gazing into his in search for any signs of him possibly making up this entire scenario, that this is somehow a hidden camera prank Jeongwon and Seokhyung had played on her.
But of course there aren’t any. Because there is only sincerity and longing in Ikjun’s eyes.
Songhwa nods, tilting her head up just as she feels the soft press of his lips on hers. Her eyes flutter shut slowly as she responds shyly to his kiss.
And that is when she realises, from the way he is kissing her gently, carefully, the feel of his hand pressed against the small of her back as he pulls her closer, the way his palm burns against her cheeks as warmth unfurls within her stomach -- that is when she realises that all of this?
It is as real as it can be.
(fin)