Chapter Text
Life was slowly, but steadily going back to normal, four months after Aman came back home from the hospital.
Aman’s speech was comparatively clearer now. His therapy was going well and he could now talk much easily than before. Also his legs were healing fast. His left hand had healed, though it was weak and Aman could now walk with two crutches under his two arms. The collar in his neck was removed, and he could slowly move his neck. The small and big injuries that he had all throughout his body, especially his eye which had closed and the cuts over his cheeks, had healed, but still needed care.
And Karthik left no stone unturned to take care of Aman. From waking up early in the morning, making breakfast, helping Aman to freshen up, cooking lunch and then leaving for his office, Karthik did everything on his own. He would complete a day’s work at the office in the first half and then come back home before lunch. If he could not complete, he would bring his files and laptop home, take care of Aman and work simultaneously.
Aman, who now had no work, just sat on the bed or on the couch and observed his strong boyfriend do everything for him. Karthik was never a person who wanted or could work. He got tired at the slightest things. But now, he surprised Aman by doing all the jobs alone.
Aman once approached the kitchen to help Karthik in his cooking, a few days after he could walk on his own with crutches.
“Karthik?”
Aman called him out as he entered.
“Haan bol? You need anything?”
Karthik asked, and then, all of a sudden, his face got laden with fear and tension.
“Aman, tujhe yahan aane ki kya zaroorat thi? Mujhe bulata, main aa jaata na.”
Karthik asked Aman worriedly and helped him sit down on a chair beside the fridge.
“Nahi....Mujhe help kar...ni hain .... teri!”
Aman said, his speech being much clear now.
“Help? Koi yahan kuch nahin karega! Tu toh bilkul bhi nahin!”
Karthik said, as if dictating a rule!
“Kyun? Mujh....me kya kha....rapi hain?”
Aman asked.
Karthik turned back towards him and cocked one of his eyebrows, as if Aman had asked something so stupid.
“Ever seen anyone call gold defective?”
Karthik asked him in return.
“Nahi....par kyun?”
Aman asked at the unexpected question as he was expecting an answer.
“Tune aisa hi sawal puchha mujhse. You have your answer. Tujh mein kabhi koi kharapi ho sakti hain kya?”
Karthik said, rubbing a bit atta on Aman’s nose. Aman smiled, but there was a doubt in his smile.
“Kya baat hain Aman? Kuch galat kaha kya maine? You are gold, and can have nothing wrong or defective!”
Karthik said while still beating the dough to make rotis.
Aman put his head down.
“Def.....ects hain na mujh ... mein Karthik. Na thee....k se chal sak....ta hoon, na bol sak....ta hoon....tere koi kaa..m ka nahi raha main....”
“Aman!”
Karthik turned towards him and kneeled down on the ground in front of him. He took Aman’s hands in his own hands.
“Kya bol rahe ho yeh sab? Kaam ka nahin se kya matlab hain tera? Did I love you for I needed to use you? Tujhe aisa lagta hain?”
“Nahi Karthik, mera woh mat...lab nahi tha!”
“Phir kya matlab tha Aman? Why would you think something like that? Maine tumse is liye pyaar nahin kiya ki tum mere kaam ke ho. I loved you because.....I had no cause! There was no option that I couldn’t love you. Tum kaise dikhte ho, kaise bolte ho, kaise chalte ho, isse mujhe koi matlab nahin. Mujhe matlab hain toh bass isse...”
Karthik said poking his finger on Aman’s chest.
“Aman Tripathi ke dil se. Jis dil ke dhadkan ne mujhe bulaya tha, jis dil ne mujhe zinda rehna sikhaya, jis dil ne mere jaise beghar ko ghar diya, pyaar diya, bass usi dil se pyaar hain. Kyun aisa kaha tumne Aman? Did I ever treat you like that? I’m sorry if I did, I never meant to....”
“Karthik! Bass kar yaar, kitna bol...ta hain tu?”
Aman said releasing his hands from Karthik’s grip and held Karthik’s cheeks with his palms.
“Tune ka...bhi mujhe aisa feel nahi kar...waya. Maine aisa kaha, kyun...ki I can’t bel....ieve what I did to g....et you in my life...”
Aman said, brushing his hand through Karthik’s hairs.
“Mujhe bass, itna keh...na hain, Karthik, ki maine tumhe jitnaaa tak....leef diya, koi aur hota toh yeh sab tum... he nahin seh...na padta....”
Aman said, with tears in his eyes.
“Nahin baby, aisa nahin hain.....”
And almost immediately after referring to Aman as ‘baby', Karthik realised he had done a big mistake. For Aman immediately looked up into his eyes and started to tremble in fear and sweated extremely.
“Nahin, Aman.... Aman I’m sorry!”
Karthik told. He triggered Aman’s trauma with his own uncontrollable emotions.
“Karthik.....Jag.... Jag....Jagan.....Jagan abhi bhi hain na humare pichhe? Abh....abhi bhi dhoo....ndhta hain na mujhe?????”
Aman started to shiver again.
“Nahin Aman, aisa kuch nahin hain. Jagan jail mein hain abhi bhi! Kuch nahin hua, kuch bhi nahin hua hain, dekho, hum apne ghar mein hain. Sirf main aur tum, aur koi nahin hain yahan! Shant ho ja!”
Karthik spoke as Aman hugged him tight and shivered. His body had turned cold due to fear.
It had been four months since the incident and Aman still wasn’t out of the trauma. He still couldn’t tolerate the word ‘baby’ even from Karthik. Jagan had used that word several times and had beaten him up brutally after that. It’s therefore an immense fear for Aman whenever he heard that word. He would be all okay and speak quite normally, much like before, but any act of violence or him recalling memories or Karthik calling him ‘baby’ by mistake would trigger him, and Aman would begin to shiver badly.
Thirty minutes of Aman hugging Karthik tightly, made Karthik realise how dense the trauma might be, so as to create such deep impact on Aman. He knew this pain, when his father would beat him up in his childhood. He only hugged his pillow and cried silently at night, unable to tolerate the physical and mental pain. But for Aman, it was more difficult as it didn’t only include the pain he had in his body and mind, but also the pain of being separated from him. Karthik knew, Aman loved him too dearly and could not tolerate the slightest separation from him. He was a man of few words, but Karthik perceived Aman’s every feeling right from his heart.
“Woh.....sorry!”
Aman said, after he broke the hug.
“Sorry kis baat ke liye? What did you do to be sorry? Did you steal food from the kitchen without asking me, or did you forget to drink water before going to bed?”
“Yeh sab???? Matlab kya hain?”
Aman asked, surprised.
“Mummy ne kaha tha mujhe. Ki tu kitchen se khana chori karke bhaag jaata tha, bina paani peeye raat ko so jata tha, aur mummy ne pakad lee toh sorry sorry kehta tha. Sab janta hoon main!”
Karthik said, acting as if he’s proud to know Aman’s childhood secrets.
“Tu thodi der baitth idhar, main roti banake lata hoon. Abhi tak atta bhi nahin gunth paya. Kya hoga mera?”
Karthik raised his hands in the air, turned towards the kitchen counter and started beating the dough.
Aman, not knowing what struck him, slowly stood up with the help of his crutches, approached Karthik and stood behind him. Karthik felt the warm breath of Aman on his shoulders.
“Kya baat hain Aman babu? Atte ki koi khushboo nahin aati, roti banaunga, tab aayegi. Abhi kya sunghne aaye ho?”
Karthik said not turning towards Aman and still concentrating on beating the dough.
Aman patted Karthik with his hand from behind.
“Kya baat hai.....”
Before Karthik could complete, Aman planted a kiss over his lips as Karthik turned towards him. Karthik didn’t quite expect this, but then, not to forget the fact that he was Karthik Singh, he gave in to the kiss, a few seconds after he registered what was happening.
He held Aman by his waist with his dough laden hands and turned his face towards the right to avoid interference by the noses. The noses did touch though and suddenly the kiss broke as Aman had lost grip over his crutches and they fell down. It was Karthik, who had been holding Aman by his waist, caught him just in time, before he could fall. They both laughed at this, as they touched their foreheads together and got back to feel each other’s lips.
Karthik lifted Aman up and made him sit on the kitchen counter. It was more comfortable this way, for the both of them. It had happened before, a kiss, with no tongues involved, just a pure exchange of love, at the kitchen counter. Only difference was that Aman feared any kind of physical touch now, after the incident. Karthik therefore controlled his hands, which were yearning to feel Aman’s thighs up as his lips kissed him. He didn’t want this moment to break by triggering Aman again. The two loved each other, love, which was not confused with sexual contact. Love, which was free from prejudices. Love in it’s purest form existed between Karthik and his Aman.
Realising that Karthik would never break the kiss, Aman broke it himself and touched their foreheads together. Both of them had their eyes closed, but both realised that the other smiled.
Aman laughed once they looked up at each other.
“Kya baat hain meri jaan? Has kyun raha hain?”
Karthik asked, being not prepared for Aman’s laughter.
“Teri naak....”
“Meri naak kya? Cute toh hain meri naak!”
“Nahi....buddhu! Mere naak pe jo at...ta lagaya tha, woh tere naak pe hain....”
“Achha? Aisa kya?”
Karthik came out to the living room to check on the mirror. Indeed atta from Aman’s nose was now stuck on his nose.
He came back to the kitchen to find Aman still laughing. He enjoyed the sight a bit more before he spoke.
“Jaise yeh atta chipka na, waise hi dil bhi chipak chuka hain. Farq sirf itna hain, ki atte ko paani se dhowge, toh woh chala jayega, lekin dil ko toh dho nahin sakte na, isi liye yeh chipka hua tha, hain aur rahega. Chhutega nahin!”
“Achha, ab tu ba....ate hi banaye....ga ya khana bhi khilaye...ga aj?
“Achha ji, kiss karo aap, aur der karen hum? Yeh bada nainsafi hain huzoor! I object, Your Honour!”
Aman laughed as Karthik continued to joke while rolling the dough into misshaped rotis and then putting them over the pan.
Six months now. Aman was much better than before. His speech was almost back to normal except for a few words. Karthik regularly took him for his speech therapy.
“Aman, say Tatata!”
The speech therapist asked him.
“Ta...ta....ta...”
Aman replied and smiled, as it was much better than before.
“Very nice! Say Mamama!”
“Ma...ma...ma....”
“Say Dadada!”
“Da...da...aa!”
“Okay, so the last ‘d’ faded away in your throat. So you’re better now?”
The therapist asked.
“Pret..ty yes!”
“Very good! Now call out to Karthik! He is sitting outside my chamber.”
Aman was about to get up, but the therapist stopped him.
“Nahin, yahi se bulana hain!”
“But that needs a loud voice...”
Aman replied.
“Who said you don’t have a loud voice? C’mon call him!”
The therapist stressed on calling Karthik. The chamber was quite big and spacious, and Aman knew his voice would die in the room itself. But he tried.
“Karthik.....”
“Oh wow! So you can spell his name clearly now? That’s pretty good! Now c’mon, louder!”
“Karthik!!!!”
The voice died in the room itself.
“C’mon c’mon try, you can. Call him!”
“Nahin.... hoga Sir. Itni si awaaz bahar tak kaise jaye...gi?”
“Par jaana toh padega na. Try try!”
“Karthik!”
Aman wanted to shout louder this time. The volume increased, but wasn’t enough to cross the door and reach Karthik.
“Little more louder! Louder!”
“Karthik!”
“Aur zor se! C’mon, why can’t you shout Aman?”
“Nahin ho raha mujhse, aapko baat samajh mein nahin aati?”
Aman screamed upon the therapist, real loud and clear!
“Kya baat hain Sir? All good?”
Karthik opened the door and entered the room.
The therapist looked at Karthik and then at Aman and smiled.
Though, Aman wasn’t in a position to smile. His tongue started to shiver frequently in his mouth.
“Karthik! Aao, andar aao!”
The therapist called him in. Karthik came in and sat on the chair beside Aman.
“Dddddd, docccccc........kkkkkaaannnnp....”
“Silent! I know. Your tongue is shivering right?”
Aman nodded.
“I just need to rub a medicine over your tongue, and now, slowly you’ll be able to talk normally as before. Your words will be clear, and voice will be louder too. Only thing, you might have to pause in between words or lines.”
Karthik became real happy on listening this. He held Aman by his shoulders, who smiled looking at him.
“Sach kahun toh aj main bohot khush hoon!”
Karthik told Aman while driving back home from the therapist’s chamber. He used to take Aman to the therapist on Devika’s car every two days. Devika herself suggested that Aman should not travel in a bike now and that they should take her car to wherever they went.
“Achha? Woh kyun?”
“Dekh! Now you can speak much clearly! Sab theek ho chuka hain. You can also walk without the crutches now!”
“Kahan? Jaldi chalna ho, toh I still need them!”
“Jaldi ka kaam shaitaan ka hota hain! Tujhe jaldi kis baat ki? Achha khasa dheere dheere sab theek ho raha hain, aur mahashay ko jaldi ki padi hain!”
Aman laughed at it. Karthik listened to the laughter with such a calm face as if it were the sweetest melody he had ever heard. Aman’s voice, his words were now all as before. His legs had more or less healed too, and to walk a small distance, Aman wouldn’t have to use his crutches. His Aman was back! Back as he was six or seven months ago!
“Arrey, arrey Karthik!!!!!!!”
Karthik pushed the brake when Aman called.
“Kya hua Aman? Sab theek hain?”
Karthik asked as if he didn’t knew what was happening around them.
“Theek? Tera dhyan kidhar hain.....”
“Tera hero idhar hain! C’mon let’s sing Aman!”
“Arrey idiot! Saamne dekh!”
Aman forced Karthik’s face to look Infront of them. Karthik saw that their car had stopped close to a huge tree.
“Arrey, hum yahan kyun ruk gaye?”
“Ruke nahin, main agar na kehta toh tu maar hi deta gaari is ped pe! Kidhar dekh ke gaari chala raha tha tu?”
Before Karthik could answer, Aman stopped.
“Don’t say mujhe ...... dekh kar. I know your cheesy answers. Mujhe ..... ghar jaake dekhna, filhal raasta dekh ke gaari ..... chala Karthik!”
Karthik acted as if he were sad as now he had to look at the road and drive and couldn’t look at Aman.
Everything was going back to normal, except one thing.
Those were Aman’s nightmares.
Aman still had nightmares of Jagan abducting him, torturing him and to make it worse, his brain even showed him scenes where Karthik was killed by Jagan.
Though the frequency of the nightmares were much less now, they still came and took a terrible turn at times.
This night, that is the day they came back from the therapist’s chamber, Aman had a horrible experience while sleeping.
It was three in the morning and both of them were sleeping peacefully.
“Arghhhh!”
Karthik thought he wrongly heard something in his sleep.
“Jag.....Jaggu nahin! Jaggu, aaaaahhhhhh!”
Aman screamed in his sleep. Karthik woke up and turned towards Aman.
Aman had taken the foetal position in the bed, as if he was trying to save his body parts from Jagan’s hard blows.
“Am...”
“Jaggu nahin!!!!! Please Jaggu chhod de mujhe! Aaahhh, nahin Jaggu, mat maaro mujhe!!!!! Aaahhhhggghhhh!”
Karthik shook Aman so that he would wake up, but his nightmare had held him real tight and Aman only wrapped himself more around his side pillow. He started to sweat in fear and Karthik got worried more.
“Aman, Aman aankhe khol! Main, Karthik, hoon Aman! Aankhe kholo Aman!”
Somehow that ‘Karthik hoon’ entered Aman’s ears and he shot open his eyes. His eyes were red and tears had gathered in his eye belly. His sight was still searching for some comfort and thus, when they found Karthik’s face in the little light that was present in the room, Aman immediately shifted towards Karthik and hugged him around his belly.
“Kuch nahin hua Aman! Shant ho ja! Main hoon idhar tere saath!
Yahin hoon main,
Yahin hoon main.
Kahi na gaya tujhe chhod ke main.
Yahin hoon main,
Yahin hoon main.
Jiya hoon tujhe hi toh orh ke main!”
Karthik softly sang the song and brushed his hands through Aman’s hairs.
The song kinda calmed Aman down. He stopped shivering and now comfortably perched his head on Karthik’s lap. Karthik continued to rub his hair and back.
“Hasna tu meri hasi,
Kar na woh zidd kabhi,
Anjani unhi adaon se!
Aankhe moond kar kabhi,
Jee le na tu khwab sabhi,
Liye the jo meri bahon mein!”
Aman quietly listened as Karthik sang, tears streaming down his eyes. Karthik continued singing.
“Dooriyan jitni ho ho jaane de,
Faasley na rahe.
Manzile mil jaaye jo bhi kho jaane de,
Raaste sang chale.”
Aman clenched on to Karthik’s pyjamas and heard the song. Karthik smiled.
“Jab raat koi na dhale,
Subah main bann jaunga.
Bahane se tere lab chhuloonga,
Na hoke bhi na jaunga....”
Karthik looked down on Aman, lying down on his lap. His eyes were being drowsy again.
“Tanhai mein na ghabraiyo.
Milne ek lamhe tu aaiyo.
Us lamhe mein thehar sajaiyo.
Yahin hoon main,
Yahin hoon main.
Kahi na gaya tujhe chhod ke main.
Yahin hoon main,
Yahin hoon main.
Jiya hoon tujhe hi toh orh ke main.”
Karthik completed and found Aman sleeping again. He smiled and gently put a kiss on his forehead.
Karthik got up and slowly replaced himself with a pillow. He did it slowly and gently, so that Aman wouldn’t get disturbed again. He then went out to the balcony.
It was a crescent moon night. A calm, gentle breeze brushed passed Karthik’s face and caused a heavy drop of tear to fall from his eyes. What had happened to Aman? How huge the trauma must have been that he still couldn’t have a peaceful sleep at night! How terrifying the incident must have been for him to still fear Karthik calling him ‘baby’! How deep the impact it must have been on him to still fear any kind of sexual touch!
It had been six months now since that horrendous incident occurred to kinda shatter their lives. Karthik couldn’t bring himself to even imagine the trouble Aman had to go through. He was almost a zombie when Karthik found him at that hotel. His small body had more cuts and injuries than it could bear. Karthik himself shivered as he recalled Aman’s condition. He cried bitterly, holding the railing and allowed tears to drop off from his eyes.
All of a sudden, Karthik felt a hand on his shoulder.
He turned back to see Aman standing there, looking right into his eyes. Karthik immediately wiped his face and brought back his smile.
“Soya nahin tu? Mujhe laga tu so gaya hain! Neend nahin aa rahi? Aur crutch kahan hain?”
“Crutch ki zaroorat nahin. Kab tak unhen lekar chalunga?”
Aman asked seriously.
“Achha! Good decision!”
“Tu kya kar raha hain yahan?”
Aman asked him, serious this time too.
“Woh....kuch nahin. Neend nahin aa rahi thi toh socha thoda.....”
“Thoda ro lunga, toh neend aa jayegi?”
Karthik looked up at Aman.
“Yeh toh mera line tha na Aman?”
“Baby!”
Karthik was shocked.
“Sorry? Didn’t get you!”
“Baby hi bula mujhe.”
“Par tujhe.....”
“Maine kaha na bula!”
Karthik was surprised and shocked at the same time. He had been dying to call Aman baby. He didn’t like calling him by his name only, by which everyone called him. But since, it triggered Aman, Karthik chose to not hurt him. He therefore couldn’t decide if he was supposed to be happy or not.
“Woh toh mera line tha na....baby!”
Karthik’s heart skipped a beat as Aman hugged him after the word. Karthik held him in his arms and pressed Aman’s head on his chest. Aman felt Karthik’s heart beat speed up against his cheek, just like the very first time they hugged each other. And Karthik felt the same warmth Aman radiated during their first hug.
Aman broke the hug and looked up at Karthik’s eyes.
“I love you Karthik Singh!”
Aman said, with tears in his eyes.
“I love you more baby!”
Karthik replied as he slid his fingers behind Aman’s ears and pulled him into a kiss.
He felt Aman would not like the touch, but surprisingly Aman leaned in to the touch. He gave in to the kiss.
In the balcony.
At four in the morning.
Amidst the cool breeze.
Two souls united to each other, by hearts and by the passionate touch and slow movement of the lips. It was different from all the others, an experience that probably the both will never be able to forget in their life. Aman moved his hands from Karthik’s waist to his shoulders while Karthik moved his hands from behind Aman’s ears down to his waist.
They didn’t know how long the kiss continued. They didn’t care about the time though. It was when they could no longer carry on without breathing that Aman broke the kiss. Karthik touched their foreheads together and they both chuckled as their noses touched.
“Karthik, tune us mele se saathon rang ke nose rings kharide the, yaad hain? Woh hain abhi bhi tere paas?”
Aman asked all of a sudden.
“Haan, hain na. Bilkul hain! Kyun?”
“Bring them to me!”
Karthik at once headed to the drawer of the bedside table and brought out a small box. He brought them to Aman. Aman carefully opened the box, examined all the rings and took out one. He handed over the box to Karthik.
“Lekin tu iska karega kya?”
Karthik asked in doubt.
“Bhool gaya? Tune kya kaha tha? Seven nose rings for seven days of the week!”
Aman smirked and then turned red in embarrassment as Karthik stood there, surprised at the door of the balcony.
“Are you sure Am....baby?”
“Yes, aur kitne din aise rahenge? I need your touch too. I want to get rid of this fear which is only making me feel guilty for bringing all this upon you. Will you help me Karthik? Mujhe is darr se mukt karega?”
Karthik took the black coloured nose ring Aman had selected for him, opened the silver one he was wearing and put on the black one. He then picked up Aman in his arms and walked towards the bedroom.
Placing Aman down on the bed, Karthik spoke.
“I can and will do anything and everything for you. I just didn’t wanna trigger you by anything. Mujhe tere khush rehne ke sivaay aur kuch nahin chahiye. Jisse tu khush rahega, main bhi usi se khush hoon!”
Saying this, Karthik lowered his body over Aman’s and kissed his forehead.
“Feeling cold Karthik!”
“Koi na! Karthik Singh hain na! I’ll make you feel hot in an instance!”
Karthik pulled up the blanket over the both of them, as Aman chuckled.
People say, all is well that ends well. It needs a slight change to it. All is well, that ends in love. Cause love, a four lettered small word is the most difficult thing to perceive on Earth. Love has different meanings, different forms and different definitions for different people. For some, a love relationship can be a one night stand, for some it might be a casual hook up, whereas some might call it ‘no strings attached'! It all depends upon the perspective.
Like for Jagan, love meant taking revenge for the death of his closest one by destroying the love of someone else. Whereas for Karthik, love exists in its purest form. Selfless love! He didn’t leave Aman’s side in any situation. It was the same for Aman too. Even in a situation where his own life was at question, he feared about the harm and pain Karthik was going through. Such strong was their love, that even death had to bow down in front of them. Destiny continues to test us, but if we have love in our hearts, no task seems difficult. Like it didn’t seem for Karthik and Aman, for Karman.....