Chapter Text
”—angji? Wangji?”
Sunlight peeks through the cracks in the windows of the Jingshi when Lan Wangji’s consciousness resurfaces. A shadow falls across his vision. His brother’s face swims into view, bags hanging beneath his eyes and skin pale and unaccustomed to the sunlight.
”Thank the gods, you are awake,” Xichen exhales.
Lan Wangji frowns and proceeds to try and push himself up on his elbows, only to be pushed down by Xichen’s firm hand.
” Xiongzhang ,” he croaks, voice rough with disuse. ”What happened? Why are you here?”
”Why are you not in seclusion?” goes unsaid.
”You collapsed, Wangji.” Xichen’s voice is low and rough. ”On your way from the meeting with Sect Leader Ouyang and Sect Leader Yao.”
The meeting flashes before his eyes. Dread shoots through Lan Wangji, not unlike a tidal wave.
”For how long have I been unconscious?” He asks, throat parched.
Xichen hands him a cup of clear liquid—water, Lan Wangji guesses—and waits for him to drain it before answering. ”A few hours. The Sect Leaders were escorted off the mountain when Lan Yu found you.”
Silence settles around them.
”A healer will come at noon to examine you,” his brother adds after a moment.
Lan Wangji hardly thinks this is necessary however he finds himself without the energy to argue with his brother.
True to Xichen’s word, the Lan Sect’s main healer, Lan Min, arrives at the Jingshi by noon. After a thorough full-body examination (which leaves Lan Wangji heavily uncomfortable) Lan Min excuses herself for a moment to reach an accurate diagnosis in peace which leaves Lan Wangji alone with his brother again.
Before long, Lan Min is back again.
Xichen stands. ”What is wrong with my brother?”
Lan Yi turns to the Sect Leader. ”From what I can see, Hanguang-jun is showing signs of becoming burned out.”
Xichen’s brow furrows. ”What? Wangji has not been Chief Cultivator for long, how can he already be burned out?”
” Xiongzhang ,” Lan Wangji tries.
In the aftermath of Jin Guangyao and Su Mishan’s schemes and lies, Lan Wangji had to turn the entire cultivation world around in an attempt to make it better. It has included many sleepless nights and stressful assignments, which makes Lan Min’s diagnosis all the more plausible.
Lan Wangji realizes Lan Min is still speaking. She offers them a low bow.
”This one’s suggestion would be for Hanguang-jun to be relieved from his duties, at least for a little while, to give him some time to recover.”
”And if he does not?”
Lan Min straightens and turns to Lan Wangji. ”If Hanguang-jun does not slow down, he could risk the physical health of his heart.”
Said heart drops.
Xichen drops to the edge of Lan Wangji’s bed.
”Thank you, Lan Min,” Xichen weakly offers. ”Could you leave us for a moment?”
Lan Min offers them another low bow and backs out of the Jingshi. Birds chirp outside the windows as Lan Wangji patiently waits for his brother to speak up. Finally, Xichen takes a deep breath.
”I apologize, Wangji.”
Lan Wangji straightens. ” Xiongzhang? ”
”I have been so preoccupied with my own grief and pushed all of my duties as Sect Leader onto you, my unprepared yet dutiful brother. I have brought this upon you, and for that I sincerely apologize.”
” Xiongzhang, ” Lan Wangji tries. ”Do not blame yourself.”
He is met with only silence but by the tense set of Xichen’s shoulders tells Lan Wangji he has his brother’s attention.
He silently curses himself for his usual inability to find appropriate words for comfort.
”Should have followed. Wei Ying’s advice,” he manages. ”Should have asked. For. Help.”
Wei Ying had been right.
Politics, Lan Wangji finds, is indeed quite messy as well as not suited for him in the slightest. A voice in his head—which sounds suspiciously like his uncle—tells him to stick to it and ignore the voice in his heart and gut which sings that he should resign and take off on Bichen and find Wei Ying.
Wei Ying had been right to leave while he could—to get away from people hiding sharp tongues with insults on them behind smiles and pretty words—because the world of politics is complicated network of schemes, murder and deception. And if Lan Wangji is being completely honest, he would rather leave and abandon the duty the old generation pushed onto him, rather than stick around and work himself to death.
Lan Wangji realizes he has some thinking to do.
His uncle agrees to partake in Lan Wangji’s duties until his nephew’s recovery which leaves Lan Wangji on bedrest, as Lan Min prescribed. It also leaves him thoroughly bored in a way meditation nor Wangji cannot help.
Luckily, Xichen visits Lan Wangji again by the end of the week. His brother brings Liebing with him and plays Cleansing . For the first time since he collapsed, Lan Wangji feels the unconscious weight—which he had not realized he was carrying—lift from his shoulders.
His golden core sighs a breath of relief.
His eyes lower to his hands resting in his lap. “Thank you, Xiongzhang. ”
Xichen waves him off with a lazy hand gesture and hangs Liebing from his waist. He turns to Lan Wangji.
“Wangji—” his brother cuts himself off.
Lan Wangji pushes himself further up against the headboard, eyebrows pinched in concern. Xichen sighs.
”I am coming out of seclusion,” his brother says at last.
Lan Wangji’s head feels unusually light. He reaches out and places a hand on his brother’s shoulder.
” Xiongzhang , are you sure?” He hesitates for a second and lets go of his brother’s shoulder. Lan Wangji’s hands find their way into his lap. ”Would not. Want to rush. You.”
Xichen’s hand falls on Lan Wangji’s arm. ” Didi, look at me.”
Lan Wangji’s eyes fly up to meet his brother’s at the old but familiar term.
”I am not going to pretend that I am alright, because I am not,” his brother explains, golden eyes pale and exhausted. ”But I will not risk my sect’s wellbeing in favor of my own grief. I will not put my people in danger, and that includes you didi. I have been selfish enough.”
Something unpleasant unfurls in Lan Wangji’s stomach. His brother has always been selfless––all throughout their lives––Xichen has never been anything but and the thought that his brother believes himself to be selfish makes bile rise in Lan Wangji’s throat. If there is anyone who should feel guilty for being selfish, it should be Lan Wangji himself. He has blatantly ignored his sect’s teachings and neglected his own people time and time again to follow the treacherous wantings of his own heart. But it had been for Wei Ying. Beautiful, wonderful, untouchable Wei Ying.
His knuckles turn white and his nails bite into his palms.
”Not selfish,” he bites out between clenched teeth.
”Hm?”
”You are not. Selfish,” Lan Wangji states.
Xichen blinks before his face melts into a tired smile. ”Alright. Thank you, didi. ”
Lan Wangji’s hand softly falls on his brother’s. He gives Xichen a long, piercing look.
”Alright. I believe you.”
Silence. Xichen sighs.
”I will work on it. I promise.”
Satisfied, Lan Wangji lets go of his brother’s arm.
They will be alright.
Eventually.