Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Jaehyun balances the script on his lap. The edges are all worn down now with how frequent he had flipped them over in the last few weeks. He runs his index finger along the sides, careful with the ridges and bumps that came along his way as he continues to drag his hand down the corner. His room is quiet save for his loud breathing. There is an empty can of energy drink resting at the edge of his desk. His gaze fleets over to it and stares at the printed neon green logo.

He turns back to look down on his script. Dear M’s production is supposed to start soon, and he was already instructed to run over his lines and practice for the script reading being held some time this week, but the lack of word he’s gotten from Taeyong in the past two days have been bothering him non stop ever since the texts and calls came into a deafening halt. He shouldn’t be bothered considering how Taeyong is also busy with his work with Doyoung, but it has been exactly two days and seventeen hours since his last message, and the wait is eating him away.

He shifts on his seat. The energy drink is still standing untouched on his desk, and he thinks of flipping it off the edge with his fingers and stain his carpet out of frustration. He didn’t do anything wrong as far as he remembers. They even went on a short road trip the previous week to visit that one sunflower field everyone has been raving about for the past month. The traction they gained on both their social media platforms after posting a few pictures from the trip even managed to surpass Jaehyun’s most liked photo on Instagram, and as far as he remembers, nothing terrible happened on than trip other than the fact that a few people managed to recognize them while they were strolling around.

Should he call him? If he did, he would probably get cursed out for disturbing him in his work. He lets out a groan and throws back his head in frustration. Maybe he should visit him in his studio instead? Or should he ask Doyoung first if they’re available before stopping by? If he showed up without prior notice, Taeyong might only end up throwing another bottle of water at him. It already happened once when he tried to visit him after one of his shoots, and he had to cover the bruise on his forehead with a lot of concealer to avoid another wave of scandals.

The can of energy drink is still sitting at the edge of his table when he decides to leave his spot. He grabs the drink with his free hand while he proceeds to scroll through his contact list to look for Taeyong’s agency’s number. Boa would most likely know where he is.

“Hello?”

“Noona, it’s Jaehyun,” he says through the phone. He walks over to his mini fridge and pulls the door open with his index finger. “I called to ask about Taeyong?”

“Oh? Is something wrong?”

“No, no, everything’s fine,” he muses. He puts the energy drink inside the freezer before pushing the door shut. “I was just wondering if you know where he is? I haven’t heard from him for almost three days now.”

“He didn’t tell you?” Boa asks as she starts to mutter incoherently over the line. He could already see her pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “I thought you were already with him?”

Jaehyun tilts his head to the side. “Tell me what?”

“He’s sick. I thought you knew about that?”

Jaehyun shifts on his feet. “Uhm, no. I thought he was just busy?”

“That kid...” she mutters angrily. “I’ll send you his address later. Do you mind checking up on him for today? If you’re not busy.”

“No, I’m not busy. I can visit him now if you want me to?”

“That would be great, Jaehyun. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, noona. Do you know the code to his apartment?”

“Yes. I’ll send it to you as well along with his address. Please update me from time to time. He tends to lock himself inside his room whenever this happens, so make sure he’s actually drinking his medicine and eating a lot of food.”

“Got it, noona. Thanks.”

He lets out a sigh after the call ended. He didn’t know Taeyong was sick, and no one – not even Doyoung – told him about it. If he had known, he would have already paid him a visit.

He arrives at Taeyong’s apartment complex an hour later with food and a bag full of fresh clothes that could last him until the next day. He’s not sure whether or not he would be able to spend the night, but he still brought some with him just in case anything happens. He inputs the apartment code Boa had provided him and quietly pushes the door open with his arm.

“Hello?” he calls out. “Taeyong?”

The place is empty. Literally. There is a small couch leather couch pushed against the stark walls, and Jaehyun wonders if it has been used before with how seamless it looks. There is a small coffee table  situated in the middle of the room with patches of dried coffee staining the surface, and opposite to that is a small wooden shelf filled with stacks and stacks of CDs from differet artists he’s never herd of before. There is a thin layer of dust clinging on the surface, and if he loks close enough, he would see old copies of receipts from convenience stores wedged in between random CDs. He closes the door behind him with a click before making his way towards the couch. He sets down his bag with a grunt before bringing the boxes of food onto the coffee table, making sure to avoid the stains while doing so. His footsteps resonated all throughout the apartment. The place is empty. He turns to look at the staircase leading up to another floor and wonders if that’s where Taeyong sleeps.

“Who’s there?”

Jaehyun blinks once before answering, “Taeyong?” he calls out. He hears a low grunt, followed by the sounds of footsteps shuffling lazily over the floor. Jaehyun proceeds to stride over the staircase when he finally sees a mop of red hair appear from the small area above. “Hey! It’s me!” he calls out.

Taeyong peeks over the staircase and squints at him, his hair sticking out in all directions. “What are you doing here?”

“I brought you food!”

“What?”

Jaehyun gestures at the coffee table with a smile. “Boa noona told me you were sick so I brought you food and medicine. Can I come up?”

Taeyong turns his back against him while muttering curses under is breath. Jaehyun takes a step onto the stairs, then another. When he reaches the top, he finds Taeyong sprawled on top of his single bed with his face buried into his pillows. His left foot hung limply over the edge.

“You sleep here?” Jaehyun asks, crouching down to avoid hitting his head against the ceiling.

“No,” Taeyong answers, his voice muffled by the pillows. “But it’s warm here...”

Jaehyun scans the small area. Empty again. “Where do you sleep, then?”

“Downstairs...”

“On the couch?”

“Bed,” Taeyong grunts. “Studio.”

“You have a studio here?”

Taeyong groans into his pillows. Jaehyun walks over to him and tries to peel him off his bed. “Sorry, was I asking too much questions?” he asks as he reaches out to grab Taeyong’s wrist, recoiling when he feels his feverish skin against his palm. “Oh, shit, you’re burning!”

“No, shit,” Taeyong groans as he feels Jaehyun turning him onto his back. The latter immediately places a hand on top of his forehead to check his temperature, frowning when he sees Jaehyun’s face hovering over him. “Big face...”

“What?”

Taeyong shakes his head and proceeds to swat Jaehyun hand away from him. “I said you can leave now.”

“No-“

“Why?” Taeyong sits up from his bed, grunting. Jaehyun takes a careful step backwards before holding out both of his hands for him to take.

“Come on, hyung. Let’s come down and eat.”

“Didn’t I just tell you to leave?”

“Let’s eat first. After that, I’ll leave.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Taeyong sighs but still lets Jaehyun put a supporting arm around his waist. God, he forgot how awful it is to be sick. He should really take care of himself more. He can’t afford to miss a few more days of work if this flu persists. He constantly feels like he’s about to throw up.

“You look awful, hyung,” Jaehyun tells him while they slowly made their way down the stairs. Taeyong grunts at him and mutters a curse in which he only replied with a chuckle. “You’re so pale.”

“I’m sick, you dumb fuck. Have you ever thought about that?”

“Calm down, hyung. No need to get aggressive.”

Taeyong groans and throws his head back when he finally hits the couch with a quiet thud. He watches as Jaehyun prooceeds to grab a plastic bag from his coffee table and raises an eyebrow at him. He ignores the way his head is throbbing intensely and says, “What’s that?”

“Food!” Jaehyun holds up the plastic bag to his face. “You need to eat first before you take your medicine.”

“I don’t want to eat,” Taeyong whines. “I’m going to puke all over you.”

Jaehyun shrugs and kneels in front of the couch. “It’s alright,” he tells him as he takes out the food from the plastic bag. “You can have the soup instead.”

“You’re so-“ a cough, “annoying.”

Jaehyun grabs the bottle of water from his take outs and hands it over to Taeyong. “Drink up, hyung. After this, you can take your medicine.”

Taeyong frowns, stares at him indignantly, before taking the liquid from him. Jaehyun is smiling when he watches him chug down the water in one sitting. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong croaks.

They eat in silence after that, but Jaehyun’s occasional staring makes him want to scream and pull his hair out with how obnoxious it’s starting to become. Once in a while, Jaehyun would ask him if he’s already feeling better before stating random facts about chicken noodle soup and the side effects of stress on a human body. Seriously? Where did he get those information from? As fascinating as they sound, all he really wants right now is some peace and quiet. He would have to talk to Boa later on to have his apartment code changed.

“Are you going to leave now?” Taeyong asks after swallowing the medicinal tablet with the rest of his water.

Jaehyun nods. “Yeah, but I need to get you to bed first.”

“What am I, a 5-year-old?”

Jaehyun stands from his spot on the floor, grunting when his knees cracked from being strained too much, and holds out a hand to Taeyong. “Come on, hyung. Let’s get you to sleep.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes at him but proceeds to grab his arm for support. He sighs and leans against the actor’s chest when his legs started to shake under his weight. “You sound like my mom,” he says.

Jaehyun chuckles and starts to guide him through the small apartment. Taeyong points at a door standing opposite to the kitchen, clinging closer against Jaehyun.

“Is that a good thing?”

“Sure.”

Jaehyun finds that Taeyong’s room-slash-studio is much livelier than the rest of his apartment. His curtains are closed, but there is still a sliver of sunlight peeking through the corners when they entered, and Taeyong would have relaxed if not for the searing pain at the back of his head. It’s cold.

“You good, hyung?”

“Yeah,” he nods as he feels his cold bed against his back. Finally. “I’ll just sleep this off. You can leave now.”

“You sure?” Jaehyun looks over him worriedly.

“Mm,” Taeyong nods before turning away from him. “Thanks, Jae.”

-

“Jesus fuck.”

Taeyong wakes up a few hours drenched in sweat, strands of his hair clinging messily against his forehead. He blinks once, stares at his ceiling for a few moments, before sitting up. It was already dark when he turns to look at his window. How long was he sleep for?

Groaning, he throws his feet over the edge of his bed and walks over to where his drawers are. He puts on a fresh t-shirt before throwing away his sweat shirt into his pile of dirty clothes. He stares at the wall for a minutes, still completely dazed from sleep, and very, very parched. His throat feels like it was scraped with a metal rod and ran over with sand papers repeatedly. He should probably drink more water now that he’s thought of it.

Weird, he thinks to himself while filling his glass with luke warm water. Definitely weird. He turns to look behind him, furrowing eyebrows in confusion when he realizes that his apartment does not seem too quiet today. In fact, it feels like someone is lurking around.

“Huh,” he turns to look at his glass of water. “Weird.”

It hits him not even a second after that. Slow music plays faintly from his small living room, and he almost trips on his feet trying to get there as fast as he could. Water splashes onto the side of his hand and drips down the ridges of his fingers, staining the floor wet behind him as he rushes to where the music is coming from.

“What the fuck,” he mutters under his breath when he sees Jaehyun sleeping on his small couch with his legs bent on weird angles to fit into the furniture. Taeyong stares at him, baffled.

There is a plastic of empty food containers on his small coffee table with a few of his CDs sitting beside it in a neat stack. He turns his head to look at his shelf to see his old CD player – the one where he initially thought was broken – fully functioning. He sets his glass of water on top of the coffee table and slowly makes his way towards Jaehyun’s sleeping figure.

He puts a hand on his shoulder to shake him awake. “Hey,” he says. “Wake up.”

Jaehyun starts to stir. Taeyong leans in closer and realizes that he’s snoring. He tries to shake him again. “Hey,” he says, louder this time. “I said wake up.”

Jaehyun opens his eyes and sees Taeyong leaning over him with a frown. “Oh, my god, you scared me.”

Taeyong takes a step back and raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”

Jaehyun sits up from the coach while rubbing his right eye. He stretches his legs in front of him, still a bit dizzy from sleep, and when he turns to blink up at Taeyong, he says, “Sleeping.”

“No shit,” Taeyong deadpans. “Why are you still here? I thought you already left?”

“I was about to, but then I decided to listen to some of your CDs first,” he gestures at the pile sitting on top of the coffee table. “I think I fell asleep after that.”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” Taeyong turns his back against him and walks over to grab his glass from the table. He takes a small sip from his water, sighing when the liquid finally refreshed his dry throat. “A schedule or something?”

“It’s my day off,” Jaehyun lets out another yawn. “Oh! How are you feeling, by the way? Do you still have a fever?”

Taeyong shrugs and gingerly picks up the stack of CDs on from the table. He walks over to his shelf and carefully inserts them one by one. “I’m fine now. Thanks.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Taeyong pulls out an old receipt and stares at it. “Are you leaving now?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Do you want to go and get ice cream first? There’s a convenience store nearby.”

“You’re not supposed to be eating anything cold yet.”

Taeyong turns to him. “So? Do you want ice cream or not?”

Jaehyun nods nonetheless.

-

Jaehyun’s voice is muffled behind his face mask when he speaks, “Should I get sour cream or cheese?”

Taeyong glances at the potato chips in his hands. He shifts his weight on his right foot and points at the sour cream one. “This one,” he says before adjusting the black cap on top of his head. When they passed by a mirror earlier, he thought the two of them looked like a couple of burglars on their way to rob a bank. Hopefully, Jaehyun doesn’t get recognized.

“ButI l like this one better,” Jaehyun gestures at the cheese flavored chips.

“Then why did you ask for my opinion?” Taeyong glares at him.

“I thought you’d pick cheese.”

Taeyong shakes his head in annoyance before turning away to go to the frozen aisle section. Jaehyun does not follow him and instead continues to look through the array of junk food displayed on the shelves. Should he buy energy drinks, too? He only has one bottle left inside his refridgerator, and he might as well buy some now before his schedule gets hectic again and he forgets to buy groceries for the month. He grabs two more of the chips before leaving the aisle to look for his energy drinks.

“Do you know where the energy drinks are?” he whispers to Taeyong when he finds him rummaging through the ice cream freezer near the frozen aisle. “Also, one Melona for me. Thanks.”

“What flavor?” Taeyong turns to him and stares at the chips in his hands. “I’m not paying for that.”

“I have cash,” Jaehyun tells him. “Mango.”

Taeyong nods and grabs two mango flavored ice cream. Should he take a strawberry flavored one, too? He grabs two more of the popsicles.

“You’re going to eat all of that?” Jaehyun gapes at him.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re sick-“

“I’m fine now, don’t worry about me. It’s just ice cream.”

Jaehyun shrugs before turning away to look for his energy drinks. After a few minutes of roaming around, he finds that they were all sold out. Taeyong askes him why he needed so much of the drink, to which he only responded with a shrug.

“I like it.”

“You’re going to have a heart attack.”

“That’s a bit of a stretch.”

“No, it’s not.”

Jaehyun ignores him and goes up to the counter. Taeyong pushes the ice cream in front before taking out his wallet from the pocket of his coat. Jaehyun shakes his head to stop him from taking out his cash.

“It’s fine, hyung. I’ll pay.”

Taeyong frowns at him. “Didn’t I tell you-“

Jaehyun brings a finger up to his mouth. Taeyong spares a glance at the cashier and sees him staring at them in confusion. Jaehyun adjust his cap and pulls it lower to cover his eyes. “Uh, how much is our total?” he asks, purposefully deepening his voice. Taeyong bites his lower lip and dips his head to stare at his shoes.

When they leave the store, he hands Jaehyun his ice cream with a grunt. “I think he recognized you.”

“Really?” Jaehyun takes the yellow ice cream from him, pulls down his mask, and tears the plastic with his teeth. He lowers his head and adjusts his cap when they pass by a group of teenage girls giggling in front of a drug store. “I think he was just confused.”

“He definitely recognized you.”

Jaehyun shrugs before biting off his ice cream. Taeyong winces, frowning when Jaehyun starts to chew on his dessert. Who bites ice creams?

He pulls his coat tighter against his body, shivering against the cold breeze as the two of them continued to stroll along the sidewalk. When he spots a nearby empty bench at the side, he grabs Jaehyun’s wrist and pulls him along despite his protests.

“My feet hurt,” he tells him, coughing lightly as he starts to rummage through his ice creams. He pulls out a strawberry flavored one and tears the plastic wrapper with one pull.

“I really don’t think you should be eating ice cream.”

“I don’t care,” Taeyong shrugs and pulls down his mask. “I’ll be fine. It’s just ice cream.”

“You feel better now, at least?”

Taeyong nods once while sucking at the tip of his popsicle. Jaehyun stares at him, blinking repeatedly in a haze. Huh.

“How did you find out I was sick, by the way? Boa noona told you?”

“Yeah, I called her to ask about you since you haven’t been texting me in the last couple of days.”

“Ah.”

Taeyong stares straight ahead and sees a poster of Kim Doyoung plastered against a random store’s window. He kicks his leg forward, wiggling his foot to relax his muscles, when he remembered something from a while ago. He shifts on his seat, wondering quietly if he should raise the question. Should he? Would it be weird if he did? He stares at the cracks on the sidewalk. Maybe he should.

“Hey,” he calls for Jaehyun.

Jaehyun takes another bite on his ice cream. “Hm?”

Taeyong swallows thickly and lowers his hand to rest against the bench. His ice cream starts to melt in his grip, dripping down the surface of their seat before hitting the pavement with a quiet splatter. People pass by them in a rush, not bothering to take a second look on their covered faces to see the celebrity calmly eating his ice cream at the side of the road in the middle of the night. The thought amused Taeyong to no end.

“You were the one who recommended me to Doyoung?”

Jaehyun stops chewing. “Yeah,” he admits easily. “Why?”

Taeyong continues to stare at the cracks. “Nothing,” he shrugs. “Why didn’t you tell me when I mentioned it to you?”

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun says thoughtfully. “Maybe I just didn’t want you to feel weird around me.”

“Why did you recommend me of all people? I mean,” Taeyong pauses to glance at him. Jaehyun is still holding onto his half eaten ice cream, already staring at him, “there are bigger names out there. Why me?”

Jaehyun shrugs. “Do I need to have a reason for that?”

Taeyong drops his gaze and wonders. Does he? He’s not entirely sure of that. Maybe, just maybe, he wants to be given an answer to prove himself wrong. That maybe Jaehyun is just as kind as he is genuine, and that him being the reason for the biggest opportunity he’s received so far is only because of the fact that Jaehyun liked the works he produced and nothing more. Definitely nothing more than that.

“You already knew me before we met,” he states. He clutches his plastic bag full of ice creams, wincing when the cold starts to seep against the fabric of his cloths. “How?”

Jaehyun chuckles and removes the cap he’s wearing over his head. “I saw you at a party.”

“Johnny’s?”

“A different one,” Jaehyun lilts. “Way before that. Your hair wasn’t red yet when we first met.”

Taeyong tilts his head to the side. “I don’t remember meeting you before, though?”

Jaehyun smiles. Of course. “It was nothing interesting, really,” he tells him, vividly remembering their first encounter, if he could even call it that. Just a simple, random night for him, and perhaps for Taeyong, too. “I think Wendy was the one who invited you? You produced one of her singles, remember?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong lilts. “I still don’t remember you.”

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun shrugs. “As I’ve said, it was nothing too interesting. Just a simple night.”

Taeyong lifts his ice cream to his face and stares at his stained fingers. Small world, he thinks to himself. What are the odds? If Jaehyun hadn’t known him prior to their encounter, would he have let him kiss him? Perhaps not. He kicks his other foot forward and lets the sole of his shoe graze against the concrete. He feels unsatisfied somehow, like Jaehyun’s answer is not enough for him to settle down. In fact, he feels more restless now. He got his answer, but it’s still not quite the answer he wants to receive. He might be becoming delusional at this point.

“You okay?” Jaehyun nudges his leg with his knee after a short while.

“Yeah,” Taeyong coughs. “Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“You know, things...”

“Things like?”

Like us? Taeyong swipes his tongue over his lower lip and stares at his shoes. Sometimes, he’s starting to think of where the line between real and fake lies, and if he is still standing where he previously stood or if he has slowly pushed himself onto the other side. Jaehyun is a good actor; maybe even a bit too good for his liking. After this—whatever this is, this small, little thing they have—ends, would he have more to gain than what he was initially promised? Suddenly, the thought of recognition doesn’t sound too appealing if the price he’ll pay in the end is heartbreak.

Jaehyun dips his head down when he notices a couple a few meters away from them staring. “I think we should go,” he tells him before pulling back his mask over his face.

“Okay…”

-

Jaehyun leaves Taeyong’s apartment at midnight when Mark finally had the time to drop by. It was quiet after that.

Taeyong folds the receipt from the food they bought earlier and inserts it in between his collection of old CDs.

-

D-DAY

“I think I’m going to faint.”

“Hyung, don’t worry. You’ll be fine! You look great!”

Taeyong grabs Jaehyun’s wrist and pulls him near his face, scowling deeply at his partner for the night as their limousine slowly comes into a halt. Flashing lights, Taeyong notes. He’ll probably never get used to them. He already feels suffocated, and his three piece suit tailored specifically for tonight definitely does not help in calming down his nerves.

“Easy for you to say,” Taeyong whines. “You’re used to this!”

Jaehyun grabs both of his shoulders and smiles at him. Taeyong stares at his exposed forehead. “Hyung, I promise you, nothing bad is going to happen! It’s just a red carpet!”

“Just a red carpet,” Taeyong repeats, dumbfounded. Jaehyun sighs and proceeds to tighten the older’s necktie. “Jaehyun, I don’t even know what the movie is about. What if they ask questions about it?”

“It’s just your usual coming of age romance movie, hyung,” Jaehyun shrugs. “Nothing too special. Now, are you ready?”

“Wait-“

The car door opens with a click. Taeyong’s breath hitches in his throat when he hears the screaming from outside. Too many people. Jesus Christ.

“Remember to smile, hyung.”

Jaehyun steps outside first with his signature smile, dimples on full display just as how he trained himself to do while the unending blinding lights flashed right in front of his eyes. He holds out a hand for Taeyong to take, feeling a sudden leap in his chest when the latter accepts it without another word. He’s just as nervous as Taeyong, he realizes, and this is probably his first time getting nervous for a movie premiere during his entire career as an actor.

“Relax,” Jaehyun whispers to him as Taeyong hooks his arm around his. “It’s alright, hyung.”

“What if I trip?”

“I’ll catch you.”

Taeyong tried his best to steady his breathing. Smile, keep your chin up, do not mind the screaming, and remember to keep it as natural as possible. He wants to scoff at the thought. They already had a couple of months to practice looking as natural as possible, that shouldn’t be a problem for them anymore.

When they reached the end of the carpet, Taeyong’s mouth goes dry at the sight of an interviewer patiently waiting for them. He lets out a shaky breath and tries to steady his breathing. From behind them, Cha Eunwoo, one of the main actors in the movie, is still busy getting his pictures taken by the reporters. Shit. This is probably the worst experience of his life.

“And finally! We have the star of the night, Jung Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun greets the reporter with a compliment on her dress. Taeyong quietly steps aside to hide himself behind his boyfriend. Right. They’re a couple in front of all of these strangers. He spares a glance at the roaring crowd, blinking repeatedly at the flashing lights directed at him, and frowning when he notices a few people booing at him. His feet grow cold from underneath.

“Good evening,” Jaehyun says to the microphone. “It’s quite crowded tonight. I was not expecting that,” he chuckles.

“Well, of course it would be crowded tonight! Look at who you have with you!”

Taeyong shifts on his feet and tries to smile. Jaehyun snakes an arm around his waist and squeezes his side to relax him. He runs his thumb along the fabric of his suit, gently pressing onto him in an attempt to comfort and soothe him.

“It’s nice to meet you!” The reporter tells him.

Taeyong lets out a bashful smile. “Thank you. The pleasure is all mine.”

“And the two of you look so good tonight! How had the preparations been for the two of you?”

“Everything went well, thankfully,” Jaehyun chuckles. “It’s also Taeyongie hyung’s first red carpet tonight, so this night is really special for me. We had fun trying out different clothes just for this event.”

“That’s good to hear!” the reporter exclaims before turning the microphone towards Taeyong. Jaehyun’s grips tightens around his waist. Keep steady. Relax. “You look dashing tonight! Everyone’s been really curious about you after the news broke out. How has it been since then?”

“Uhm, well,” Taeyong shifts on his feet and tries to forget about the flashing cameras surrounding them. The screams are deafening, and it was accentuated by the fact that he could hear his name being thrown around in the background. He tries to relax against Jaehyun’s hold, pressing himself closer to him as much as possible. “Everything’s normal. It shocked us at first when the news came out, but we all know how the industry is. I’m just glad I could finally be here to personally support him as his partner. He’s always wanted to bring me with him, so I think it’s nice to finally be able to stand beside him instead of supporting him from behind the scenes.”

“That’s just lovely! Now, are you two excited to see the movie? I heard there are going to be a few very memorable scenes included in the film. Would you mind elaborating on that?”

“Well, you know, it’s your typical coming of age romance movie,” Jaehyun muses, “but I think what sets it apart from the rest is that it is far more realistic and relatable? We tried integrating more of our actual selves while shooting to keep the emotions as raw as possible, and I think that itself really added charm into the overall film.”

“Would you say shooting it was challenging?”

“In a way, yes,” Jaehyun nods at her, “but you know, I had my partner supporting me from behind the scenes. I couldn’t have done it with him.”

Taeyong’s breath hitches in his throat. When they finally leave to enter the cinema, the rush of everything—from the blinding lights to the screaming to the way Jaehyun held him in his arm, especially the way Jaehyun held him in his arm—comes crashing down into him in exhaustion, and he almost feels his knees buckle if not for Jaehyun’s arm still supporting him from behind.

“You okay?” he leans into him once they were out of the public eye. Taeyong detaches himself away from him, sighing.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was just a lot.”

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

“It’s not your fault,” Taeyong tries to reassure him. “I’m just not really used to all of this.”

Jaehyun nods at him. After a few minutes, they were finally called in to the cinema before the premiering starts. Taeyong thinks he should feel elated at the  sight of various celebrities greeting him and Jaehyun as they make their way towards their seat, but as they slowly settle down in quiet, he realizes just how different their lives are compared to each other. This is what fame and fortune looks like. Images that are desperately trying to be kept as neat as possible behind lavish dresses and words that never make sense most of the time. Jaehyun is an actor, Taeyong reminds himself, and yet his hold still lingers against the small of his back, against the curve of his waist. How much of it was real?

Taeyong feels like he’s got more to lose between the two of them.

He watches the movie and notices how similar Jaehyun acts in real life. Nothing is real.

-

“You should attend the after party, Jaehyun,” Taeyong tells him as the two of them walk into the almost empty parking lot. The absence of flashing lights and screaming people somehow brought comfort to him during the late night. He would rather have this peace and quiet and would never trade it for the world. He wonders if Jaehyun ever gets tired of it.

“It’s fine, hyung,” Jaehyun shrugs as he holds onto the folded coat hanging off his arms. “They’re boring anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah! I’d rather spend my time with you.”

Taeyong lowers his gaze onto the ground, halting his steps. Jaehyun continues to walk, unaware of the silence behind him against the deep night. When he turns to see him, Taeyong is still staring at the ground and silently watching as cracks slowly filled the pavement in broken stones. The latter sighs against the wind, lets his breathing flow with the cold breeze, before lifting his eyes back to see Jaehyun.

This, the person in front of him, is the same one thousands of people adore. Maybe, he thinks quietly to himself, maybe he’s not so different to the one he’s got to know over the few months of staying together. May e, just maybe, Jaehyun is still Jaehyun even when the cameras are not rolling.

It sounds too good to be true.

“Hyung? What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure you want to stay with me tonight?”

Jaehyun nods, his eyebrows furrowing confusion. “Yeah. I just told you that, didn’t I?”

Why?

Taeyong clenches his fist at his sides, curling his fingers and tucking them into his palm only for his fingernails to dig against his skin and create crescent marks that burned and throbbed the more he applies pressure. He doesn’t relax, at least not after a few seconds have passed and Jaehyun finally starts to approach him. His steps are careful, he notices.

“Is something wrong?”

His eyes flickers onto the nearby building from across the parking lot. Jaehyun holds out a hand and pulls him in for a hug. Taeyong’s eyes remain glued onto the person hiding in the dark from afar.

How much of this is real?

“Hyung,” Jaehyun mutters his name quietly. “Let’s go home?”

Taeyong clenches his jaw repeatedly. Once, twice, until he’s finally lost count. He wonders again, as Jaehyun’s arms grow tighter around his shoulders, if any of these are real, or if they are all just for show and nothing more. He buries his face into the crook of Jaehyun’s neck just as the flash goes off.

Jaehyun doesn’t notice.

How much of this is real?

-

The problem isn’t that Jaehyun is completely into fulfilling his role as a part of their agreement, but more on the fact that Taeyong is starting to lose grip of what is real and what is not the more seconds fly by through them. He’s dated people before, of course. He knows exactly how a romantic relationship works, and this—whatever this is that they have going on between the two of them—is not how it’s supposed to be. Which is why he cannot help but to wonder, as he stares at the passing blur of night lights from the car’s window, why he, of all people, is slowly starting to poorly distinguish the line separating his personal feelings and his work. He’s never been a fan of Jaehyun before. He’s seen maybe two or three of his dramas, but that was it. There was nothing before the “scandal” came out, and he thought there would still be nothing after they go through with their arrangement. They both signed their contracts and established their own boundaries, they clearly know what they were doing, but why does it seem like he’s the only one, out of the two of them, to be at a disadvantage?

Sure, he’s gotten his fair share of offers from different artists. He already has NCT Dream’s Haechan in his inbox after SM Entertainment offered to have him produce a song for their next Station, and he is already set to fly overseas to work with a previously well known artist who is currently residing in the US and is planning on making her come back soon. The media frenzy surrounding his and Jaehyun’s name definitely boosted his career as a music producer, but why does it suddenly feel as though he’s getting the shorter end of the bargain?

He spares a glance at Jaehyun when they stop at a red light. Does he ever think of their relationship the same way Taeyong does? Does he stay up late at night, too, wondering if there are more to the kisses they share for the cameras, to the silly pictures they take, and the way they still laugh and act the same even when people are not around to witness them? Because Taeyong does. More often than he would like to admit. And it drives him mad because it seems as though Jaehyun is just as kind as he is genuine, but sometimes it is slowly becoming harder for him to determine if his kindness is just a part of who he is as an actor, or if his genuineness is who he really is when the cameras are not rolling and all there is to him is quiet and peace.

How much of Jaehyun is real and how much of him is an act made to please the public? If Taeyong were to strip him bare, would he finally get to know who he really is? And if he does, would he finally get the answer he’s been waiting for? He knows he is bound to get disappointed one way or another. Of course, he is. Because at the end of the day, no matter how real the two of them may seem to the eyes of thousands of spectators, it would never change the fact they are nothing more than colleagues roped into an unfortunate agreement to save their faces.

But that still does not change the fact that he is confused, and perhaps his confusion is slowly leading up to something more. Something more humane and recognizable, and not just an act made for the public to see.

“Are you okay, hyung?”

“Mhm,” Taeyong sighs leans his head against the window. “Just tired.”

“We’re almost there, don’t worry.”

Taeyong ignores him and continues to look out the window. Jaehyun only listens to the sighs he lets out until they reach Taeyong’s apartment complex.

“Do you want to eat first before you go?” Taeyong asks him as he inputs his apartment code.

Jaehyun shakes his head. “I’m fine,” he says. “I can have my manager order me food and deliver it to my house instead.”

“You sure?” Taeyong spares one last glance at him.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun lilts, nodding once before stepping aside to let Taeyong enter his apartment. It is dark inside, he notices, and emptier compared to the last time he visited. The coffee table is gone now. “Take care, hyung. Good night.”

Taeyong bites down on his lower lip and watches him slowly back away. “Wait,” he says.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun perks up before taking a step forward. Taeyong stares at him, trying to memorize the way he looked tonight with his neatly styled hair and his crisp suit, with his smile that never seemed to waver even when darkness has already loomed over their heads, and the way his dimples curved the corners of his cheeks. Especially the way his dimples curved the corners of his cheeks.

Taeyong wraps his fingers around Jaehyun’s wrist and slowly pulls him towards him. He leans in, lets his eyes flutter close, before pressing a soft kiss onto Jaehyun’s lips.

Jaehyun sighs and remembers the night of the party. It’s him.

“Good night,” Taeyong whispers, pulling away with a timid smile. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun breathes. “Okay…”

-

Jaehyun thinks about the kiss for a week.

He thinks about the silly little kiss they shared after the movie premiere and compares it to the ones they have had before. It was nothing special, just a quick peck. A fleeting moment for the both of them that would have already been forgotten minutes later, except it wasn’t. Jaehyun continues to think about it even when days have already passed. He’s kissed Taeyong before, way too many times to even count in both hands, but the one they shared the last time they saw each other, that one fleeting moment that left as soon as it arrived, is the only one to leave a mark in him. It was just a kiss. A simple peck on the lips.

Johnny has his back laid flat against the surface of Jaehyun’s sofa, his feet draped over the inside arm as he listens to Jaehyun recite his lines to him. There are empty bottles of energy drinks scattered around them. Johnny grabs one from the floor and squeezes it tightly with his hand, yelping with a spurt of liquid flows down from the side of his hands.

Jaehyun groans and throws his head back in frustration. “I don’t like this,” he says.

“What?” Johnny sits up from the sofa, grunting. He pushes the can away from himself to avoid staining the couch. “Are you talking about your lines or what?”

“No, not my lines,” Jaehyun tells him, sighing when he realizes he’s starting to crumple the pages of his own copy. “I’m thinking about Taeyong hyung.”

“And? What about him?”

“We kissed.”

“Again, and? Don’t you do that with him all the time? There are pictures all over the internet, Jae.”

Sighing, Jaehyun runs a hand through his hair. He stares at the script he’s holding, watching as the words start to swim right in front of his already too strained eyes after reading through them repearedly for the past hour. He still can’t seem to get his emotions in check. If this continues, he might get in trouble soon.

“We kissed,” he repeats, quieter this time. “He’s the one who initiated it.”

Johnny stares at him.

“He kissed me first is what I’m trying to say.”

“I know, Jae, I’m not dumb,” Johnny shifts of the sofa. He wipes the back of his hand onto the fabric of his jeans, wincing at the stickiness clinging onto his skin. He pulls out a tissue from the console table and tries to wipe again, “but I don’t see why that’s a big deal to you.”

“He never kisses me first,” Jaehyun muses. “And he kissed me even when cameras were not around us. What does that mean?”

Johnny raises an eyebrow. Is that unusual for the both of them? “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Is he not supposed to do that?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Technically, he is.”

“Not when we’re alone! He’s more of a colleague, you know?”

“I’m… not so sure about that.”

Jaehyun sighs before plopping himself onto his bean bag with a groan. “I’m so confused,” he mutters, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes. “Do you think he likes me?”

Johnny pauses. “Maybe?”

Jaehyun sits up abruptly from his spot. “Really?”

“No.”

“Fuck you,” Jaehyun plops himself right back onto the bean bag and lets his back hit the chair’s surface with a soft thud. “I just don’t get why he kissed me first.”

“Why is it a big deal, anyway?” Johnny asks as he approaches the kitchen. When he reaches the sink, he goes over the sink to wash his hands. “You’ve kissed him plenty of times before. How come it’s different this time?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer from the living room.

“Is it because you like him already?”

Jaehyun swipes his tongue over his lower lip. He palms at the fabric of his bean bag, feeling the smoothness of the velvet fabric against the rough callouses of his hand. Does he like him? He’s had a crush on him once—maybe he still has, maybe it never really left—but that was all there is to it and nothing more. Is their arrangement convenient for him? Maybe. Does he want it to end? He’s not entirely sure of that yet. Would he want to try and see if they would work as an actual couple?

Yes?

“I don’t know.”

Johnny comes back from the kitchen with a glass of water in hand. “What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t know if you like him?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re as dumb as a piece of brick.”

Jaehyun runs both of his palms across his face and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Can you blame me?”

“Just tell him you like him.”

“You know it’s not as easy as it sounds!”

“Are you afraid of getting rejected?”

“Uh,” Jaehyun stares at the ceiling. “No.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not, I swear.”

Sighing, Jaehyun sits up from his seat and spares a quick glance at his nest friend. Johnny quietly sips on his drink, shrugging when he raises an eyebrow at him. His Dear M script sits quietly on top of his lap, its edges all crumpled and already close to tearing apart.

“What’s holding you back, then?”

Jaehyun lowers his gaze onto his lap. What is holding him back?

“I think,” he trails off, “we’re not on the same page. I like him enough to realize that I would want to keep our arrangement for as long as possible until we finally figure out our feelings, but what if he’s not yet ready for that?”

“You can always talk to him, Jae. He’s the only one who can answer your questions and not me,” Johnny shrugs at him. “If you think the kiss meant something more, then ask him about it. It’s better if you do it early on instead of waiting for anything to happen until the two of you finally announce your supposed break up to the public in a couple of months.”

“He’s very confusing,” Jaehyun sighs.

“I’m sure he’s just as confused as you. Did you tell him how you first met him?”

Jaehyun his head, and Johnny frowns. “Why?”

“I don’t think it’s necessary.”

“You’re really as dumb as a fucking brick.”

“I’m not about to tell him about my crush on him! Imagine how creeped out he would be if I did!”

“You would sound more genuine if you do!”

Jaehyun frowns at him. “I don’t think that would change anything. I just happened to meet him and form a silly little crush on him. That’s it.”

“You sound like a teenager,” Johnny snorts. He throws him a glare, his frown deepening. “Seriously, though. You should talk to him and see how it goes.”

Jaehyun heaves out a heavy sigh and stares at the crumpled can of energy drink from across him.

-

TO: taeyong hyung [11:34PM]

Hey, hyung! Are you free tomorrow? I wanted to talk to you about something.

FROM: taeyong hyung [11:37PM]

Hey! Sorry, I can’t. I have something on my schedule tomorrow. Maybe next time? I’ll call you.

TO: taeyong hyung [11:38PM]

Okay. [read]

-

Taeyong doesn’t call him. He stares at the ceramic vase placed right in the middle of the wooden table, thinking quietly to himself as he continues to repeatedly bite the inside of his cheek. He swipes his tongue over his lower lip and tugs at the taut skin in between his teeth. He presses the pad of his tongue against the roof of his mouth, licking at the ridges behind his front teeth as he tries to ease away the tension creeping up to him. Boa is sitting quietly from across him. She is quiet as she flips through some of the documents resting on her lap. He glances back at the vase ans stares at the wilting flowers. It’s been exactly one week since he last talked to Jaehyun.

He shifts on his seat and lets his eyes dart around the room—from the windows, to the empty seats, and onto the glass door that remains unmoving. Where are they?

“They’re late, noona,” he says, glancing back at Boa with an eyebrow raised.

“Mhm?” Boa turns to look at him. A few strands of her hair fell over her face. “What is it?”

“They’re late.”

“Yes,” she nods, “but they’re already on their way. Jaehyun is busy with shooting his new drama.”

Taeyong raises an eyebrow at her. “Drama?”

“Dear M? You haven’t heard about it?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I don’t check the news about him.”

“Why?”

He shrugs. Why should he? He tried it once, but the amount of negative comments pertaining to his name stressed him out too much for him to repeat it for the second time. It’s not worth his time and energy, anyway.

Boa sighs and puts the folder down onto the desk. She tugs at the sleeves of her suit, pulling at the fabric to cover her wrists as she carefully watches Taeyong under her gaze. “You good?” she asks, leaning back to rest her back flat against her chair.

“Yeah…” Taeyong trails off, shrugging. “I was just thinking about something.”

“Is it Jaehyun?”

“What?”

Boa grins at him. “Are you thinking about him?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

Taeyong shrugs and turns his attention towards the ceramic vase resting in the middle of the table. He stares at the wilting flower inside, notices the browning petals and the thin stem slowly drooping down into a curve against the container. He crosses his arms over his chest, frowning when he asks, “How do you know if you like someone?”

Boa perks up, her eyes wodening momentarily before she catches herself. “Why are you asking?”

“Nothing,” Taeyong says. “Just curious.”

“Well, I think it depends on the person.”

“Oh,” Taeyong huffs out a breath. Should he tell her? He probably should. He glances at her for a quick moment, clearing his throat quietly before saying, “I don’t think I want to end my arrangement with Jaehyun.”

Boa pauses, and he watches as her mouth slowly fell agape. She stares at him with wide eyes. Taeyong waits for her response, shifting occasionally on his seat as he picks against the corners of his nails. His knees are starting to bounce from underneath the table, the heel of his foot clicking against the floor with light thuds. She opens her mouth and was about to say something when the door opens with a groan. Taeyong’s eyes flicker momentarily onto Yunho before trailing his gaze onto the man behind him.

Dimples. Taeyong’s breath hitches in his throat, and he stiffles a small yelp. Jaehyun’s hair is trimmed shorter, he notices, as he stands up to greet them. He wonders how it would feel if he were to run his fingers through them, if he would fall short the moment he does. He thinks about it quietly before catching himself. Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows when Taeyong tears his gaze away from him.

One week. Jaehyun waited for one whole week only to realize later on that Taeyong would never give him a call. It shouldn’t be an issue to him in the first place. After all, Taeyong is not required to keep in touch with him every single day, but for some reason, he felt as though he owes him an explanation especially after the kiss they shared from two weeks ago. What was the kiss for, and why did Taeyong have to kiss him even when he didn’t have to? Would he finally get his answer if he asks him? He watches Taeyong in quiet all throughout the meeting, thinking all to himself.

“There are already a few media outlets suspecting about the break up,” Yunho tells them. “Since you two haven’t been that active on social media compared to the last few months. I think it would be better if the two of you would still continue the act for a few more weeks instead of going  in straight into the plan. We can announce it around next month, or maybe the month afte that-“laying low immediately after the premiere. We can still stage one or two acts here and there while Jaehyun is still shooting for Dear M.”

“Do we have to?” Jaehyun interrupts. Taeyong swallows thickly, lets his finger tap against his lap multiple times, before sparing him a quick glance. Jaehyun isn’t looking at him when he turns his head slightly to the side, and it makes him wonder if he had done aything wrong to have his complete attention this time. The air is thick between the two of them, and it only grows thicker by the seconds.

“Do you not want to?” Yunho raises an eyebrow at him before turning to Boa. “What do you think?”

Boa then turns to look at Taeyong. He shifts on his seat and rests his elbows against the edge of the table. Jaehyun’s eyes flicker onto him for a moment, watching as he sighs through his nose, his shoulders sagging the more he dips against his chair. When Taeyong seems to be hesitating with his answer, he lowers his gaze and proceeds to stare at his fingers.

“Taeyong?” Boa calls.

“Uhm,” Taeyong swipes his tongue over his lower lip. He tugs at the hem of his sleeves impatiently. “Can we talk about this privately, first?”

“What?”

“Jaehyun and I,” he states. “Can we talk in private for a while?”

Yunho shoots Jaehyun a glance, but the actor remains seated on his seat even after Boa and Yunho left the room quietly. Silence hung in the air thickly, and Taeyong finds himself slowly getting suffocated as he continues to fidget on his chair. He clears his throat when he meets Jaehyun’s stare. What should he say?

“Hyung,” Jaehyun calls for him. Taeyong tighten’s his grip on the fabric of his clothes. “What is it?”

Taeyong swallows thickly. “How are you?”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at him, a smile forming on his lips as he starts to twist on his chair. “Really?” he mutters. “That’s all you’re going to say? How are you?”

“What else am I supposed to say, then?”

Jaehyun shrugs, biting down on his lower lip. “You could have called, you know? You didn’t contact me for two weeks.”

“I was busy...”

“I know, hyung,” Jaehyun sighs. “So was I.”

Taeyong lowers his gaze onto his lap and stares at the lines crossing over his palms in broken ends. He traces the tip of his index finger along the ridges, feeling his own roughness and remembering how they used to be much softer before.

“Sorry,” he mutters. “I just thought we wouldn’t have to keep in touch anymore especially since the premiere already ended. I didn’t want to impose.”

“Is that why you kissed me, hyung?” Jaehyun scoffs. “As a parting gift?”

Taeyong lifts his head to meet his gaze. Jaehyun is biting the inside of his cheek, visibly irritated by the fact that they ended on that note. A kiss. A stupid, silly, little kiss.

“The kiss...” Taeyong trails off. “You’ve been thinking about the kiss?”

“What else am I supposed to do, hyung? Forget about it?”

Taeyong shrugs. “I don’t know...”

“Why did you kiss me, then?”

Jaehyun curls his hand into a fist. There are three things he had been thinking about for the past few days after Taeyong decided to ignore him for the time being: 1. The kiss meant much more to him than how he had initially expected despite it lasting for only a couple of seconds, 2. He hates waiting, but he finds that he hates it more when he’s waiting for an indefinite answer from Taeyong, and 3. Johnny is definitely right about him being a love sick fool.

He thinks back to the night of the party where he first met him and got himself realizing that Taeyong’s impulsiveness had already been a part of why he is drawn to him. Taeyong, still a mere stranger to him then, had entered his life in a whirlwind of actions that had left him deeply rooted on his own silly little crush that it eventually turned not so little after finding himself awake in the middle of the night multiple times and thinking about him and his rose shaped scar.

“Do I need to have a reason for that?” Taeyong sighs.

Jaehyun frowns at him. “Hyung, you’re making this so much harder for me.”

“Why?” Taeyong leans against the table, his voice eager.

“Maybe because I like you?”

Taeyong pauses. His palms are rough when he presses them together.

“I always have. Even before we got into this arrangement, I already liked you.”

“You’re lying...”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Why would I be lying, hyung?” he asks. “What’s the point? If anything else, I should be the one asking you questions. Why did you kiss me?”

Taeyong remains quiet.

“Hyung,” Jaehyun calls for him again, louder this time. “Why did you kiss me?” he repeats.

“I...” Taeyong sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I think I like you, too.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “You think?”

“Yeah,”’ Taeyong says, nodding. “And I also think I don’t want to end this arrangement. At least, not any time soon.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Taeyong smiles at him. “I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while now, but I didn’t know how to approach you especially after the, uhm, kiss.”

“Me, too,” Jaehyun says, breathless. “I’ve been thinking about it, too. I’ve been thinking about you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Taeyong grins at him, finally feeling relieved of the weight resting on his shoulders for weeks now. When Jaehyun returns his smile, he watches, enamored, as the same deep set of dimples appeared on both sides of his cheeks. They are still as endearing as he remembers.

“What do we do now, hyung?” Jaehyun asks.

Taeyong shrugs. He tugs at the hem of his sleeves, pokes at the inside if his palm, and says, “Whatever we want.”

-

It started like that. A picture was published over the weekend by some well known news outlet known for exposing celebrity couples. Taeyong only laughs at the published articles now, finding them absurd and quite over the top with how desperate they are for clicks and engagement.

“Cut!”

Taeyong smiles when he sees his boyfriend approaching him. Jaehyun jogs over to him, still breathless from the scene he was previously shooting.

“You did great,” Taeyong says as he hands him over a bottle of water. Jaehyun mutters a thanks before chugging it down, panting heavily after he finishes. “You still have a few more scenes left for today, right?”

“Mhm,” Jaehyun nods before pressing a quick kiss onto his lips. “Are you staying until then? We might finish late.”

“It’s fine,” Taeyong tells him. “I have nothing to do, anyway.”

Jaehyun nods before leaning down to press another kiss on his lips. When he pulls away, he says, “I have to go now, then.”

“Okay,” Taeyong smiles. “I’ll be here. Waiting.”

Jaehyun grins before turning his back against him.

“Okay! Back to one, people!” the director shouts. Taeyong takes a seat on a nearby corner as the cameras startedrolling. He squints at the blinding lights. “And action!”