Chapter Text
Tsuna sat on his bed.
He was tense and irrationally nervous at the idea of having Gokudera around.
The truth was that he had missed the boy like crazy, during those two months he had spent at Giardini Bovino, and even if they had heard from each other, via messages and via phone calls, he often felt like someone had chopped away one of his arms. Maybe, he half-jokingly told himself, Gokudera really was his right arm: trying to cope with all the everyday stuff was like trying to do practical things with only one arm. And not the dominant one, moreover.
In August, then, during Ryohei's birthday party, a strange question had popped into his mind: what if there was something more than a friendship?
Even if he was with friends he trusted with his life and with whom he could be completely honest, he kept turning around to share an extemporaneous thought with Gokudera, just to find out over and over again that he wasn't there, that he wasn't by his side. But, aside from feeling the legit melancholy that was typical of the times when a friend can't be with you, after a while Tsuna had started to irrationally get angry at him, and instead of telling himself that Gokudera was on a mission and that he soon would be back, he found himself asking no one: “Why did you leave me?”
The sound of the water running in the shower started to drip into Tsuna's mind, who followed a trail of vague and smoky thoughts, trying to guess Gokudera's movements from the small variation of the sounds. Was he washing his arms? His chest? His hair? Was he brushing his private parts? And how was it, his...
-Tsuna.- Reborn called, distracting him from his thoughts. The hitman, who now looked about ten years old and was just entering what seemed to be the worst puberty ever, was standing in front of Tsuna's bed, a diary in his hands.
-Did Lambo calm down?- Tsuna asked.
-Bianchi is explaining the thing to him.- Reborn answered. Tsuna didn't speak. If the idea that another person was taking care of the matter was comforting, somehow he couldn't help but think that maybe Bianchi wasn't the most adequate person. He suspected his Hyper Intuition to have something to do about this thought, but he was confused and excited and he couldn't understand what, exactly, was bothering him so much. After all, Bianchi was an adult woman, she seemed to be somehow an expert and she knew when it was the time to speak seriously; moreover, Haru and Kyoko had casually made him understand that Bianchi had calmly and gently explained some obscure points to them, so who better than her could explain to Lambo how things worked? Tsuna shook his doubts away and asked: -What's that?
-Gokudera's diary. He said he would take back a complete report about the way things are at Giardini Bocino, I suppose it's here.- Reborn answered. Tsuna stood still. Reborn handled him the diary and insisted: -You should read it.
-I'll have him tell me everything tomorrow morning.- Tsuna said, hugging his pillow to keep his hands occupied. A very dishonest part of him was burning from the desire to read that diary, to look for his own name written in Gokudera's handwriting, even if only in the “G Alphabet” that Tsuna had by now more or less learned to decipher, the desire to know whether he had written something sweet or if he just barely mentioned him, as a Guardian would do with their Boss.
Reborn didn't move and kept staring at Tsuna, still holding out his arm towards him. Tsuna's fingers sank in the pillow: to be honest, he didn't want to find out what Gokudera had written about him. He was afraid that if he had remained professional instead of writing long love poems he would have gone mad.
-Take it, Tsuna.- Reborn said. Tsuna grabbed the diary and slammed it on the bed: -I'll talk about this with Gokudera when he's done with his shower.
-Tsuna...
-This is my last word, Reborn.- Tsuna said. He was starting to lose his patience. It was some time since the hitman had started to act like a prick, even more than usual, as if that was his last chance to do it, and the thing was starting to get on Tsuna's nerves. Now, he was pushing him towards a violation of Gokudera's privacy, and Tsuna just couldn't tolerate it. He went on: -Do I have to remind you who is the Boss?- Reborn raised an eyebrow, but didn't let out any other sign of surprise.
-When it's in your favour, then you're the Boss, huh?- he said. Tsuna didn't answer. Between the naturally arrogant personality of the killer and the first puberty hormones, he knew that that was just his trying to get out having had the last word. He didn't care, so he just kept silent until Reborn didn't smirk at him and left.
The sound of the shower stopped, and Tsuna's heart jumped in his chest. Soon, Gokudera would come in there, and only now he realized that he had forgotten his change clothes. He thought about getting up and taking them to the bathroom himself to avoid his embarrassment, and he was just fighting with the terrible, amusing idea of touching one of his underwear, when Lambo came in.
To say it better, he had probably been there for a while, but he had arrived so silently that Tsuna hadn't seen him. He was just standing there, looking gloomy, with a thumb in his mouth, which made him look much more younger of his ten years and a half of age.
-Lambo! What happened?
-Tsuna nii, Lambo san is bad?- Tsuna almost fell. He pushed his pillow and Gokudera's diary away and answered: -What are you saying, Lambo?! Come here!- Lambo got closer, his head held low, and Tsuna lifted him with a bit of effort: he no longer was the two-feet-high kid that could be transported with one hand, but it was clear that he needed one hell of a hug. Tsuna held him tight and asked: -Can you tell me what happened?
-Bianchi san told me what happens when a boy and a girl get together.- Lambo answered. He was about to go on, when Gokudera burst in, his face red, more gorgeous than ever, only covered by the bath towel. Tsuna wondered whether he had to compliment or insult himself for giving him a very large one. In doubt, he went for the insults.
-Tenth, sumimasen, I forgot to bring my clothes!- Gokudera said, tears in his eyes. Tsuna felt Lambo stiffen against his chest and answered: -No problem, Gokudera kun, take them. Or just put them on here, so you won't waste any time.- Gokudera blushed even more, then he glanced at Lambo. The redness on his cheeks vanished while he got serious. He asked: -Aho Ushi, what's up? Bakadera forgets his panties and he doesn't deserve the smallest mocking?- he asked, with all the sweetness he could, so not very much. Lambo stiffened even more in the cradle of Tsuna's arms.
-He spoke with Bianchi about... uhm... you-know-what. I don't know what happened.- Gokudera, still covered only by the towel, got closer and sat beside Tsuna.
-What did she told you, Lambo?- he asked. Tsuna lost himself thinking about how muck Gokudera was damn gorgeous and suddenly go the urge to kiss him. Right beside his ear, where a lock of wet hair was brushing his cheek. The need was so strong that he almost felt his lips wetted by the fresh water, and a vague, distant scent of shampoo. Then, Lambo muttered: -No, you'll mock me, go away.
-I won't mock you, I swear.- Gokudera answered, holding out a hand to take the one that Lambo wasn't keeping in his mouth. He gently caressed him and said in Italian: -Croce sul cuore, parola di Lupetto.- Tsuna looked at him, puzzled. He hadn't understood, but that little sentence seemed to have had an almost miraculous effect on Lambo, who looked up at Gokudera. He hesitated for a while, then he took his thumb out of his mouth and asked: -Does a boy need to be with a girl to make babies?- Tsuna saw himself screaming, throwing Lambo outside the window and run away, making as much mess as he could, hoping to be killed by an annoyed Hibari. He barely kept himself from doing it, while Gokudera sat more comfortably and put on that sensual professor charm: -Well, yes and no. if you want to have babies, there must be a boy and a girl. But a boy can fall in love with a boy, or a girl with a girl.
-Isn't this a bad thing?- Lambo asked. The hope of being told that it was good anyway was written in his eyes with so neat tints that Tsuna felt a knot in his throat.
-No way, why do you think so?- Gokudera asked, -I hope Bianchi didn't tell you this?- Lambo shook his head.
-No, but she only talked of boys and girls.- Gokudera hesitated, clearly in doubt. Tsuna intervened: -Oh, I guess she only did the basic, maybe she thought she could go on another time!
-Well said, Tenth!- Gokudera said, catching the ball, -They usually speak of boys and girls first because... well, the thing you do to make babies is also fun, but it's dangerous. What I mean is... you can do it even if you don't want babies, but if you're not careful it can happen all the same, when there's a boy and a girl doing it.
-It doesn't happen when there are a boy and a boy?- Lambo asked.
-No, two boys can have fun without worrying!- Gokudera said, then he blushed.
-Well, maybe we should tell him that it's not something you do with just everybody...- Tsuna went on for him, trying to fight against the crazy ideas that were now crossing his mind.
-Well, you're right, Tenth, I'm sorry.- Gokudera blabbered.
-Listen, Lambo, let's do one thing.- Tsuna said, -We'll speak better about it when we aren't all dumb for the sleepiness, alright? For now, just remember: a boy and a girl is not wrong, a boy and a boy is not wrong, a girl and a girl is not wrong.- Lambo's eyes shone.
-If you like another boy, that's okay, just remember one thing: if he hurts you, I'll get mad.- Gokudera went on, then he did something completely unexpected: he bent over Lambo, he took his hand and gently bit on his finger. Then he said: -Now, stop thinking about this and go to sleep, I'm hungry and you seem to be tasty.- Lambo laughed, a crystal clear laughter that Tsuna realised he hadn't heard in a while. Clearly, there was something bothering him. But Tsuna didn't ask, and Lambo seemed to be calm enough to sleep tight. He accepted a kiss on his cheek from the boy and looked at him go away.
Gokudera got up short after and closed the door behind him; from the bathroom, the sound of the shower was coming, sign that someone else had occupied him while they were speaking.
-Tenth, if you don't mind I'll put on my clothes here.
-As you wish, I'll go grab something for you to eat.- Tsuna left the room, complimenting himself for having found the perfect excuse not to be in the same room as Gokudera while he was dressing up. The thought of looking up and see a reflection of him naked was as embarrassing as it was... Tsuna saw his own hand tremble, while he was poring some water for the instant noodles in a small pot. He forced himself to admit it, even in his own mind and nowhere else: it was arousing. And the words that Gokudera had told Lambo kept echoing in his head: a boy could fall in love with a boy, you can have fun without having to worry... Tsuna wondered whether he actually thought it that way, if he had learned it from experience, if there was someone in his life, a faceless boy to whom he thought about first of all in the morning, and with whose image he cradled himself when he went to sleep. The idea was just plain painful.
Alright, Tsuna said to himself while he poured the dehydrated noodles in the boiling water, he had to do something about it. Gokudera was a smart guy, and Tsuna was sure that Love, the true one, was a two-ways feeling, so if the other didn't love him back they would have talked calmly, Tsuna would have promised he wasn't going to do anything, and soon the crush would be over.
Feeling both as calm as still water and as nervous as a raccoon, Tsuna poured the noodles in a bowl, he took some chopsticks and went to his room. There, he found Gokudera, already dressed up, standing in front of the bed, his diary in hand.
-Reborn was insisting that I read it.- he said, justifying himself before being asked to, -I obviously didn't. I don't know what's possessing him, these days.
-It was your right to read it, Tenth. It's my work agenda, and if I was so stupid to write my private things in it it would be my fault only.- Tsuna put the bowl on the desk and got close to Gokudera. Suddenly enraged, he took him by his shoulders and said: -Gokudera kun! Reborn's shit about the Mafia may say that you're under me. But to me, you aren't. Alright? You are you, I am me, we're peers. I want us to be peers!- Gokudera blushed and grabbed the diary against his chest.
-If there are things you don't want to tell me, or that you want to tell me in another way than how you did for yourself, that's alright with me. The diary is yours, and I don't intend to read it as long as you don't put it in my hands and command me to do it.- Gokudera seemed to seriously think at Tsuna's words, and he let him his time. He gently pushed him towards the desk and let him eat in peace, while he put down a clean futon. Then, he remembered: -Oh, the ice!
-Don't think about it, Tenth, it doesn't hurt anymore. I deeply thank you for all that you're doing.- Gokudera answered. He seemed to be terribly embarrassed, and he was so cute with that hungry puppy face that Tsuna couldn't resist: he got closer and sat on his lap, hugged his neck with his hands and put his head on his shoulder.
-Te... Te... Tenth?!- Tsuna realized what he was going and abruptly got up: -Oh! Gokudera kun, forgive me! I... I didn't want to... well, no, I actually wanted to, but asking you first if I could wouldn't have killed me...
-Tenth, don't worry, seriously, it's...
-Of course, talk about it and let it pass, come on...- Tsuna muttered.
-Tenth, what are you talking about?- Tsuna froze. The truth was that when he was with Gokudera he felt so safe, so at home, that he just didn't realise when he spoke or when he was only thinking. It was as beautiful as it was scary. He heavily sat on his bed; the springs squeaked. Then he brushed his face with both hands and said: -I'm sorry, Gokudera kun. I'm tired, and I missed you so much, and I don't know what to do with Lambo, and I want to gain back these two months you've been away from me and...- Tsuna huffed, and Gokudera entered his sight, right in front of his knees. A blatant hesitation, then Gokudera put the diary on the mattress and his hands on Tsuna's legs: -I will take care of Lambo. I'll put down a list of things to tell him and we'll explain him everything, little by little. I can see that you're tired, and...
-Gokudera kun, do you really mean those things you told Lambo?
-That two boys in love isn't wrong?- Gokudera asked. Tsuna nodded. -Of course I do, Tenth.- Gokudera said. His voice was so sweet and so sure that Tsuna felt allowed to say: -That's good. Because right now I need to sleep, but we need to talk as soon as possible, because I think I like you and I need to understand something about it.- Gokudera smiled and looked away, while Tsuna complimented himself for being able to tell him that he needed to talk, without giving him anxiety and without uncovering himself.
-Of course, Tenth. Go to sleep, now, you're about to break down.- Tsuna fell with his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.
He didn't notice Gokudera covering his shoulders with the thin blanket, and he didn't noticed the open diary he was putting on his bedside table, either.
About his sentence, that clearly wasn't the highest peak of spies' encrypted communication, he would realize no sooner than the morning after.
A tiny note: "Croce sul cuore, parola di Lupetto", literally "Cross my heart, Scout's word", is something we say in Italy, usually to children, we we need to make a solemn promise.