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Jaebeom sat alone at the table and for once, this might be the first time when he didn’t like having a table all to himself. “Why didn’t I have the confidence to talk to him?” He groaned into his hands. There’s no reason to stay any longer. He can barely focus to continue his studies when his mind is clouded about someone else.
“I didn’t even get to ask for his name.”
He shoved everything into his backpack, not really caring about sorting his notes properly. When he finally left the library, Jaebeom took out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He has friends who he can rely on and who are good to him, but when it comes to truly understanding him it has to be Mark.
“Hello?” Mark answered through the phone.
“Hey, did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, not at all.” Mark reassured. “Is something wrong? You sound kind of serious.”
“Nothing’s wrong, I just—” Jaebeom wasn’t too sure himself if this was considered a serious matter. But he remembers Mark telling him that when he’s heavy in his thoughts, it’s always going to be serious. If not to Jaebeom, then to Mark. “I’m having a little bit of trouble, yeah.”
Usually they would meet up to have these types of conversations, but because Mark is away to visit his family they’d just have to resort to talking over the phone.
“I didn’t even ask about your family.” At times like this, it makes Jaebeom feel bad for seeming selfish. “Is everyone doing well? This isn’t a family emergency, right?”
“No, everyone’s good.” Mark responded. “Everyone is basically here, and this is the only weekend when everyone can meet like this. Except for me, but I’m glad I can be away from my classes right now to be with them.”
Jaebeom caught a bus right in time before it had left. For the entire ride, he was listening to Mark catch him up on family updates. In between his talk, Mark would hesitate and make sure Jaebeom wants him to keep going. And when he’d get the okay to keep talking, he knows that talking about something else helps Jaebeom keep his mind off of everything that’s bothering him.
“That’s basically it.” Mark ended. “Do you want to talk now?”
On his side, Mark heard four consecutive beeps. Jaebeom came into his apartment and went straight to his couch. He sat down and let out a sigh. To be honest, it’s been awhile since Jaebeom ever talked about his feelings about someone. Could he even call it a crush at this point? No, that’d be too ridiculous.
“So you like him?” Mark was very monotone. Hearing this, Jaebeom could feel his cheeks flush and he covered his eyes with his arm.
“You know, I might’ve said there’s no way it’s a crush,” Jaebeom paused, “but I actually wish you would’ve said that it was instead.”
Mark laughed, he could see the potential of getting to tease Jaebeom about this. “When you said it was serious, I didn’t think it would be this serious.”
“Mark, I swear when you get back I’m going to kill you.” In second thought, maybe calling Mark to tell him about this was a bad idea. Jaebeom pulled away from his phone for a moment before pressing it against his ears again.
“Well, he obviously goes to the same university as us. You’ll see him again, and when you do that’s when you’ll get to talk to him.”
“But that’s the problem, I can’t.” Despite his good looks, Jaebeom didn’t have enough confidence to approach someone he wanted to talk to. He’s rather introverted in that way. It really sucks, especially because he’s really interested in Youngjae and wants to get to know him.
“I know you don’t have much dating experience, well, none of us do.” Mark corrects himself. It’s true though, they’re a very close-knit friend group. They always do everything together and don’t really bother with the dating world. “But if you want to chase after him, then you should take initiative or else you’ll regret it. What do you have to lose, you know?”
“I guess.” Jaebeom wasn’t fully convinced.
“Hey, how about this.” Mark stays quiet for a bit to think. “You can come up with an excuse to talk to him. I mean, he technically already did that by giving you his milk carton. You can buy a new one and tell him it’s for that time.”
“Agh!” Jaebeom felt his body shiver from the thought of how cliché that sounds. “That’d just make me look like an idiot, Mark! I shouldn’t have asked you to help me with this. I’m hanging up!”
The line cut. Mark smiled to himself as he stared at his phone. “Idiots listen to idiots.”
“Everything okay?” Mark’s little brother asks. “Dinner is ready.”
“Yeah, I’m coming.”
Jaebeom threw his phone to the side. “What, is he insane! How can I chase after him if I don’t even know he’s even a bit interested in me.”
Youngjae was lying comfortably in bed, staring at his high ceiling. He could take a nap right now, but he’s way too awake to even consider it. Suddenly embarrassed about what happened earlier today, Youngjae covered his face with a pillow. His muffled screams couldn’t even escape the sides of the pillow.
“There’s no way he’ll like me now.” Youngjae is quite an emotional person, and small things like this can get him feeling down. He turned over to his side and slipped his hand under his phone. He switched over to the speakers when it started dialing.
“What’s up?”
“Jinyoung, I need help.” Youngjae stumbled over his words. He technically had no energy to explain whatever this situation was, but there's no way he could stop thinking about this even if he tried.
“This sounds like a ‘I need help sorting out my feelings’ kind of help?”
“How do you know me so well?” But of course, that was a rhetorical question that Youngjae already knew the answer to.
Jinyoung chuckled and proceeded, “Okay, go ahead.”
“Remember when we went out to have barbeque last night? Well,” Youngjae took a breath in because whatever he says next might sound really absurd, “there was someone that caught my eye. He looked so handsome, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him all day. But anyway, I still went to the library today. It was just me for maybe an hour and then someone came over to sit at the same table as me. Jinyoung, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“This is starting to sound like you’re describing a movie to me.” Jinyoung commented.
“Right, but in the movies it’s really cute or maybe really tacky.” Youngjae added. “This was just completely awful, okay. It was him, the guy from last night. I literally can’t believe I met him like this. I don’t even know if he noticed me from the restaurant, but I would think he did? I think we made eye contact, oh, but maybe it’s good that he didn’t notice me. That would’ve been bad.”
“How exactly is meeting this guy from last night awful? It sounds like you’re really interested in him. Could this be love at first sight?” Jinyoung teased.
“No!” Youngjae disagreed almost immediately. “First of all, it’s not love at first sight. Second of all, it’s awful because I embarrassed myself right in front of him. He started coughing, right? I had two strawberry milk cartons with me, so stupid me decided why not give him one. Jinyoung, am I crazy? Like who does that.”
“Why? That sounds really cute to me.”
“No, here comes the worse part. I started panicking and wanted to get out of there, so I was packing all of my things. But when I closed my book, it flung his papers off the table. I looked like a mess, Jinyoung. There’s no way he’d be interested in me now.”
“Slow down, Youngjae.” It’s been awhile since Jinyoung has seen Youngjae act like this. “You’re gonna sound like you just ran a mile with all this talking.”
“Jinyoung!” Youngjae yelled out. “This is serious, please.”
“I’m not teasing you!” Jinyoung tried to reassure him. “I don’t know if you know this, but when you get flustered it really shows your charm. You thinking that you ‘messed up’ or possibly embarrassing yourself could’ve been really cute to him.”
“It’s like what you said, ‘could’ve,’ but I highly doubt it.”
“I’m sure he’ll try talking to you again or something. I’d tell you to go for it and approach him first, but I know you’re shy. I don’t want you to get anxious about it.” When it comes to talking about crushes and relationships, Jinyoung isn’t the best one to talk to about it. Even so, he’s still a really good friend who knows how to listen.
“Thank you for worrying about me.” Youngjae stares at his phone screen. It makes him happy that Jinyoung wants to push him to go beyond and do things he’s afraid of doing, but also understanding that it can leave him feeling anxious.
“So don’t worry about it, okay?” Jinyoung speaks up again. “I guess whatever happens next, you can worry about it then. If you really want, you can wait for him to make a move. Now that I’m saying this, wouldn’t that make you more nervous? Er, how should I say this.”
“It’s okay, Jinyoung.” Youngjae chuckled this time. “I think I know what you’re saying.”
“Are you sure?” Jinyoung worried. “You’re not feeling worse because of what I said? You’re not nervous or anything, right?”
“No, I’m not.” Youngjae answered with laughter. “Okay, I’m gonna go now. I think I’ve kept you long enough.”
“Wait, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes!” Youngjae exclaimed. “I’ll let you know if something happens, okay?”
“Okay.” Jinyoung hesitantly answered. “Make sure to call me!”
“Yes, yes.” Youngjae said before saying he’ll hang up. When he did, he laid there for a while and then turned onto his back again.
Jinyoung laughed and rested his phone on his desk. “Nothing, but a little reverse psychology will do.”
Youngjae thought for a bit before he sat up straight from his bed. His eyes furrowing while he thought a little harder. “I should be the one to approach him. Yeah, that should take him by surprise! Jinyoung said not to worry about it, but maybe it’s time for a change. I should just go for it.”
He slung his legs around and propped himself at the edge of his bed. Youngjae grabbed his pillow and hugged it tightly, “but what if I embarrass myself even more? No, I shouldn’t then. But I actually should, agh, I don’t know what to do!” He shoved his face into his pillow to hide from his own secondhand embarrassment.
“He has such a nice name too. I wonder what it’ll sound like if he says my name.” Youngjae trailed off. “Jaebeom.”
Near the end of each day, the sun would switch shifts with the moon. By this time, Youngjae was already heading to bed. He always sets an alarm beforehand, but this time around he decided to wake up earlier than usual. The library opens later on the weekends at ten instead of their usual eight. “Wake up at 9:30 and then I’ll head over to the library to—to study.” Because there’s no way that he would go to campus so early in the morning just to see Jaebeom, right? There’s absolutely no way.
Sunday rolled around much slower than Jaebeom wanted, but here he was checking out one strawberry milk carton at the convenience store. He checked the time on his phone that read 9:46 AM. As soon as he paid, he made his way over to the library on campus. The library had just opened when he arrived, but instead of heading inside Jaebeom was lounging around at the front.
“I’m an idiot. What am I doing?” Jaebeom stared at the strawberry milk that was cupped between his hands. “It’s a Sunday, who comes here so early just to go to the library—just to see someone. Idiot.”
Youngjae walked furiously towards the library, his head whirring with so many unorganized thoughts. His heart was beating really fast. “I’m here to study, that’s all.” Out of breath, he started walking slower just up ahead because the library building was in plain sight. He drew a tad bit closer and noticed someone standing there. It felt like his heart was beating louder with every step that he took. “I’m just here to—”
Just then they had made eye contact. It really is him. Youngjae panicked and stopped in his tracks. He’s so nervous that he can’t even move, but why does it look like Jaebeom’s walking towards him? Is this what it’s like to have butterflies, but why does it feel more nauseating?
Jaebeom looked down the entire time and abruptly reached out his hand to reveal a milk carton. He stood just a few feet away from Youngjae, his face really flushed with this hint of red. “This—it’s for the other day.”
Youngjae may be really bad at reading facial expressions, but there’s no way he could get this one wrong could he? And for the first time in awhile, Youngjae felt a little more confident. His own cheeks were already painted pink before he’d gotten here. Thinking day and night about this person makes him shy no matter what. Youngjae smiled cheekily and went in to take the milk carton. Their fingers brushed slightly, which surprised Jaebeom. Then it dropped.
“I’m—” Jaebeom only managed to say as he stared at the strawberry milk flowing out of its carton. He started fidgeting with his hands. “I’m so sorry. I can get you another one. I’ll go buy it right now.”
This isn’t like him at all. How can someone like Jaebeom be like this around another person? That’s never happened before. He backtracked and started to walk away before feeling a hand grab onto his arm.
“It’s okay, I don’t need it.” Youngjae was so close to him that it felt really warm. This face, he looks so cute when he’s shy. “How about you treat me out instead?”