Chapter Text
"Charlie, I... you know how I feel about that the whole 'Al' situation, so I need you to listen to me. I will leave you alone about asking for help from whoever you want from here on out as long as you just get rid of that thing." Vaggie had always been cautious. Whether dealing with words, fights, or friends, she always tried to think through every possible situation before deciding on the safest option. Unfortunately there simply wasn't a safe option, hence the liberal amount of control she was willing to relinquish to get the hotel's newest guest out as fast as possible.
"You have to understand- YOU of all people have to understand the danger he poses existing top side alone. The fact that he's here? Now? As a guest to the hotel? What demon in the nine circles would be willing to check in when word gets out-"
"I KNOW! I FUCKING KNOW, VAGGIE! I- It's alright, it's alright, deep breaths, no demon form when arguing, deep, breaths, Deep. Breaths- That's not working and I know!"
"So, uh... Al? I know you said you'd do something about the, uh... the situation goin' on, but Charlie and Vags are tearin' each other apart."
...
"Listen, I know I'm not the sharpest cheddah when it comes to these sorts of things, but wouldya at least tell me what's goin' on? Husky hasn't left his room since yesterday and Niffty just keeps sayin' shit about blood n' guts before skittering away to- to stress clean? Shit, she fuckin' asked me to let her dust bathe me. Who the hell is this guy?"
...
Damn.
He had a point.
"I'm sorry, Angel. I believe you do deserve an explanation." Twirling his staff, the room is plunged into darkness as images of the Slayer's escapades dance through their minds.
"In the first age, in the first battle, when the shadow's first lengthened? One stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon..."
Lucifer always loved early mornings. Never knew why. Didn't bother to think about it really. Simply let himself enjoy them. Placing a cup of tea beside his wife, he lightly touched it to keep it from going cold while he awaited his queen's wakefulness. Today was a special day after all. An anniversary only comes once a year, does it not? Oh, and all the splendid things they had planned. Why, he only knew the half of them! A few millennia back they both decided that such occasions were perfect for surprises, and ever since they'd planned the day for each other in complete secret.
His phone rang from a room or two over, quiet but noticeable. Lilith shifted in her sleep. Whoever was on the end would be given exactly seven seconds to spit out their two cents before he incinerated them.
Oh.
Charlotte finally decide to give daddy a call?
"Good morning my little Apple. How nice of you to call, but I... I can't assume it's to wish us a happy anniversary now, can I?" Let it never be said that Lucifer didn't love his daughter. He doted on her constantly and consistently when it came to proper royal matters. Unfortunately, the last they spoke was about his treatment of the masses. The poor girl had it in her head that if a human could be redeemed in the living world, they could be redeemed in hell. After their one and only fight on the matter, her mother saw to it she was at least given the chance to realize her dreams. He still thought her naive, positively blinded by optimism, but he'd had Lillith bring her a gift from him. A beautiful leather bound ledger with his personal HellPhone number on a small card. 'Call me if things go south, Apple. You'll always have a place in our home.'
"No, I did remember, Happy Anniversary! A fruit basket should be arriving in about an hour! It's beautiful and elaborate, and it even has a few less than healthy options hidden in there for you! If... if the service I used is still around." That was... odd. They both knew that any day in hell was pure chaos, that nothing was for certain other than the yearly culling.
"Oh, that's absolutely wonderful to hear darling. But, what's all this concern about? You know as well as I that-"
"Daddy..." Now... that just won't do.
"Give me a name sweet heart, they'll be on the six o'clock new- no, the FIVE o'clock news. I swear if they put so much as a finger on-"
"No! No... it's not that exactly. The.. the Slayer. He's... here... at the hotel." Lucifer hung up instantly and went to the bedroom.
"Lilith my dear, I do apologize for the rude awakening, but it appears our plans have been delayed. I'll explain in the car, just get ready for anything."
And that's how our hero found himself in a luxurious, if somewhat clashing dining room, a mountain of eggs, bacon, toast, and several pitchers of various breakfasty drinks between him and four of the most powerful demons in hell.
"May I ask that we conduct this business before you start with... all of that?" He shot the ruler of hell a dirty look, having been forced to remove his helmet to eat. He felt nervous without Vega's near monotone voice in his ear, and even more so with genuine demons in the same room, so no. They could either deal with him having breakfast, or wait until he was done.
"I see. Well, as you are a... guest, here at my daughter's hotel, may I ask why... any of this? Is still standing?" He was forced to admit, this one did have a nice hat. With his mouth thoroughly occupied, the slayer began to fiddle with his helmet.
"My liege, why it's obviously because word has gotten 'round. He's clearly here to assist me and my business partner with our revolutionary new hotel, yes?" Still tinkering with the helmet in one hand, he continued to make his way through breakfast with the other.
"I... I'm sorry, uh... Sir, but if we're to conduct business, you will have to weigh in. Mister Slayer. Sir." Lillith gently placed her hand in Charlie's doing what she could to reassure the terrified girl. It was touching, truly. It was nice to see he wasn't wrong about not being too late.
"The Slayer would apologize for the destruction he caused during his first few hours, but seeing as the recent angelic attack hid both his entrance into this world and that he's made his way here, he simply will not." Vega spoke through a quick and dirty speaker system they'd managed to reengineer into the helmet after checking the hotel's layout. Alright, yeah, the two also went over a number of things to say and do just to fuck with the staff. Sue 'em.
"In any case, he only has three simple demands." The four before him spoke to each other in hushed whispers before facing him again.
"We are willing to allow you to stay at the hotel for a limited amount of time. Very limited depending on these... demands." Alright, the hat factor was diminishing.
"First, the Slayer agrees to pay for his suite in labor, given that he is granted full protection by whatever body governs this circle of hell." Reading the room of glares and disbelief, he quickly knocked on the helmet, which had at this point moved to the table.
"Barring that, full protection while on hotel grounds." It was obvious no one was happy with the idea, but they would have to live with it.
"Second, that hotel staff grant the Slayer a detailed rundown on the nine circles, as well as a list with of all high ranking and powerful demons within them." That wasn't exactly going to be easy given the sheer amount of powerful demons throughout the entirety of hell, but it seemed like no one had any particular problems with it.
"Third, the demon Alastor is required to make dinner for all the guests once a week." That one simply confused the present royalty, but seemed to put a more genuine hint to Al's smile. Knew he'd get a kick out of it. The demons excused themselves to go over the offer, leaving him to his own devices. Namely, fork and spoon in this scenario.
"Y-" His voice was interrupted by a coughing fit. Damn, when was the last time he actually spoke? Several minutes and half a pitcher of orange juice later, he tried again.
"You know, Vega? I think Duke woulda liked it here..."