Chapter Text
Competiton in two months. Minsung was ready to work with Dongho. Both were masterful skaters, but they didn't have the bond of trust. They may be on the road to becoming friends, and Minsung my know everything about Dongho, but there was no trust between them. Certainly not enough to let Dongho spin Minsung in an effortless, elegant movement. The first time they tried, Minsung had fallen. He was shaking so much Dongho lost his grip. There was no relationship outside of the rink. The two were just like strangers.
Minsung could think he knew everything about Dongho, but what did he know? He knew the distorted media's version of Dongho. He didn't know the boy standing in front of him. This competition would mean everything to him. His brother would have something to be proud of, even though they were competitors. What Minsung couldn't grasp is the reluctance of which Dongho approached the competition. He wasn't full of the competitive spirit Minsung had seen in all those videos.
Dongho didn't want to compete. He wanted to stay on the ice and flow, but being better, being the ice prince everyone expected was too much. It wasn't that he couldn't handle the pressure, it was more the attention scared him. He had been so traumatized after the rumors came out, so scared of the media and the public eye. Cameras were nightmare fuel, the outside was out to get him. Often he had hidden in his closet and even more frequently had cried behind locked doors. They weren't true. The rumors were all false. Now he was back on the ice, expected to be the big star again. All he wanted was to skate, not win. It had never been about winning.
Yet, who was he to let Minsung down? Minsung, who spent hours on the ice with the only goal of being better. Dongho didn't know why- they weren't close enough for that- but he admired it. He wanted to be closer to Minsung, but how? How does one become closer to someone through a purely work-related environment? He couldn't. He wasn't ready. Kang Dongho, still terrified of people in general, had no courage to strike up a conversation with the only person who believed him after hearing the allegations were false.
Minsung was focusing. On the ice was the only time the roar in his head faded, and he could think. Words rattled in his head. "Be better. You're a role model Minsung. Minsoo needs someone to look up to. If you can't hold that responsibility, you might as well take the blame for everything he does wrong. Every failure is on you because you're older. As long as you do well he will. If you aren't, then you're doing something wrong."
It broke his focus and he fell. Minsung landed with a crash on the ice in a heap of limbs. He swore softly under his breath, and louder when he realized Dongho had just walked in. They needed to win so he could show Minsoo he was still qualified and an actual older brother. It wasn't his fault he wasn't perfect, and yet it was. Minsoo this and Minsoo that. Minsung just wanted to impress someone while being good for him, not for Minsoo. There was no reason for him to become a skater, it was because Minsoo wanted to skate.
Dongho helped him up, and Minsung wanted to shake off his hand. He didn't need it. Yet, practice must go on. The two danced on the ice, in sync for once. When Dongho reached to spin Minsung, time seemed to stop. Minsung panicked and fell from Dongho's grasp. There was no fluidity, no gracefulness. Just the crashing down of limbs. It was a wonder no one was cut by the flailing ice skating blades. Dongho shook a little. He was scared of hurting Minsung, but neither trusted the other to commit to the move.
Trust. Such a beautiful word. Years to build, seconds to destroy. Neither was willing to trust the other.
"I can't do this, Minsung."
"Can't do what?"
"The move. Every time we've tried, you've fallen and I'm scared what will happen if we don't get lucky." Dongho looked down at his fingers, of which were shaking. It was partially his fault, but if they didn't compete, they didn't compete.
"You don't trust me."
"I mean, you don't trust me."
"Dongho, you don't understand. I need to get to this competition and I need to win it. It's so important, we need to do this."
"Then trust me Minsung."
"How can I when you aren't 100% focused on practice?"
"I don't want to go to the competition."
The words hung, frozen in the air. Minsung's shocked face looked back at Dongho.
"Why not?" The words were scathing, almost as if they had knives.
"I j-just. I c- I can't tell you."
"Fine." Minsung pulled himself up off the ice and skated towards the exit door. "We don't have to compete."
"What's so big about this tournament? There are others coming up!"
Minsung looked over his shoulder. "Lee Minsoo."
-
This was how much Dongho didn't know about Minsung. He barely knew his last name. Social media was useful in this case, and he looked up "Lee Minsoo." An account popped up, a talented young ice skater in their area. He looked to be slightly younger than Dongho and bore a striking resemblance to Minsung. He was good. And yet, something about him was nagging at Dongho. Out of curiosity, he looked up "Lee Minsung."
An account with a slightly larger following greeted him. It was clearly his colleague, they weren't friends but were closer than acquaintances, but there weren't any ice skating photos. Strange, Minsung seemed to have dedicated his entire life to the sport. There were images of Lee Minsoo and Minsung, pictures of friends, quotes, and the occasional song. No ice or skates or flips.
Who was Lee Minsung?
Minsun was searching up "Kang Dongho." As expected skating came up, but also an account for a cat. Dongho had a cat? When had the "Boba" become a part of his life? How much did he know about Dongho, really? The pictures were all the fuzzy creature, though it had been inactive, the last post captioned, "I live in the states now :("
Minsung didn't know how, but his phone ended up across the room and onto his bed. Why the heck would Dongho not want to compete? Didn't he know what this meant to Minsung? But... but he didn't. Minsung never told him anything. They weren't friends, weren't even acquaintances. They were strangers. All Minsung had been focused on was Minsoo and being better for his brother, but maybe, Minsoo wasn't the entire world he was supposed to revolve around.
Who was Kang Dongho?
Shooting Dongho a text, cringing at their previous conversation asking about practice time, and trying to relax wasn't easy. Minsung rewrote it, eventually asking Dongho to meet up at a cafe in an hour. Dongho received the text and replied with a quick okay.
They had no idea who the other was, but they were going to figure it out, or (figuratively) die trying.
-
Black coffee. Dongho got a black coffee. Minsung shuddered. He desperately wanted his steamed milk and espresso shot, but if Dongho wanted black coffee, he was going to drink it with him.
Dongho was mentally kicking himself. Black coffee and he'd seen Minsung shudder. Minsung probably liked something a little sweeter or creamier. Yet, he'd been an idiot and ordered what he wanted.
Never being good with sugarcoating, he flat out said what was on his mind. "Who is this Lee Minsoo?"
Minsung hesitated. "My brother."
"Elaborate."
"Basically, I gotta be perfect for him. My parents said every failure I had he'd copy. If he failed at all it was my fault. They told me to be perfect for him, but I just don't want to anymore." It was like a plug had been pulled, ad words just rushed out of Minsung.
"It made our relationship go south and now I'm sure he hates me. I love him to death, but now I'm just seen as that perfect older brother he can't attain. I wanna be human with him, I don't want to be responsible for his problems, and I've done everything to be the best for him. I skated for him, I learned how to sing for him, I even learned how to do differential calculus for him. It was all to be perfect for him, but then he couldn't get it all as I did. It didn't click for him, and that's okay, but then my parents started saying it was my fault." He paused to draw a breath and push the hair out of his eyes.
"I can't be perfect for him all the time, but I feel like I have to. There's so much freaking pressure on me. The pressure I never wanted. I didn't want to become a better version of him, I want to be Lee Minsung. I'm a guy who actually loves singing, and I'll just play with music. I'm not a skater, I'm not any of this."
It wasn't that Minsung didn't know he was crying, but he didn't realize he was crying. It wasn't until a tear fell into his drink and his eyes felt swollen that he realized the sadness pouring down his face. Dongho looked on sympathetic, though his face was riddled with questions.
"Then... why push to compete and keep practicing?"
"I was hoping if I did it more I could love it." It was such a raw, anguished answer, one that Dongho understood. He loved the sport, never once thinking that someone would skate even if they hated it.
"And the competition?"
"Media. Minsoo. Mom and dad."
That hurt Dongho. It was exactly why he wanted to run from skating, minus the brother bit. He loved the sport, but pressure, even the pressure Minsung was under, was too much for anyone. Yet, as he thought he was the only one who felt like that, he started to come out of his world. Kang Dongho was selfish. Kang Donghoo needed to get out of his own head and realize other people get hurt and other people are afraid. That hurt Dongho's pride, just a little. He was so trapped in his own head, he didn't realize others could be as well.
"Your turn. Who's Boba?"
"My cat. Boba's in the states with my parents. I'm hiding in Korea actually."
"Why?"
"So I can stay away from them." Dongho fidgets with his hands. "It's a trust thing."
"Media? Rumors?" Minsung guessed.
Dongho nodded. "Yeah. And I had to get away from cameras."
"And if you competed..." Minsung started.
"...There'd be cameras and media and rumors everywhere." Dongho finished.
"This coffee is bitter. Like our lives."
"Minsung, we're still young."
"I meant what I said. We don't have to compete."
"Maybe not, but let's get the routine down?"
"You trust me?"
"Maybe a little more now that I know you."
Minsung smiled. "Alright. Let's get it down."
-
I know I am alone
My trust is torn to shreds
Minsung and Dongho both took starting positions, skating in sync. Dongho became a shadow as Minsung flipped and performed a triple lutz. Then, it was Dongho's turn. Minsung faded to the background as a triple toe loop sent Dongho flying through the air.
Don't look at me with a smile claim that "It's ok."
You know it isn't.
Life's not perfect
It wasn't about the routine anymore. Anyone could soar through the air like they were doing. For them, it was the lyrics, the message in the song. They both were more similar than either realized, and that was okay. They just needed to get out of their own heads.
How can you look at me from far away?
How do you live with yourself?
After you left.
I told you everything
For Dongho, it was the media. For Minsung it was Minsoo. Minsung loved his brother to the ends of the earth, and yet he was seen as overbearing, unfair, stupidly perfect, and unattainable. Where had it gone sour? Why did the media choose to spread all the knowledge of Dongho, though it wasn't correct? They existed to hurt and destroy. Hurt and destroy they did.
Hiding the rumors that may be true
Wipe a tear as I feel blue
Now I'm battle-scarred
Know not to trust
Neither trusted the media or what was circling on social media. Dongho had been bitten once, twice shy.
I see you dripping in finesse
Like a fox who knows the damage caused
With every secret out
I won't hide
I won't die
Hiding the pain
Fake a smile
Act happy
Live life
There was no way the media was supposed to know they had gotten to Dongho. He could cry in private, but publically, no. Dongho was supposed to be strong.
With no one to trust
Sir, I'm shaking, I'm breaking
I'm so scared inside
Strength. Being freaking strong.
How can I survive?
Every breath is a thousand needles
Stabbing my lungs
Cultivating the little flower called trust, the two finished their routine. The dreaded move had been pulled off well, leaving them a little more hopeful than before.