Chapter Text
“You're full of shit!”
The words easily slipped off Yamaguchi’s tongue, it was a phrase that they found themselves saying a lot. Yelling a lot. Usually directed to one specific person, who now stood tall in front of them.
“Yamaguchi, stop acting like a child, you're on stage in 10. You're lucky you have such understanding co-workers, they are covering for your ass, again.”
Co-workers, a stupid fucking word. Rage built up in their chest again, and Yamaguchi could barely contain themselves. Terushima always knew exactly what to say to push his buttons. They weren't co-workers, in a band the word had no place. Yamaguchi could feel his face getting hot and small tears prick at his eyes.
“They are my friends. My family. Stop saying fucking coworkers!” Yamaguchi yelled again, voice cracking.
But Terushima wasn't looking at him anymore, he was on his phone. Not acknowledging Yamaguchi, or what they had just said.
Yamaguchi spun around and walked towards the bathroom, knowing Teru was done talking for now. He was ignoring Yamaguchi. The first hundred times he did it it hurt, but now Yamaguchi was used to it. They were used to not being heard.
They pushed the door open to the bathroom, and walked to the sink, turning on the water. Yamaguchi stared at the reflection, it was supposed to be them. Freckles, brown shoulder length hair, it looked wild and untamed with a few strands sticking up from the top of their head. They looked tired, dark circles under their eyes accompanied with heavy black eyeliner. Their left eye, even covered with concealer, you could see the dark tint around it.
Fucking Teru.
Yamaguchi straightened their shirt collar as they stared unamused into the reflection. It didn't feel like their body. To be sure, they wiggled their fingers around, watching for a fault in the movement that would prove they didn't have full control. That they were just looking into someone else's body. They sighed and turned on the sink, washing off their hands and running fingers through their untamed hair.
They wore a cropped long sleeve turtleneck underneath a primary colored button up tee. It was unbuttoned completely and hung largely over Yamaguchi’s small shoulders. Tight ripped pants with patterned stars Yamaguchi had hand painted themself.
They looked like someone could give them one push and Yamaguchi would tumble over.
They thought back again, to the interaction with Teru. Yamaguchi shivered and felt a weird swirl sensation in their stomach. “Oh, fu- “
Yamaguchi turned around to a stall in the bathroom and quickly pushed the door open. Leaning over the toilet they let out the mixture of energy drinks and liquor. Yamaguchi slumped back against the stall wall. Had they eaten today? Yamaguchi couldn’t remember. It had been a blur of yelling and raw fingertips. They had been practicing a new song, but using a guitar, instead of a keyboard. Yamaguchi knew how to play both, but was much less experienced on strings.
The song they were practicing was one of the reasons Teru was in such a bad mood. It was different, and it was already hard for Yamaguchi to try new things. Thoughts and self-doubt always plagued their mind. Terushima liked being in control. He had a way to do things, and that's how you were supposed to do it. Including the music Yama played.
Yamaguchi rose slowly, head spinning a bit. But their chest felt tight, and a feeling of warmth spread out to their fingertips. They felt full. Besides the fact they just got rid of anything that could have been filling. Determination. Yamaguchi felt determination and a shot of confidence shoot through them. They glanced into the mirror again, before exiting through the bathroom door into the cool hallway.
-
They went to the side of the stage, and didn’t see Terushima. Music was playing loudly, they needed to get on stage. Only one issue, their guitar. Originally leaning against the wall near the drink table behind the stage, was now gone. They knew they didn’t move it, so it would have had to be someone else. They needed to be on stage now, so who-
Someone put their hand on Yama’s shoulder and in a low voice spoke into their ear, “Mr.Terushima took the guitar and headed to the back.” The stage hand who had said this looked worried. Giving Yamaguchi a pitiful face before leaving to the side stairs.
Of fucking course. Yamaguchi internally cussed to themselves and ran their hands through their hair, pulling lightly in anger. They didn’t have time for Teru’s fucking games. A loud voice interrupted Yamaguchi’s thoughts, coming from the stage. Sugawara. The band. Stalling for Yamaguchi. They took a deep breath. They needed to get on stage now.
Yamaguchi walked quickly towards the main microphone in the middle of the stage, to Suga. Who was smiling and saying something about Yamaguchi? Despite the loud noise and bright lights, everything around them felt soft. Almost like their sensations were muted.
Suga put the mic in Yama’s hand and gently rubbed their shoulder before walking back to stand next to Kageyama.
It was quiet. Yamaguchi quickly took in the scene. The crowd in front of them was covered in a dim red light. Everyone was looking at them. Yamaguchi took a deep breath, and glanced over their shoulder. Giving Kageyama, Suga and Yachi a nod. The previous rage from earlier built up again, and Yama knew exactly what they would be singing.
It came out, almost as a yell. A scream. A few yells and then the drums, bass and guitar backing them up. Yamaguchi’s face was hot. Eyes becoming blurry, they could feel tears running down their cheeks as they screamed into the mic. Harsh words and full of emotion. All the anger, all the pain that Yamaguchi had been holding in. They finally let it out. It was so much. Their breaths were heavy, and toward the end it was close to a sob.
On the last note, they dropped the mic to the floor. Everything was too bright, too loud. Their cheeks were wet, and their chest was still heavy. Yamaguchi moved off the stage quickly, almost in a run. They couldn’t see where they were going, it was blurry. They felt so hot, it was too hot. Once out of the spotlights on the stage, and behind the side curtain, Yamaguchi managed to take a deep shaky breath. They felt even more tired than before. As if they had just been running on adrenaline before. They tried to catch their breath, but a strong hand grabbed Yamaguchi’s forearm, and pulled them hard towards the back door.