Chapter Text
"So let me get this straight. You're gay?" Hoseok asks.
"There’s nothing straight about it.” Hoseok snorts. “Bisexual technically. What about you? Sorry, I had assumed you were straight. I guess I need to check my internal biases."
Hoseok waves away his apology. "Well, we're here, so I can't be super straight.” He takes a sip of water. “I don't really use labels. I only realized I was queer recently, so I'm still trying to figure this all out.” Hoseok shrugs. “Sexuality is all a spectrum anyway, right?"
Yoongi hums in agreement.
They switch to more inane topics, like the newest coffee cart on campus and this camo jacket that Hoseok had his eye on. Yoongi thought the jacket was kind of terrible, but he knows Hoseok will pull it off somehow.
Yoongi is surprised how late it is when they finally leave. Usually this is when he would split from his date, but since Hoseok is his roommate, they continue to talk on the way to their dorm.
It’s kind of nice actually.
---
In the weeks after the blind date turned roommate hangout session, Yoongi can’t stop thinking about it. Hoseok is still Hoseok, but it’s like Yoongi’s whole perception of him has shifted. Before, it was just Jung Hoseok, his roommate. But now, there’s that possibility of more lingering over his head. That constant question of what if?
Yoongi isn’t blind, and his roommate is kind of pretty in an effortless way, all sharp angles, warm smiles, and bright sunshine colors, but he’s never really thought it was okay for him to admire. Because, you know, roommates.
what if
“Hey Yoongs, what’s up?” Hoseok’s sprawled on his bed doing… something. All Yoongi sees is the sliver of stomach between his t-shirt and sweatpants before he has to look away to preserve his sanity. In lieu of telling Hoseok that he spent the entire day thinking about the shape of his smile and the way his hair falls over his forehead he says, “I watched this dude play Subway Surfers for half an hour straight during a workshop today.”
Hoseok rolls over. “Damn, people still have that game downloaded?”
Yoongi snorts. “Seems so.”
They fall into amicable silence after that.
Yoongi isn’t bad at feelings. He’s actually pretty good at reading a room and he’s always prided himself in being in tune with his emotions. Yoongi isn’t bad at feelings. But this is Hoseok. His beautiful, kind, wonderful roommate.
what if.
---
And Yoongi swears, he promises, he tries to forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind. Except, since they live together, Hoseok is everything but out of sight. And even beyond simply living together, they’ve started spending a significant amount of time together. Yoongi isn’t sure when that began. One day, he just took a step back and realized when he wasn’t at Namjoon and Jin’s apartment, he was at the library with Hoseok studying or eating lunch in the dining hall with Hoseok or laying on the floor of their dorm room with Hoseok while they quizzed each other with flashcards.
And there’s these things. Like this:
“You know, people ask me all the time if we’re dating.”
Hoseok lowers his water bottle and raises an eyebrow at him.
“Oh, really?” Hoseok wiggles his eyebrows and pretends to flick his hair over his shoulder. “You wish you were dating me, Yoongi. With thighs like these?” He pretends to run a hand up the side of his leg. “Irresistible.”
Yoongi can feel the heat prickling across his face. “Shut up,” he says, burrowing deep into his comforter.
And this:
“Hey Hobi, have you seen my-” Yoongi lets out a strangled noise.
Hoseok is wearing a crop top. A fucking- it’s not even like a super nice shirt or anything, it’s just some old dance competition shirt that Hoseok certainly took a pair of scissors to himself, but there’s just so much skin, and Yoongi needs to find a shovel immediately so he can start digging his own grave. He could bury himself behind the science building, right? Yoongi bets Jungkook would even help him out and let him down one last time.
Hoseok’s brows furrow as he looks up at him in concern. “You okay?” Yoongi feels like he’s going to pass out. “Yep.” God, he hopes Hoseok can’t see how red his face is. “Super chill.”
God, he has to get out of there. “I- library. Goodbye.” He barely avoids smacking into the doorframe on his way out.
And this:
Yoongi asked Hoseok earlier in the week if he wanted to go to this party with him, but he kind of forgot about it but it’s Saturday night and they’re on their way to some friend of Namjoon’s who lives just off campus.
Only, Yoongi very quickly realizes that he has made a Very Big Mistake as he watches Hobi sway in the middle of someone’s living room to the beat of some song. It sounds kind of familiar, but Yoongi can’t really care enough to figure out where he’s heard it before since his entire brain is currently filled with the kill bill sirens.
Yoongi blinks and in the next moment Hoseok has moved across the room to sink onto the couch beside Yoongi and lay his head on his shoulder. Yoongi has to remind himself to breathe, only every inhale fills his senses with Hoseok and it’s so much. He desperately wishes he had a drink. He is way too sober right now.
Hoseok sighs happily and nuzzles further into Yoongi’s shoulder. “Yoongs?” he slurs. “You’re the best. You know that, right?”
Yoongi slowly turns his head, careful not to let Hoseok’s head slip from his shoulder and watches as Hoseok’s eyes slide closed. Despite the music and the people around him talking and laughing, Hoseok looks so peaceful in this moment.
Yoongi swallows past the tightness that’s formed in his throat.
what if
___
“Hey Yoongs! What’s up? Sorry that it took me so long to respond to your text, our workshop ran over today. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” Yoongi can feel the way his skin is pulling and his face feels so awkward and unnatural with the way he’s smiling stiffly. His skull is prickling and he’s going to die .
Yoongi rubs his palms down his jeans. His hands are so sweaty, gross. If he doesn’t die of embarrassment, he’s going to dehydrate and pass out from sweating so much.
“Right, so,” Yoongi clears his throat. “So, I asked you to come here because I wanted to talk to you and, um, it’s cool if you don’t feel the same, but I just wanted to be honest with you and tell you that I like you. A lot. In a romantic way. But it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way! No pressure. I just wanted to tell you. So, yeah.”
Yoongi has no idea what face he’s making right now and he’s been avoiding looking at Hoseok’s face while he rambled, but he now looks up.
Hoseok looks blank. Kind of pensive? Not exactly the expression you hope for when you confess to your roommate that you like them. Fuck.
Hoseok meets his eyes. “Can you give me a little bit of time? I need to… I need to think about this for a bit.”
Yoongi laughs weakly. “Yeah, no worries! Take all the time you need.”
Hoseok gives him a small smile before letting the door shut with a soft click.
Fuck.
___
Yoongi looks up to the sound of the lock clicking and watches Hoseok step through the door frame.
“I cleaned.” Yoongi wrings his hands in his lap. “I didn’t touch your stuff because I didn’t want to mess it up or, like, move anything in case you have a place for things, which I’m sure you do, so, yeah.” Good god, he should just wear a neon sign that says ‘zero brain cells.’
Yoongi watches Hoseok from where he sits on the bed. Hoseok has this look on his face that reminds Yoongi of the face he makes when he’s trying to solve a difficult math equation.
Yoongi clears his throat. “Look, so-”
And then Hoseok is crossing the few feet between them and kissing him.
And Yoongi? Yoongi must be dreaming. Because Hoseok is kissing him. Hoseok is holding him like he’s been drowning, and Yoongi is the first breath of air he’s had in weeks. Hoseok is kissing him like he’s starving, like he’s desperate, like he’s searching for a lifeline.
Eventually, Hoseok pulls back, pressing soft, short kisses first to Yoongi’s top lip, then his bottom lip, then his nose, before finally resting his forehead against Yoongi’s.
“I’m sorry,” He whispers into the space between them. He brushes another kiss across Yoongi’s cheekbone. “I’m sorry for making you wait.”
Yoongi shifts his hand from where it’s been resting on Hoseok’s chest since he first kissed him to the back of his neck, and uses that hand to pull Hoseok down to the crook of his neck. Yoongi rubs his other hand across Hoseok’s back in gentle circles.
“It’s okay,” He whispers back. Yoongi feels like liquid sunlight. He swears that when he brushes lips on the edge of Hoseok’s jaw, the skin glows in his wake. “I’ll always wait for you.”