Chapter Text
It’s 12am, and he still hasn’t slept a wink. He looked around and saw pictures, by the bookshelf, by the side table and even on the drawers below the TV. He stood up from he’s been glued on for the past 2 hours. Chuuya fell asleep in his arms after their heated argument, he couldn’t bring himself to leave after he put Chuuya to bed, and he doesn’t feel like it would be okay to sleep beside Chuuya. He wanted to, but he already did lots of things without Chuuya’s permission and he needs to change that if he wants to come back in the other’s life. He did the honor of cleaning up the mess they made, the broken glass and even Chuuya’s empty wine glass, but he still feel restless. He laid down on the sofa, using his coat as a blanket, but sleep continued to elude him.
4 hours of thinking brought his mind to the definite conclusion that this is where he belongs now, and this is where he wants to remain. He scanned the framed photos, it’s mostly Shuuji’s but some are Shuuji and Chuuya. He always admired the way Shuuji smile, full of innocence and content. Happy even though there are still more things that he deserve. One of the pictures has a little Shuuji standing on the hood of a car, smirking at the camera with his posture boasting with confidence and strong aura, Dazai didn’t notice the smile that crept up on his face. Scanning the pictures proved one thing, Shuuji is his and Chuuya’s, not that he’s ever doubted it, but the aura Shuuji possess if more from Chuuya. They are both burning bright, Chuuya may be the scary kind for most but Shuuji is the type of person that one would want to be around with. Though Shuuji’s looks and smarts are from him, he refuse to acknowledge Chuuya’s influence. Dazai mentally laughed at that thought.
“Zazai”, he heard a soft whisper from behind, he turned and saw his kid, with puffy eyes while holding Rex. “My tummy hurts”
Dazai approached the kid and pulled him close, “Haven’t you eaten?”, he wanted to question what happened with the stuff toy, but priorities. The kid shook his head, and Dazai figured that Chuuya should have some leftovers stashed in the fridge. The walk to the kitchen was slow, but near. Shuuji kept on glancing at him all the way, which he didn’t question.
“Chibi-zai, your Mama seems to not have any leftovers”, he pouted at Shuuji who is now seating at the table, watching him.
“Mama doesn’t like it when we store food for long”, Shuuji shrugged, looked away from Dazai and started fiddling with his stuff toy.
“You know, I’m sure Chuuya didn’t let you go without dinner”, he said as he leaned on the kitchen counter, he watched as Shuuji just slumped even more. He walked towards Shuuji and sat beside the kid, “What happened Shuuji?”, he asked as he tilted his head to have a better view of the kid’s face.
He saw that Shuuji’s about to cry again, so he cupped Shuuji’s face right away. “I’ve been bad to Mama”, Shuuji whimpered. “It wasn’t his fault that Rex got hurt”, came another, and the tears are unstoppable now. He watched for a bit, allowing Shuuji to release more tears, “Zazai, I don’t want Mama to be mad at me, but I don’t want you to go either”.
Dazai smiled and kissed Shuuji’s forehead, “It’s okay, you can talk to Mama once’s he’s up, and just admit your mistake”, he wiped the other’s tears, “I’m sure he’ll understand, and I’m not going anywhere”.
Shuuji looked at him, “Mama will be mad! We hid from him, I lied to Mama”, the fear of making Chuuya feel bad evident on his eyes. Dazai realized how bad of an influence he is to his own child. Shuuji bowed his head down, looking at his stuff toy, “I even blamed Mama for Rex”.
Dazai moved and carried Shuuji, so that the kid sitting on his lap, he took Rex and started examining the damage, while his chin is resting on Shuuji’s shoulder. “Shuuji, it’s not your fault, Mama can never be mad at you for long”, he cooed while slightly swaying, “What do you say we fix Rex? But you should eat something first”, he ended as he flashed a grin at Shuuji.
“Mama made food for me earlier”, Shuuji whispered.
“E? Then you ate already!”, Dazai exclaimed, and re-positioned Shuuji to face him.
“I did, but Zazai, I was really upset, the monsters in my tummy ate all the food already!”, Shuuji said, voice slightly raising as he looked at Dazai with his eyes blown wide.
It made Dazai laugh, which caused Shuuji to pout, “You cried so much, that’s why!”. Dazai stood up and carried Shuuji, “Well then, we need to find food cause I’m getting hungry as well”, he said while walking to the living room where he left his coat.
He allowed Shuuji to sit on the sofa as he try to search for his wallet. Shuuji’s still obviously upset with what happened earlier, it doesn’t sit well with Dazai that their child is getting affected by adult-conflicts. He stopped for a second to look at Shuuji, he’s still wearing the same clothes, and Dazai figured that if they’re going out at 12am to find food, Shuuji should be dressed appropriately.
“Hey, Chibi-zai, I think you should change first, it’s cold outside”, he said, and winked. Shuuji seemed to notice that Dazai is right, he stood up from the sofa, took his toy with him. Sparing a glance as he turned the corner.
Dazai found his wallet not long after, saw that he has enough cash, well he has more than enough if one would really dig ups. It is absurd to ride public transportation this time of the night, so he started looking for Chuuya’s car keys. Nope, not hanging in the key rack, he looked on the sofa, still no, the kitchen? Nope. Only one place, he hesitated at first, but after a long mental argument, he went in Chuuya’s room. When he entered earlier, he didn’t really look around, he just laid Chuuya down, and a few works to make the other comfortable, then that’s it.
He looked by the bedside table, not there. On the study table? Still not. Then when he’s almost done, he looked at Chuuya, and found that the keys has been attached to Chuuya’s belt. He slowly approached the other, confident that Chuuya’s too drunk to be woken up easily. He managed to grab the keys, but he’s eyes lingered on Chuuya sleeping face, mouth parted, and eyes slightly open. Truly not that appealing, but Dazai felt warm inside just looking. He stood up straight, and watched Chuuya turn and did a motion like sniffing, then whispered a silent and slow, “Osamu?”, then proceeded to bury his face under the blanket. Dazai smiled, heart beating rapidly, and thoughts swimming in clouds.
The low creak of the door shook Dazai from his trance, he quickly looked at the reason and saw a Shuuji, wearing a yellow hoodie with the pterodactyl’s head as the design of the hoodie, partnered with green pajamas he expects to be matching with what Shuuji is wearing underneath his hoodie. He gave a goofy smile to Shuuji who’s sporting a playful grin, “Wait for me in the living room, I’ll be there”, he whispered, which Shuuji followed. Dazai looked around and found a notepad, he wrote something and left it on the bedside table. He slowly walked out, and met with Shuuji in the living room.
“Are you good?”, he asked, while Shuuji is smiling while setting Rex to sit on the sofa.
“Yup!”, came the enthusiastic response, Dazai noticed the sudden shift from Shuuji’s fowl mood earlier. He feels kinda lightheaded as thoughts of him, making Shuuji feel better came rushing in. “Zazai, I won’t be taking Rex, is that okay?”, the boy asked.
Dazai nodded, “Yeah, sure. Up up?”, he asked as he spread his arms to Shuuji. The boy nodded and allowed himself to be carried.
“Rex can watch over Mama”, the boy giggled as he snuggled on Dazai’s cheeks. Dazai hummed, and he never felt so warm even as he walked out the house, cold wind greeting them both.
.
He blinked once, twice, then a few more minutes to let whatever the fuck is happening to settle in. He looked around, and the thing that he noticed first is that he’s on his bed, and that it is dark. He sat down, and it’s as if he’s whip-lashed all once by a seering headache, Shuuji’s angry, and Dazai. He is sure as hell that he did not fell asleep on his bed, so it’s Dazai. He stood up, and went to turn the lights on, he contemplated on checking on Shuuji, but he figured that he shouldn’t approach his baby looking like a mess. He sluggishly shrugged off his clothes, and took a quick bath. Right when he just finished, and is getting ready whatever is outside, face Shuuji and apologize, and clear things up with Dazai, if Dazai’s still there.
“ WE’RE GOING OUT! SHUUJI GOT HUNGRY, AND ME TOO~ CHIBI IS A BAD WIFE FOR NOT KEEPING FOOD IN THE FRIDGE ~”
Came the sound of crumpling paper, and a hissed from Chuuya, “That fucktard is really going to get it”. He checked the time, 1:17AM, “just when did they leave?”, he whispered. He stomped out, hoping to see Shuuji, and maybe Dazai, but the desire to punch the living life out of Dazai is starting to double. He searched the whole house, nothing. Giving up, he just went to the kitchen to check what the fuck Dazai is talking about being a bad wife for not keeping food, not that he is a wife, he definitely is not! Also, he’s so sure that he always have food, fruits and vegetables in-stock. Imagine his shock when there’s nothing! No food. Then realization kicked in, he left the two gluttons in his house, Kyouka and Gin. It’s common knowledge between Ryuu, Anee-san, Hirotsu-san and Tachihara how big of an eater those two. The reason why Elise doesn’t enjoy their company is because they eat more than an ability like Elise!
He facepalmed, and just lost all hope. He’s not hungry, but giving Dazai the impression that he’s starving Shuuji is a big no no. He drank a glass of water before he walked back to the main room, he’s got nothing to do other than wait. What stopped him still is the cute, reaped stuff toy smiling at him, propped up on the sofa. The broken foot just a few inches from where it’s supposed to be, he picked up the stuff toy and felt a bit embarrassed. Shuuji loved this toy, he always made sure that Rex is always with him. Then an idea came in, he rushed to his room and picked up a sewing kit gifted by his Anee-san.Went back to the sofa and settled down on a comfortable position, then he started working on it, and didn’t even notice the time.
“Ooof”
what startled him is a grown man, trying to slowly close the front door while carrying a child, a plastic of takeout boxes on the other hand. He watched as how Shuuji is comfortably sleeping in the other’s arms, a flush of enjoyment and he’s smiling. What made him giggle is the situation that a certain bastard is in. He look so troubled, trying to balance Shuuji, and not spill the food. Chuuya sighed, which caught Dazai’s attention, and Chuuya would roll over and laugh if their relationship is any better, the look on Dazai’s face is priceless.
“Uh, I hope you saw the note, we got hungry”, the way Dazai explained is far too different to how Dazai usually is, and Chuuya is not comfortable when Dazai is not his usual dumbass, idiotic self. Chuuya approached them and took Shuuji from Dazai.
“I’m going to put him to bed, wait for me in the kitchen”, he said, trying not to sound like a pushover. He glanced at Dazai’s shock and confused face, and he only let his smirk appear when he turned away from Dazai.
When he reached Shuuji’s room, he allowed himself to indulge on Shuuji’s scent. He hugged and kissed him, heart filled with serenity and contentedness. He watched as how Shuuji moved his hands, trying to find Rex. He hurriedly turned to the door, planning on sprinting to the living room to fetch a patched up Rex, when he saw Dazai standing by the doorway while holding Rex.
“I figured that he’ll search for Rex”, Dazai slowly whispered, hesitating whether he’ll stretch out his arms to hand the toy to Chuuya or if he’ll walk towards Chuuya and Shuuji. Chuuya felt Dazai’s dilemma and smiled at him.
“You can hand it to Shuuji yourself”, which earned a gasp from Dazai, looking as if he’s close to tears. Chuuya waited, and Dazai’s lips slowly stretched to a smile, he fiddled with the stuff toy and went to hand it to a sleeping Shuuji.
Upon feeling that his stuff toy is safely snuggled with him, Shuuji let out a sigh and turned to slip into a deep slumber. Dazai and Chuuya watched, sharing the same feeling of warmth and happiness, the same desire to protect and give, and love their little angel. What broke the tranquility in the room is Dazai’s croaky voice filled with fondness, and concern. “Thank you”, he whispered, “You did the best thing, thank you, I really am”, this time Dazai turned to Chuuya, who is still watching Shuuji.
“You bought me food?”, Chuuya asked, still not paying Dazai a glance.
“Uh, yeah, we found a ramen stall near the park?”, Dazai asked with confusion.
Chuuya then turned to Dazai, “Then, tell me about the late-night adventure you two went on”, and Chuuya smiled.
Dazai can feel his lungs stopped, his heart ached. Chuuya smiled at him, Chuuya is smiling at him. It might mean so small, it’s just a smile but that is enough to make Dazai’s whole insides flip. There’s a sudden excitement, like a child to a new puppy, he feels the giddiness creeping up, and he can’t stop himself from smiling. He took a deep breath, and motioned for them to go to the kitchen.
Chuuya went first, sitting by the counter as he wait for Dazai.
He is shaking, he can feel his hands are shaking when he went to get Chuuya a water. He’s knees are shaking, and he hopes that Chuuya didn’t notice that his knees almost buckled when Dazai handed him the container. He’s shaking but he refuse to seat, no- he doesn’t know where to sit, he wants to stay close to Chuuya at the same time he might scare Chuuya away. He can seat opposite to Chuuya but that feels too formal. He can lean by the sink, but that might come off as intimidating--
“Oi, I can hear your cogs turning”, Chuuya scolded at him, sipping from his ramen. “Just tell me what happened”, Chuuya looked at him, no anger or disgust. What he saw in those blue eyes are an initiative. A move. An act to reconnect. A chance.
He took a breath, again, and started talking, his eyes strained on Chuuya, watching out for any reaction. “S-So, Chibi-zai - I mean Shuuji, almost convinced me to eat at a fastfood”, he slowly said as he watched Chuuya raise his eyebrows, “but I managed to change his mind, saying that fastfoods contain nasty things in them, so we ended up eating at a ramen stand”
“You do know that you implanted an idea on Shuuji that might or might not be true?”, Chuuya asked, looking in disbelief.
“Yeah but atleast we ate somewhere…good?”, Dazai asked, looking at Chuuya with an expression that Chuuya just blinked multiple times on. “To continue, Shuuji might or might have not burned his tongue?”, he looked at Chuuya with an unsure smile.
Chuuya rolled his eyes and answered, “Yeah yeah, that happens all the time”, Chuuya scoffed, “to the point that I believe that his tongue developed a strong resistance against hot stuff”. Chuuya’s brows furrowed as he ended.
“E? Chuuya, I don’t want Shuuji t grow up……idk, dumb?”, Dazai said, sincere worry on his face.
Chuuya gasp, “Oh no, you did not just call your own child as dumb”, dared Chuuya, which made Dazai rethink his words and shot back right away.
“No! Ofcourse not, my smart genes may have gotten mixed up with your chibi genes, but my son is definitely not dumb!”, Dazai announced, forgetting the sensitive situation they were in a few minutes earlier.
Chuuya stood up, ramen long finished, “What the heck does that even mean?! Take that back!”.
“Slug you’re being too loud”, the mention of the pet name silenced the both of them. Dazai stilled, internally beating himself up for ruining the mood, he tries to think of something to remedy the situtaion, he needs to do it fast.
“Bastard”, Chuuya whispered, looking straight at him. Dazai felt his heart fell, panic settling in. He carefully watch as Chuuya walked to him. “You’re being too hard on yourself”, out of all the things that Chuuya can say to him, he didn’t expect that. Still in shock, he felt Chuuya slither his arms to encase Dazai in a hug.
/A hug/
“There are a lot of things that still needs to be fixed, but you’re staying, right?”, he heard Chuuya whisper.
He didn’t need to think of an answer, he has thought of this a million times over, and only one conclusion, “I’m not going anywhere without the two of you, not anymore”. He felt Chuuya hugged him tighter. He hesitated at first, but he managed to hug Chuuya back. When he regained strength, he buried his face on Chuuya shoulder, taking in Chuuya’s scent. He breathed out a, “Thank you”
Chuuya pulled away from the hug, but their bodies are still touching. The redhead caressed his face and smiled, Chuuya’s eyes are tearing up, but no more anger, just acceptance. Dazai watched as Chuuya examined his face, touched his nose and cheeks, Chuuya did all that while smiling, and crying.
“I love you”, he subconsciously let out, his eyes widen, scared that it might be too much for Chuuya. He waited, and all he got is Chuuya smiling wider, his eyes are smiling now too. God, Chuuya’s so perfect.
He couldn’t help it anymore, he leaned it to kiss Chuuya, too soft, he can feel every movement their lips made. How Chuuya allowed his tongue to past through. The kiss is full of respect, a silent way of communication, every turn and and every pause is exactly Chuuya. His Chuuya. It wasn’t brief, but it wasn’t lustful enough to last for too long. It was just perfect, just the exact thing they needed. A kiss sealing their reconnection.
Chuuya has always been the one perfect for him.
They will always be together, no matter how, when or where.
“I love you too Mackerel”, Chuuya whispered as their lips parted.
/This is what I'm going to live for/
Dazai thinks as he watch Shuuji and Chuuya laughing together later that morning.